7 Things a Hotwife is Sick of Hearing

While it’s relatively new the term “hotwife” has been around for a very long time. For those who don’t know what it means it is basically the name given to married women who sleep with men other than their husbands. It can be anything from a titillating aspect of the swinging lifestyle to a full blown Domme/sub cuckold relationship. 

As with pretty much any sexual lifestyle that deviates from the “norm”, hotwifing is surrounded by misconceptions and misinformation, which often leads to questions that can come off as ignorant at best and insulting at worst. Here are 7 things that hotwives (and their partners) are sick of hearing.

Your Husband Must Be Bad In Bed

A hotwife’s husband’s sexual prowess actually has nothing to do with the whole shebang. He could be the most incredible, Adonis-like lover in the known universe, but it doesn’t mean they can’t indulge in fantasy and fun. As most swingers will tell you, variety is the spice of life and, for a lot of men, the sights and sounds of their wife playing with another man is an incredible turn on and an expression of pride: “Look at my incredible, sexy wife. Isn’t she amazing!” 

Your Husband Must Be A Cuckold

Originally referring to a man who had an adulterous wife, “cuckold” (named after the cuckoo which lays it’s eggs in another bird’s nest) is the name given to husbands who not only submit to their wives, but who are also (as part of that submission) forced to watch their wives being pleasured by other men with the underlying, humiliating inference that he (the husband) is “not man enough to please her”. While yes, many hotwife relationships are part of a consensual cuckold dynamic, there are just as many that don’t have any sort of power structure to them and are purely about voyeurism and compersion, so it’s best not to assume anything except that whatever it is that’s going on. It’s their business, not yours.

I Guess You Don’t Love Your Husband

As most people in the swinging world know, sex and love, while lovely together, are not inseparable. In fact, for many people who swing and partner swap, the act of sharing and watching and playing is just another way of connecting and expressing love, and the hotwife dynamic is just another version of that. Even in a cuckold type relationship, where the focus is on humiliation and other fetishes, there is a great deal of love and trust and affection between the couple and your narrow-minded ideas of what is or isn’t “love” are neither necessary nor needed.  

I Would Never Let My Wife…

This is one of those comments that grates for many reasons. It’s not just the underlying inference of “ownership” of your partner, it’s also the complete lack of understanding about what the whole thing is even about. The thing is, even if to you the arrangement looks lopsided or unequal, it’s actually mutually satisfying to both parties in their own ways. It’s not about one person giving the other “permission”, it’s about both of them sharing an experience. All relationships, no matter what sort, are about mutuality and togetherness and both partners sharing the same core values and ideals. So, while it doesn’t really affect a relationship if one person enjoys surfing and the other would rather read a book, being on the same wavelength for the big things like politics, religion, and sex is vital for sustaining a long lasting union. 

Doesn’t your Husband Get Jealous?

For almost every emotion we can think of it’s pretty easy to think of its opposite. Happy and sad. Excitement and dread. Fear and relief. But for some reason jealousy is one of those emotions that people seem to think sits out there all by itself, casting green-eyed daggers into the world, with no equal yet opposite side like every other emotion has. Well they’re wrong. There is an emotion that sits directly opposite jealousy, and almost every swinger and hotwife husband thrives on it.  It’s called compersion, and for those who are just learning the word, it means deriving joy and pleasure from watching someone you love receive joy and pleasure… Which is actually a really beautiful thing when you think about it. Far nicer than ugly old jealousy!

Don’t You Have Any Self Respect?

Ah yes, the age old idea that a woman who has lots of sex has no sense of self respect or self love, and is using sex as a way to fill a void, or feel worthy, or numb herself from the reality of her shameful existence or some other 1950s-esque bullshit like that... Nah, fuck that. Having lots of sex, or multiple partners, or kinks, or fetishes, or whatever the hell a woman wants to do with her body or who she wants to do it with has absolutely nothing to do with self respect or a lack thereof. In fact, strong, sexy, confident hotwives have bucket loads of self respect and self love, as do the men they choose to marry, which is a huge factor in the trust, love, and respect that comes with a non-monogamous relationship.

Your Marriage Won’t Last

These days over 50% of marriages end in divorce so really, when you think about it, this statement could be said to anyone in any sort of marriage and have half a chance of being right. But seriously… Would you say this to any other couple or just the ones who have a relationship that you don’t quite understand? I mean, it’s not only incredibly condescending and rude, and completely none of your business, there is also absolutely no evidence or data to support the idea that non-monogamous marriages don’t last as long as traditional ones. Basically you just come off looking like a jerk, and probably won’t get invited to the wedding.


  • 1966Rani Photo
    More than a month ago

    Great article and covers the subject very well. As the husband of a hot wife some of these point discussed can be off putting for her. As a husband I would like to share my view. Watching and knowing she is having fun, with whoever turns her on is awesome. It also allows her to have confidence in herself, knowing she is sexy, attractive and able to catch a mans attention and keep it. When we are out and I know she has struck up a conversation, and connection with a random guy. Then she decides to take him back to our apartment so we can share and pleasure her is very arousing. Sex for us before and after is very intense. For us it is all about her, and little side treat of self indulgence when the mood and timing suit.

  • Copulater2
    More than a month ago

    Great article! And will hopefully stop some of the questions being asked lol


  • CCHousewife
    More than a month ago

    Yup have heard all of these things over the years.

  • Pleasuremywife2 Photo
    More than a month ago

    An excellent article thanks Eva. You've nailed it.

  • Amazzoneon Photo
    More than a month ago

    This is spot on. I’m lucky enough to have found this at 51 yo and we are thriving. Everything mentioned is what we have and discuss. Extremity well written

  • mia88na
    More than a month ago


  • funoutatown
    More than a month ago

    Great to see so many successful open relationships! Hoping to find that myself one day.

  • nqsensualgent
    More than a month ago

    This is a well written article!
    I don't know if the lady I've had a relationship with over a decade or so would call herself a "Hotwife". Her hubby has a severe back injury & so while they love each other very much, she has to do most of the "work" in their lovemaking.
    She told me when she visited me that "Your massages are for my pleasure where I don't have to do anything other than to lie down & enjoy it all". She went home after every act & told her hubby what we did.

  • Nopaperbag Photo
    More than a month ago

    Have say I’ve been lucky enough to enjoy mfm’s on a number of occasion’s , to be honest I’m not sure sometimes who enjoy’s it more the hotwife or the husband. But at the end we all have fun :)

  • GoodBeingBad
    More than a month ago

    Nice article. Agree that My partner is supportive of me being a Hotwife. I love the feeling of him watching me enjoy myself and I love his openness about how he wants to watch me.

    • SthCoastGirl7 Photo
      More than a month ago

      Totally agree :)
      We enjoy the hot wife play from time to time too.

  • Love2EatU69er
    More than a month ago

    Thanks for a great article Eva.
    I learned many years ago thru 3somes, 4somes and larger group activities that my favourite situation is MFM 3somes. The reason is that more people divert my attention from seeing my partner enjoying herself.
    There is nothing better than seeing my partner enjoying another guy as he enjoys being with her.
    And it drives me wild to see and hear her climaxing from another guy as he cums inside her.
    I just love going slippery seconds in her freshly lubed pussy.
    And the lovemaking after the other guy has left is just the best and most erotic knowing that some of the other guys cum is still inside her.
    Our next aim is to have 2 or three other guys.....or more..... in one session :-)

  • RazDazCpl
    More than a month ago

    Not everyone understands this dynamic but it is certainly one that we have had some great experiences with...

  • logical01 Photo
    More than a month ago

    Great article well written.

  • sissycuckold
    More than a month ago

    It is a fantastic lifestyle, we certainly love it and we love each other. It is certainly for us which excites us greatly. D & U

  • Yesexx Photo
    More than a month ago

    Ahhh..Eva Sless, sometimes you get it right and I love you when you do. One of the most succinct, intelligent and - uniquely necessary - articles I have read anywhere on sexuality in some time.

  • triXXXi66 Photo
    More than a month ago

    You have summed up the whole HOT WIFE way of life extremely well Eva! And its true.. the assumptions that “he MUSN’T be pleasing you”...” so you are ALLOWED to play solo”... and the continual double standard when a single MARRIED male makes contact and when it is put to him about imagining his wife being taken by other men.. well SHOCK/HORROR!
    It is a way of swinging that has brought us closer together and the LOVE WE MAKE after having SEX with others is more intense and passionate than ever!
    Im sure my man would agree with your statement that he is proud that other men find me sexually attractive.
    And just to add to this all.. its totally MY CHOICE who i choose to share my body and feelings with..

  • Iwantmorecock
    More than a month ago

    My wife and I first met 37yrs ago, we were both highly sexed and both had previous relationships where our partners had complained about our needs for sex. My now wife was abused as a child and made to feel dirty and ugly so she had low self-esteem which was far from the truth. I spent many years convincing her that her appetite and wandering eyes were not to be ashamed of. 3 months after we met we joined a swinging group which we both very much enjoyed, however she admitted that she felt a little little jealous when she saw how much another woman was enjoying being with me whereas I on the other hand find it incredibly erotic to see my shy young girl friend/wife become totally uninhibited and insatiable so much of the time I found/find it far more sexually stimulating to watch or hear my wife screaming from endless orgasms while she's being fucked by another man or several men so she became a Hotwife except that wasn't a term heard in the 80's. I'm now nearly 70years old and she is approaching 60 years old I have serious health problems due in part to spinal injuries and take medication that supposedly makes you impotent but we still have sex together 3 to 5 times a week plus she has two lovers that come alternative fortnight's and spend a couple of days with us while the pair of them fuck like rabbits all over the house. I love seeing the look on her face as one of her 2 young lovers takes her bending over the breakfast bench or being woken from my sleep by her cries of passion, many of those times I can't help myself and have to slip into her well lubricated pussy or ass and quickly add my load. We used to go to a gangbang group for many years and even though there were always other women there I seldom fucked others unless I felt a special attraction instead I would would watch my wife and feel very proud and aroused at how many men would seek her her out at these events, so aroused that I would add my own spunk to one of her swollen dripping holes several times through the time the parties would go for. We still have small groups of guys come to our house to satisfy her needs and my desires. It makes me very proud to see the effect my mature age wife has on men some of whom are in their 20's.To those people who send us hate mail let me just say that even though I encouraged her not to go without while I was on my frequent trips away with work she refused to be with anyone until I was there to either watch or give my approval. As far as "it will ruin your marriage" we don't think you will find a happier with each other couple especially (I suppose I would have to say elderly) couple that can't keep their hands off each other even now and receive complaints from our daughters for having the phone muted because we're "at it again" We never in our wildest dreams thought that we would have such a loving and sexually exciting life as we have, my only regret is life's too short and I know that I don't have much longer with my health problems and I want to be able to find my wife a man to keep her company and sex after I've good, she loves me with all her heart but she is not designed to be on her own and she also needs sex even if the man can only use toys on her she needs to be wanted. I think all women do. Husband of iwantmorecock

    • Account Closed
      More than a month ago

      I loved reading that xx

    • cazanova36
      More than a month ago

      Absolutely nicely put together and enjoy reading it.

    • Account Closed
      More than a month ago

      Wonderful :)
      Thanks for sharing.

    • Jetset05 Photo
      More than a month ago

      Good stuff

    • BlueDaisyChain Photo
      More than a month ago

      I love the "like rabbits all over the house" .... You both fit each other with comfort and ease :-))

      I'm a one man / one woman kind of person, however I can feel the love you have and that's what the magic is ... At the end of each day, crawling into bed with your life mate ... Cuddle, kiss, fondle and hold = Heaven

    • SensualCouple8
      More than a month ago

      Wonderful, husband !
      I loved reading that and am inspired by your ability to share and take and love each other so much and still be hot for each other. Although we do have boundaries our 20 year swinging journey has been magical for our sex life and deepend our love for each other.

    • funguyatbyron Photo
      More than a month ago

      Great story thanks for sharing i used to be the same when i was married hope she gets better real soon cheers

    • Account Closed
      More than a month ago

      Sweet loving couple as it should be, one of the best things written on here! Thanks for sharing.

  • DANandJO69 Photo
    More than a month ago

    Summed up beautifully! We’ve learnt, over the years, to pick and choose who we endeavour to explain our relationship to. We’ve also noticed that another misconception is that I must be ‘bored and lonely’, especially if I’m on cam by myself :D

  • JBandDelle Photo
    More than a month ago

    Compersion.. I just learnt that word and it sums up our feelings perfectly. We have absolute total love and respect for each other.
    And love to see each other enjoy some fun.

  • Anniemay1959
    More than a month ago

    I am a lucky woman - I have a loving, adoring husband who enjoys, in fact loves me being pleasured by other men. He is a great lover but me being a Hotwife adds an exciting addition to our happy marriage

  • Johcyn Photo
    More than a month ago

    My husband gets great pleasure in watching another man pleasure me. He says it turns him on so much that his cock gets extremely hard. He then joins in. As the Hotwife I am very comfortable in what I am doing and seeing the look on hubbies face whilst he is watching is also such a turn. There is no jealousy and hubby is great in bed.

  • friskypuz Photo
    More than a month ago

    My husband likes to hear of my adventures, says l love sex to much for him not to share me.
    As long as he knows and I come home he is happy.
    Been married 32 years and still going strong.

    • pecsnall Photo
      More than a month ago

      yep I love hearing of my wifes adventures

  • azurekingfish
    More than a month ago

    Hi i was invited to service 3 hotwives last year The ladies came quickly qnd groaned im pleased to say No harm done the couples had not cuckolded before

  • share.me.now.69 Photo
    More than a month ago

    it works really well for us, plenty of sexual fun and a strange feeling of respect and being proud of my girl for being honest enough to really enjoy herself and also give me what most guys can only dream of having , a hotwife that plays with a few men at the same time

    • Sensual1RareMan
      More than a month ago

      I have been very lucky to be invited into a number of Hotwife situations , and I honour and value the situations and cuckold and I adore sharing a lady with her man or being a part of it and have been BULL a few times to which I really enjoy to ! It’s lovely to share with them

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