Some people think that being single is for losers…here’s why they’re wrong

Group of four women sharing wine & cocktails at a bar

Has being single ever left you feeling like the odd one out?

Picture this: it’s a Friday night and I’m hanging out at my local cocktail joint with a few work friends. The conversation has been everything you’d expect from a bunch of partnered thirty-somethings: work, family holidays, and upcoming weddings. If I see one more ‘cute couple travel selfie,’ I’m going to scream...not to mention all the gossip about so-and-so’s engagement party, while everyone is delicately sipping their G&Ts.

Finally, the dreaded question. Someone turns to me and says, ‘How about you? Do you have a boyfriend?’ Cue awkward silence…

Nobody comes right out and says it, but it often feels as though ‘single’ is a dirty word. Us un-partnered folks are the discount items at the bottom of the bargain bin; the remnants of society that have somehow failed to be attractive enough to be picked up and taken home. In this romance-obsessed world, it’s easy to feel like a loser if you’re not in a long-term relationship.

As someone who’s been flying solo for three years, I take a different view. My quest for new sexual frontiers has led me away from commitment. When partnered people ask me, ‘How was your weekend?’ it hardly seems fair to mention that I banged three people in a hot tub at a sex party. Instead, I shut up and chug down my drink.

Being single doesn’t mean you’re a loser – in fact, it might just make you a champion. Here are a few reasons why.

Being single means I can do whatever the Hell I want

Whether you’re doing monogamy or opening up your relationship, it’s essential to consider your significant other’s needs – everything from safer sex practices to whether you invite them to your mate’s birthday party. There’s no getting around this; it’s what happens in a healthy partnership.

On the other hand, being single leaves me gloriously obligation-free. I might hook up with a stranger on a whim, spend the whole weekend partying, or attend a kink event at a moment’s notice. All this without needing to check in, keep anyone informed, or worry about pissing my partner off...

I’m a free agent, baby. And it feels good.

Being single makes me more adventurous

Relationships rely on stability and dependence…unfortunately, this means that it’s easy to get lazy. This could mean spending weekends on the couch watching Netflix or doing sex the same way over and over until it gets boring. Not all couples end up like this, but the temptation is always there.

As for me, I never get too comfortable. Every time I start a conversation with someone, it’s a chance to try something new. I’m always being offered adventures, and much more likely to give them a go.

Being single means that I’m learning to be a sexual expert

Staying on top of the dating game takes effort. We need to be good at what we do, because a bad date (or, worse, bad sex) could mean we don’t get a second chance.

I can’t rely on being indulged by a long-term partner who is already attached. Whether I’m exchanging banter with a potential partner online, bonding over drinks, or getting sexy, there are no certainties. It’s my job to work out how to please my lovers, and every time is different. All that practice means I’m continually improving.

Being single is brave

Being single is the romantic equivalent of taking a job on the bomb squad, when everyone else has decided to sit behind a desk in the office. I’m continually putting myself in potentially nerve-wracking situations, in the hopes of a big payoff.

Meeting new people can be terrifying – what if they don’t like me? What if I say something stupid? What if they don’t find me attractive when I’m naked? For singles who put themselves out there, there is no surety, just continuous, exhilarating challenge.

And rejection – a natural part of the dating landscape – needs to be accepted with grace and resilience. It takes some serious character. Fellow singles, I salute you.

Hey single folks, don’t let anyone tell you that you’re second-class citizens!

While everyone else is kicking back and getting lazy on the couch, we’re out there having fun, exploring new situations and improving our sex skills. By choosing to enjoy the single life, you’re seeking out the adventures that make you happy…and it takes more strength than most people think. 

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24 comments

  • sexbyday

    sexbyday

    More than a month ago

    Yep, I am female and I am Single so I can do whatever I want, except that everything I want to do is done better as a member of a couple. I endured the Single Lifestyle for18 years, then had the coupled lifestyle for 24 years, I certainly know when I was happier, and when society more accepted me. I have more happy stories to tell from when I was coupled than when I was Single, which makes me more interesting as a Coupled person than a Single. And Happier.

    Reply
  • WildeNoir

    WildeNoir

    More than a month ago

    ''Has being single ever left you feeling like the odd one out?''
    Never.

    I would rather be single for the rest of my life than end up in a relationship that was suffocating and I had settled in. There are worse things than being alone, like being lonely in a relationship. That sucks.

    Reply
  • RickRooster

    RickRooster

    More than a month ago

    There are 2 different types of singles, people who are single by choice (these people are called women) and then there are people who are single because no one wants them (these people are called men).

    So this means that not all singles are the same so this story doesn't apply to everyone.

    • sexbyday

      Account Closed

      More than a month ago

      You are so right, choosing to be single is a lot different than being left on the shelf. And, No, I disagree that women choose to be single, and men don't. Women who are single mostly just end up alone, and unhappy, whilst they watch every other woman their age, getting married and doing the "right" thing, finding security, knowing they will not be alone when they get old, and having kids who will look after them when they get old. Nobody wants to "end up alone"and those people who say they are happy being Single are lying. An unmarried man is less discriminated against in our society because he gets to pour all his energy into his job until he is , now, I think, 70, women are lucky to maintain a job until they are 60, and whilst they do, they are considered the lonely old spinster who is laughed about behind their back by the young women who are securely dating.

    Reply
  • Justin373

    Justin373

    More than a month ago

    As someone who has never been in any kind of relationship (and is unlikely to ever be in one), I honestly don't know how I would handle it. I think it would be intrusive in a way, but would make many situations easier.

    • Areyoukinky2

      Account Closed

      More than a month ago

      Justin373, I was married to a Vanilla man for thirty five years and we were together for thirty seven days. What you have said is definitely correct. Now I'm a nearly 70 years old very happily divorced woman and intended to stay single.
      Sincerely Areyoukinky2

    Reply
  • Areyoukinky2

    Areyoukinky2

    More than a month ago

    I turn 70 in just 5 months time and I have been very happily divorced since March 2005. I would NOT have it any other way. I LOVE being single and can do as I please as long as it's legal LOL LOL I'm still horny and very cheeky but the men on Adult Match Maker site seem to like who and how I am. I'm not here for a long time butt I'm certainly here for a good time especially when it includes being throughly spanked which leads to incredible sex. I have two rules, which are I always meet in public first and the man must wear a non latex condoms in which size fits him.
    Sincerely Areyoukinky2

    Reply
  • Freespirit252

    Freespirit252

    More than a month ago

    Lovely article
    I agree, and am in similar very happy circumstances
    However I would add to that that relationships require just as much courage...Which is why most of them don't work
    I still want and seek 'relationships' they are just not the committed type and I like to have multiple (after all were allowed to have more than one friend...why not lovers?)
    I think there is something wrong with the way society defines and tries to arrange current relationships. If they impinge so much on who we are, what s the point? If they restrict freedom, what is the point? Why does there have to be a trade off in exchange for some loving. This is why I don't believe in monogamy and will never practice it again
    I think the greatest gift a relationship brings is intimacy, and intimacy also brings us closer to ourselves. I don't think this needs to be at the expense of our freedom or sacrificing who we are. This life may not always be easy (and that is mostly due to societal judgement and undoing years of social conditioning, otherwise it would be a heck of a lot easier) but it is worth it! That is something I am committed to!

    Reply
  • Artz14

    Artz14

    More than a month ago

    In a wedding etc are the words "Do you take". I have never had or have the desire to own or be owned by some, or loose freedom. I have never felt a loser. Treatment from snob couples and business. Although the two for one offers are frustrating. If only two 4 hand massages could be same price as 2 hand massage on singles day (Valentine day).
    Freedom with friends, not trapped in in-laws at Xmas etc, couple's politics expanding tensions etc.
    Singles share experiences.
    There are nice guys amongst the singles.
    Many couple become singles beyond 50, and realise singles are not losers.
    The marriage industry,, chocolate, florist, churches, jewellers, function centres, photographers, magazines, miles & boom, films etc, sad couple's etc have to male singles feel like losers.

    Reply
  • MandyMaree2983

    MandyMaree2983

    More than a month ago

    Financial reasons and staying for the kids are just ‘ lame ‘ excuses as to why people stay. I left with two toddlers nearly 12 years ago, limited funds etc and we’ve survived. People would rather stay in ‘ shitty ‘ relationships and keep up the facade, no thanks. Happily single after my last nearly 8 year relationship ended. I’m nearly 46 and after spending 22 ish years in relationships and some ‘ down ‘ time in between, I’ve spent the last 4 years ‘ doing ‘ my thing. I know soooooo many average relationships and I wouldn’t trade my ‘ single ‘ status for that. He’d have to be pretty awesome for that to happen. I love my life and I make every moment count, this isn’t a dress rehearsal as they say ........

    • Hedotoday
      Online icon

      Hedotoday

      More than a month ago

      Good on you Mandy, brave move freedom with courage :)

    Reply
  • Hedotoday
    Online icon

    Hedotoday

    More than a month ago

    Totally agree, a lot of people are in very unhappy relationships and dying to get out but are just so worried about the financial and social implications.
    After you get out it’s freedom and depending on your personality you Take off and never look back.
    A few friends who know what I’m like are always asking what I’ve been up to and have said it’s just to expensive to get out.
    Great article.

    Reply
  • Plushbunny

    Plushbunny

    More than a month ago

    We enjoy an open/polyamorous relationship and wouldn't have it any other way. Best of both worlds. Totally salute singles and their freedom.

    • Freespirit252

      Account Closed

      More than a month ago

      Good on you :)

    Reply
  • Photos in private gallery

    bestperson

    More than a month ago

    i can say that if the courts and goverment would let people put down on paper what each person had before they got married there would be alot of marrages its the lawers who make alot from devoraces

    • Leolady727

      Account Closed

      More than a month ago

      Would be great if AMM could somehow link to blog comments on a member's profile - would save women hooking up with sad little misogynists like this guy.

    Reply
  • KinkyGirl101

    KinkyGirl101

    More than a month ago

    When I came out of my long term relationship I had So Much Fun! I loved being single and actually turned my current partner down 3 times when he asked me out because my social life was jam packed.

    Reply
  • Photos in private gallery

    Bluebell2329

    More than a month ago

    I couldn’t agree with you more, I am loving the new me, single & ready to mingle. After a total of 25 yrs in two “vanilla “ relationships I am free to be who ever I choose to be.

    • Toni48

      Toni48

      More than a month ago

      Totally agree

    • Areyoukinky2

      Account Closed

      More than a month ago

      No way Hozay would I do two Vanilla relationships. If there's no kink especially me being throughly spanked, it's a deal breaker for me.

    Reply
  • trusted8

    trusted8

    More than a month ago

    It gives you the freedom to make and do most things without compromising or interfering in others lives and feelings. The only other alternative would be to have a polyamorous relationship. Happy exploring Georgie.

    • Mindfood2

      Mindfood2

      More than a month ago

      Well said,
      Loving life
      One day at a time
      Enjoying Single life has given Me
      Confidence to Loved Myself..

    Reply
  • Photos in private gallery

    Noncliche.mayte

    More than a month ago

    Interesting P.O.V. and will follow any of the future blogs by this author. Cheers ;)

    Reply
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