10 Reasons Why Young People Should Stop Freaking Out Over The Thought Of Old People Having Sex
This article originally appeared on “A Sexy Woman of a Certain Age”, Photography by Nick Holmes
Last week I read Ann Brenoff’s HuffPost article, “Why The Thought Of Old People Having Sex Makes Young People Squirm”. She wrote a line that deftly captures the heart of youthful bias: “younger people just believe sex isn’t something older people are supposed to have.”
My reaction, when I read the piece, was anger: who are these young people to tell me I’m too old for sex? Why do we need to be reminded of the propaganda that great sex has an expiration date, and if yours is up, well, settle down for the next few decades on the sexual sidelines?
I thought of this article when my boyfriend Sam and I were dining al fresco at a local restaurant last weekend. At 48 and 52 respectively, we’re two lust-driven middle-aged people who like to have sex and talk about sex as much as possible. Sam, in fact, was talking enthusiastically about a particular sex act when the waiter arrived with our artichoke dip. I glanced around the patio at diners who looked to be in their 20s and wondered a) if they could hear him and b) what they thought about us if they could?
Were they surprised that we “still” have sex at our advanced ages? Were they disapproving? Grossed out? I started to wonder why young people think they have the patent on sex when old people have been doing it a lot longer.
It’s youthful ignorance, of course. You don’t understand what you don’t know. And what I would like all those to the left of 30 to know is this:
1. You will get older too. Yes, really. You will get gray hair and skin creases and you will still want to have sex. And you will not care at all what young people think.
2. Older people do it just like you, only better. Penises still enter vaginas. Tongues still lick genitals. Just with a lot more finesse than yours.
3. You don’t have to worry about pregnancy. Worrying about getting pregnant, or not getting pregnant, takes up a lot of space in your head. When baby-making is no longer a concern, you can enjoy sex in its purest form.
4. Sex isn’t tied up with rings and babies. Pregnancy isn’t the only issue that can make sex feel less sexy. The pressure to create an adult life, complete with the house and the kids and the holiday cards, can sap psychological energy and sex drives. One reason people often experience greater sexual enjoyment in middle age is that the exhausting tasks of young adulthood are behind them.
5. Older people don’t necessarily want to think about you having sex either. Some older people get creeped out watching frolicking porn stars young enough to be their children. Some older women would prefer not to read about yet another multi-orgasmic, dim-witted virgin. You may cringe at the image of your parents getting it on, but believe me, they don’t really want to think about you getting it on either.
6. The same body parts yield pleasure. Loose skin, lack of lubrication and erections that need coaxing don’t signify lack of desire or gratification. And because you are no longer taking the express train to Orgasmville, you will experience sex with greater nuance and meaning.
7. Staying sexually active keeps you feeling vital. Some people welcome midlife and beyond as a time when it’s “okay” to stop having sex, and that’s a valid choice. But most people want to continue having sex in their second and third acts and find that the more they have it, the more vibrant they feel.
8. You will still like all the same sex acts. If you like it from behind when you’re 20, chances are you’ll like it from behind when you’re 60. You may not be quite as acrobatic, but you may be more creative, and with the pressure of rings and babies behind you, you may enjoy what you’re doing more.
9. You will still have orgasms. They may not be as strong or as frequent. Or they may be more powerful if sexual shame enveloped you when you were young. But you will have them with a partner, and when you’re flying solo.
10. Sex is about more than orgasms. When you’re young, sex tends to be one-dimensional, with orgasm and validation being the goals. When you’re older, you realize that sex is about the journey, not the destination. You enjoy exploring each other. Sexual confidence comes from finally being comfortable in your own skin regardless of the the appearance of your body parts.
42 comments
macktruck850
More than a month agoMy take on this is that our Aussie society does tend to cover up a woman's desires for decorum such that I must demonstrate that I an being true to my wife (a 55 YO) because I am an older (by calendar) man but my wife is seen to be free in this circle to suit herself in the same matters - Seems a bit canted one side to me (but I am happy if proved wrong) BTW we both enjoy each other immensely so I cannot complain about not getting any,
ReplyAustphil
More than a month agoI doubt this was actually written by someone of mature age. It has many valid points, But any one 48 yo does not consider them selves "at our advanced ages?" Being one of the people who are still very sexually active and over 50, i am sure this was written by someone much younger, who thinks they have a perspective on the sex lives of mature people. I am married to a very sexy lady 25 years younger than me and we have a great sex life.
-
ReplyAMM.Editor
More than a month agoIt was written by Erica Jagger who was in her early 50s when she started writing her blog.
Henmvy2
More than a month agoThere is heaps being written about older sexy folk enjoying themselves. From Bettina Arndt to Pamela Stephenson (Guardian online, sex and relationships). Huffington Post has great stuff too.
ReplyWe are the group taking up all forms of online dating at the fastest rate. Men and women are looking for new relationships and good sex. Google will give you lots interesting stuff.
STDs have doubled in Australia in our age group in the past 5 years. A good GP is a great help for men and women with performance issues, pain and trouble lubricating. Hey girls, there is topical oestrogen that helps. Similar options for men with ED issues.
Google 'outercourse' for info on a whole movement of older sensuality that precludes intercourse. But not intimacy and sensuality. Best thing a kind caring lover. Being sensuous and sexual doesn't require performance objectives. Its hard to be confident sometimes tho. Health problems never exist on dating sites! We all have issues over 50.
LadyDragon
More than a month agoAt 67 I'm having a ball (or 2 or dozens)!!! I am on 482 hot lists, still get contacts after 2 years on the site, and love sex and the whole swinging scene. However, the amount of married men who are so lacking sex because of their wives' change of attitude after menopause is quite upsetting... and I know for a fact that those I know well aren't just saying that.
The problems for some men after prostate issues is also sad... however, the emotional connection, sensuality & alternate physical activities are all the more rewarding when shared as friends, not just as bang-buddies for one cranked-up cum-festival!
I hope I'll still be enjoying fantastic sex for "ages" to cum!!! ;~D
-
-
-
ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoI think that, often, the menopause thing is an excuse for women who are sick of a partner who has never made any attempt to make sex interesting or enjoyable for her (I know quite a few women who feel this way). Men, being men, tend to take the easy way out and cheat on their wives, rather than making any attempt to rectify the situation. Certainly menopause never stopped me - quite the reverse. Don't go blaming women for men's laziness!
Account Closed
More than a month agoLeo Lady- no blame. Just knowing... I have met some women who have stated that they no longer could be bothered after menopause... no blame for them either. I was also told by my gynae that only about 5% of women still enjoy sex after menopause - no carry-on about slack men! If the women have the impetus to do something, just as men do, things might be a little more equal here!!!
'Men being men...' and ' women being women...' no judgement either way, just bloody good sex as far as I'm concerned!
Account Closed
More than a month ago"Not just as bang-buddies for one cranked-up cum-festival"....I have difficulty with that also. It is not the performance aspect but the lack of connectivity. BB&CCF is determined by me as primitive pleasure relating to the simple procreation drive. A bit like an addiction to instant pleasure and it leads society no-where. I have written about this aspect and just recently added the connectivity of sensual massage on my profile. I feel more connected with nature, our intrinsic self, through this process of belonging to something more that BB&CCF (primitive drive)...
joe2442
More than a month agoVery good article. Ageism definatelty for women over 40 is far worse than it is for men with regards to dating/sex attitudes. It's like men over 40 can do what they want and it's laughed at if they get hit with the dirty old men tag. And men men over 40 start wanting to date women over 40, but many women over 40 who hit on younger guys are called weirdoes and also sex stuff in general women get put down under 40. It's as if society says 18-40 is cool for a woman to bonk then when she enters her 40th year, she should just stay home, basically hide in the corner or do mum's things e.g. be a helicopter parent, cook, and stay home. All these ageism ideals. It's not fair on women over 40 they get a raw deal in the dating game. It also doesn't help when there love-rat husbands dump them for a younger woman purely on the basis they are physically more attracted to younger women despite being the same age as there wives.
ReplyKindaDiffrent
More than a month agoSo much more control now that I'm older and stay aroused and harder for longer (without chemicals) and am much more of a giver. Not to say i was selfish as a younger guy, just more enlightened and sexually mature now. When i was 18, i was seeing a woman 13 years older than me, and she opened me up to a new world of possibilities. Everyone at any age has something to offer, but you can't beat experience and an open mind
ReplyHotShots17
More than a month agoIn support of us mature folk I must say the effort of getting an erection and keeping it part of the reward. My orgasms still give me the same physical pleasure today as they did when I was a teenager but the mental pleasure is the best. I don't feel the need for sex as often but it's just as awesome when I do. The adage about the old and young bull is as true today as its ever been and fulfilling my bucket list (many times) will be a great journey in my mature years. As for older women... they just know exactly what they want without the silly fuss and pretense so there is no faking it - this makes them REALLY hot. Yes sensuality is largely a state of mind and being older has helped me better understand that. I love being over 50.... lol
ReplyLeolady727
More than a month agoGreat article! Someone on another blog made a snide comment once about me still being on this site "at my age". My age is what it is - just a number. I still enjoy life and sex and hope to for many more years.
I just wish there were parties specifically for the more mature - most have a top age of 50.
-
-
ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoInteresting comment re. no parties for the mature. What do you feel would be the desirable requirements for a mature party or get-together? I see it in private nature on a nice warm day enabling members to disrobe if they desire and be part of something natural - sensually. What are your feelings on this?
Account Closed
More than a month agoYes there are a few men who say they find sexually active women a turn on. As if we are a rare and exotic species. Well fiddley de dee. We are not. Plenty of women leaving sexually unhappy marriages in their 50s are looking for new sexual partners. And no, most are not on amm. They are out there in real life and on dating sites of all types. Where women are 50% and it usually takes 3 dates to get between the sheets.
There is some fetishising of older women here too. Does not do much for my self esteem I'm afraid. I am a fully fleshed personality. Not just a fully fleshed body.
coffeencream4u
More than a month agoGosh, I feel like sticking up for younger people after reading all these comments lol. I don't believe that it's age that's the defining factor in having joyful sex. I've had generous younger lovers and and selfish older lovers and vice versa. Sensuality is a state of mind whatever stage of life you're at..if you're open to new experiences and find the right partner or partners, it will be life affirming and delicious.
-
ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoYes, I agree there are younger ones with a thought pattern more aligned to sexual wisdom or is it they are aligned to natural feelings of more serenity. And yes, even mature don't have this sexual wisdom. I believe it's possibly part of the performance anxiety and sensual communicative dyslexia. When we find someone connective to ourselves, we know it is right in many ways as it is part of the energy field of both...
ArfieIzaBugga
More than a month agoThis is just "Oh So True" I was seriously thinking of Leaving AMM because of the Attitudes of so many of "Our Younger Generation" and even more surprised of the 45 '55 Age Groups "Attitude"
This scenario really Upsets me as it us the "Older BUT Still Alive Older Persons" have Feelings, Wants, Needs and are just like the younger Generation BUT "Far More Experienced" :=]
:
Arfie ;=]
:
P.S.
"I AINT DEAD YET!!!!!" {=] hahahaha ;=]
-
ReplyEmm222
More than a month agoMe neither lol. In fact I feel more alive now than I ever was when I was on the left of 30.
FlirtsnSquirts
More than a month agoWe actually prefer to play with "older" couples. We find couples 50 years plus know what they are after, are less hung up with jealousy etc, and whether we are old souls or not we just seem to be able to socialise more.
-
ReplyArfieIzaBugga
More than a month agoBeautiful attitude, thankyou
Arfie
SassySandy
More than a month agoHAHA to all the young ones.....I was once a HORNY YOUNG ONE ASWELL!!! still am HAHA!!!! just more mature now and enjoying it a lot more.......so ENJOY all your QUICK bangs while young cos the road ahead becomes very interesting and definitely something to look forward too.....as long as YOU don't become a prune!!!! lets see in say.....20 years from now....IF I'M STILL AROUND!!!!!
-
ReplyArfieIzaBugga
More than a month agoHahaha .. Love IT!!! :=]
Heartx2
More than a month agoGreat article. I've had a f.w.b. 10 years younger for over 10 years now and every time we have sex it blows us away at how much better it just keeps getting. Can it get any better? lol Anyway, my father is 80 with a girlfriend the same age as his granddaughter, and as much as that often makes people freak out, they have been together for years, and they have so much fun together. He is a very happy man, and needless to say, he is living in an Asian country. He is so grateful for his lot in life, and his happiness and the happiness of his partner is all that matters. Mutual respect and honesty also go hand in hand with happiness. They also love each other. Sex is just sex, and if you have chemistry, and click with someone of consenting age, the rest is just life.
Replygazza26609
More than a month agoI might have slowed down in the penis department but I have increased my desire to give women bigger and better oral sex bringing them to an orgasm over and over again not just a one pot screamer, I love the taste of a women when she cums.
Replyeaseytime
More than a month agoIt's a bit like draft em out when you are older,I'm 72 and my wife is 63 and does not play anymore through health reasons but trying to find a cpl or single female is near impossible. Have been swinging for aprox 40 years so know a bit about the scene, the cpls we have made contact are always to far away and the others are just time wasters
-
Replyronandbev
More than a month agohi yes we agree with you we are in our 70s we are both healthy and look after our selves my wife still has a body of a 30 year old and i am not bad ether she has several play mates during the week because i work and am tired each night so she entertains herself during the day we do have trouble meeting couples now i think it is because we are over 70 and when couples do make contact they ether smoke or live to far away and when you give them a contact No they drop of the scene
searchcougarsub
More than a month agoI've only ever had older lovers. I find older women much more open minded and willing to do alot more than their younger counterparts. Not sure if you consider me young, but I embrace older people getting into the sex game!
ReplyNicegentleman4u
More than a month agoAn excellent article. I am 77, have been retired for 23 years and my life is one long holiday. In robust health and exercise around two hours a day and this is undoubtedly the best time of my life. And sex is a wonderful part of it. Despite a prostate op and testosterone supplements I have no problems. Am for ever eager and thoroughly enjoy it all. And I know that I am more sensitive and patient and probably more competent than when I was twenty. Roll on the next twenty years.
ReplySpecialfriends2
More than a month agoSo so true we are not young but we enjoy the journey And what fun we have traveling for those 3 to 4 hours. So younger ones find a good guide and travel the journey.
ReplyHeretoplease7
More than a month agoGreat article. So I say to the younger ones on AMM. Step out of your shadow and get a few older play mates. And learn about good sex.
ReplyDaddyConnection
More than a month agoWhen young people make these comments they misunderstand the divinity of nature's role in providing all humans with the ability to feel sexuality. Sexuality is derived from the primitive brain instinct of procreation as without this desire our species would cease to exist. A young person's view is determined by and driven by this and also much of societies determination of life.
ReplySex in this primitive format is generally (in society) used for escape from their implicit confusion of living in our society. To understand sexual feelings is to isolate using it for escape and understand the innate feeling of sex; as in this realm sex is also related to love and belonging. Without a sense of belonging, sex will always be used for escape, leaving a sense of un-belonging after the event. Because of this innate feeling of the necessities to feel sexuality, it therefore never ceases to exist as people grow older. As it is their sense of belonging to nature and in turn a belonging to their innate self.
There is a more profound reality and it encompasses more than what society projects. It is real. People just need to step outside their box and liberate themselves towards a newer more knowledgeable reality.....
GentlemanWolf
More than a month agoGreat article!
ReplyMy favourite line - "another multi-orgasmic, dim-witted virgin."
Its true, from my perspective at least, sex is so much better over 40.
Mikdooza
More than a month agoLove a women that is older than me
ReplyBoldpromise
More than a month agoI simply adore mature ladies 50trs and over.My last 3 fwb a have been late 50s and early 60s.
ReplyLooklustlick
More than a month agoIt goes without saying, the more you practice something the better you get at it.
ReplySirMature
More than a month agoYes very good article and your points clearly explain that sex can get better with age and agree. For myself and getting on you can have a much better time and take it slow when you have experience, it's not a race. Its about being sensual and erotic and willingness to experiment with things you only dream about.
Even as younger man I always enjoyed mature ladies and love caressing there bodies and and giveing oral pleasure.
Now I am pretty much open with ages from 30-70s but still lean towards have sex with ladies older than myself....so older ladies take note.
The old motto "use it or loose it" pretty much explains everything!
Pete
-
-
ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoHeartily agree ... lots of sexy couples out there.. still have needs and now how to have fun
Emm222
More than a month agoI agree. I won't participate in any wham bam anymore
phillg45
More than a month agoIt is great to see such an article! Many older people are "as randy as rabbits" and know a lot of techniques that would leave the younger "starter generation" for dead. There are multitudes of us "oldies" out here enjoying each others bodies.
ReplyGold.Coast.Dude
More than a month agoSex is like fine wine it gets better with age.
-
-
Replyhorny4803
More than a month agoYes but the beauty is that aged wine can be quite expensive, whereas sex still holds its value thruughout life.
Account Closed
More than a month agoJust like wine horny4803 sex comes in many varieties and quality ranging from excellent to not so good. But when you discover how to create good sex add to that maturity that comes with life experiences it becomes a magnificent thing.