What would I tell my 25-year-old self about swinging!


It seems like oh so long ago that we started our journey into the delicious swinging lifestyle with its sexy delights, sensual moments and highly stimulating and erotic nature. 
I remember being so nervous, anxious and excited all that the same time.  I remember worrying about my body, how I looked, what people may want to do with/to me and wondered if I would enjoy it or if it would freak the fuck out of me.  I was worried it might impact our relationship negatively and what if I didn’t find any really good looking men that would also be interested in me.  Oh and I didn’t have enough really sexy underwear… Really important stuff!  I took care of the underwear pretty quickly though (LOVE my corset collection).

I know I was worried about how my husband would go seeing me with other people and if it didn’t go well how he might decide we don’t do this and then what?   Doomed to routine and a limited menu?  Well that’s what I thought at the time but clearly I didn’t know how else just two people could have an amazing sex life (thanks Swinging Lifestyle!)

So if I could go back in time and sit down with newbie me, here are some of the things I’d say to her and if you’re new to this, I am saying this to you too:

  1. RELAX… It’s just sex!  I think Hugh Hefner coined that phrase but it’s so true!  People aren’t looking to find another life partner so a whole heap of the expectation and criteria all of a sudden just doesn’t exist. Swinging is about being more adventurous and adding extra spice to an already great relationship so in general, most people are more relaxed on about who they would have sex with.  That means that the people you may think are unattainable probably aren’t so just jump in and dare to connect with them then see how it all unfolds!
  2. Everyone has bodies that are imperfect; a scar here, a stretch mark there, some flab around this and something else around that.  I still haven’t met anyone who couldn’t point out their imperfections or something they wanted to improve on.   So allow yourself to feel sexy, allow yourself to see the sexiness in everyone else, flaws and all.  They aren’t focused on what isn’t perfect about you so you don’t need to focus on what you don’t think is perfect about them.  And if you’re walking around mostly naked, chances are they’re looking at that sexy fox of a lady you’re refusing to acknowledge you are (I’m still advising the younger me here, just so you know). 
  3. It can’t impact your relationship negatively if you always talk about everything and I mean EVERYTHING. What you want to try, who you want to do (yes, be honest about that), what you liked, what you didn’t, what you were negatively effected by, what you need from your partner, what you want them to do more of and what you don’t want them to do.  Being open and honest is the only way to iron out the kinks.  Well… The kinks you actually don’t want that is.  
  4. You become one of the most attractive people in the room when you ooze self-confidence, when you get over your hang-ups and shyness and just allow yourself to let go and enjoy every moment of the sensual and sexy experience.  Get lost in the full sensory experience of it as often as possible!
  5. This experience will bring you and your partner so much closer and you are going to meet the most amazing people who will become life long friends because they are so easy to be around.  No hang-ups. There is a bond that is created when you dare to be so open, so honest and so relaxed with each other that you can have the wildest adventures that others only ever fantasize over.   

I wouldn’t not do this. I wouldn’t go back and change a thing because it has been the most amazing life that I’m going to look back on when I’m in that proverbial rocking chair and say “hell yeah, I did that and I would do it all over again if only I was that young again”… I better make the most of it, huh.


  • triXXXi66 Photo
    More than a month ago

    I would never have wanted to be swinging when i was 25! I think its important to have time to bond with your partner fully and get to know each other in a myriad of ways before exposing your relationship to swinging and all its up and downs and emotions. It never fails to amaze me how many young couples look at our profile. It maybe a wrong judgement call but we feel that they need more time together before sharing, as nice as sharing is, a fully stable and commited relationship with extra special lines of communication is what is required to be successful swingers. That said, i wish all young couples the best in the lifestyle.

  • Tastyman069 Photo
    More than a month ago

    What about the risk of STDs? Condoms are not 100% safe.

  • 1DoorMan Photo
    More than a month ago

    I ve been in it for about 15 yrs, now a Dorman n host at Stilletoes yes advertised on this site.
    Every night is different we have regulars ,voyeurs and New bees .
    All I say is every one it is in your mind what you seek so we are all hear for what ever you want to floats your fantasy. If you have a partner tell them what you are wanting (Be careful males women are from Venus) do you know your partner. Lady's rule No is No

  • Account closed
    More than a month ago

    Point 3 is total horse shit. Of course it can negatively affect your relationship. It can fuck it right up. It don't have too, but to say it can't is just retarded.

    • Account closed
      Account Closed
      More than a month ago

      We agree with "Asoulman" completely.
      It doesn't have to negatively but it's ridiculous to say it can't.
      EVEN if you HAVE spoken about your inner feelings openly and constantly.
      We have had many lovely experiences but equally many times when it was a negative experience. We believe it is foolish to indicate that it will be only positives.
      Will and Ann
      Very glad to see someone speaks their mind.
      Good on you Asoulman

  • Account closed
    More than a month ago

    Great article, .
    Your comments are exactly why we love to host for new comers to the swinging scene.
    Loving life loving new like minded friends.

  • HotClassy3Somes
    More than a month ago

    For me its all about learning, learning about one self and ones partners / friends.
    Inevitably, when one takes the emotional risks of exposing your own vulnerability, you learn about your own feelings about yourself as well as about how others perceive you. And aint it wonderful when you realize that the others you are playing with are pretty much like you, same insecurities, same vulnerabilities, same happy wonderful rampantly human animals. Fuck yeah!

  • allinmymind
    More than a month ago

    My thoughts are that the same people that swing would have been doing similar at twenty five.

    And no if I decide to go there now, I wouldn't have wanted my twenty five year old self to go there.

    You can only iron out the kinks as far as the other person will allow, they don't have the experience of the hard knocks and learning that you have gained so far.

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