I bet you couldn’t help reading this after a title like that… and I bet you want to know what the answer is too.
Well you’ll get your answer shortly, but before I do, I have to tell you this. When we first got into this swinging lifestyle my answer to that question would have been "no way!
I believed that if your relationship wasn't 100% solid then you’d be absolutely nuts to even think about going there!" That was until…
We met this awesome couple that lived on the coast. Just your average couple in their late 30’s who had been together for about 15 years and appeared to be still very much in love. Now after a couple of drinks we all got to talking and sharing our experiences, along with why we got into swinging to start with.
Well you could have knocked me over with a feather when she shared why they started. You’d never guess in a million years and to be honest, even to me it was a shock!
Would you like to know what it was?
She’d had multiple of affairs. Not just one!
Shocking, I know! And what’s even more shocking is that he forgave her for all of them! What kind of phenomenal person is he? Some would say a saint, maybe a fool but at the end of the day… he loved her.
Now here is where it will push boundaries for some people; this is why he stayed with her: he knew she didn’t do it because she didn't love him, it was purely a physical thing, just someone new to play with while she was away.
Now, I’m not condoning cheating, I’m just highlighting the fact that you can be attracted to someone else yet still be totally in love with your partner. I can hear your brains processing what I just said from here… and some of you are not sure that’s true…
Think of it this way, there are a number of reasons why someone would cheat; one being that they are just attracted to another person. I agree that some people do cheat for the sake of cheating, but some also cheat because their relationship is lacking something they need…
Now not every need is going to be fulfilled by swinging but if the need is more variety, or if they have a need to explore their bi-sexuality, both of those needs can easily be met by swinging while still maintaining the integrity in the relationship.
So that’s what this couple did! He forgave her and figured if that’s what she needed, that he may as well join in hence they started swinging.
Well now think about that for a second... She still gets to play up with other men but now it’s in full view of her husband; there is no going behind his back for a bit of fun, he knows everything that happens and he gets to play up too, the trust has been built back up as they only play together, and all physical and emotional needs are met!
Hello solution; no need for affairs! They both get to have their cake and eat it too!
I've got a question for you though. I’ve seen relationships that have come and gone because one party cheated, and I wonder now if they cheated because they found someone they were just attracted to, or they just needed some variety, or if they just needed to explore their own sexuality.
So my question is: if they had considered swinging as an option for their relationship, would they still be together?
Could Shane and Simone Warne have weathered his philandering storms had they both agreed to swing?
While that might seem a far fetched statement, imagine this; sometime in the not so distant future, a couple go to a marriage counsellor to help them work out their marital issues and the counsellor says “I have a solution to your problem. You both need to start swinging!”
This probably isn’t an option that counsellors or psychiatrists would outwardly recommend now is it... however, I really feel that for some people this could be the answer to be able to salvage their relationship. No, really, I think it’s possible!
It might only be a small percentage that could do it, but still, it's a percentage that could stay together, save themselves heaps of money in divorce settlements and stay as a family unit if they have children. Happy parents; happy children and the world is a much better place, wouldn’t you agree?
If people could get over their stuff (also known as "emotional baggage"), dump their jealousy, chill out, focus on having fun and living life to the fullest, my feeling is that there would be less divorce and heaps more happy people in this world anyway.
Now, I’m going to make a shocking statement… for those who are under 18, don’t read this next paragraph.
In most cases it's just sex people! Friends with benefits! It’s more uncomplicated than you think because it’s only people that complicate it. I tell you what, BBQs with swinger friends is much more fun because you can flirt as much as you like and everyone is ok with it, in fact, it’s encouraged!
So can swinging save your marriage? Absolutely! Will it save all of them? Hell no, you have to work out what the problems are first and see if a little bit of sex and adventure on the side (together) is what will fulfil the needs not being met.
It created a plethora of conversations that needed to be had along the way to swinger-dom. This meant more opportunities to communicate and a chance to build a deeper level of honesty and trust; which we all know are foundations for a long lasting relationship.
All it takes is an open mind, a conversation between the two of you and a willingness to experience some new things together. Even if you never actually swing, it could do your relationship the world of good to be a little more adventurous!
Here’s to your sexual evolution!