Hook-ups aren’t just for millennials
Georgie Wolf
on 7 February 2020
16 comments
Love it or hate it, hook-up culture is huge right now. The days of the shameful one-night stand are over, and thousands of us are happily exploring our sexual desires. Now that we’ve put a name to the practice of short-term or one-off sexual encounters, it’s a common topic in the media.
Much of this visibility is due to the popularity of online adult dating. Surveys have shown that over a third of Aussies have used the internet to find dates or hook-ups. But when it comes to the news and TV, there’s a problem: most of the time, the people we see and read about are under 30, single and conventionally attractive. Conversations about booty calls and or having a fuck buddy almost always refer to millennials. Is casual sex solely the domain of the young?
I don’t think so.
When I first got into the swinging scene in Sydney a while back, it was a real eye-opener. The parties I attended were populated with people of all ages. I swapped stories with hot thirty-year-olds…I picked up hot forty-year-olds…I even had a hot threesome with a very sexy sixty-year-old couple. When it comes to good sex, there’s no age limit for being great in bed – it’s just a matter of making the right connections.
Nowadays, my Gen-X and baby boomer friends are just as enthusiastic about their hook-up adventures. Thanks to modern technology, my older mates are moving online, using dating sites and apps to find their people.
My friend Samantha has a busy career and little interest in long-term dating. She’s looking for a particular type of partner: "Young hot guys," she says with a smile. Her hook-up partners find her sense of style, unapologetic confidence and years of experience irresistible. "I look for hot, safe fun with younger buff guys. No strings. I love the freedom.”
Freedom is a compelling motivation for some older folks, many of whom have the life experience to know exactly what they like. They may have tried romantic relationships in the past, and now prefer to hook up. Sarah, 42, says, "I’ve met amazing people…[my] last three first dates all resulted in mind-blowing sex."
Not everyone enjoys finding partners online. Tom, 46, prefers in-person connection: "Meetups and events help me find social events where I can meet people, connecting with them in person." Simon, 40, agrees, "Meetups - where you hang with people of the same interest, without expectation, and get to talk to people and work out if you like them enough to befriend or be-date, are great. Better than a bar too. I never got the hang of bar pickups."
Other friends prefer online dating for its convenience and the ability to focus on exactly the kinds of partners in whom they’re interested. Vanessa, 51, says, “I know what I’m looking for: highly literate, well written profiles. Something that explains why they’re seeking to hook up.”
I’ve learned a lot from speaking with my older friends about their hook-ups. If dating as an older person is different in any way, I reckon it’s the fact they know what they want - and they won’t compromise their standards. Jay, 50, tells me, "In an ideal hook up partner I look for knowledge of consent, directness, someone who does what they say they’re going to do. So I can gauge trustworthiness." Having criteria - and only settling for people who fit them - is the perfect recipe for a good hook-up.
Safer sex standards are crucial too. Lima, 40, says "If you can't commit to condoms because you're out of practice, been married for 20 years, just straight up scared of them, or can't maintain an erection around them, then you shouldn't be chasing up hook-ups." She recommends men practice using condoms at home, including rolling them on with the lights out - an essential sex skill!
She also recommends STI check-ups for anyone playing the field. "Best of all, whilst you're in the waiting room, reduce your capture radius to see who else is in the same building. I would definitely want to hook-up with someone else who values their sexual health as much as I do! When we have these conversations around safer sex, we demonstrate to our fellow singles that we're capable, mature and caring people. After 22 years in the hook-up scene, those are the sort of people I’ve enjoyed casual sex with the most.”
Don’t fall for the stereotype - hook-ups aren’t just for millennials! Regardless of your age, if you’re looking to have a sexual adventure, there’s every reason to get out there and find others who feel the same way. Just as my friends have learned to thrive in modern hook-up culture, you can too.
16 comments
JackfromOz
More than a month agoBrilliantly written article and I totally agree with Friskypuz's comment there.. Never had so much fun im my life since I hit 40. Wouldnt want to magically reverse my age whatsoever..
Replyispywithmy
More than a month agoI think this is a pointless article.
ReplyHaving some kind of sexual fling is limitless regardless of age. As is having sex with a friend, partner, lover or a total stranger, they don’t associate with just one age group. You’d have to be on another planet to thing that more casual type encounters are limited to just one generation.
I think it’s also stating the obvious- if you’re looking for a relationship, you might compromise on some things- the perfect partner doesn’t exist. If you’re looking for something casual, you’re going to have a totally different criteria, eg. looks might be more important, location, time and age to name a few. You’re not going to give two hoots about the fact that they are interested in renovating or have a great back hand in tennis.
MaleOnQuest
More than a month agoI'm obviously in that minority that finds it impossible to experience a hook-up.
I let my premium membership lapse because it was a waste of money.
In 15 years of membership I have met a total of 6 women from AMM and had a total of 4 hook-ups with 2 of the ladies.
Perhaps the women around my age aren't interested in meeting anybody.
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ReplyJackfromOz
More than a month agoThats a terrible strike rate for 15 years.
Maybe its your approach - ladies on AMM arent like fish in the sea that are automatically going to jump into your boat. Have you had the same profile for 15 years.
It comes off as kind of bland - legal professional with own practice - and the title up top "We are not looking single men" indicates maybe at some time it was a couples profile. Just a bit of constructive criticism here so don't take it the wrong way. Maybe the ladies are taking a look at the profile, finding it too confusing and hitting NEXT.
I'd sort your profile out first for any hope of improving your strike rate.
MaleOnQuest
More than a month agoThank you for the input.
The bit about single men was because I seem to attract more attention from men than from women. To be honest, I would be lucky to have 1 woman a week look at my profile let alone send a wink.
It's probably my mindset but I just couldn't be bothered editing the profile any more.
AmyF2016
More than a month agoIve read your profile too and second what JackfromOz says.
That first line where it states WE are not looking for single men says to me youre either not being honest re being single or were part of a couples profile and are too lazy to update it.
Also again..it reads like a resume and gives little away re what your personality is like.
A well worded, fun, somewhat cheeky profile goes a long way (well for me)
friskypuz
More than a month agoWhy should hooking up be just for the young? I think I'm having the best fun since l hit 40, and no looking back..
ReplyDDdelite
More than a month agoFantastic article Georgie. Well said too! Literate, confident and happy people are my kryptonite. A good looking men who uses correct grammar and sentence structure gets me wet x
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ReplyJackfromOz
More than a month agoSo true DD - a concise command of the english language does work wonders.
The caveman mentality of 'wanna root' never works successfully, nor does ill written profiles where "Gronk the He-Man" says what he will do with an unsuspecting AMM female who falls within his grasp.
One who manages to have a confident approach and command of the english language to a point where compliments, courtesies roll off the tip of the tounge will naturally have other exciting things on the tip of their tounge as well :)
Account Closed
More than a month agoTouche
Dragonlady1864
More than a month agoExcellent read! I definitely prefer a well written profile and spelling errors annoy me lol.
ReplytriXXXi66
More than a month agoI like the bit about being highly literate.. and enjoying reading well written profiles. If you can’t impress us with your ability to spell and use language well or only look at photos on profiles then you have no chance to even meet us let alone indulge in sex.
ReplyAnd having standards/boundaries that are enforced is essential. Too many profiles have the “willing to stretch boundaries” comment. Sticking to your guns is imperative to having a successful swinging time!
Devilsgrin
More than a month agoI'm 48 and hoping to find out that this is true? Looking to hook up, meet up and see where it goes! And I know how to roll on a condom, and a lot more than just that!
Replyestravan
More than a month agoOne night stands and hookups can be empty and meaningless experiences. The article talks about trust. In short term there is little trust but women will work out pretty quickly if you're not a creep and are safe to be with. Other hookups can be exciting, tantalising, mysterious and awesome. Then there are the dates where you finally get to try the physical after a few weeks of dates and find you're just not compatible in the sack o it ends up like a one night stand :(
I must say I enjoy sex much more at my age now with increased stamina, emotional maturity and confidence.
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoTotally agree, had plenty of one night stands when clubbing in my 20s but now in the mature years comes knowledge, confidence and understanding of what i want and like..
Account Closed
More than a month agoThank you for your lovely affirmation