Like fine wine and chocolate, sex is one of life’s greatest pleasures. And the more mind-blowing sex you have, the greedier you get to reach that pinnacle, again and again.
So, what makes a man a good lover? How can men perfect the art of sex, so his partners are begging for more, quivering at his very touch and having more multiple orgasms than the tantalisingly trippy lesbian sex scene in Black Swan?
Here are some handy pointers to send your lady to O-town and keep her there, time and time again.
1. Body of evidence
Get cliterate – learn about how her beautiful body works. Hell, make a map on how to find her all-important clitoris if you have to – you have to be able to stimulate that all-important, wonderful female sex organ if you want your woman to experience ultimate pleasure. And once you’ve found her clitoris, ask her how she prefers it to be stimulated – hard or soft, slow or fast – don’t press the “magic button” the same way every time and hope she’ll orgasm. Develop a deep understanding and appreciation for women’s sexual organs to rival that of what you feel for your own – your penis is not the be-all-and-end-all, despite its many and varied good uses. Case in point: the clitoris is made up of the same tissue as the penis; it is divided into crura or legs, bulbs, foreskin and a head. The only difference between a clitoris and a penis is that most of the female erectile tissue is internal – and that it’s often longer, at around eight inches. Take that, buddy. Now, go show her clitoris some damn respect.
2. Push it real good
Women’s bodies are hardwired differently to yours – foreplay is not an optional extra – it’s an essential. You need to get her wet in order for her to achieve ultimate arousal – for many women, this means up to 20 minutes of stroking, fondling, licking, sucking, fingering – whatever blows her hair back. Her orgasm is just as important as yours, so don’t be in such a rush – slow it the fuck down. Now, that being said, don’t get me wrong – a lot of ladies love a hard and fast sex session, me included, quickies definitely have their place. However, if you go at her like a jackhammer, without devoting the necessary time and care to pleasuring her well and good first, it’s only going to end in extreme sexual frustration for her. Ain’t nobody got time for that – she won’t be inviting you back to hers again in a hurry. Try educating yourself about sexual pleasure techniques – everyone benefits from increased learning. Do yourself (and your partner) a favour and Google “edging” now – you’ll both thank me for it.
3. Let’s talk about sex, baby
Calling all wannabe sex gods – you’ve got to learn to establish open and honest communication with your lovers if you want to achieve true greatness in the boudoir and beyond. Never, ever assume you know what really sexually excites her – ask her. I once first discovered a new partner harboured a serious oil fetish, which was all good and well until he excitedly whipped out a giant bottle of oil, and squirted it all over me and my beautiful, new sheet set before I had a chance to react, without so much as a “Baby, how’d you like to…”. Now, it’s only polite to ask – don’t risk ruining your sex partner’s good opinion of you and her beautiful bed linen in the process. It’s all in the preparation – talk, talk, talk to her about what truly blows her hair back and seek consent about what you’re going to do, before you do it, especially when it comes to sex play like anal, BDSM and/or your oil fetishes. Another hot tip, pardon the pun: learn to master the art of talking dirty and sexting at the appropriate time. Words are powerfully sexy – start using them to your advantage. For me, there’s nothing sexier than a man who can woo you with both words and actions – someone who can make you dizzy with desire without even touching you. What’s more, a skilful lover who knows that his tongue is not just for licking and sucking – it’s also for talking ¬– establishing mutual trust, intimacy, honesty and desire. Now, that’s hot. Be open and emotionally available – allow yourself to experience true intimacy.
4. Don’t want no missionary man
Be open to trying new things – keep a healthy sexual curiosity intact and you’ll never be bored or boring in bed. If you keep trying the same sexual positions every time, and think you know it all, she’ll be wishing she was fast asleep instead. Be adventurous – never shame her (and yourself, by default) by saying: “You want me to do what?!” Be non-judgemental; if she really gets into it, chances are, you might too. Try having sex in the great outdoors; in every place and position imaginable. Hell, get a copy of the Kama Sutra – the world’s oldest and most famous sex manual – that shit never hurt anyone (just make sure you’re both fairly fit, first). Act out your respective sexual fantasies and role play the fuck out of each other, with your partner’s trust and consent, if you really want to spice things up and have her begging for more. Allow her space to grow and explore her own sexuality – she might surprise both herself and you. And guys, for God’s sake – don’t be afraid of sex toys – they are not a man replacement. Indeed, vibrators can improve your partner’s sexual experience, as well as your own. These days, awesome unisex vibrators are a thing, too – thank you, Lelo.
5. Passion play 101
Truly masterful lovers know sex starts well before the bedroom – that sexy look you give her in the kitchen in the AM, the lingering kiss and squeeze at your morning kiss goodbye, that saucy backside slap, before she leaves. Build some momentum during the day, so she’s ready to rock’n’roll by the time she lays eyes on you at night. I’m a big fan of random acts of manly service and little kindnesses to keep the spark alive – no matter how big or small. You men are good at this – it’s often how you show your woman you deeply care. Don’t believe me? Sometimes, all a woman needs to get in a sexy mood is someone to show they truly care. Try it! So, go ahead and buy her flowers; clean her car without asking; empty the dishwasher; light some candles – whatever kind, caring and thoughtful gesture will lighten her load and have her ready for business time, before you even pour the wine. Now, there’s nothing left for you, but to make your big seduction move, or for her to pounce first. Enjoy, go hard.