Do I have a fetish or am I just kinky?

Foot fetishist wearing a hat and designer goggles drinking champagne from an orange stiletto

Often there’s some confusion for those beginning their kink journey – are they a kinkster or a fetishist? This is no real surprise when you see how often these terms are used interchangeably, even among active kinksters! 

What does Kink mean?

Kink is a general term for anything existing outside the mainstream. In literal terms, a kink is ‘a bend in something that is otherwise straight’. As the word ‘straight’ became synonymous with normality, so too the word ‘kinky’ became connected to ‘abnormal’, but now our more enlightened minds accept kink as another form of sex positive expression.

What does having a Kink involve?

Kink is inclusive of any alternative sexual and sensual interests, practices, or fantasies in which consenting adults might participate. Kink without consent is abuse. Kinky activities do not have to include fetishes. The more common kink activities include roleplay, dress-ups, impact play, and sensation play, and it’s often associated with BDSM

Is Kink about sex?

Kink does not need to be indulged for sexual satisfaction. Although kinky activities are often used to enhance sexual connections, they can also be satisfying sensual experiences in and of themselves. 

What does Fetish mean?

Having a fetish is defined as a connection to a specific object or act that is absolutely necessary for sexual arousal and/or gratification. It suggests having a psychological need – either real or fantasised - for the object or act that is fetishised. Once considered as a form of mental illness, today a fetish is only considered pathological if illegal, or causing the fetishist dysfunction.

What does having a Fetish involve?

Having a fetish can be associated with almost anything, but is generally focused on: 

Is having a Fetish about sex?

Sexual gratification is the main purpose of a fetish. Although the vast majority of fetishes are exercised consensually, by definition some fetishes rely on unknowing participants as part of the thrill, eg, frottage, some forms of voyeurism and exhibitionism so it’s not always consensual. 

So basically, any (consensual) fetishistic practice will fall outside the mainstream – or ‘vanilla’ – idea of sexuality, and is therefore covered by the umbrella term that is kink. Kink occurs for many reasons, and people are drawn to particular activities and objects that give them delight, but these behaviours are not part of a fetish unless required for sexual fulfillment. But kink and fetish have much in common – both are valid expressions of an individual’s sexuality; both are creating supportive communities where people can explore these ideas more such as on Adult Match Maker where you can search for members who share your kinks and fetishes and both can challenge the mainstream idea of ‘normal’.     

Each year the numbers of kink and fetish enthusiasts rise, evidenced by the continued growth of BDSM social media sites and kink events & workshops such as Oz Kink Fest, and references in mainstream popular culture. Imagine if we get to critical mass, and kinky becomes the new normal?!  

‘Vanilla’, ‘kink’, or ‘fetish’…? The right answer is yours. Be real, be safe, be YOU.

25 comments

  • Wantkinkygrl

    Wantkinkygrl

    More than a month ago

    Is my fetish gay I want a women to top me with a strapon is this gay because I find it really sexy watching pegging porn

    Reply
  • ynot70today

    ynot70today

    More than a month ago

    Many gentlemen suck on my feet and toes & work there way up my legs for ages interesting how kinky men can be.

    Reply
  • Sexyspy181

    Sexyspy181

    More than a month ago

    I’m just looking for some girls or a girl that’s interested in watersports it is a fantastic feeling to receive but I’d also like to be able to give

    Reply
  • ORALFUN33

    ORALFUN33

    More than a month ago

    I love kissing feet and sucking toes i love female Feet !!!

    • ynot70today

      ynot70today

      More than a month ago

      i understand that babe, your one of my little boys xxx

    Reply
  • Upforit00069

    Upforit00069

    More than a month ago

    Having my milky breasts drank from whilst having sex is my thing. Thankfully my husband loves the taste of my breastmilk! I wouldn't still be lactating were it not for his regular attention to them....

    • Morgan26

      Account Closed

      More than a month ago

      Okay so not sure why... but exchanging bodily fluids work for me.... mind if i have a taste?....

      is he willing to share?
      lol

    • shyishguy

      Account Closed

      More than a month ago

      love breast milk its so sweet

    Reply
  • 1966Rani

    1966Rani

    More than a month ago

    Great article and cleared a few misconceptions up for us, as we are definitely in to the fetishes. We like the exhibitionism, public play, and fooling around with other people. I’m starting to like these blogs.

    Reply
  • Ineedsum12bwith

    Ineedsum12bwith

    More than a month ago

    I have a fetish, as I call it, a twist on things during oral sex. Based on the extremities of some very wild watersports action, I have a fantasy about, as I am down on a woman's pussy during oral sex, I have wanted a woman to, if she is comfortable enough with it and convinced by the fact that her own piss is very harmless, wish that a woman can be completely relaxed about having to piss and be able to drink her piss straight from her pussy. I know that it is not to everyone's taste but, that is my own personal fetish anyway . It would be greatly appreciated if I can find a woman who is comfortable enough with it!!!

    • 1DoorMan

      Account Closed

      More than a month ago

      Hi its not uncommon as I have a kitten that loves to Squirt lucky me. While I tease,eat,lick,suck, slap and fist she will explode into a fountain 2 to 6 feet into the air. My thing is to catch it in my mouth some times so much I drink it but I do give it back as a Squirt y Cocktail in a Kiss she has no problem with that. Hope you find that women.

    Reply
  • Morgan26

    Morgan26

    More than a month ago

    I have an fetish probably more of an obsession with orally pleasing. I love using my mouth.... the dirtier the more it turns me on......

    • 1DoorMan

      Account Closed

      More than a month ago

      It has to be clean and smell good. just our opinion.

    • Lovetobefilthy

      Lovetobefilthy

      More than a month ago

      Dam, I have the same thing, receiving and giving, filthy and dirtier the better and more arousing.

    • roughfukr

      Account Closed

      More than a month ago

      Yup, same here, dirty oral is the best. Love to lick and rim and see how deep I can push my tongue in. So freakin hot!

    • Morgan26

      Account Closed

      More than a month ago

      I used to literally hate anything to do with a mans asshole... was such a turn off... but met a fk buddy who enjoyed being over me... so my nose was always in his ass eventually with the aid of his hands forcing my face in his ass i ate... and i enjoyed......


      its been a fave ever since..... love his cheeks over my face its so submissive to me having being made to lick ass.....

    • Agrotaz

      Agrotaz

      More than a month ago

      Morgan26, you sounds like your heaps off fun to be around.

    • 1DoorMan

      Account Closed

      More than a month ago

      So it's kinky and so are all those that answered in the same manner. But there are the pleasure of leather meating the skin or a paddle, riding crop sound on skin be it tantilizing soft or sharp and quick and stinging it . What a high it is for both of us . Kitten is a switch and loves giving and reading your body in response to her every stroke.

    Reply
  • Helloyounglover

    Helloyounglover

    More than a month ago

    sucking long slender toes is my fetish while she massages her clit until she stiffens and cums wildly

    • friskypuz

      Account Closed

      More than a month ago

      Have you ever had her fuck your toes?

    • Photos in private gallery

      stevo4u

      More than a month ago

      Yeah I'm a sucker too,love a nice set of painted toes to suck during sex or to Cum all over them is great

    • 1DoorMan

      Account Closed

      More than a month ago

      If she likes her pussy played with and can take a fist she can take your toes/foot. It does need to be manicured and clean.

    Reply
  • AlexandraCD

    AlexandraCD

    More than a month ago

    That's a great explanation of the differences between kink an fetish. Thanks MisKnickers!

    Reply
  • chesswiseagain

    chesswiseagain

    More than a month ago

    Does that include 'taboo' ?

    • AMM.Editor

      AMM.Editor

      More than a month ago

      I don't understand your question. Something is either a kink or a fetish. By it's definition a taboo can be anything: "a social or religious custom prohibiting or restricting a particular practice or forbidding association with a particular person, place, or thing". If it's something which turns you on despite it being a taboo it's a fetish, and depending on what it is, if it's something you want to indulge in despite it being prohibited which is outside the definition of being "straight" then it's a kink. Or you just want to do it 'cos someone said you can't! That's neither. Taboo of itself if a bit of a meh term as every culture has different taboos.

    Reply
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