In the swinging scene trust is one of the most important factors for each individual, as well as couple, in order for the scene to be what it can be for those who really enjoy the playground. It’s not just something that needs to be found between partners either (although it is critical to the success of the relationship), the whole scene and everyone in it has to have a level of trust in so many different ways.
For instance, there has to be a level of trust with playmates. You have to trust they will treat you right; be respectful in their interactions with you and respect your relationship, and play with you in all the really enjoyable ways. Your partner has to trust your playmate; to be sure there are no hidden agendas that involve whisking you away to some romantic island to have you all to themselves, or to be sure they will take care of you when you are in their hands, so to speak.
Both of you have to trust the people you are playing with when it comes to the “don’t kiss and tell” rules. Especially if you have a professional, vanilla and family life you want to keep separate from your playful, passionate, raunchy, adult life.
For all the fun to be fun, and for the fun to continue well into the night or over years, trust has to be established and maintained. Let’s be real here, we are all human and everyone has made mistakes at one point or another. It doesn’t take much to build up trust but it can be very easy to destroy. So if you stick to a few basic rules, you’ll always be in the process of building it to keep enjoying the real fun this lifestyle has to offer.
So how do you build trust with playmates?
Do what you say you will. If you are seen to be reliable and true to your word you instantly build trust! It’s a simple thing but as humans we tend to blanket label someone. For instance, if we can trust a person in one aspect, we say “they are trustworthy”, we don’t tend to say “I can’t trust them with but I can trust them with ” so you can build trust in multiple ways.
Follow the rules. Find out what the boundaries are and always play within them. This shows respect as well as builds trust and if you actively attempt to find out how your playmate works best; where their hot buttons are and what turns them on no end, then you will have built not only some extra trust but boosted the attraction factor. I mean, really, who doesn’t want to be with a playmate that gives them mind-blowing orgasms and spends copious amounts of time doing pleasurable things to my body… ah, I mean, their bodies!
Respect the relationship if there is another couple involved. This means using protection if they have stated they want it used and not trying to sneak in a little bareback because trust me, they’ll know! Respecting the relationship is getting permission from one partner before sexting (text sex) or catching up for coffee with the other one, even if it is just coffee and not code for “let’s get a room and f@$k!”. Some couples won’t allow anything to happen unless they are both there, as vanilla as it may be, and to build trust to potentially be given permission to do so means doing what it takes to build that trust.
Finally, don’t kiss and tell, and at no point reveal their swinging status unless you have permission to do so for some reason. While you may catch up with couples or people that know each other, it’s still not advised to go into detail about what happened that night when you were all together, naked and… (in general that is, we do have some playmates who we have no problem if details are shared with but that has only come about because we all trust each other implicitly).
Be aware that people talk more when they are not happy about something so if you break their trust by not following the rules, not respecting the relationship, sharing details with people who don’t need to know or outing them, word can get around that you have done so and can’t be trusted which will make it harder to meet people and enjoy the scene to the depth you could have otherwise.
Actively building trust well and truly opens the doors to more fun. For me I have a small number of quality playmates I trust a great deal. They haven’t just built it with me though, they‘ve built it with my Mr Wonderful too, so now if one of us is away, an opportunity opens up for some solo play that we would not otherwise engage in other than with our most loved and trusted playmates. They took the time to build trust with us so they get the bonus plan! Will you?