7 Things Single Women are Sick of Hearing
Eva Sless
on 31 October 2017
38 comments
Whether you are single by choice or circumstance it can come with a whole bunch of stigma from the people around you. Every person and their dog seems to think it’s okay to comment on your love life and status and sometimes the things that are said can be downright offensive and upsetting. If you know a single person, unless they bring it up, just leave it alone. It’s none of your business, and if you DO feel you have to mention it, please try and avoid these sorts of questions or statements.
Why Are You Single?
It may seem an innocent question. It can often be slotted in to some sort of back-handed compliment; “But you’re so pretty! Why are you single?” or “How come someone hasn’t snapped you up yet?” but it is actually a really personal, super loaded question that has answers you can’t possibly predict. You don’t know someone’s circumstance. You don’t know their history. For some people being single is about self preservation and protection, and for others it can be a source of great personal self-doubt and self-loathing and some people are perfectly happy, satisfied and quite content on their own. It is not your place to bring up things that could trigger someone’s deepest fears or anxieties. Just leave it. They have their reasons. They don't owe you an explanation.
You Must Get Lonely
Well yes, maybe they do, but what possible positive outcome do you think that sort of statement could make other than to remind someone they are alone? It’s a redundant statement that does nothing but bring forth certain emotions that might not want to be surfaced. Unless someone specifically brings up their loneliness to you, leave it alone. On the other side of that some people absolutely thrive on being alone. They don’t need or want others so intimately in their lives and are perfectly happy living without that sort of companionship. This, again, is none of your business and it can be rude and triggering to bring up.
I Feel So Sorry For You!
Why? Has the person expressed they are sad or not in a great place? Have they asked you how you feel about their situation? Does this statement say anything constructive, helpful or positive? You really need to stop putting your own feelings onto other people. While you may hate being single, or not understand how someone else might not hate it, it’s actually not that unusual at all for people to enjoy their own company and think positively about being un-matched. Don’t feel sorry for someone who doesn’t want or need your pity, it’s a wasted emotion and one that can shift the way we interact with our friends.
Let Me Set You Up!
Unless someone asks you to help them find love, it’s best to just leave them to their own devices. Organising blind dates or inviting your single male friends to a dinner party in the hope of setting them up together without the consent of the people you’re wanting to pair can lead to awkward situations and uncomfortable moments. Yes, I think it can be okay to mention to a single friend you have a friend they might like, but leave it at that and let them dictate whether they want you to go further and organise something. And while it’s all very exciting and fun having friends date friends, just remember what can happen in friendship groups when relationships don’t work. Do you really want to be responsible for the possible breakdown of your friendship circle? Tread carefully in these situations. People’s emotions and lives are not games for you to play with to suit your own agenda or ideas of what should be.
If You Dressed Better/Wore More Make Up/Tried Harder/Acted Sexier…
No. No it is not up to you to tell someone they are not good enough for, or deserving of, a relationship because they don’t act or dress like you think they should. First and foremost in the whole scheme of finding love you want to find someone who loves you for you, and not some strange perception you’ve created. I mean, the truth always comes out in the end and if you’ve wooed a lover by false pretences, then they’ll eventually come into contact with the real you and that can be utterly heartbreaking for all involved. Yes, again, if they ask you specifically for advice on things like the way they dress or present themselves, then constructive criticism and feedback can be justified and warranted, but if they haven’t said anything and you’re just chucking your two cents in, don’t.
But What About Sex?
What about it? Do you think a) it’s your business and b) it’s important they tell you? Some people just don’t like sex. Some people don’t need or want sex with a regular partner. Some people get plenty of sex without being in a relationship. Some people would prefer to masturbate than ever let another human touch them. Some people are just different to you and that's not only okay, it’s perfectly reasonable and normal and completely up to them how and what and where and who they have sex with. Stop being so nosy and interested in other people’s sex lives. It’s creepy!
Your Biological Clock Must Be Ticking!
OMG just don’t. Seriously! This is a question/statement you should never say to anyone ever. Regardless of their situation. Don’t say it to partnered women, don’t say it to single women. JUST. DON’T. SAY. IT. The choice to have children is a very personal one, and in a world where women’s value is often put on either how good they look or how many children they can produce, it is a hugely stigmatising and incredibly loaded expectation that needs to be stopped. Maybe she is desperate for children and you’ve just reminded her it may not happen, or maybe she never wants kids ever and you’ve just reminded her that society deems her worth on it. Just shut up. Unless you are her partner and you are having the discussion about children, never ever ever bring it up. Ever.
The main thing to remember when talking to your single friends is, unless they bring it up, unless they specifically mention it, or ask your advice, just don’t say anything. It’s not your life. It’s not your relationship. It’s not your business. Trust me, your single friends will thank you.
38 comments
cowgirlstyle
More than a month agopretty right on...yet predictible. I've never given AF what people think. I live my life by my rules no one elses.
ReplyChildren/marriage are such cliched selfindulgent examples of "success" .
Why dont more people try to fix the world, instead of adding to its problems?
Kizza73
More than a month agoLike anything in life .... the mind will conquer all....
Id just say... "its because of this rash between my legs"
And leave it at that ! Maybe add....
"i hope this cream works"
The End!
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoHahaha.
Love it.
MissPlease
More than a month agoI tend to get the " Wow you don't look anywhere near your age.... um what's wrong with the look of a 43 year old woman anyway... lol.. I happen to like my looks... and the look of most women Ive spoken with in their 40's...
Replydamon.diggler
More than a month agoWhat about, Wow you look so good for your age...... Gee thanks, so compared to the fat 25 year old's I look like shit.... Don't discount my looks as an inversion to my age you insulting prick!..... If Trump gave this back handed compliment to somebody it would be front page world wide news.
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoOmg I get that a lot.
Or (not that you'll probably get this one haha) "You look so good in makeup!"
No, mate. I'm a babe all the time!!
Haha.
Mindfood2
More than a month agoGreat Article Eva...I really enjoy reading it..Thank You
I enjoy being single...I dislike a guy who asked me ..when was the last time you had sex?
Its very disrespectfull..I cannot be answering any sort of personal questions from a guy..at all
As we are here to let go of our inner self and have abit of fun ...lifes too short
Have a giggle:} and let our hair down!!
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agowell bloody said!
MsPocketRocket
More than a month agoA cheeky answer I enjoy shutting down the "but you're lovely and smart why are you still single" question with is
"I'm over qualified to be in a relationship"
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoHaha yes!
I used to tell people I hadn't finished eating my last ex yet... But when the freezer stock got lower I'd start looking again...
HungryArse
More than a month agoBRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Doit2meagain
More than a month agoFor those who are constantly obsessed with other peoples private lifes (especially a single person) i would imagine a majority of them are so miserable in their own life that Instead of sorting their own stuff out they find it easier to focus on other peoples private life.
Replycowgaluvoldrmen
More than a month agoWhat a good article ! Perfect
I find most men on here can’t word a sentence let alone a paragraph, they aren’t even interested in getting to know a woman . This is all men it’s most So how in the hell do you know your gonna get along let alone meet! There’s some shockers on here like do you wanna Fuk? Wanna have a bit of fun? Most married men . If it’s that bad at home well talk to someone bout it ! Sort the issue not just to treat other women as a blow fountain
I believe somewhere out there , there’s decent guys
There’s a lot of reasons why ppl stay single lol so don’t even get me started
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoso true how obvious
Easy2Adore
More than a month agoI get asked all the time if I've had much luck on here and I answer, you get out of it as much as you are prepared to put in it. Far to often I find men can't even be bothered to string a few sentences together to get to know you before going in for the "lets meet" . Surely by now they must realise that sexual stimulation for a lot of women is more in the mind to start with.
When I get asked "why am I single" I just say that if I meet a man who can add value to my life then maybe I wouldn't be. I live in a small town and when I am out and get asked that, I just say "take a look around the room/cafe/street at all the men roughly my age. Now subtract the ones that are married, then take a look at the ones that are left". That answers all the questions!
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ReplyLovingman101
More than a month agoLove your quote about "when I find a person who can add value to my life then I will consider a partnership"
if a person isn't leaving a relationship better than they found it and improving every interaction with their presence then of course they should get the hell out of there or improve their skill set.. guys women are not just a receptacle for your seminal fluid if you want to learn to relax try meditation ..by the way great profile- honest and upfront ..would that all conversations were similar..
willinged666
More than a month agohi I would love to get to know someone but I don't even get a hi back most of the time
so I'm not the one who want to meet before not getting to know some one but I will tell you I have messages someone on here 1150 time and still not had a coffee every time I ask they say gee you cant wait it not if I'm asking to me after a few message
so plenty of head fucks on here on both sides
Melphi
More than a month agoWoo-Hoo! Can I buy you a drink... ;-))
kittywantsplay
More than a month agoDefinitely agree with you there
MsCupCake
More than a month agoThank you Eva for yet again another brilliant article .... I wonder if the shoe was on the other foot how people who are not single would feel if they were being hounded all the time with questions like - "Don't you miss being alone and being able to do whatever you want without having to answer to anyone?"
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoHaha yes absolutely!!
It would be so rude to go up to a married person and say "omg I felt so much better after my divorce wtf are you doing?"
Like we wouldn't even think of it!
People seem to be so obsessed with other people's private lives and I've never understood it...
Account Closed
More than a month agoHahaha Sassy, I'm going to use that next time when a married person asks why am I still single, I will ask "why are you still married"?
barkly48
More than a month agoNot only for single women... it also goes for single men.... (altho not so much the dressed up/make up/look sexier one, or the biological clock one, for me at least)...!! One woman said that seeing how I had been a member for so long, why hadn't I found my "queen"...? Maybe I'm not looking for a "queen"...?
And Mmaybebabe, yes I have been asked a few times how I have found AMM.... so it's not just one way traffic.. Maybe they wanted to know if I fuck a different woman each day... haha
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoYeah a lot of my single male friends say they get it a bit more on the opposite side. Like for women it seems to be "hey why aren't you owned by a man yet" and the men seem to get "Oh you're so lucky you're not tied down"
Where as in my friendship group it's quite often that the men are more interested in settling down and the women would prefer to be single.
(generalising of course... But yeah)
Mmaybebabe
More than a month agoThe common one I get is " how are you finding amm" or "do you have much luck off amm".
It pisses me off all the time that men feel comfortable to message or whisper a perfect stranger and ask a personal question on how we are finding amm. So guys how many women ask you the same thing. My point exactly, we arn't as nosy or we just don't give a fuck how you are finding amm or how many people you fuck.
So from now on I am going to say brilliant, I fuck a different guy every day lmao.
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ReplySassySandy
More than a month agoI get that one ALL the time!!!! "BORING" what's it to them!!!! Also what do they expect when it's just "HEY" just got one today....WTF!!! I just DELETE!! too boring for me,a total waste of time replying to just "HEY".......what the hell does he want from me as his given NOTHING not even a pic......just "HEY"
Mindfood2
More than a month agoI totally agree...respect goes both ways
Most woman can be discreet being on this site
Not sure about some guys...they seem to lose the plot and the word
RespectX
SassySandy
More than a month agoAgree fully......I'm soooooo sick of the question.....so what do you like!!! that could have a million different answers depending on the person you are with as NOT all men are the same, so different strokes for different folks.....and what positions do you like!!!! PLEEEZE.....again different depending on the guy you're with.....MOST guys are just bloody boring with what they expect from us woman...explore!!! surprise her with what you have to offer GUYS!!!!! it's not that hard.....but most just want a quick BANG!!! that's it.....I'm still looking for that special man hehe.
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ReplyLovingman101
More than a month agoAbsolutely.. what is it with guys? Mostly their focus is external -on the money they have, the size of their dick, their muscles or power or their car or some other external thing..why is it that so many men seem to exhibit a barren inner landscape when it comes to this spirituality or emotional exploration and intelligence?
Come on guys concentrate on what's inside of you and the outside will take care of itself particularly where women are concerned!!
Milana09
More than a month agoThis article was spot on, thankyou Eva!
It's all about respect and good manners really.
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoIsn't it though!!
I think in almost every single "things x are sick of hearing" pieces I've done it always just comes down to respect.
Hopefully this world is getting a little better at it...
Hopefully...
RedPrincess
More than a month agoNumber 8, what do you do for fun... omg.. so original i scream. It is if i am alien and do different things.
Number 9... favorite position. .. you are not about to get me in any position.. so dont ask.. it is private between me and the person I am goong to be with. Sex is different with different ppl.. so that fave position changes... you wouldnt ask a person that question in the street to a stranger, so dont ask me.
Number 10... so many numb answers to put here.. hahaha
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoHaha.
"What's wrong with you?"
Nothing mate... I just can't tolerate idiots like you!!!
"You won't go out with me because you're a man hating femmo dyke who just chucks men in the Friend Zone..."
Yeah, nah, you're just a cunt.
Haha.
So many.
Account Closed
More than a month agoSo true Redprincess...
Curious1947
More than a month agoNumber 8 ..... But age is just a number ! Eeewwwkkkk
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoHaha.
Why are people such idiots sometimes!!!
BBWmature
More than a month agoALL OF THE ABOVE..........(tick)
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoIt just gets so frustrating and boring!!!