WTF is Compersion and do you practice it?

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As a writer, I love words. Words and phrases can have the most amazing impact on our lives. Some words can hurt us more than physical injury, others can excite us and make us feel a rush, others can render us sentimental puddles of tears and memories. I love discovering words and their meanings,  especially within the bounds of sex and sexuality (whipple tickle anyone?), and so it surprised me that it was only a few years ago I learnt of the word “compersion”.

It's not a word that is often used and, even as I type it, Word has put a convenient little red squiggle under it and suggested perhaps I mean “compression”... But I don't.

I mean compersion and it's a thing I'd been thinking about for a long time, before I even knew it had a name.

I remember the first time the thought entered my head and the incredible rush it gave me. I remember wondering if I was some sort of freak or pervert. I wondered if it was something other people thought of. And I wondered what would happen if I voiced that thought.

And what was the thought? I hear you ask...

Well, it occurred to me while a boyfriend and I were fucking in a room that had a large mirror in it. As I watched us in the throes of it I started to think of how sexy it would be to be sitting in a chair across the room watching him do this to someone else. 

This, this excitement and pleasure and desire to see your partner with someone else, this is called compersion. It is basically the opposite of jealousy and it can be an amazingly sexy rush.

“[It's the same for us both] she takes pleasure in seeing me have fun. She knows there's no love involved.” - Charlie

“When I see him with other girls I love it! I'm a proud voyeur, so watching gets me off.” - Michelle

“Watching her enjoying herself like that... The way she watches me watching her... Seriously the horniest thing ever.”- Matthew

This was a different thought and rush to the threesome fantasy I enjoyed (and had indulged in with past partners) because this wasn't about me. I wasn't wanting to be involved at all. I just wanted to watch. The very thought of it turned me on to the point of it causing me to come, and it became a regular fantasy thought after that. 

I never mentioned it to that boyfriend. He was the sort of guy who got weirded out and jealous of sex toys and the idea that I had ever had sex with anyone other than him, so bringing up that particular fantasy was something that was never gonna happen.

Fast forward a few years to my next boyfriend... Whoa. What a difference my life was. I was working as a receptionist in a brothel, reviewing sex toys for magazines and had learnt a hell of a lot about the world of sex, sexuality, pleasure, and fetish, and had discovered that not only was I not a freak for wanting to see it, but that so many people I knew in my world were into it, and it was pretty “vanilla” in terms of freaky sex thoughts.

In fact there are so many different versions and twists on it within many of the varied sexual lifestyles that are out there. They're all slightly different and not everyone who is in to one is into another. It’s interesting that findings from Adult Match Maker’s “Under the Covers” survey revealed that 49% of men & 39% of women are turned on by vouyerism.

Like cuckolding for example. That is the practice of men getting turned on by being dominated by their female partners by being made to watch and endure the humiliation of another man pleasuring their wife or partner. It is quite common in submissive men who indulge in the BDSM lifestyle, but not too common in the overall umbrella of compersion. 

“my Wife is in charge. i follow. i cannot pleasure her like the other men do, It is all i can do but try and learn something. i am grateful She allows me that and it gives me all the pleasure in the world knowing She is happy and well fucked” - Stanley

Other people, usually referred to as “polyamorous” create life long connections and relationships with others within their primary relationships, often cohabiting and raising families together and the compersion there is often far more involved and meaningful than just a sexual rush (although there is that too).

“We share a life and love with two others and it is never anything but enjoyment and pleasure. Sure we have our ups and downs as all relationships do, but jealousy and especially sexual jealousy just doesn't exist in our life.” - Penny

“I think the most wonderful thing you can do is allow your loves the freedom to love. If anything that makes our love stronger.” - Harry (one of Penny's partners)

The most common form of compersion is one that Adult Match Maker members are pretty famous for. Yep, you guessed it... Swinging!

Swinging is the act of sharing or swapping partners for a night, or event, or moment, but still keeping a single focus and relationship with one person. There are a bunch of variations within the swinging lifestyle, but the most common similarity between them is that, at the end of the fun, you and your partner are each other's one and only... Til the next play session.

The rush and horniness that can come from watching your partner with another person can be fuel to the fire of your passion for weeks afterwards!

“It is amazing how horny and into each other we are the week after a party. We are both so heightened and excitable. It's better than Viagra, I tell you!” - Kevin

“I can be at my desk at work and an image of him and some chick he was with on the weekend will pop into my head and it's all I can do not to run to the bathroom and rub one out!” - Lucy

“It's just sexy. I don't know how else to describe it. I love watching him fuck other girls. I love watching them love it. I don't know. It's just hot!”- Jill

“She is the best fucking lay I have ever had. It would be a disservice to the world to not share that with people!”- Robert

I think the most important thing I have learnt over the years of sex, sex work, sex writing, and sex research is that there are no right and wrong ways to live your life and indulge in your sexual fantasies. As long as all people involved are consenting adults I just can't see why “society” even needs to have a say in what anyone does.

Yes, I do have to point out that it doesn't always work out the way we imagine and fantasise either, and that is something that needs to be talked about... But we'll leave that for another piece. Today is all about celebrating the awesome sexiness that is your partner looking hot when they're fucking that other person, because, let's face it... They are!

17 Comments

  • keenbutnervous5
    More than a month ago

    My partner loves for me to be with a guy ! As now so do I watching a new guy undress is so hot not know what I'm going to have to handle is so sexy for me

    • localguy2650 Photo
      localguy2650
      More than a month ago

      The anticipation and build up is all part of it isn't it. Flirting, eye contact, your partner's reaction and encouragement. You put on a show for him, for both of us. You are in control and you know you look amazing, what will he taste like? How does he smell? Do you like the feel of his skin, his arms, the way he holds you. Can you feel the urgency between you? You want him, your partner wants him in you, to see you squirm. He makes you wait though, he wants to make the feeling last longer too...

  • Maglite3008 Photo
    Maglite3008
    More than a month ago

    Unbelievable I am normal ??????

  • utonedef Photo
    utonedef
    More than a month ago

    Thankyou for making me me. I did have guilty feeling of some kind , before I read this article. Its great to put a description to the emotion, to know that they are out there. now the trick is to find a like wise partner. Fingers crossed

  • renew098
    More than a month ago

    Interesting, never heard of that term. Many different levels of it that's for sure

  • nudeinterlude Photo
    nudeinterlude
    More than a month ago

    Umm .. so compersion is the sexual thrill of seeing your own partner with others, as opposed to voyeurism which embraces a broader field of viewing pleasure???

  • wishesdocometru Photo
    wishesdocometru
    More than a month ago

    Compersion ,so that's what they call it ,hmm..It's a mixture of feelings which are enhanced by the mutual trust for each other..I love watching him with other women ,to hear her moan for him ,to see the lust in his eyes ,to join in just turns up the heat even more :-) sorry got a bit carried away ,yes i do practice this !

  • funandgames773
    More than a month ago

    It's always extremely arousing to watch my partners genuinely enjoying themselves in that way... though the temptation to join in usually overwhelms me after some time

  • CriCat
    More than a month ago

    We have been practicing this for years without knowing the name for it, We started out as a regular swinging couple but as the years have gone by it has become more of compersion with hubby enjoying watching me with my lovers. A true win win ....

  • Jessyj
    More than a month ago

    Oh the images passing through my erotic little mind while I read this article! What is a fantasy in my life, I would love to bring into a reality! Thank you for sharing this article. Jxxx

  • letsplay500 Photo
    letsplay500
    More than a month ago

    So hot that's

  • Leolady727 Photo
    Leolady727
    More than a month ago

    Ah... something I have practiced for years, but never knew there was a term for it! Watching someone you care about having sex with someone else IS a huge turn-on. This is why my ex and I always preferred to meet couples who liked same-room swapping. Its also good when you are participating with someone else, but near enough to your partner to touch them, caress them and generally add to their pleasure (and yours).

  • triXXXi66 Photo
    triXXXi66
    More than a month ago

    The excursion and immersion in compersion is for some a perversion and others a compulsion... whatever it is.. the exertion and combustion causing protrusion and eruption is elation! Love the play of compersion... in any version! And also words....

    • Pleasuremywife2 Photo
      Pleasuremywife2
      More than a month ago

      Just love the alliteration in your comment trixxx. Very clever.

  • Intimit1
    More than a month ago

    Absolutely agree, when my partner is with another guy her pleasure is heightened knowing that I am there wanting her to have the sexiest time she can. Her orgasm's are beyond intense & as 'Kevin' says the days after are better than anything, the amount of fucking & the intensity of it!

  • Summerplay Photo
    Summerplay
    More than a month ago

    Always wanted to know the word for that feeling. Thank you.

  • jimel14
    More than a month ago

    One of the lovely subtleties of sexual/sensual friendship and loving
    Particularly when friendship widens the couple dynamic beyond two, and
    others become involved also.

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