7 Things Sexperts Would Never Do
As most of y'all know, I've been doing this sexpert-y lark for quite a while now. I've written countless articles and blogs for websites, books, and other media sources around the world. I've spoken on panels and hosted events. I've published my own book, been featured on TV, won industry awards, and was once the voice of "the sex expert" on one of Australia's biggest radio shows. I've advised celebrities, I've argued with politicians, and some of the fights I've fought have made national and international headlines... So it's safe to say I know my stuff.
As a sexpert I'm asked all sorts of things, but recently someone asked me a question I'd never been asked before, and it was a good one!
So I thought I'd put my response here.
The question was: "As a sexpert, what is something you would never do?"
Ignore Consent
I mean this is "how to sex 101", but you'd be surprised how many people don't actually quite get it. That the word "no" is a complete sentence and it actually doesn't need justification from their part or coercion on mine to try and change their mind.
Consent is mandatory and your absolute right. If you say no then that's a no. It's okay to ask if there's anything else you might like or want to try etc... But your "no" is important and heard and I won't step over it for my own personal pleasure.
Spread Misinformation
On every article I ever write, especially those that are factual and not opinion based, I spend a long time gathering accurate, evidence-based information from reputable sources. I speak to professionals and other experts, and the people directly affected or involved with the topic on which I am writing. I try and stay up to date with whatever TikTok/Insta trend is telling young people lies about sex and bodies so I can be a better source of education for those who need it, and I am constantly learning and educating myself so I can be the best sexpert I can be.
Yuck Your Yum
As a sexpert I'm sometimes asked if (or it's often assumed that) I am into everything sexual!
Um, yeah nah.
There is a LOT of stuff out there in the world of sex that I'm not into. Some of it directly turns me off. In fact I think the older I get the more boring and vanilla I'm becoming in the bedroom (honestly some days I'm more excited by the idea of getting under the covers with a cup of tea and an episode of Midsomer....) but that's not really the point.
The point is if you tell me your stuff (within reason and context) it's cool. I won’t kink shame. I won't laugh. I won't cringe. I'll do my best as a sexpert to find you the right information and help, and as a friend to be your confidante.
I seriously don't care what you're into in the bedroom. As long as it's consensual, that’s your bag.
Compromise My Own Personal Boundaries
Ignoring what I said about Midsomer above, I have been known to try some pretty raunchy and fun stuff. I used to say my kink was other people's kinks because learning and trying and performing someone's ultimate fantasy for them can be an incredible turn on (being a sex worker was an excellent way to scratch that itch) but it always still came with my own personal boundaries. There are just some things I'm not into and will never be into and nothing you can say, do, or pay me will change that fact.
Promote Unsafe Practices
Safe sex is not just about birth control. Our bodies are pretty delicate things in some places and in some ways. Yes every body is different but there are some truths that are true no matter what, and doing silly or dangerous sex things is bad for all bodies.
Like, for example you might be able to take a DP pounding from two well hung studs without any problems to your vag... But dusting sugar on your bits to make it sweeter is a very dangerous practice and can cause all sorts of irritations and problems. So while I might promote something like spiked paddles for spanking, I'll never sell you a vaginal douche.
Break Confidentiality or Lie For You
While I'm not a doctor or a lawyer, I absolutely stand by the idea that what you say to me in confidence stays between us. Yes obviously I do need to report certain things, but for the most part if you come to me with a question or for advice I will not only do my utmost to find you the answers or information you need, but I will also keep your confidence. Your story is yours. It's not mine to tell. Yes, I have sometimes used other people's stuff for articles etc, but always with permission and never so anyone would recognise anyone specifically. In juxtaposition to that, however, do not ever ask me to lie for you to a partner. I won't be an accessory to your infidelity or dishonesty. If you can't be honest with your partner then maybe you're not ready to have a partner.
Stop Learning
I might be a sexpert, but I don't know it all. In fact when it comes to the vast and complex world of sex and sexuality, what I know is probably a drop in the ocean.... So I am always learning. Always reading. Always looking for new and interesting facts I didn't know before, or that update my views, knowledge, and understanding of what sex is for us all.
Seriously though. Being a sexpert is one of the best jobs I've ever had. It's every bit as fun as you probably think it is... yes, even when the idiots send me their funny little dick pics, like weird little cats so proud of the gross dead mouse they've dropped at my feet... Stay classy, boys. But yeah. I love this job and almost all of y'all.
Until next time, happy fucking, my friends.
1 comment
JuiceSlurp
More than a week agoAll good points and one would think them to be quite obvious. I'm surprised at how many people tell me they ignore some of that, mainly on consent and respecting boundaries.
ReplyTo me, that signals a lack of respect and consideration and highlighting selfishness.