For many men, erectile issues are an every day stress. Whether it's medical or mental, the inability to achieve or maintain an erection, as well as premature ejaculation, can be utterly devastating. It can have heavy impacts on self esteem, on relationships and on life in general. Don't get too down though. Although it can be very frustrating it is actually far more common than you think (over 50% of men will experience some form of erectile dysfunction throughout their life) and it can often be fixed and/or manageable with certain techniques, medications and accessories.
We've put together a few different things that both men and women can do to help the situation and hopefully offer some relief, and release!
The medical side
It really is important to go and see your doctor. Especially if it's becoming a regular occurrence. Erectile issues can be an underlying symptom of other medical factors such as prostate problems and blood pressure. It's important to get regular prostate exams and check ups, and your doctor can also talk to you about medications such as Viagra and Cialis. Adult shops also stock a variety of herbal erection tablets and, although I have never taken one (I do not have a penis), I do sell them to customers who come into my shop and the repeat business and positive feedback we get from them is enough to warrant a suggestion here.
Edging and other Masturbation Techniques
Sometimes, in the cases of premature ejaculation, and even in maintaining an erection, a really good way to help the situation is by training the body and penis. This can be done in a few different ways. Edging is the practice of masturbating until just before climax, stopping and letting your body (and erection) calm down, and then doing it again, and repeat. The act of stopping the body from ejaculating can help train the body into holding on a little bit longer. Certain sex toys, such as the Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit, can be used to help aid this practice and, according to the manufacturers of the Fleshlight, if you can train your body to last ten minutes with that, it will help you last double that time in the bedroom.
Toys and Accessories
Like the Fleshlight, there are a few different products on the market that can help in strengthening and maintaining your erection. Cock rings are the cheapest, and often very effective, of these products. They are (most commonly) a silicone or rubber ring that is rolled down to the base of the erect penis, and restricts blood flow back down. This can help in not only keeping your penis nice and hard, but when you do come, it can often be quite intense. You can also buy rings with a double loop for restricting the testicles too. This creates even more restriction and even more powerful orgasms. Penis pumps can be a really good way to draw blood into the penis to get it erect, and a cock ring slipped down to the base after you've used the pump can help it stay nice and hard. There are also vibrating masturbation sleeves that can help stimulate the penis, but probably the most innovative and new product out on the market for men these days is a sex toy called The Pulse. This is a product that can stimulate the penis without need for the penis to even be erect (and it also works without you having to hold it, so for people with mobility issues it is an amazing product). It works by using oscillating balls on the frenulum and can stimulate the penis to ejaculation in people who cannot achieve or maintain an erection at all. It's truly remarkable and comes in a solo toy or one you can incorporate into sex with your partner.
No Blame or Guilt
As frustrating as it can be for you to have a partner who has trouble performing, just remember it's going to be doubly, if not triply, frustrating for them. The two most important things to remember is 1. It is not your fault and 2. It is not their fault. Erectile issues can come from all sorts of factors from stress in their daily life, to medical problems, to other distracting factors. Them not being able to perform with you almost certainly has nothing to do with you. They want to fuck you. They think you're gorgeous and sexy and everything. So do not take these things personally. Sometimes just the want and need to satisfy you can be the stressful factor that makes it all disappear. The key in these situations is to be cool. Try other things. Have a massage and a cuddle. Watch some porn together. Don't get cross or angry. Don't humiliate or tease. Don't get self conscious and think it's because you're ugly or whatever. It's already going to be a stressful and possibly upsetting moment for them, so try not to make it worse.
Change Your Definition Of Sex
As we so often say in these Adult Match Maker blogs, sex is never just about penis in vagina penetration. Sex and sexual contact is everything from kissing and stroking to playing with sex toys, to dirty stories and everything fun and sexy in between. If your partner has regular issues with erections, change up your sex play. Sex doesn't always have to end in orgasm. Just the act of being together, touching and talking can be a satisfyingly sexy time.
Talk about it with your partner. Let him know you are supportive and there for him. Let him know that you want to help him and that it's a journey to solution you want to do together. Go with him to the doctors, or to the adult shop. Talk to professionals together and see if you can come up with techniques and methods to help. Go through the process with him. Because a lot of the time erectile issues are caused by mental stresses, just the knowledge that you are there, and that you are there for him, can do wonders to help make the situation less stressful.