The Secret to Attracting the Elusive Single Female (Unicorn)

Chantelle Austin Chantelle Austin on 19 March 2014    33 comments
Attractive single woman beckons to the camera

It’s no secret that single women are the hardest to come by in the swinging lifestyle and being a minority, they are the ones who are in the highest demand. Many couples want to have that second female to fulfil on either the man’s fantasy of having women to himself, or for the woman to explore or fulfil her bi-side. So there are some things you should know and understand if you are to find and attract a single female playmate to join you in fulfilling your fantasies.

Above all else, keep in mind that she has the bulk of the power! With so many single guys and couples competing for her, she is the one who determines who gets to spend time with her and who doesn’t but not only do you have to stand out in order to get the first invitation, you have to be extraordinary to get additional invitations.

And how do you get her to open that door? I’m so glad you asked, since this is the total point of writing this article huh.

What I’m about to tell you is insider information having had regular single female playmates as well as being the single woman for others. Just keep in mind that this is not for ALL women as there are always exceptions to the rules (we women can be complicated), but this is a great place to start…

  1. Stand out! You have to be different to every other Tom, Dickhead and Harry hanging around. You stand out by the way you approach and treat her… Too keen and too pushy are complete turn offs so don’t pressure her to give you her phone number or meet up with you, and don’t hang around her like a lost puppy dog waiting for any scrap of attention she may throw to you. Unless she’s looking for a sub (submissive) whom she can be a Dom for but that’s a whole other kind of playmate/relationship.
  2. Be interested and make an effort to get to know her so you can build rapport. The best way to build rapport, which gets you a phone number (and more) is to ask open-ended questions (i.e. no yes or no questions, or single answer questions), such as “tell me/us why you are a part of the lifestyle…” and then find the commonalities you have that you can share “me/us too…” Oh and don’t ramble when she asks you a question, answer her questions succinctly then keep the conversation coming back to her with more open ended questions, you are more likely to keep her interest if you do.
  3. Find out her fantasies and desires and aim to fulfill those too. She may have fantasies which you can help her fulfill if you take the time to find out what they are, in detail. Most women don’t want to think they’re just a toy; purely for someone else’s pleasure and then just tossed aside when the job is done.
  4. Give her control so she can feel safe; allow her to lead the pace and the way. Let her determine where and when you meet and play, as well as set any boundaries or safety nets she chooses. She may decide to let her best friend know where she is going and who she’s with during your date time, please don’t get offended or upset, she is just making sure she’s protecting herself as she doesn’t have a partner to create that safety.
  5. If you want her to keep coming back once you’ve had a play night, be sure to continue to include her until she leaves. Rolling over and enjoying your post play afterglow with your back to her may leave her feeling used. Debrief with her about the experience and encourage her honesty and input so she has the opportunity to voice what she loved but also what could be done “next time” to “enhance” the experience for her. This presupposes there is more fun to be had so do your best to wow her!

Ultimately it’s always nice to feel special and included and if she is coming into an established couple she needs to feel safe physically, emotionally and mentally.

Oh and it doesn’t hurt to treat her like a princess, be prepared by having her favourite drink (alcoholic or non) ready and waiting for her when she arrives, perhaps her favourite snacks or dinner on the menu, and offer to give her a massage to start things off… Who doesn’t want to be treated like royalty in some way occasionally?!

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Comments (33)

  • tallguy1965

    tallguy1965
    Account closed

    I agree completely
    This is an avenue where girls rule and the more places girls rule the better
    The only thing that is a worry is that this article is arming stupid and nasty guys with the tools to be just another one of the bad people. Sometimes people weather it me male or female have to realize that we gravitate towards things we think are a shining light and that what we think on first impressions is correct. Sometimes peopleshould just relax and think about what someone is saying and then they wont be as disappointed when they see the results rather than imposse their own thoughts upon what others have said. It will be a mine field for all that's the nature of the beast . Good luck to all
    >4w
    Reply
  • allinmymind

    allinmymind
    61F Wodonga, VIC,
     AU

    In the time wasters article I just read, it said that not giving a phone number is a sign of a time waster. It obviously isn't. Not happy having to give one out the other day to stop being told off.
    >4w
    Reply
  • 041Cat

    041Cat
    53F Gympie, QLD,
     AU

    Reading this proved to be very interesting for me. I have been a part of quite a few "trios" as the extra female. In one particular instant the female pursued me and once I was involved, put so many rules on me and was so controlling it has left me extremely hesitant to be involved ever again. She was very sly about it all the whole time. She did it over time and would "punish me" if I ever stepped out of "her rules" and before you say anything, no it was not a Dom/Sub style arrangement. It ended very badly for her in not only losing me, but her husband also. So no, wasn't treated like a princess or anything like it, with the exception from the husband, a beautiful man who treated me with such respect (when she was not around) and yes we did make a few of each other desires come to life.
    Other meetings were a big hit and miss, some were wonderful where as others, again were not. There was one lady of the couple started the evening with a written list of items that I was not allowed to do and expected me to sign it before anything began.
    After the experiences I have had, I decided to stop being the extra female of a trio and complete withdraw from the scene all together for a number of years now. Partly scared that the original female would be at a gathering that I would attend, and partly so I could take time for myself and heal. Yes it was that bad.
    My suggestions for the couple is to really discuss the rules between each other and be honest what you each want to experience, be honest and upfront with the person you chose to become your M in the MFM or the F in the FMF and what part they are to play. Ask if you all are on the same page over a coffee or drink before diving into the whole thing, just take whatever time it takes to have the discussion.
    Sorry I went on with my comment, I hope I did not dampen any expectations.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Sensual.Ms.K

    Sensual.Ms.K
    Account closed

    I have met one or two good guys....I have found that even good guys, dont bring wine, dont bring condoms, dont dress nicely i.e. dressy casual. The last guy turns up in daggy shorts and t-shirt. Its amazing how easy it can be to impress, but many guys just do not bother....which is fine, but dont be a wingy bitch about how hard it all is. You get what you give..
    >4w
    Reply
  • Sweetangelic3

    Sweetangelic3
    54F Wodonga, VIC,
     AU

    I have to agree with the don't be pushy.. I find that those that get angry with you cos your not pinpointing exact times of contact.. life comes before playing and we all have prior commitments. I can be hard to pin down because I am not a time waster and I have to work other things out to make sure I am there.
    I find its good to send a message the morning of the playdate (mainly to confirm) and not leave it as no contact for couple days and then ask just before alloted time what your wearing
    Great article...
    >4w
    Reply
  • jb4321

    jb4321
    Account closed

    It's called common sense what goes around comes around.
    >4w
    Reply
  • 90r930u5

    90r930u5
    Account closed

    Great article but why do guys still treat me like crap on here if I'm so elusive? Must be me - I attract some of the biggest weirdos
    >4w
    • yourhornygirl

      yourhornygirl
      Account closed

      I'm sorry to hear that my dear.... If that comfort you, I also attract very weird people/troubled man and the one I have a very strong connection in bed, do all the opposite of what says in this article. It is hard to find the right man but it will happen eventually. Give it more time.... Wishing you all the best!
      >4w
    • allinmymind

      allinmymind
      61F Wodonga, VIC,
       AU

      The article was talking about playing with couples, that makes me feel like crap as well lol.
      >4w
    Reply
  • Masterdom72

    Masterdom72
    Account closed

    great article and fantastic reading peoples thoughts and comments. Being only new to the scene and going in with eyes wide open as it were i def agree with one particular comment above just because this is a sex site does not mean the women on here do not want to be treated with some respect.
    >4w
    Reply
  • dangles74

    dangles74
    50M Frankston North, VIC,
     AU

    I haven't had a root for 2 years and I do every thing they say fuck
    >4w
    Reply
  • EarthboundAngel

    EarthboundAngel
    Account closed

    This I love....and more men should read it first..
    I sat here nodding my head in agreement the whole way through...
    I didn't know I was considered a UNICORN...lol.. but I love it, mystical magickal creature... yep sounds like me...
    >4w
    Reply
  • Clickable

    Clickable
    53M Carlton North, VIC,
     AU

    Interesting reading as always, I write this not with the primary concern of finding a female to play with others, but rather finding a suitable friend/playmate at the very least.
    Actually meeting a woman of similar persuasion or, for that matter, a Unicorn remains as elusive as ever.
    A recent interaction with a girl on here elicited the following response after sending her a genuine message.
    "I don't intend to lower my standard just to chat with you".
    I never assume someone is interested just because they look at my profile. I can only go by what is contained in their profile, the description of who they are seeking and if it is interesting enough, and may inspire me to send them a genuine message.
    I do however expect a modicum of respect in a reply, a simple....."thanks but your not what Im looking for is fine",
    ....not "I don't intend to lower my standard just to chat with you" forgive me, but that does come across as rather insulting.
    Not the rejection, I can handle that, and know the pitfalls and perils of online dating and expect that, it's just the nature of the reply as it lacks respect.
    If the person sending you an email doesn't meet your expectations, that's fine, I do have certain requirements too in the person I seek. I respect that and so should they.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Astralchick

    Astralchick
    Account closed

    Lovely article. I am new to this and would be great to read some advice on how to politely handle the overwhelming attention and what to do if you have multiple suitable responses. How do you choose?!
    Have never heard the term unicorn before, that's gold. Shame it's completely ruined for me after an unfortunate suggestion involving a pony I received yesterday! ;)
    >4w
    Reply
  • the.masseur

    the.masseur
    Account closed

    Every woman wants to feel like a Princess - and rightly so.
    Since joining AMM a few months ago I have been fortunate (as a male) to be invited to join a few married couples to spice up their lives.
    My simple rules as the second MALE joining a couple are:
    1) The lady always sets the pace and is the barometer for what takes place. If she ain't happy it ain't going to happen. It might take a few meetings before she is ready to take that step into the bedroom.
    2) Be prepared for the unexpected and go with the flow - and make sure you perform! (I hear so many comments about men who have claimed to be this "big" and can "perform" for this long etc.. but when the big moment arrives - the "big" squid is damp, undersized and floppy. ie KEEP IT REAL - there is nothing worse (I guess) than not being able to do what you claim. How embarrassing - especially for the male making the claims.
    I have regular meet ups now with my small group of lovers and the biggest bonus is the close friendship we have built over and above the passion we now share in the bedroom together.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Ozwaverider

    Ozwaverider
    75M Sydney, NSW,
     AU

    Great article,I guess I took a long time to grow up, but over the last 10 years or so I have developed into the sort of man you suggest. It took too long for my partner, but in the end that may have been a blessing in disguise for both us as well. Having the opportunity to start a fresh and also explore life and things that were not available in the past is like being reborn.
    >4w
    Reply
  • SNAG1973

    SNAG1973
    Account closed

    If I was in a committed relationship and I had to pay my partner less attention than the elusive unicorn to make her feel special I believe I would be castrated and probably rightly so!!! The only way that would work is with a playmate. I agree with playwithfriends 100%. As a single guy the ratio of men/women is overwhelmingly in the womens favour and trying to stand out from the masses is virtually impossible, so unless you have ripped abs, drop dead looks and are 7 foot tall good luck even getting a reply little own the opportunity to treat her with the respect she would deserve.I have always done most of what you have listed above and must say they are called unicorns for a reason!!! A good read all the same!!
    >4w
    Reply
  • Pookie1969

    Pookie1969
    Account closed

    My experience has been that the male got a jelous, but in good way. I Have only played with MFf 3 times and cause it was so new I enjoyed the man inside me and fondling and kissing the female at the same time was extraordinary. I think it's the mans job to make both females feel special, and the reward for him is 2 females devouring him.
    I thought this article spoke volumes.
    >4w
    Reply
  • swingadingding1

    swingadingding1
    Account closed

    Great advice and a great read!
    >4w
    Reply
  • PlaywithFriends

    PlaywithFriends
    50M 48F Adelaide, SA,
     AU

    This all sounds great if you are a single guy, but as the women in the relationship I'm not going to grovel and treat another women better than what I expect for myself
    >4w
    Reply
  • cleaneasyandfun

    cleaneasyandfun
    Account closed

    You gotta be direct if you want to attract someone with similar interests.
    Shut up! I'm not interested! These are just some of the things you'll be hearing if you answer this ad. I'm an idiot and I don't care about anyone but myself. PS: No dogs. lol =P
    >4w
    Reply
  • pastelprincess1

    pastelprincess1
    Account closed

    I disagree with part of #4: I much prefer guys that aren't wishy-washy about arranging something. I want to know before I waste my time meeting a guy that's too shy to touch me that he's assertive enough to take the lead.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Scratcha16

    Scratcha16
    Account closed

    Very insightful article, time to get out the unicorn bait..
    >4w
    Reply
  • amber1515

    amber1515
    59F Devereux Creek, QLD,
     AU

    Its a shame more guys dont read this and put into action as so far the ones that do are more elusive than us unicorns. Couples on the other hand are respectful and courteous and enjoy my time with them.
    >4w
    Reply
  • pyro.1969

    pyro.1969
    Account closed

    How about just to show up when invited as many of us unicorns have extremely limited play time as we are mothers and major bread winners in our single parent families.....and yes we have our little rules to keep us safe and yes we do get bombarded by both males and couples and groups... very insightful article. thank you
    >4w
    Reply
  • L&S69

    L&S69
    Account closed

    i have no problem making the unicorn feel special but it seems to me this article at the end came undone by expecting you to treat her like a princess. i thought the goal was for everyone to feel special as a joint fun time not just the unicorn. i love to fulfill peoples desires and have no problem trying to do so but i have desires to as a female i don't want to just focus on her i want it to be about the both of us feeling special and having a blast while doing it. i am still hoping to catch the unicorn but i hope she feels that i am just as special as her!! Samantha
    >4w
    Reply
  • GenerationXXX

    GenerationXXX
    Account closed

    100% correct.
    >4w
    Reply
  • wicked697694

    wicked697694
    Account closed

    Yes it is a good insight into the way to go about wooing a lady and have read a few other articles on three sums as well. Am wanting to gain some experiences from this site and never forget them.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Femmedom

    Femmedom
    Account closed

    Femmedom
    Very well put article there are so many men that have no idea how to treat a classy lady we may be on a sex site but class and respect is paramount I have meet some wonderful men on this site but also men that just don't understand the largest sexual organ is the brain and that woman love the idea of slow seduction to me it's all about the journey to create a higher level of sexual desire and to make that destination fulfilling longer erotic experience.
    >4w
    Reply
  • SeanandMel

    SeanandMel
    Account closed

    Awesome insight to a complex question, thank you for posting, hopefully no one else reads this lol
    Sean & Mel
    >4w
    Reply
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