A Single Woman’s Guide to the Swinging Lifestyle

So, you’re a single chick who wants to play and you’ve decided you want to go to a swingers party! Yeah baby! That’s awesome! But, you know swingers are “usually couples” and you don’t have a boyfriend or partner to take, and you’re worried you won’t fit in or meet someone, and you have no idea where to even start looking and what do you even wear and omg someone told you single girls are frowned upon in the swinging scene and it’s all just too-hard-basket best to stay at home instead…

This is almost word for word conversations I have had with my single female friends and I can tell you that almost every single part of it is untrue or nowhere near as stressful as it initially seems.

Let’s get one huge myth out of the way first, although “swinging” is essentially “partner swapping” you actually don’t need to be in a partnership to indulge in the lifestyle. It can make certain things a little trickier sometimes, but it is definitely not a requirement.

As for the “single girls being frowned upon in the scene” this is almost unequivocally false! In fact there is a special, rather lovely, term given to single female swingers and that is a Unicorn.

Beautiful and Rare

Yep, a unicorn. A beautiful, mythical creature that no-one thinks exists but everyone wishes they had.

As a single girl in the swinging scene you will actually be in high demand! Many many couples look for women to join their sexy times, and it means you get a pretty awesome choice of who you’d like to spend your time with. It can sometimes take a bit of trial and error to find a couple or person you connect with, but that’s the same with any sort of dating or hook up scene. It’s awesome for your ego and self esteem to be one of the most wanted people at a party, and you really will be able to have your pick of the bunch.

So How Do You Get Involved?

When we conducted our Under the Covers survey, 56% of Australian women revealed they are turned on at the thought of swinging and group sex so if you’re thinking about exploring the lifestyle you are not alone.

A really great way to meet people within the scene before you even get to a party is to go to a meet and greet event which are set up precisely for this purpose. You can often find these advertised on Adult Match Maker in the Community Notice or Event sections and they can really ease the minds of newbie players. Basically they are social gatherings held at a pub or similar where you can mingle and meet up with people in the lifestyle. They are not play parties (although some people often hook up and find places to go after the event), and they are usually really fun and friendly events.

Party Time!

To find the right party for you it’s definitely important to do a bit of research first. This is because there are subtle differences in all the events and parties around the place and sometimes those differences can be what distinguishes between an awesome night and a meh one.  Be aware of who is allowed or invited, because you’ll often find events that allow single men to attend can have a very high sausage contingent and, unless that’s what you’re after, can be quite confronting and uncomfortable for a new player.

The best parties for newbie single girls are events that cater to couples and single women, and ones that specifically mention “newbies welcome” in their advertising. This is because the ratio is a lot more even and the sleaze factor is at a minimum, and the hosts will be there specifically to help new people ease into it and feel comfortable. It also means you can spend more time talking and meeting and finding the right play partners rather than having to fend off too many unwanted advances from single guys which, again, is totally cool if that’s the sort of party experience you want, and a lot of women do, but not so cool if you don’t. 

It’s also good to go along to these events with a friend (and going to the meet and greets is a great way to meet like-minded friends if you don’t have any in your personal world) because it can take away a little of the fear and apprehension that always comes from trying a new thing on your own.

Your Responsibilities

As a single person in the swinger scene there are a few rules you should abide by to keep not only yourself safe, but to also make sure you keep other people, and their relationships, safe. Let me elaborate.

As a single player you will be invited into someone else’s relationship space. This is a partnership that has specific rules and boundaries in place and it is important to know and understand what these are and stick to them. Most swinging couples are very aware of their own wants and needs and usually have no problem expressing them. On top of this I will almost always recommend you speak to the female in the partnership, as often she will be the one with the rules around what she is comfortable with her male partner doing with you (and vice versa if you’re a single male joining a couple, find out about the boundaries he’s set), and absolutely stick to them unless they both decide to change the lines. For example if she is not cool with her guy kissing another woman, don’t try and kiss him. It’s rude and disrespectful and a super quick way to have your experience cut short (If a particular act is something you want, and a couple you meet have that on their boundary list, then find another couple. Seriously, it’s not worth stepping over someone’s consent for your own satisfaction. It’s disgusting form, not to mention illegal). It is also important for your own safety and peace of mind to talk about your boundaries and what you are okay with and not okay with. Just because you’re entering into someone else’s space, and just because they want you there, doesn’t mean your own consent or limits should be ignored, and it is absolutely okay to stop and leave if you feel your boundaries are not being adhered to and, if you feel safe and comfortable enough to, it’s always good to let the hosts know if someone has overstepped the rules and made you feel unsafe. A good host will do everything in their power to make sure you are safe, comfortable and having a good experience.

You are the Unicorn Queen!

So step out of your regular dancing shoes and slip on the swinger shoes for a night and see what sort of fun and frivolity you can get up to. Most major cities have parties on every weekend, and a lot of the rural towns as well.

Do your research! Adult Match Maker has an Event section of featured parties you can check out. Some parties are weekly, some are special events such as Saints & Sinners Ball which is held quarterly in Melbourne or Sensual Ball which is held annually in Sydney. Some parties might be advertised as soft swap where partners might play with others but only have sex with each other, whilst players parties are typically with single guys and tend to have more action. And AMM always recommends you check the online profile of the Party Organiser or Group and read the Testimonials from other verified or paying members (more likely to be genuine) to see what other people have to say about that party.

Whether it’s a private house party or a more formal event at a club, the more you look and experiment and play, the more connections and play partners you will meet and the more fun you will have. It really doesn’t matter how old you are, what size or shape you are, or even what you’re into… You are the amazing Unicorn, and you will find magic almost anywhere you go!

If you are looking for a newbie friendly, welcoming party to dip your toes into the swinging lifestyle then The Couples Club in Sydney, Diversionz in Brisbane, Kimmi’s in Adelaide and Chateau Vino on the Gold Coast all run newbie nights.

And click through to read our Glossary of Swingers Terms so you know the jargon you’ll come across in the swinging lifestyle.

16 Comments

  • Bighornbull
    More than a month ago

    The thought of attending alone can be very intimidating for a single lady. I have had the pleasure of introducing a number of ladies to swingers parties as their "partner". Established a rapport so they knew they were safe and for many women that is the prime concern. Not wanting to feel pressured and a "partner" can help with filtering. That said every woman I have taken has had an AMAZING time and gone again. The people at these events are always so friendly and the couples are the happiest and most secure you will meet.

  • Zamboon Photo
    Zamboon
    More than a month ago

    Beg to differ - it might not have been an amm party but the party was certainly advertised on amm - what made it attractive to my partner was that the party was during the day started at 12 and was in a townhouse in the inner city , so it was easier for her to attend as she was married with kids at school .

  • Zamboon Photo
    Zamboon
    More than a month ago

    A few years ago I requested access to a party in Brisbane organised by amm - was told of the 50 yr old limit so I told them I was bringing a lady - they wanted to know who ..so I got her to message them and we were admitted (she was 3 years older than I) - we were treated like royalty and she was surrounded and had heaps of pleasure - a great hit - I had a few beers and enjoyed watching and eventually participating with 2 other ladies - great fun.

    Point is Im surprised that ladies are subject to the age limit - most guys close to 50 wouldn't mind an older woman at all - the fact that she is there means shes sexy and wanting and ready to party - bless all women who feel that way .... Let them party ..

    • AMM.Events Photo
      AMM.Events
      More than a month ago

      Thanks for the very kind words and I'm glad you both had a fabulous time. But AMM has never held a drinks night or play party in Brisbane. Slack of us I know as we've hosted some smashing drinks nights in Sydney, Melbourne, Adelaide & Hobart but Brisbane and Gold Coast have missed out. Perhaps it was a verification night where I was at one of the clubs, I've personally done that a couple of times at Diversionz, Chateau Vino and previously at Utopia.

  • LadyDragon Photo
    LadyDragon
    More than a month ago

    As a swinger of only a few years' standing, I've attended a few organised parties, orgies and had absolutely no problems fitting in... well, BEING fitted... and I'm almost 68 (recent pix!)
    As long as you can converse initially and find someone who wants to play (not at all hard usually), are reasonably outgoing, you should have no probs, as Eva says. After all, swingers are just normal people with liberated sexuality! Some.of the groups on here (check any validations) would be happy to make you feel well-cum...! I love the lifestyle... but much prefer to have at least 1 male I know around for "afters" - swinging brings out the slut in me ;~}

    • Itska69
      More than a month ago

      Well said lady dragon
      As a swinger my self I totally agree
      Who knows maybe one day we might meet at a party sooner rather than later
      You go girl enjoy

  • Leolady727 Photo
    Leolady727
    More than a month ago

    Unfortunately, most of the parties seem to have an age limit - I probably wouldn't feel comfortable, as a single, going to one these days. I must be too old to be a unicorn these days - even the couples on here usually have a cut-off age of 50!

    • Itska69
      More than a month ago

      Sadly you are right that's why private parties are best
      Maybe you should try those !!!!

    • AMM.Events Photo
      AMM.Events
      More than a month ago

      Yes admittedly some do but there are private parties which don't age restrict - RadianceParties in Melbourne comes to mind- and then of course Saints & Sinners Ball is open for everyone! All shapes and sizes, young through to more mature. All having a ball!

    • RadianceParties Photo
      RadianceParties
      More than a month ago

      We welcome people of all ages at RadianceParties and you are welcome to come along to any of our parties which are being held regularly just outside of Melbourne

  • sweetseraphina Photo
    sweetseraphina
    More than a month ago

    I used to be on AMM as a couple and I recently took over our profile as a single. I went to my first swingers party as a single woman last Saturday. I had a dynamite time. But yes it is interesting learning to navigate the boundaries of other people’s relationships. But good communication is the key. I do wish there were single men there as well. How will I find my own swinging Mr Right lol?

    • AMM.Editor Photo
      AMM.Editor
      More than a month ago

      Well commenting on the blog should generate a few offers I would think lol There are a couple of groups in Tassie which invite single men to their parties, in fact there is one coming up in April which we're promoting and I'm sure there are private parties organised as well. Good luck with your search for Mr Swinging Right.

  • chateau.vino
    More than a month ago

    Chateau Vino on the Gold Coast holds a Step into Swinging night on the first Friday of each month. It is open to all New Swingers, Single females, Single males and Couples. Our ratio of single males to couples is 1/1 and single ladies, there is no limit. We also have experienced Swingers attend the nights, they can give an insight to their experiences. These nights have proven to be great nights for New people wanting to know more about the Swinging Scene. We have a friendly, no pressure environment, so go on you know you want to, Step into Swinging at Chateau Vino.

    • DeliciousEva Photo
      DeliciousEva
      More than a month ago

      Have heard really great things about you guys.

      We are totally coming to check you out one weekend.
      It's been on our to-do list since we moved up north!

      (were not GC though so it does take some planning)

  • TheCouplesClub Photo
    TheCouplesClub
    More than a month ago

    New to the swinging scene? A little unsure what to expect? First Timers Friday is held on the first Friday of every month at The Couples Club in Sydney. It is the perfect playground for newbie couples and women to explore the swinging lifestyle.

    • DeliciousEva Photo
      DeliciousEva
      More than a month ago

      Like I said on the above comment too, I've heard really great things about your nights!

      :)

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