Look, I get it. The phrase “eating pussy” can be a bit cringe, or naff, but that's not really surprising when it comes to sex terms, especially when talking about genitals and female pleasure. 

While many people are adopting the term "giving head" as an all inclusive, gender neutral term, at a quick glance, most brains will go to penises first, and while we totally love penises, this piece isn't about them and we didn't want to confuse anyone. So after going through the Wiktionary, and washing our eyes out after glancing at Urban Dictionary, we decided that cunnilingus is too clinical, carpet munching is too juvenile, and most of the others are just gross (Sloppy Toppy? Eating Fur Pie? Growling out? Just eww.) So, "Eating Pussy" it is. 

It does conjure a very specific image, though... fast, wet, possibly frantic and desperate, with someone’s nose buried so deep it’s like they're snuffling for truffles. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes you want the kind of oral that feels like they're inhaling your soul from between your legs like an oxygen starved Grim Reaper. But here’s the thing, even in those frantic, soul slurping moments, you can almost always tell if it's being done just to get it done and over with, or if it’s being relished, desired and savoured.

I mean, you don't slam down a gourmet meal like it’s a lukewarm servo pie. You take your time. You make it matter.

You notice how beautiful the presentation laid out before you is. You explore the different textures and tastes on your tongue. You experiment with the flavours, how they complement the wine, how they elevate your mood, your enjoyment, your hunger... And it's that sort of attention a pussy deserves. 

It’s not just a quick fix snack to fill a hunger hole on your way down the freeway, it’s the full degustation, a feast if you will. Even in those quick and desperate moments.

Slow cook simmering

I think one of the biggest mistakes people make when giving oral sex is forgetting to experience and enjoy the moment themselves in their efforts to get their partner off. Sure, it's about giving pleasure, but pleasure is always better when the giver enjoys the giving.

This means, for a lot of y'all, slowing right down and taking some time. It’s not a sprint. It’s not a TikTok challenge. It’s not something to get through on your way to the “main course” (which, spoiler alert, is a myth anyway - oral sex is the damn main course if you do it properly).

Start slowly. Start sensually. Start purposefully. Tease the thighs. Breathe warm air on the skin before you even touch it. Use your lips to kiss and your hands to explore. Build the anticipation like a slowly rising, perfect souffle...   Let her want it, need it, crave it, before you've even given it.

Use all of your senses

Almost all humans have five senses, but so many of us seem to forget that each one has the ability to complement and heighten the experience of the others. As humans we often take our blessings for granted, but after years of being a sex worker for people with disabilities, I found that more often than not, those who don't have the privilege to experience all five senses will almost always find a way to compensate, creating different ways to indulge, enjoy, and satisfy...  So what the fuck is stopping you?

Use them all. Taste her. Smell her. Watch her body move. Listen to her breathing. Feel the way her thighs tense, her hips rise, her breath changes. Her body is giving you a play-by-play of what’s working, all you need to do is tune in and listen with more than just your ears.

Mix it up, Masterchef!

Just like how those incredible home cooks on the telly can turn an everyday dish into something that leaves the judges speechless, so too can you turn your regular pussy eating into something worthy of a winning trophy. Sure you probably have your tried and true recipe that people seem to like, but isn't it time to elevate your skills and take it to the next level? Don't just stick to one move like you’ve memorised a YouTube tutorial and can't think outside the box.  Add some spice! Stir in some sweetness. Swap out one ingredient for another. Use a different method for cooking. 

Tongues are as versatile as a spice rack, and depending how you use it, it can absolutely change an experience to a whole new incredible flavour. 

Circles, flicks, firm pressure, light pressure. Slow licks, fast licks, gentle sucks, kisses. Humming, soft nibbles. Add fingers, words, and toys.

Alternate, experiment, adjust.

Try teasing the clit without touching it directly. Try a firm hold with two fingers around the outer labia while your tongue does its thing. Combine fingers inside with sucking. Use a toy to tease or fill.

As I said before, her body will usually tell you how it's feeling and what it's wanting. For example, if she’s twitching or writhing, or whispering “holy fuck, yes... " then you’re probably on the right track. But there's always something extra special your tongue can do to make extra sure.

Tongues are also for talking 

I’m going to say it again for the people in the back: communication is not a mood killer. It’s foreplay. It's during-play. It's after-play. Making sure your partner is comfortable. Feels safe. Feels sexy. Feels heard. Checking in. Asking what they like. Whispering those dirty things you know she likes to hear.

All of these things are the kind of tongue work that the best lovers use, and just like the tongue play above, make it part of the feast, the crackling on top

“Tell me where to go.”
“Show me how you touch yourself.”
“Do you like it soft, or filthy?”
"God, your taste is so sweet..."

And remember, if she says, “don’t stop,” then Do. Not. Stop. Do not deviate from the recipe at all. Seriously. It isn't a cue to speed up, or try something new, or go in for a flourish. This is not the moment to show off your fancy new version of her favourite dish.  Just. Keep. Going. Exactly. As. You. Were. 

It’s not a chore ... it's a fucking gift

While thankfully misogynistic, old-school tropes about women's pleasure are falling the same way as "I hate my wife" comedy sets, there are still some guys out there that really don't get it, so let me be very clear. 

Eating pussy isn’t something to begrudgingly “put up with” or use as a quick detour on your eager way to get your dick in. It’s not something you do just to get a gold star or a pat on the back, or to use as a bargaining chip to get your dick sucked. It’s a privilege. A playground. A five-course sensory adventure of pleasure. It is a gift.

The moral of the oral 

It's pretty simple really. Next time you have the opportunity to taste her pussy, don’t just eat it like a regular, boring everyday meal.

Dine. Devour. Delight.
Sup. Slurp. Savour. 

Take your time. Enjoy every moment. Lose yourself in her deliciousness, and become a pussy eating connoisseur... You both deserve the nourishment, and you'll never be more sated. 

Until next time, happy licking, my friends.

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