Our Ultimate Guide to Spit Roasting
Eva Sless
on 13 June 2025
5 comments
Look, I know I don’t have to say it, especially to you lot, but I want to, and if I don’t, my brain will never forgive me for not making the dumb and obvious joke and it’ll be one of those annoying things that wakes me up at 2am in five years and taunt me for not saying it… So here goes…
Spit roasting, in the context of this article and in my “I’ve been writing sex articles for far too long, nothing is innocent any more” brain, has absolutely nothing to do with delicious slow-cooked meats (unless you’re talking about the ones in your pants wink wink) and has everything to do with something else that is just as delicious, and definitely hot. But that doesn’t actually need a barbecue or suckling pig anywhere.
I am, of course, talking about that very specific sex position where you have one person in the middle, being enjoyed front and back by two others so they all resemble a sort of capital “H” shape if you were to see it in silhouette. It's the human kebab, if we’re still using barbecue terms, but if we’re not let’s also go for the Double Delight, the Eiffel Tower (if the two on either end high-five, and honestly, why wouldn't you?) or even a delightful Ménage à Trois of Symmetry to give it a bit of art and class. And let me tell you, when done well, it can be one of the most intense, intimate, and downright filthy experiences you can have. And when done not so well… Well look, it can still be good, albeit a little bit funny and awkward and messy… Just like all sex really!
So, before you go lubing and lining up, let’s break it down a bit, because spit roasting is not just a case of “two holes and go”, no matter what you’ve seen in porn. Like all sex, there’s a bit more to it if you want it to be fun and amazing and not a tangled, awkward game of adult Twister with left hand on green, and dick on the right jabbing an eye.
Who’s Involved?
At its core, a spit roast involves three people - one in the middle (the "roastee", if you will), and two at either end (the "roasters"). Now I know, because of porn and stuff, most people will picture this and see at least two cocks being essential to the play, but surprise, surprise, with a bit of imagination, desire, and experimentation, you can perform a spit roast with any gender configuration. Whether it’s m/m/f, f/f/m, m/m/m, f/f/f or any combo of delicious human bodies that may or may not identify as either of those letters, it’s about shared pleasure, mutual respect, and being really good at multitasking.
Positions, Prep, and Practicalities
Okay, so let’s get down to the logistics. Traditionally, the person in the middle is on hands and knees, with one partner penetrating them from behind and the other one receiving oral at the front. It’s a little like sexual tug-of-war, but everyone’s a winner and, unless there’s shibari involved, you probably won’t get rope burn. That being said, however, you can totally get creative and break the traditional bounds by using furniture or pillows, or maybe harnesses and sex swings! Like all sex and sexy play, you are the creator of your own fantasies, and if you can think it, and of course get the consent of your partners to try it, then almost anything is possible!
Using strap-ons is a brilliant way for women to get involved in the “spit” part, or you could try and “Daisy Chain” it which is more describing a line of people all giving oral sex to the next person in line than a traditional “spit roast”, but like I said, imagination and desire are always key to making fantasies real.
Preparation is also important, and I don’t mean making sure the kids aren’t home, and picking up the wet towels from the bedroom floor (although this is also important). I mean preparing the body for rigorous sex. If anal sex is going to be part of it, then you might want to pre lube, or douche the area first to give that “clean” peace of mind. You might want condoms and dental dams at close hand, as well as heaps of lube, and maybe some sex toys to add a little extra seasoning to your roast (look, I never promised to stop the food puns okay?).
When it comes to control or setting the pace, it should absolutely be at the middle person’s pace. I mean, of course if anyone wants to stop or slow down or change it up a bit then everyone needs to listen and agree, but when it comes to the speed, the rhythm, the depth of penetration and most of the action, then it is absolutely imperative the roastee sets the tone. To use yet another food analogy, they are like a delectable sweet tray of treats to be sampled and enjoyed, not an all you can eat buffet at a hot dog eating competition.
Even if all of you are mouth stuffing, butt slapping, dirty talking perverts, there’s still got to be respect and understanding between you all.
When Roasts get Mashed
Bodies are weird. Sex is weird. We all know this, and yet for some reason we often forget it when it comes to our sex and our bodies, and we think we’ve somehow failed or done it wrong when something about our own sex or bodies doesn’t quite go to plan. We really need to stop being so harsh on ourselves. Shit happens! Sometimes things go wrong or not to plan and that is totally okay! It reminds us that we’re human, and helps us not take ourselves and other things too seriously.
Sure, you might fall off the bed, get a thigh cramp, or lose an erection for whatever reason. Maybe you have to pause because you’re all laughing at a body squelch sound, or someone sneezing mid-thrust. It’s all fine. In fact, it’s great!
Sex should always have room for imperfection and change. It’s supposed to be fun and silly and joyful. You need to allow for all those messy, crazy, queefy things to happen or you’ll always end up feeling unsatisfied and like you’ve missed out, and to be honest, if you’re too caught up in the perfectionism of it all, then you ARE missing out.
Top Tips for Roasters – The Chips and Salad on the side
Hands Aren’t Just for Holding On
In a three-person scenario, there are SO MANY HANDS! Don’t waste them. Use them to stroke, squeeze, guide, scratch, spank, tease, hold, or caress. A light touch across the butt cheeks, a reassuring squeeze of the thigh, a hand pulling someone close. All of those small physical cues add connection and emotion and seriously ramp up the sexy. Think of it as a kind of three-way conversation where hands speak fluent filth and our bodies are the translators.
Use the Power of the Pivot (Literally and Figuratively)
A great thing about spit roasting is the fluidity of it. You don’t have to stay in one configuration the whole time. In fact, I’d always suggest everyone has a go in all roles, just so you know what it’s like for the people you play with. Rotate roles. Switch ends. Swap positions. Play with dominance and submission, eye contact, edging, or who gets the spotlight when. Power dynamics can shift, and I reckon that can be sexy AF.
Don’t Treat it like a Competition
This isn’t a battle of who can fuck harder and come fastest. It’s a dance. A collaboration. A fine recipe of sugar and spice. It’s not a WWE food fight, it’s more of a Masterchef version of Cirque du Soleil. It’s not about “scoring” or being the dominant dick (pun definitely intended). It’s about mutual pleasure. If someone starts treating the whole thing like a sexual turf war, shut that down or politely show them the door. Unless it’s a consensual Dom/sub scenario - and you’ve agreed on that power dynamic - don’t be a fuckwit.
Aftercare Is for Everyone (Even the Roasters)
Remember, aftercare isn’t just for kink scenes. While that scene may have popularised the term, it actually matters in all group play. Check in with each other. Cuddle or doona fort if that’s your vibe. Laugh about the queef that sounded like a foghorn and that random come grunt you didn’t mean to do. Eat chocolate, drink some wine. Debrief, ask what felt good and what didn’t. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed, it’s literally how you build trust, connection, and pave the way for round two (or three)!
Consent, Communication and Check-Ins
Yep, here it is, my usual disclaimer, and ToS that comes with all my pieces; Before a single stitch of clothing comes off, the most important thing all of you need to do is talk.
Who’s comfortable doing what, where, and for how long? Are condoms being used? Do you have a safe word or signal if someone needs to pause? What’s the plan if someone gets overwhelmed, sore, or changes their mind halfway through? The fact that there are three of you means you all need to be uber aware of everyone’s stuff, and everyone needs to feel completely safe and comfortable together. If one person is nervous or hesitant then that is the pace you go at, and you always check in and make sure everyone is still having fun.
While spit roasting has been mostly hidden down in the “sex basement of shame”, where most things that aren’t missionary sex between married couples have been stored for centuries, it’s really nothing different to any sort of sex that anyone has. It’s about bodies being enjoyed, people being pleasured, and connections being made. It doesn’t have to be a hardcore porno fantasy either. It can be soft, silly, intense, kinky, romantic, or just straight-up filthy. Sex and how we do it shouldn’t be about ticking off a box on your sexual CV. No one really cares how many notches you’ve put on the bed post, and if they do, they probably aren’t someone worth spending your sexy time with. Sex, and all the sexy play times and adventures you have (or don’t have. No judgement here!), is about connection, contact, curiosity, and doing something that makes you feel empowered, special, sexy, and delectable.
So go forth, team up, lube what needs to be lubed, and make sure everyone’s having a damn good time.
Until next time, happy fucking, my friends.
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