Is Swinging the Answer to Relationship Monotony?
Chantelle Austin
on 2 October 2014
12 comments
Well let’s look at your relationship in a bit greater detail (not too great, I promise) and see if this whole swinging thing could be the answer or if it’s just masking some other issues you want to pretend you’re an ostrich on!
As much as we’d love to stick our head in the sand at times and go for the shiny object, in this case swinging, it could very well be the abundant oasis of adventure you want it to be or it could be a mirage masking real trouble in paradise.
If you have the fundamental elements in your relationship which mean it’s fairly secure, healthy and flexible (and I don’t mean in a having-sex-in-pretzel-position kind of way), but your sex life is a little on the dull side or perhaps in a routine… a monotonous routine… then you’re on the right track!
The fundamental elements are:
Can you communicate?
And I mean really communicate! Can you both be extremely real and honest with each other, sharing what you want to try, how you feel about it (both good and not good), as well as be able to openly say “I’m not ok with that” or “babe, can I try
Do you respect each other?
This means there is an element of compassion and understanding for when your partner is struggling with something you’ve said or done, because it could happen that in the middle of threesome central, your partner falls into fear or jealousy and calls time out or says they can’t do it… Do you respect where they’re at; their feelings, mental struggles and your relationship enough to go “ok, what do you need from me?” and be willing to go home and work through it together if that’s what it takes? If yes, tick this box too!
Love!
Of course, this probably should have been first but still, it’s here. Is your partner your significant other? Are they your number one? Do they feel completely loved by you and you by them? You need to be able to make sure the other partner can feel your love for them as you should from them. Sometimes this is just a matter of knowing each others “love language” (an awesome book to read is “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman for more information).
Trust, this is a big one
Does your partner stick to their agreements? Are they reliable and dependable? Do you trust your partner when you’re feeling vulnerable, i.e. in an argument they don’t say or do things out of spite or to be purposely hurtful? How you fight says a lot about your level of maturity and if you are going to get the oasis and paradise ending, you want a decent level or emotional maturity and relationship skills already.
A fairly healthy self-esteem
You don’t have to be oozing self love and confidence but if the self-esteem is too low it causes issues such as jealousy and insecurity (even when there is proof of love and being the significant other), and emotional overreactions which equals no fun for anyone. So if you are pretty even and think you’re a bit of alright, then let’s carry on, shall we?
If you pretty much have those covered off and are just looking for that next level or a way to turbo boost your libidos, quenching your thirst for something more adventurous and exciting? Then you have definitely come to the right place because there is very little monotony in the Lifestyle space unless you get caught in just one corner of it.
It’s like going from a bucket of ice-cream in your own freezer (which may have a couple of flavours) to an ice creamery with dozens of flavours to choose from! Not only that but there are themes of flavours! It’s like you have three walls of a hundred flavours, no more just vanilla, strawberry or chocolate to choose from.
So you have the swinging scene which is a wall of its own with all your threesomes, foursomes and moresomes, then you can add a kink flavour to that which opens up another wall of its own flavours with all its implements, different fetishes and lots of levels to choose from starting with just a little bit of mild kink to full on extreme for those who dare, and a thousand ideas in between to choose from.
For those who want something more spiritual and sensual, there is the tantric wall with its energy and connection techniques, it’s completely sensual nature but it’s mind blowing orgasmic potential with just one partner or multiple (there is a lot to learn and explore here, trust me).
And then for something even more fun, there is a mix of all three, swinging with a kink and tantric blend! There is something for everyone to explore so then it’s just up to you to decide which doors you want to open and which playgrounds you want to explore because the options are endless making this a very effective monotony killer… Are you ready?
12 comments
leah43
More than a month agoYr partner & yrself have 2 b on the same page not go 2 these functions on his own .dog act ..pick a respectable club not a wanna b club.
ReplySneakycoco3112
More than a month agoMr here, both miss and I had THE CONVERSATION a couple of months back and are still exploring our desires together but haven't played yet. We both disclosed to each other that whilst we love each we never thought that we could be monogamous forever.....meaning that while we love each other and have a very healthy sex life we are going to share each others desires and pleasures with other couples. Our relationship is now better than we ever thought possible as the honesty we have discovered is unrivalled and our inner desires we were once ashamed of are now a normal reality in our lives!
ReplyLeolady727
More than a month agoIn reply to bush1200, from my experience of many years of swinging with my ex-husband, one of the big problems is guys who have erectile dysfunction and obviously think that having sex with someone else is going to fix it. I realise some guys might have "performance anxiety" but it's no fun for a woman when the guy is just desperately trying to get it in, one way or another, and doing nothing for her. Some guys get angry and nasty when they can't perform, too
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoI agree & women can be the same. My only ugly experience was a woman's jealousy. My most frustrating was asking a condom be used and he didn't want to. Needless to say we didn't meet
Abby50
More than a month agoI love my swinging life as too my husband. My parents where also swingers and I had no idea till I got into the lifestyle.
ReplyI could never go back to a straight lifestyle as I now fill fullfilled in all my life, we have been swinging now for 15 years. off and on, as work and commitments come first, but it is a part of our life in chat as well as sex. love the freedom the lifestyle brings.
bush1200
More than a month agohas anyone had any not so great expieriences,seems only positive responses so far
Replycpl4gdtimes
More than a month agosounds like what you listed are all the necessary elements for any successful relationship, not just a checklist for considering swinging but a checklist for considering keeping the relationship going...
Replypartnerpal
More than a month agoThe relationship needs to be very strong and honest for swinging to add to and advance. It test you and helps you overcome things like jealousy which is only a feeling after all. It has worked well for us I think because we are the best of friends first of all and we communicate openly about what works for both of us. Being turned on seeing your partner enjoy someone else sexually not love helps. If you can separate Sex and Love in your head I think then it will be a pleasure for everyone.
Replyronandbev
More than a month agoWe did not start swinging until we were over 50 because we were not ready for it and it wasn't until Bev was reading a sex book that she asked me if I would like to try a threesome and said if your ready than I am we are still meeting couples it keeps us fit and healthy we are 70 now and we don't look our age Bev's body makes younger women look older then her swinging has bonded us closer together and we talk about the good times we had the night before with other couples because every body goes home happy that they have meet another swinging couple
ReplySecretLiasons69
More than a month agoI totally agree! Sometimes I wonder if the women are just swinging to please their man even though it gives them more freedom within the relationship. So, I ask the partnered and married women in AMM - Why Do You Swing?
Replyflirt131
More than a month agoWe had done it once and loved it and still talk about it , it was something we both always wanted to try but there is no room for jealousy
ReplyStamina2000
More than a month agoI wouldn't say swinging is the answer to monotony until all other avenues of couple sex play have been explored!
Reply