Get your arse into gear: Anal Play 101

Usually when it comes to sex, things are pretty straightforward. You have your condoms and lube, you make sure you have proper consent, and then you warm yourselves up a bit and go for it… (yes, this is a very basic rundown. Yáll know I know it’s more than that.) but when it comes to adding anal play into that mix it can become a little bit more than just “You ready?” “Yep” “Great, let’s fuck!” and this is for a few different reasons. The first of these is often the preparation many people like to do first… for peace of mind, and saving of bedsheets.

What About The Mess??

Yes, we’ve all heard the horror stories of what can happen if you’re not fully prepared for anal sex. For some people this anxiety of making a mess can turn them right off the idea before even trying. I get it. It’s one of my biggest anal fears and the main reason I rarely indulge. But this can be avoided and it’s a fairly simple, cheap and easy thing to do: Douche. 

While I will scream from the rooftops about how dangerous douching your vagina can be, it is the absolute opposite when it comes to anal douching. There are no delicate balances of pH or bacteria you need to worry about or damage you can do to your internal bits by doing it (within reason), but the benefits, both physical and psychological can be huge. 

You can buy douches at chemists and adult shops and they usually start around the $15-$20 mark. They are mostly a bulbous pump with a long tube attached, and you use it like a dropper to draw in warm, soapy water, then place the nozzle inside your bottom and squeeze out the water inside you (be gentle with your squeezes, you don’t need to pump too hard, you don’t want to accidentally tear a little bit of internal skin by being too enthusiastic with your douching). Let the water run out, then repeat til the water runs out clear. It can be a bit messy and smelly so it’s best to do it in the shower, but you’ll feel so much more confident about the lack of mess it’s absolutely worth it.

Vaginas V Bums

Now we’ve got the area clean, we need to think about the two really significant differences between the vagina and the butt that make sex a completely different affair between them, and they really can’t be ignored.

The first of these is elasticity. It’s MAJORLY important to have natural stretch in vaginas because ultimately their purpose is to expel babies from the womb, and they can be pretty freaking big. Yes the anal passage has been known to expel some rather large things (not trying to be gross, sorry, just laying down the facts) but none of which would ever be the size of a baby, and nothing as… well… solid as a baby.

The second of these differences is lubrication. The vagina will produce it’s own lubrication during sex. The more aroused you are, the more wet it becomes and the more slippery and comfortable sex can be. The butt does not do this. No matter how turned on and horny you are, the bum stays dry, and tight, and rather inaccessible. So these two things are ones that must be done manually and can sometimes take time and patience to achieve. 

Lube Lube Lube!!

OMG I cannot stress enough the importance of lubricant and anal sex. It’s like, you know those memes going around with a picture of some pair and the caption is “name a more iconic duo… I’ll wait”… Well this is the ultimate duo. You simply cannot have one without the other and anyone who says they do are obviously far more experienced and hardcore than myself and probably don’t need this article, and I bow to your pain threshold and stamina… But I digress. Lube is absolutely necessary and, just to make it more confusing, there are a bunch of pros and cos against all the different sorts of lubes you can get and it can take a bit of time and practice to find the best one for you. I’ll break them down for you here.

Water-based: The most versatile of all lubes. Can be used safely with condoms, sex toys, and won’t stain clothing or sheets or leave oily marks. However, water-based lubricant is often thinner and more watery than other types of lube so you need to use a lot, and because it is water-based it evaporates quickly and can get sticky and you have to re-apply frequently.

Silicone: This is probably the best for anal sex because it doesn’t wash away, doesn’t evaporate, and leaves a long-lasting, slippery sheen that means you can play for ages and is completely safe for condom use. But it’s not the best for use with silicone sex toys, it can damage the surface of them and void warranties on expensive toys. It also can stain delicate materials like silk and lace and can be a real pain to clean up as it doesn’t wash away easily with water. A good suggestion to avoid the damage to the toy’s surface is to pop it in a condom first.

Oil-Based: A relatively new addition to the mainstream sex vernacular, the most popular being coconut oil which is the latest and greatest thing in the world according to any health and wellness blog you come across these days. They aren’t wrong, coconut oil is a great lube substitute. It’s long-lasting, smells great, is good for your skin… But it is NOT latex condom compatible and can degrade the rubber to unsafe levels. It also stains and has been known to cause irritations in people with certain sensitivities. 

Lubes with Added Stuff: So these days lubricants can come with all sorts of extras added into them. Things that tingle and cool or warm up, properties that allow for more blood-flow and extra arousal, and lubes with relaxing properties made especially for anal sex. These are the ones I would recommend you try. A German company, Pjur, have a range of anal sex lubes (both water and silicone-based) that have special ingredients added which help the muscles in the anus relax and give more comfort during anal play. They don’t lessen any sensation, they just allow for more ease. These actually work and are not a gimmick and are recommended by almost every sexpert I know. 

As an aside I will mention lubes and creams that are designed to numb the area… But I will NEVER recommend these. They are actually dangerous. If you can’t feel what’s going on, you cant tell if any damage is being done, and you really, really need to know.  Also, what’s the point of doing it if you can’t feel it? Sounds a bit crap to me.

Warming Up and Getting Loose

Tongues and fingers and butt-plugs, Oh My! These three little things can be the key to getting the butt nice and ready for penetration of something larger (like a penis or strap-on) and can be just as erotic and fun as the main event! Gentle strokes or licks of the area, especially while playing with other bits (perhaps the clitoris on her or the perineum/testicles on him) can help the area start to feel ready for more action, and the slow pushing of a finger or small toy inside can help them ease into the sensation. Plenty of companies make “anal training kits” which usually consist of three or so different sized plugs from the very thin and non-confronting, to larger and thicker ones, and they can be great ways to help loosen the area and get it ready.

Slow and Steady Wins The Race

At least at the start of your anal play journey, the best way to get the most out of it is to take it slowly. The absolute best advice I can give to people who are new to the experience is to listen to the one being penetrated. They are in charge. They are the ones feeling it. They dictate how fast, slow, deep or otherwise the person penetrating them goes. Yes, after all that preparation it might feel super nice and welcoming in there, but the last thing you want to do is get lost in your own sensation and start pounding away at their butt like you might in vaginal sex. Not only can that really really hurt, it can illicit sensations you really don’t want to bring up in sexy-time… that being the urge to poo. It can totally ruin the moment, and can make the rest of the experience one of anxiety and paranoia and total unsexiness. Listening and consent are the two most important factors in sexual communication and in anal sex it is utterly imperative to a good time for all. Stay connected during the experience, ask them if it feels good, if they’d like it deeper or faster. Let them dictate the rhythm and pace. Trust me, you’ll still get the best of the experience, but so will your partner, and that’s the key to great sex, and more likely to lead to a repeat of the experience another time.


It’s important to understand that the sensations of anal sex can be a bit long-lasting. Some of these are good, and some are not-so-good. The good comes from flashbacks and memories. Often the next few days after the event every time you sit down you may feel a little sensitive and have a delicious little flashback of the moment. It’s enough to keep you excited and horny for a while! The not-so-great comes in the form of your slightly loosened anal passage. While some people find it a little hard to poop in the days afterwards, other people have the opposite effect and can be a bit frightened of something as simple as a small fart… It’s perfectly normal and reasonable to worry about this, and my suggestion is to perhaps wear panty liners (or wadded up loo paper as a male friend of mine does after particularly hardcore sessions) or something similar just to ease your mind. 

Safety Tips and Things to Remember

Remember to always be safe and use condoms for a few different reasons. Because the anal passage is made of very thin skin, little cuts and tears are common creating a direct line to your bloodstream which is the perfect way for an STI to spread. If you are enjoying both anal and vaginal sex it is important to change condoms between them. The butt is full of all sorts of nasty bacteria (even after douching) which can enter the vagina and create all sorts of issues and infections. Condoms over toys can be a great way to protect the toys surfaces, but again, if you’re swapping between entrances, please make sure you change them. Only ever use proper anal toys. It MUST have a flared base on it or it has the possibility of getting lost. And yes I mean lost. The anal passage is basically one long tube from your butt to your mouth, and some of the horror stories and videos I’ve seen of what can get stuck or lost in there is frightening! An embarrassing and painful trip to the hospital should never be the way a sex session ends! Consent is absolutely needed, and this goes for every time you play. Just because they enjoyed anal sex last time doesn’t necessarily mean they will want to do it next time, so always ask. 

So be safe, get consent, get prepared, and indulge yourself in some sexy, slippery, ultra-horny anal play! It really is next level excitement, and a brilliant way to enhance your sex life.


More than a month ago
love taking it and giving it especially when im covered in baby oil
More than a month ago
Just as a heads up... Baby oil can have some serious issues when used as a sex lube.
Condoms being the number one problem... But also it can cause BV and other internal upsets in women when used vaginally, it can be really bad if you swallow it, and it's just not meant to be used for sex.

Not telling you how to suck eggs... Just a friendly expert opinion.
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More than a month ago
i dont use it as lube i mean when my body has oil on it
More than a month ago
Never done anal sex before. Its just the fear of hurting my sensitive cock which has prevented me from experimenting further.
More than a month ago
Definitely give Pjur a go as your lubricant. I get the "Analyse Me" - a silicone based lube that de-sensitizes my lady's back door, and it works a treat for her. Get plenty of foreplay in beforehand to ensure that she enjoys it, and wants to go back for more....
It is a bit expensive, but for her enjoyment (and by extension, mine) I'm happy to pay extra!
More than a month ago
May I suggest ppl douche a couple hrs before playtime? This give u time to make sure any watery left over has vacated the area lol.
More than a month ago
Never have and probably never will.

Never had an issue :)
More than a month ago
Wow ur lucky! I'm jealous!
More than a month ago
I was lucky to have played with a lovely woman many years ago that loved anal play and what a beautiful experience it was , everything from cuddling, kissing, oral, toys, and rimming. So good.
More than a month ago
Love licking the but hole, ladies seem to love it to, is there any danger in this ?
More than a month ago
We actually have a Q&A blog post responding to a member's question about this topic (rimming) which will be published shortly so keep watching the blog for new articles
More than a month ago
Rimming is a great thing to do for the lady, feels OK if she does it for the guy too. It doesn't do anything for me on it's own, but a handy improves the experience....
More than a month ago
Would love a gorgeous girl do me with a strap-on or T/girl to pop my cherry.
More than a month ago
Love anal sex cant get enough of it
More than a month ago
When you find a regular partner who also loves regular anal it is THE BEST! Regular partners come with keeping it clean lol.
More than a month ago
I love anal sex both giving and receiving. Ive had several partners both male, female and trans and often use a vibrating dong on myself, i always douche before and use plenty of lube, once you learn how to relax during anal sex you will find it is most pleasurable.
More than a month ago
Not something I do with just anyone, I find there needs to be a trust thing and only do with my favourites.

I do object to when a man just randomly inserts a finger with no warning or given the ok first
More than a month ago
Ditto. I even find it a turn-off if it's not with my fave... and with him it's sometimes even better than vaginal sex. Pity about the looseness after a really full on session. Yes, never trust a fart...
More than a month ago
This is what puts women off anal in the first place i think. Every woman i've encountered that didn't want to do it is because someone has either jammed a finger in without asking or just up and rammed it in
More than a month ago
Yes to all of the above!
That random, unexpected finger is just so... Off-putting!

And never trust a fart after anal.
That should be on a t-shirt. Haha
More than a month ago
I’m a woman who enjoys anal sex and due to the fact that I have come across men of all different sizes who enjoy it as well I have made it a point if I know that I’m going to be having a play with the chance of it happening I will actually douche in advance. Depending on when I’m seeing the person will depend on when I do it as if it’s in the morning I’ll to a heavy ‘cleanse’ the night before then just a quick clench in the morning but I have also found that the hand pump douches can be uncomfortable and I have one that actually attaches to the shower hose, you can get different kinds. I got Mine of LoveHoney and it’s great as you can adjust the flow with a valve on it.
More than a month ago
Love it every aspect of it and occasionally one meets a lady who seems to enjoy anal more than vaginal sex which is fantastic, mind you because it’s their ass I’m always attentive as to what and how we do it ... on the odd occasion I have been told I wasn’t rough enough ... so there you go...
I had a regular partner a few years ago who never douched , in fact I had never thought about it even , anyway on 2 occasions she lost control and there was a big mess - We were in the country and I had to throw my favourite picnic rug away afterwards - I had had 6 ladies on that rug so it had great sentimental value - I think I missed the rug more than the lady ...
There was another lady who loved waking up with a cock in her ass, I obliged naturally but with her it was different she was tall and curvy and I’m not sure if she did douche but there was never any mess it was just a long tight beautiful ride , the only thing was that she was very vocal so we had to turn the tv up and close the windows .... god I miss her ...
More than a month ago
I love being oil up and then have woman with strap on have sex with me
More than a month ago
How long can you douch before hand ?
More than a month ago
Usually up to around 45 minutes before hand. But you can have it done a couple of hours before, obviously though, if you go to the bathroom in between the douche time and sex time you'll want to clean it out again.
More than a month ago
i find coconut oil to be a great lubricant , for anal sex or just wanking
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