Could Swinging save your Marriage?

Could Swinging save your Marriage?

I bet you couldn’t help reading this after a title like that… and I bet you want to know what the answer is too.

Well you’ll get your answer shortly, but before I do, I have to tell you this. When we first got into this swinging lifestyle my answer to that question would have been "no way!

I believed that if your relationship wasn't 100% solid then you’d be absolutely nuts to even think about going there!" That was until…

We met this awesome couple that lived on the coast. Just your average couple in their late 30’s who had been together for about 15 years and appeared to be still very much in love. Now after a couple of drinks we all got to talking and sharing our experiences, along with why we got into swinging to start with.

Well you could have knocked me over with a feather when she shared why they started. You’d never guess in a million years and to be honest, even to me it was a shock!

Would you like to know what it was?

She’d had multiple of affairs. Not just one!

Shocking, I know! And what’s even more shocking is that he forgave her for all of them! What kind of phenomenal person is he? Some would say a saint, maybe a fool but at the end of the day… he loved her.

Now here is where it will push boundaries for some people; this is why he stayed with her: he knew she didn’t do it because she didn't love him, it was purely a physical thing, just someone new to play with while she was away.

Now, I’m not condoning cheating, I’m just highlighting the fact that you can be attracted to someone else yet still be totally in love with your partner. I can hear your brains processing what I just said from here… and some of you are not sure that’s true…

Think of it this way, there are a number of reasons why someone would cheat; one being that they are just attracted to another person. I agree that some people do cheat for the sake of cheating, but some also cheat because their relationship is lacking something they need…

Now not every need is going to be fulfilled by swinging but if the need is more variety, or if they have a need to explore their bi-sexuality, both of those needs can easily be met by swinging while still maintaining the integrity in the relationship.

So that’s what this couple did! He forgave her and figured if that’s what she needed, that he may as well join in hence they started swinging.

Well now think about that for a second... She still gets to play up with other men but now it’s in full view of her husband; there is no going behind his back for a bit of fun, he knows everything that happens and he gets to play up too, the trust has been built back up as they only play together, and all physical and emotional needs are met!

Hello solution; no need for affairs! They both get to have their cake and eat it too!

I've got a question for you though. I’ve seen relationships that have come and gone because one party cheated, and I wonder now if they cheated because they found someone they were just attracted to, or they just needed some variety, or if they just needed to explore their own sexuality.

So my question is: if they had considered swinging as an option for their relationship, would they still be together?

Could Shane and Simone Warne have weathered his philandering storms had they both agreed to swing?

While that might seem a far fetched statement, imagine this; sometime in the not so distant future, a couple go to a marriage counsellor to help them work out their marital issues and the counsellor says “I have a solution to your problem. You both need to start swinging!”

This probably isn’t an option that counsellors or psychiatrists would outwardly recommend now is it... however, I really feel that for some people this could be the answer to be able to salvage their relationship. No, really, I think it’s possible!

It might only be a small percentage that could do it, but still, it's a percentage that could stay together, save themselves heaps of money in divorce settlements and stay as a family unit if they have children. Happy parents; happy children and the world is a much better place, wouldn’t you agree?

If people could get over their stuff (also known as "emotional baggage"), dump their jealousy, chill out, focus on having fun and living life to the fullest, my feeling is that there would be less divorce and heaps more happy people in this world anyway.

Now, I’m going to make a shocking statement… for those who are under 18, don’t read this next paragraph.

In most cases it's just sex people! Friends with benefits! It’s more uncomplicated than you think because it’s only people that complicate it. I tell you what, BBQs with swinger friends is much more fun because you can flirt as much as you like and everyone is ok with it, in fact, it’s encouraged!

So can swinging save your marriage? Absolutely! Will it save all of them? Hell no, you have to work out what the problems are first and see if a little bit of sex and adventure on the side (together) is what will fulfil the needs not being met.

For us, not only has it sparked up our sex life, it's brought a breath of fresh air into our relationship and created a deeper connection between us. I promise it’s completely true…

It created a plethora of conversations that needed to be had along the way to swinger-dom. This meant more opportunities to communicate and a chance to build a deeper level of honesty and trust; which we all know are foundations for a long lasting relationship.

All it takes is an open mind, a conversation between the two of you and a willingness to experience some new things together. Even if you never actually swing, it could do your relationship the world of good to be a little more adventurous!

Here’s to your sexual evolution!

12 Comments

  • beadmaster Photo
    beadmaster
    More than a month ago

    Hi guys
    My wife and I started swinging with couples at first it was just a night out and went from there
    Then we got into party’s
    Great times But you can’t be jealous that’s we’re it comes into play
    Your marriage is that
    And swinging is just fun have to keep that separate
    But swinging with the right couples is great fun

  • Curiouspair4u Photo
    Curiouspair4u
    More than a month ago

    I would discourage a couple from swinging activity in order to 'save' a broken marriage or band-aid problems.
    For us, our encounters have brought us closer together, by way of opening our communication right up and taking our adoration of each other to another level. I'm pro marriage enhancement, as opposed to marriage reparation through swinging.

  • Account closed
    Simon72andMel76
    More than a month ago

    Hi Rach. Wow so great to read the thoughts of a true SEXpert! My husband and I very much share your views.... We got together in 2000, married in 2004, coming up to our 16th wedding anniversary & still deeply in love with each other. We are soul mates. And best friends.
    Si was 28 when we met and I was 23.
    Early in our firsty year together, Si encouraged me to fuck a friend of his. I was unsure, I had been monogamous in my past relationships. Si spoke to his mate and me so frankly and honestly about his desires and expectations With his permission, I put aside my doubts and myself go.
    In that pivotal moment, just a few weeks into our relationship as a 24 year old, I began to accept and appreciate 'slut'was not nessesarily a dirty or derogatory word. My man referred to both of us sluts. Because we both love sex! And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!! From that time on I began the process that I now believe all women should undergo. That of embracing my inner slut. My sexual evolution has been an ongoing learning experience these past 20 years. I am a slut. I am proud. I love sex. I am a highly sexual being and feel no shame about making these admissions.
    Within 12 months we were regularly swinging with other couples. Full swap, same room initially, progressing to "vanilla with a twist". A couple we know came up with this phrase. We liked it so much that we couldn't help but use it.... Our definition being ... Full swap, straight sex- Separate rooms- Preferably 'bareback.
    Our swinging lifestyle has brought the both of us joy, lust, trust and intense intimacy throughout our courtship, our marriage, the raising our 4 children (8-15yrs) and has brought us closer than any other couple we know. So in conclusion, our experience in living the lifestyle of swingers, has promoted intimacy between us ( trust and communication being key to success of an open relationship). Allowed each of us the freedom to express our sexuality - both highly sexed individuals. We have indulged our desires for variety in sexual partners in a truly transparent fashion - we are happy, in love and trust implicitly in each other.
    To any who are curious about the lifestyle we lead we liken swinging to being partial to biscuits.... We both love a biccie!. Our all time favourites being TimTams. We will have a TimTam or 2 every day- they are the BEST. But we are self confessed biccie lovers so enjoy a Wagon Wheel, Mint Slice or even a Milk Arraroot too. We could pig out every now and then enjoying several different biscuits. But our all time Faves are and always will be TimTams.
    Our happiness has a flow on effect to our children.... We have a wonderful union and a secure, content, loving family.
    That said, Simon and I would agree with your conclusions Chantelle Austin that Swinging could indeed be a way to save marriages .
    My hubby wrote a blog on a social media site several months back on this very topic entitled " SWINGING. Open Relationships, a way to save modern day marriage? 50 % of Australian marriages end in divorce....." Honesty with self and partner = happy couples and a strong marriage.
    Dishonesty = guilt, shame, blame and breakdown of marriages, resulting in divorce with devastating effects on Aussie families. Keep up the awesome and worthwhile content not only for this site but society as a whole.

  • Wayno888
    Wayno888
    More than a month ago

    I joined Amm to investigate swinging but feel that trying to save your marriage this way is rather dangerous, but hey everyone is different in their needs and I'm guessing there's lots of different reasons why people join the lifestyle.

  • Mickford Photo
    Mickford
    More than a month ago

    You both must really trust each other. Otherwise it won't work. I have know couples who have split over it.

  • Zamboon Photo
    Zamboon
    More than a month ago

    Interesting read - I know a married couple who swing and they’ve been together for ages , not without their own problems ofcourse - the main comment from her was they battle with other regular couples and she said that with most couples one partner is more committed to swinging than the other especially once the initial phase has passed and the unknown and the excitement has gone - another couple I knew were into swinging and then could meet others outside their relationship - she met more than he did and she often bragged on here that she did whatever she wanted and he was ok with it - 4 months later he left her for someone else so I guess he wasn’t that ok with it - and she was devastated .. I guess it’s very mature of people to do that and if it works for both then that’s wonderful - cheers..

    • SecretSins2 Photo
      SecretSins2
      More than a month ago

      Maybe she didn’t bring him his pie and beer after his BJ Zammy lol
      xx

  • freetogive Photo
    freetogive
    More than a month ago

    I am a single guy who is currently playing with someone in an open swinging relationship. My experience has been that if everyone is open and knows everything it can be great. It only works because they have a strong marriage and there are no secrets.

  • MsBelle67 Photo
    MsBelle67
    More than a month ago

    Thank you for this article. I am in complete agreement x

  • Ifuwannadome Photo
    Ifuwannadome
    More than a month ago

    It will either make or break a relationship

  • mandl73 Photo
    mandl73
    More than a month ago

    So true. Your piece captures our own experience perfectly. An enjoyable and affirming read.

    • 1justforU
      1justforU
      More than a month ago

      It's just a shame that it's not more socially acceptable in our small town environments.

Copyright © 2020 Chantelle Austin It is illegal to use any or all of this article without the expressed, written permission from Adult Match Maker and the author. If you wish to use it you must publish the article in its entirety and include the original author, plus links, so that it is clear where the content originated. Failure to do so will result in legal action being taken.