7 Things Adult Shop Workers are Sick of Hearing

Having worked on and off in adult shops for the past 20 years I can tell you I have heard it all. For some reason the normal decorum and respect that customers display in other shops goes out the window in adult shops and sometimes the things that are said or asked are either rude, inappropriate, or just downright ignorant. Here are seven things you need to stop saying to adult shop staff.

You Must be Horny All The Time Working Here

Oh the sensuality of stocktake! The provocativeness of pricing. The eroticism of end of day settlement. It’s true, nothing gets an adult shop employee hotter under the collar than a full day of retail activities, except maybe a creepy guy asking personal and inappropriate questions to them at their place of work. The thing is, even without that being a super tasteless question to ask a stranger, it’s literally just a job like any other retail job. While the products they are selling are sexy, the actual act of selling them, and labelling them, and merchandising them, and ordering them, and… Well, I am sure you get the point. There is nothing arousing about ITO transfers and KPI targets, even if there’s a picture of Angie White over your computer and your mouse is shaped like a vulva.

What’s Your Personal Favourite?

While it is fine to ask for recommendations and advice from adult shop workers, there are ways to go about it that don’t come off as sleazy or overly personal. Asking someone what they personally use is not only none of your business, it is also irrelevant to your needs. You are there to buy a product for yourself (or for someone else), and that is where your focus and questions should be. So while it is fine to say something like “My girlfriend likes clit stimulation, what’s a toy under $100 you would recommend?” it is not okay to say “Have you used it? Does it make you squirt?”

Ew/Gross/Who Would Even Do That!?

Yes, I get it. Sex shops are full of the weird and wonderful, and the rude and titillating. People who work in them are used to customers coming in and having a bit of a giggle. Whether it’s a young couple coming into a store for their very first time, or the hens night ladies coming in to buy Becky a penis veil and bachelorette sash, as long as you’re actually in there to buy something and not just there to treat it like a gallery of novelty, the staff mostly just roll their eyes at your tittering over blow up granny sex dolls and bigger-than-your-arm butt plugs. What really grinds their gears, however, is the nasty or ridiculing comments that some people make about certain products and the people who may use them. Shame has no place in sex, and adult shops are a melting pot of everything from vanilla novelties like penis straws to the hardcore kink of electro stimulation, and all of it is offered in a positive, non-shaming way. You never know who else is in store with you. Maybe that girl over by the lube stand has finally, after years of shame and self loathing, worked up the courage to buy that gimp mask… Or maybe it’s someone in your group wistfully eyeing off the Mega Butt Plug Extreme, and now you and your shitty friends have just made them feel like a revolting freak. Yes, you’re allowed to have a laugh, sex is pretty funny even without all the trimmings. You can hold up the massive dildo and quip that it would be cheaper to steal a traffic cone on the way home, or check out the whips and chains and shudder at how they may hurt, but please keep the negative and shaming language and inferences out of it. It’s unnecessary, immature, and could very well hurt someone you love without even knowing.

Can I Have Your Phone Number?

Please do not come on to adult shop employees. In fact, don’t come on to anyone while they are doing their job regardless of what they do, it is highly inappropriate and unprofessional. That inappropriateness doubles when it comes to flirting with adult shop staff because of the already highly sexual and intimate nature of the surroundings and your topic of conversation. It doesn’t matter how cute they are or if they smiled at your jokes just don’t do it. Also don’t ask them when they finish work or where they are going out on the weekend, or anything personal about their life, and especially do not hang around outside waiting until they have finished so you can ambush them and ask them out. That shit, especially when you’re as in-tune with your sleaze-bag radar as sex shop workers are, is creepy as fuck and makes you look like a threat.

Do You Offer (S)extras In Your Free Time?

Look, it’s pretty simple, just because someone sells dildos doesn’t mean they also sell sex. Yes, both adult shops and sex workers come under the broad umbrella that is the “sex industry”, but that’s about as far as the connection goes. The person behind the counter is a retail worker, not a sex worker, and is there to sell you products and offer advice on them not to demonstrate them or perform sexual acts on you. Seriously, it is incredibly rude and inappropriate to approach anyone but an advertised sex worker for a session and, in some cases, could be looked at as a form of sexual harassment and even have you up on charges. Some adult shops may have an affiliation with a local brothel or strip club and may have advertising material on the counter for them, but again, don’t ask the shop assistant for any more details. They don’t know. Call the brothel.

I Don’t Like The Toy I Bought, Can I Return It?

Adult shops have very strict return policies and they will be written everywhere around the store so you can’t miss it. No, you cannot bring a toy back because you have changed your mind. If it is faulty or broken then yes, bring it back in and the staff will work out a service or replacement for you, and some of the bigger sex toy companies have brilliant warranties and long-term guarantees, but just not liking it is not enough for a refund and never will be. This is why I suggest you do your research before buying a toy (especially one that will set you back over $100). Check it out in store, touch it with your hands, turn it on and feel its vibrations and settings. Yes, sometimes you’ll buy a toy that promised the world in store and then fell flat on delivery at home, but that’s unfortunately not reason enough for a return and something you just have to deal with.

Nah I don’t Need Lube or Cleaner

While you may think of them as just optional add-ons to your purchase, shop assistants encouraging you to buy them is not just a matter of them reaching sales targets and leeching more of your hard earned dollars. The right lube and cleaner are important to both the usability and longevity of your toy and should always be purchased together. Lube is great for both pleasure and comfort in sex, as well as helping stop condom breakages etc, and cleaner is an essential component for keeping your toys clean and hygienic, and your body healthy, in ways that soap just cannot do. They are an inexpensive, yet vital part of your sex toy experience and should be as much a part of your sexy time as orgasms and turning your phone onto silent.

30 comments

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Mike01974
More than a month ago

Its disrepectful and invasion of her personal space in the work place. Crime yes.
And morally wrong . I love new sex shop i recently found and stock up on my magazines yes remember them.
And the female stated she had been touched and groped by twats that thnk this ok.. well if i was present that shi.t wouldnt happen.. she is tough and holds her own but as a man and we dont allow this.
We all need to man up. Yes we all want it.. but hey pornhub aint real lufe and most woman want to be left alone and woman are bloodyvamazing and its up to us to stop violence.. inequality and crap we as men subject to woman.. yes.. . She is daughter sister mother and mothers .. amazimg chapter in itself. Im femist and but wait. More man than any of you. And im glad im of old school and yes im here right now reading that mag.. Enjoy.
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Elllle
More than a month ago

I have great rapport with my local adult shop workers and owner.
I follow their advice and have never been disappointed in their recommendations.
As a result, they keep me in mind with new products.
I’ve even organised first meet at adult shop before grabbing a drink. Fun and enlightening way to get acquainted.
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Trythishard1
More than a month ago

A consumer expects a sales assistant to be passionate and “into” the products they are selling... no matter what industry. Some customers may cross the line. It’s like asking a fruit and veg checkout operator to bend over so you can shove a cucumber up there arse !
- Account Closed
  More than a month ago
  
  'Their' arse.
  Up 'their' arses.
  Then 'there' are arses.
  Whose arse do you want that cucumber up? Her arse, his arse, 'their' arses.
- Trythishard1
  More than a month ago
  
  Yes!
Reply
Trythishard1
More than a month ago

Bullshit subject... tackle some real issues!
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oakentree
More than a month ago

think respect to the sales person is paramount, but take a partnership to a good shop is enlightening as u see they're eyes not what they say always people hide desire at times just be real and honest
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sundayfun
More than a month ago

I used to home deliver x rated movies n would be asked by every gay male did I want a blow job, every time I went there. Wasn't interested then n just politely declined. Sometimes blokes would be naked when I came back inside, didn't worry me. Some couples, groups n single ladies would subtlety ask if I knew of a male about my age that would be interested in spending some time with them. Brilliant. N every third bloke offered me a cone. Between them n the gays I could've been the v spoilt
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Oceananearth
More than a month ago

Regarding the personal favourite part; the first time I visited a sex shop to buy a vibrator for my girlfriend who had never had one, I nervously asked which would be suitable, the shop assistant showed me all the products and recommended I first introduce a smaller variety and then move on to the more advanced and then produced a big black swirling, beaded number with a clit tickler and said that was her personal favourite that she used at home...….absolute gold :)
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FoxDen.AusSA
More than a month ago

Great and very well-written article.
Fully support ALL that it says.
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Steve0112
More than a month ago

How hard is it to be respectful to people just trying to do their job..
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Funsexynsmart
More than a month ago

"except maybe a creepy guy asking personal and inappropriate questions" so only guys are creepy or inappropriate? Hmmm thought any article here would have avoided stereotypes
- KinkyGirl101
  More than a month ago
  
  I think the comment directly under yours explains the stereotyping. I wonder how many girls have offered to send photos of their vulvas to see if the vibrator is the right size?
- DeliciousEva
  More than a month ago
  
  Perhaps you missed the bit where I said I've been working in shops for 20 years. And, not only that, I have been working within and around them for even longer...
  And nope. I can safely say women AREN'T as gross and creepy and inappropriate as men are in these situations. They can be rude, yes. They can be bad customers, sure. They can ask fucking stupid questions...
  But in my experience working the counter at adult stores for years, the creepy and sleazy and making your skin crawl comments have been made by men.
  
  Have a great day.
Reply
DANandJO69
More than a month ago

Great article!

We run an online sex store, so I (Jo) also often get asked if they can send me dick pics so I can recommend the right condom size :D
- DeliciousEva
  More than a month ago
  
  So revolting.
- Account Closed
  More than a month ago
  
  I really hope you always recommend the "extra small" :-)
- Steels.73
  More than a month ago
  
  Scoundrels!
- MissAffection
  More than a month ago
  
  They actually ask first? I guess there is a first time for most things, LoL
Reply
ClimbingTheWall
More than a month ago

To be fair, I'd say there is a certain amount of nervousness for some (especially youth or first timers) entering a sex shop, which would result in goofy behaviour/comments. They'll eventually grow up.
- DeliciousEva
  More than a month ago
  
  Goofy and awkward is different to gross and inappropriate.
- ClimbingTheWall
  More than a month ago
  
  True. I s'pose some handle different scenarios differently. Depends on their maturity.
Reply
KinkyGirl101
More than a month ago

Another great article Eva. I've often wondered what those poor girls had to put up with. Ewww I can't believe anyone would assume that they are up for a bit of paid sex on the side.
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Zamboon
More than a month ago

Sleazebags and neanderthals- that’s what they are with those idiotic questions- they have no idea ....
- Account Closed
  More than a month ago
  
  It's nice to hear a man say this.
  Thank you for being a gentleman xo
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Twistsandbends
More than a month ago

When I was in the sex shop the other day
In down town beautiful Byron Bay
I said to the young sales boy.
‘Can you suggest a sex toy?
I’m looking to buy a present for my lover’

‘Certainly! He replied ‘That’s no bother
‘But, firstly to ignite his lust.
a porn movie of sexy young girls is a must
Because the bawdy sex scene
will make him horny and keen.’

‘Excuse me Sir! Against your remark I must take a stance.
Your comments demonstrate your ignorance.
As a matter of fact, as I grow older.
I am heaps more seductively bolder.
For I am ‘Tess the 'Timeless Sensual Goddess.’
So, tell me; why with youth do you obsess?’
‘Well’, he retorted ‘Here’s the real deal.
When women pass their UBD they lose their sex appeal.
Let’s face it! A spade is a spade.
When your hair turns grey your looks too will fade.
Use Old Sheila’s don’t have what it takes to stir a man’s lust.’
And I bet most likely you are starting to rust’
So, I gave the arrogant clown
a piece of my mind, and a dressing down.
‘With respect young lad my primal core will never be crushed by age, fear, or propriety
Because every day I celebrate and embrace my innate sexuality.
Women don’t suddenly turn bat shit boring beige,
And our lustful sensuality does not decline with age.
Because lust is the juice that feeds the soul,
and keeps one sprightly whether young or old.
It’s obvious to me that your attitude is a disguise
For your own insecurities that you try to hide
Behind a false bravado that robs you of your joy.
Excuse me I have a text message from my gorgeous horny toy boy.
‘Let’s wait until we are together to choose our sex toy’
Love you Roy
- crustynugget
  More than a month ago
  
  Well put for us oldies, I loved the way you expressed how with age our sexuality only matures and does not decline.
- Zamboon
  More than a month ago
  
  Wonderful poetry - so well put by a lovely lady..
- Account Closed
  More than a month ago
  
  How wonderfully true .
- DeliciousEva
  More than a month ago
  
  I love this.
  <3
Reply

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