What's the deal with slippage?

Sex is an activity that, while excellent and fun, is full of risks. We've talked about a lot of them before; STIs, pregnancy, emotional upheaval, and accidents. Dodgy knees can give way, backs can get strained, and precarious positions can put us off balance and make us fall off beds and chairs and other surfaces we choose to fuck on. And we couldn't talk about sex accidents without talking about one that happens to pretty much everyone at one time or another - slippage.

You know the one.... You're both there in the moment, rhythm going well, sensations and orgasms building. It's good, it's hot, it's sexy as fuck and then ouch! He accidentally slips out and bangs his hard, thrusting cock against your groin.

It really can be a horribly jarring experience for both of you, snapping you out of your dreamlike trance, especially when it happens just before orgasm, and it can also be incredibly painful, especially for the penis.

It won't make it any less painful or jarring, but it may comfort you to know that slippage is something that happens to almost everyone, regardless of size or sex position or experience. It's not because he's too small or she's too loose or really anything to do with how good you are at sex, it's just one of those things that we need to be aware of in the big bad world of sex risks... But is there anything we can do to stop, or at least minimise it from happening?

Human Nature

I mean, you'd think, after centuries of humans having sex, that we might have got it down pat to a perfect skill by now, but humans do as human will and, as much as we hate to admit it, when it comes to sex, no matter how often we have it or how "good" we think we are at it, our humanness will very often get in the way.

By that I mean humans, and the bodies that house us, are never perfect and inevitably don't do what we want them to do. Now combine that inevitability with trying to synchronise with another just-as-human body, and inevitably something will go wrong, or at least not quite perfectly.

Elbows and knees awkwardly digging into soft flesh. Queefs escaping and boobs slapping against skin. Sweat drips in the eyes and come in your hair. Falling off beds and cramps in your toes. And yes, penises slipping out at inopportune times and ruining the moment or worse, hurting one or both of you.

Fine Line Between Pleasure And Pain

For the most part, that "slip out and bang" can be annoying and frustrating and take you away from the moment, but every now and then it can actually be far more damaging and painful than just a bruise on her thigh, and is actually one of the most common causes of "broken penis". While no, there is no bone inside the penis (actually there used to be, and quite a few other primates have one, but that's a whole other evolutionary piece we'll get into another time) when it is erect and hard it can be almost as solid as if there WAS a bone inside, and slamming that against something at a hard rate can absolutely cause it to "break".

The breakage itself is a bursting or snapping of those very full and strained blood vessels and it can lead to incredible, debilitating pain, as well as awful bruising and rather distressing to witness blood loss. While permanent damage is rare, it can often take months to recover and is one of the most awful things that can happen to a penis in it's lifetime.

Angling For A Good Time

One of the most common reasons for slippage in that way is the fact that both penises and vaginas (and buttholes) sit at slightly different angles for every person. Some penises lean left, some right, and some kink up or curl down. Some vaginas are shallower than others, and some are deeper. Some require slow thrusts to feel the best and others need it faster, and others all together need a specific angle of penetration to get it just right.

Then you need to work together to move those two bodies at just the right angle and speed and rhythm for mutual enjoyment, while also balancing your body in often awkward positions, and letting go of all thoughts and distractions so you can fully enjoy the moment...

That's a lot of stuff going on at once and sometimes one of those things gets in the way and doesn't go quite how you expect.

Experiment With Change

While yes, this stuff is often just part and parcel of sexual play there are some ways to minimise it, or try and stop it from happening too often.

The first is recognising when it happens most often and to see if you can adjust that particular movement or angle so you can still enjoy sex the way you enjoy it, but with less oops.

For the most part, slippage and groin pokes can often just be a matter of changing your angle up a little bit and making sure you're both a bit closer together. This can be done really easily with the strategic placing of pillows under her abdomen or butt (depending on the sex positions you're enjoying) which lifts her body up towards him while allowing her to keep better balance and a continuity of angles that can sometimes get off balance when just using our own body bits to prop ourself up with.

Getting to know your partner's style, rhythm, and ways they play is really important. You may love a good, fast, jack rabbit pump, and they may be into the slower, more sensual side of love making, so there needs to be a little bit of compromise from both of you to make sure you're meshing together and having the best sex for both of you. Experimenting with different positions and angles is a fun way to work it all out, and a really great excuse to get into the bedroom and have more sex.

Muscle Magic

When it's happening just before orgasm it's usually because the muscles inside the vagina, while contracting and building towards climax, are very strong and can actually work to push the penis out as those orgasmic contractions take hold. It's absolutely frustrating and the worst possible time to suddenly have the penis exit the vagina, so, especially if it's something that occurs often and you begin to recognise the pattern, it might be a good idea to let your partner know when this is about to happen so that they can be aware it's time to hold on a little tighter and keep your bodies a little closer.

Slippery When Wet

Another reason slippages may happen is the same reason why slippages happen in other aspects of our lives... the area is a little too wet to keep traction on. While we absolutely love and always recommended using lube, if there's a little too much wetness happening down there it can make things super slippery and a bit of a hazard. If this seems to be the case, give yourselves a little wipe down and see if having less lube (not no lube, ouch) can help keep you both in place.

The most important thing to remember is that it's not anyone's fault. It's not because he's too small or she's too loose,  and it's not because you're "bad at sex". Slippages happen to everyone, even porn stars and professional sex workers, and it's just a part of the wonderful, weird, funny, and awkward world of sex.