The Single Man's Guide to Shagging a Couple
Chantelle Austin
on 8 July 2015
29 comments
You can thank your lucky stars you found this article for a start because I'm going to share some insider information, being a part of one of those couples you're trying to snag (and shag!).
There are a few ways to meet couples such as going to Swingers Clubs when they have nights they let single guys in, but they are very selective so it can be difficult. I've written this aimed at putting your profile on an adult dating or swinger dating website since it's the more common way to meet couples. The good news is that everything I suggest here can be used for meeting single women too.
So here we go, you may need a pad and pen to write some of this stuff down or else print it and highlight it. First step is to get onto an online swingers site, luckily you're already registered on Adult Match Maker which is the largest swingers site in Australia with thousands of genuine couples looking for playmates for MFM or MMF threesomes. So that's the first point in your favour.
As hard as it seems at times, there are certainly things you can do to get a couple's attention. I'll be talking more about online methods as they are the most commonly used by swinger couples.
Let's start with your profile pictures
What not to do – Only have pictures of your penis. Imagine being a couple, you check your inbox to find 15 messages and they are all from single guys... every single one of them has between 1 and 3 photos and all of them are of their equipment. Seriously, which one stands out – NONE!
Couples and single women are bombarded with penis pictures plus guys who think their penis is the deciding factor in going any further. (Myth busted: it's NOT!) Hint: All men have penises…
What we'd rather you did – Be different! Simple and true. Surely there are other parts of you that are worth promoting? If you don't have Brad Pitt's body, don't worry, put a picture up of yourself that shows you clothed but in an outfit that flatters you and just blur out your face if you want to remain anonymous. Personally, I am more likely to respond to guys with face pictures and most of my swinger couple friends are the same. If a couple want to see pictures of your penis then they'll ask for them when they're ready, which is usually after they've decided the guy attached to it is worth playing with. And you want to be that guy, right?
Your profile detail
So when couples are bombarded with penis pictures, how do they distinguish between them to decide who is worth responding to? They read the profile, yes it's true! They check you out... and guess what, most guys don't have much to say except variations of “I'm the best thing you'll ever have in the bedroom, message me, find out and we can have some fun now”...
Ooo, just so inviting... not! No rapport built, no mystery, no fun. Unless you have Brad Pitt's body, or you ARE Brad Pitt, that just isn't going to get their attention. It makes you just the same as every other desperate single guy out there. Yes, it comes across as either egotistical or desperate and neither one of those are appealing.
What not to do – Refrain from telling them how good you are, people would much rather come to that conclusion on their own. Avoid saying anything that relates to sex (having sex, wanting sex, how good you are at sex etc). Seriously, with tidal wave of single guys that are promoting their Sex-God status, something different would be a nice change.
What we'd rather you did – Fill out as many of the fields as possible and in the freestyle writing area, write something witty or intelligent; something that lets them know that you have a brain and not just another head space for extra testosterone.
Tell them a bit about you as a person; what you like (apart from sex), what you're into (apart from sex), what kind of people you are looking to meet. Give them some substance. Every guy I've met can have sex, likes sex and is into sex in many various forms, it's a given so tell them something they don't know...
Many couples prefer talking to guys that say things in their profile about looking for friendship as well physical fun, that they want to be able to hang out socially, and if they mention wanting to meet people who can keep a good conversation, they are usually intrigued enough to go further. Be mysterious.
Oh, and an important point to mention here is don't lie. It might get you further along but it doesn't take long for people to see right through it. If a guy says he wants friendship in his profile, but then during conversation all he focuses on is when he can get his end in; continually asking when they can meet up and what turns them on, then it's a dead give away. Most of the time I can work it out based on how the conversation goes so they never get that far. Remember couples have a lot more choice so they have the luxury of blocking and deleting those they feel “aren't right” for them.
If you get the invite to start chatting
Now when you finally get an invite or their kik you have a foot in the door, but you're still on thin ice because you have about 5 minutes to be impressive enough for them to want to keep chatting.
What not to do – Now is not the time to crack out “so when can we meet for fun?” or “what are you into?” questions. A lot of single guys make the mistake of thinking they have an open invitation at that point and unless the couple are in a particularly frisky mood, it's not. Don't go straight into dirty talk or asking really personal questions like “what gets you hot?” Avoid advertising how big you are and how good you are with your penis, your hands or your tongue.
What we'd rather you did – Let them lead the conversation. Answer their questions and only ask questions that are in the same sort of vein. Get-to-know-you questions that are not of a sexual nature are a really good place to start, and once you've built up a rapport and they start being a little cheeky, that's your green light to be a little cheeky back. And I mean a little cheeky. Let them determine the pace at which you head down the “I can't wait rip your clothes off and pound your ass!” kind of talk. I promise you, if you play the game right, you can certainly end up there.
If you get a phone number
What not to do – Please don't take this fine opportunity to send an MMS of your penis unless it's been requested. And wherever possible, if you go out on the town and get drunker than... well pick a word that means you're REALLY drunk, please don't send messages saying how much you'd like to “fuck” or how horny you are at that moment. And please don't send another picture of your penis especially if you've already sent that same one.
If you are sober, don't ask for sexy pictures and don't send penis pictures unless you get one first, in which case you are allowed to send one in return. Follow their lead.
What we'd rather you did – By all means send a message or give them a call if they've said it's ok to. It’s best to send a text message and check when it's convenient to call, which are standard manners really. If you've been given a number, use it, make sure that you give your number in return and once again, let the couple determine when a picture of your penis is something they want to see. You may be surprised at how often all of this happens, which is why some couples just don't want single guys anymore.
When you finally meet in person
What not to do – Turn up late or not let them know you're going to be late. Don’t push to get to the next stage or ask questions about when the fun can start... You don't turn up to someone else's birthday party that you've been invited to and ask when you are going to get your present! If you get invited to do anything it's a privilege and the first meeting is not a green light that says anything else will automatically happen. Don't assume anything.
What we'd rather you did – Have a shower, dress nicely and I don't mean in a tuxedo or suit (unless you need to wear it for work and you’re meeting them for coffee). Assume that it is just that, a coffee or initial meeting, even if they have indicated they want more, meeting in person can change everything... for all of you. They may not be what you thought so making plans for just an initial meet is always a good way to go for all involved.
You may get nervous and that's normal, lots of guys do, just don't let it bother you too much. I know easier said than done but seriously, most couples are pretty easy going. They also have trouble meeting quality single guys which is why I'm writing this.
I've said it before and I'll say it again because it's important; go in with no expectations. It may work out that you aren't their type and you have to be able to walk away. It's not uncommon in the swinging game for this to happen, just don't let it get you down or stop you from getting back out there to find some other awesome playmates....
Couples have the same problems with other couples and single women, not everyone's attracted to each other, just like some people love chocolate and some people can't stand it. While not liking chocolate defies all the natural laws of the universe, I do know people who don't and that's fine.
On the flip side, it may turn out that you are exactly what they are looking for and cant wait to get naked with you! You just never know. It's best to go in with just the intention of meeting them in person and anything else is a bonus. And what a bonus!!!
If you are invited to play
What not to do – Turn up unprepared, dirty or desperate! Don't push to get right to the bedroom as soon as you get in the door or ask when it's play time. Again, let them take the lead, it's their house and it's just plain manners. Don't say you are up for something just to make them like you because you'll be expected to perform or partake, and they don't want to make you feel uncomfortable any more than you want to feel that way, so only say you're willing to do what you're willing to do.
What we'd rather you did – Shower and smell sexy! Bring your own protection (condoms), alcohol or recreational drugs if you're into them but only get them out if your hosts are into them too. Be polite and make sure you know what the boundaries are, or if there are none. Find out what they want to experience or are in the mood for and by all means tell them if you are up for the same. If everyone feels comfortable, by all means make some suggestions of your own if you have something you'd like to do, most couples are accommodating but if they say they aren't into it or don't want to, respect that and play within those boundaries.
During play, make sure you listen to any directions that are given and if you don't get any, feel free to check in, especially if you're not getting any feedback from their physical reactions. Not all people are overly loud or easy to tell if they are enjoying themselves so ask how you can make it better for them since everyone works differently.
After playing
Some couples you'll only play with once and it's not necessarily a reflection on you, it's just the way it works out sometimes. Other couples you will really click with and everything will be awesome for a period of time.
The best attitude to go in with is one of enjoying the moment and any subsequent moments because in a large number of cases, these are just temporary relationships. Some last longer than others and some don't last at all. Couples already have the love-of-their-lives, so you will only be a temporary thing. Don't get attached and certainly don't get jealous if they have someone else or you are no longer their regular.
Swinging is meant to be for fun and extra spice, you're an extra toy that doesn't need batteries, and a potential friend-with-benefits so don't mistake it for anything more serious.
There are a small amount of couples who do have something more serious; extra boyfriends/girlfriends which is more polyamorous than swinging. So it can become more serious than you want it to and all it takes is honest communication to walk away from it.
If you take note of the information I've shared you will go a lot further in connecting with couples and getting a chance to join them for lots of naked fun. While I've described a whole lot of things to consider, it is not the be-all and end-all as there are certainly couples out there that want to get straight into it, but really, you can't go wrong either way if at the end of the day you let them lead the game.
Have fun and good luck snagging and shagging more couples from here on in.
Here's to your sexual evolution!
29 comments
we_want_fun
More than a month agoWhenever I've been invited to join a couple, I've just let the other male take charge and followed his directions because I've assumed that they have spoken about it and she has told him what she is comfortable having me do
ReplyClassyNights
More than a month agoWe're a couple who exclusively look for men to spice up our sex life, and what you say is spot on. A few additions:
ReplyIf you're invited to play - turn up on time or let the couple know you're running late. If you haven't already - make sure you're really clear about their expectations and boundaries and be clear with them about yours. Remember it's a date - neat & tidy and smelling good goes a looong way.
During play - you can't check in too often... consent, consent consent. Silence or hesitancy is not consent. If you're having fun let them know! If you find him/her/them super sexy let them know!
If you can't get it up, no hard feelings! There's plenty to do without an erection, and feeling bad will only make things worse. Own it! Acknowledge it's not working as expected and demonstrate your other skills. It'll probably come good! And there are a few... hmm... tricks of the trade.. ;)
After play - how long to stay? Listen for prompts, leaving a bit early is better than staying too long. Please clean up your condoms etc.
And after you've left send a text or message or give them a call to check in with them and let them know how you are. If you show that you care about them, you're good and you had fun it'll go a long way to getting invited back.
And finally, remember: Poor Preparation leads to Piss Poor Performance. Start by reading, and thinking about, a couple's profile before you blast off your first message.
Speedracer160
More than a month agoGreat article! this is all new to me but I'm not sure if i should go my usual route of cracking jokes and building rapport by being funny then flirty or just funny and leave it to them to be flirty first?
ReplyI get the whole penis pics, same as pussy pics, it isn't really a good thing as again, every girl has a pussy.
It's hard to pic what type of connection you are looking for as well, coming from never having a swinger relationship or anything its all very new so theres a lot of uncertainty about if you feel you are building more rapport with one person over the other, should you continue down that path or should you halt that to try and build rapport with the other person more so so they both feel comfortable?
maggie62
More than a month agoGreat article, still waiting for guys that can talk 5 minutes without saying can we fuck now. But I'm sure we will find the right men for the wife soon
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoThere are good guys out there just be patience and choose wisely. Ive heard about some bad experiences from some of the couples I've met , all the best with your search
CaramelNFun
More than a month agoWow.. only been on this site for 1 week because I have always been bicurious and think the idea of playing with a couple would be incredible... i thought all these people are so evolved sexually and must be so confident and warm and easy to talk to... but didn't realise so many guys here were so direct...
Cpl338
More than a month agoGreat article Chantelle!
Replynativxxx
More than a month agowhys this aimed at men... tink for all male nd females four its simple all it takes is a hello nd converse if couple keen they show sum form of iniciation wen u allow things too flow it forms continuitee d most humans all yearn love affextion sex nd duty of care which culture equals repspect example went nude beach nd was approached by this cuckold couple more a less the woman looks for the sparxx to ignite her husbands libido this was an experience wer the hubby wanted too film his wife beein pounded it didnt sit wit me nd refrained nd explained i was underwhelmed nd they werent dissapointed but appreciative of the understandinng nonetheless the wwoman jus wanted lovinn nd thats all she yearned and now its an ongoing thing nd wii growinn her hubbys video xploits av ceased nd his jus enjoyinn the voyuerism.. so sendinng any parts of ur bodee is fine too descretion of the recepient and too phinish off jus be urselv nd a simple hello can lead from sand too a bedroom so use wat u got not ur penis or vagina but ur mouth nd tongue u be suprised ask ms austin thanks all if u dnt try its harder jus takes the belief of application confidence nd drive nd ur there
ReplyBitey1974
More than a month agoGreat info thanks I must be that small percentage of guys that reads emails. Top site aswell.
Replybulldogs150
More than a month agoHi Chantelle awesome artical I am recently separated and am looking forward to meeting couples will take your advice on board for sure
Replyherprofile
More than a month agoA big one you missed is in the if you get the invite to start chatting: dont open with got any pics, thats a dead set add to our blocklist.
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ReplySpeedracer160
More than a month agoI must admit, not having any pics leaves anyone to be curious... even if they were clothed pics (In my case preferred as everyone has genitals and it leaves stuff to the imagination) in your private gallery they would be much more appreciated.
I could be wrong but I think on this site you are here for the greater reason of physical attraction and lesser reason of the mental attraction as you already have that with your partner right?
MsCupCake
More than a month agoWhat an awesome article, Thanks Rachel, this article should be mailed to all male members ..
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ReplyAMM.Editor
More than a month agoActually we send a link every month to new guys who join and who are looking for couples. Unfortunately only a small percentage actually read it. :-(
Account Closed
More than a month agoAlot of mature and decent males already have respect and etiquette... Not all guys here are pigs. Most times its the new guys to the scene that this article is for
Xerxces
More than a month agoDamn right Rach, you do know what your talking about. Thanks for reinforcing what I have always known and how I have always behaved. I did have a good teacher who introduced me to the lifestyle. Its good to know I have been going down the right part and not cross over to the dark side of swinging. LOL
ReplyThank you!
HummingGirl
More than a month agoThis is a must read for all men. Whether they are seeking to play with couples or single women. Great article
Replyallinmymind
More than a month agoGrose title lol
ReplyShould we all follow the advice for our profiles?
I don't feel so bad about myself after getting halfway down the article. After realising I should perhaps change my profile of course.
SpicyBBW
More than a month agoPerhaps this article could be emailed to every male member on the site, existing and newbies! It isn't hard boys!! If you walked up to me in a bar and "How Ya Doin" I would look at you quizzically and walk away...put some effort in and be genuine...and photos of your tackle don't do it for us!
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoSome of do have respect decency and etiquette thank you.... And quite a few women in here are guilty of it also... So quick to judge is a major turn off
Fantasywife
More than a month agoFirst of all guys ... READ THE BLOODY PROFILE lol and understand it !! If you have read it and understand it there is never a need to ask that stupid bloody question " So ... What are youse into / lookin for " We too have been searching for some guys that can actually hold a conversation, don't lie !! or who have been respectful enough to read our profile !
ReplyGood2Go1961
More than a month agoYes, well said. If single guys genuinely want to meet couples, then they need to take note. This is an extremely well written step by step guide for guys.
ReplyLeolady727
More than a month agoGood article, but you did not mention one very important thing - PLEASE guys, don't ask to be part of a 3some if you can't perform.
My ex and I had an extremely disappointing encounter with a guy who could just NOT get hard. Worse than that - he said it was my fault because my vagina "was at a strange angle" WTF???
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoI doubt any man goes into playing thinking that they won't perform at the time. It just happens at times with men for many different reasons, don't take it personally or belittle them so they end up with a complex.
Understanding is needed it's happened a few times with me, and trust me they wanted to perform! Assure the poor embarrassed guy it's all good and it can happen at times, the more pressure we put on it only intensified their problem when they feel bad about it already.
As women we expect respect from men, as a lady we should do the same to a man
AMM.Editor
More than a month ago@SugarnSPICEY we have a blog post which will go up later this month which your comments pretty much sum up.
Speedracer160
More than a month agoI feel sorry for any guy who couldn't perform, it isn't their fault. It's a new thing and they need to feel comfortable with it as well as the couple.
Ive never had it happen and wish that it never happens to anyone but it does.. :/
curvyncuddly
More than a month agoWe have been looking for a guy for about 5 months now and can't find anyone suitable for all the reasons listed in this article hopefully some of the guys will read it and take it onboard
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoTotally agree, same as us.
thewizard1
More than a month agoI totally agree with what is written.. So much common sense > which a lot of people just Don't understand !! So many people "Misrepresent" or have "Devious" intentions & spoil it for everyone that do have Good intensions on here.. Trust is always Foremost & Initially Unknown > & it can all gets Ruined by Creeps !! I'm sure there are plenty of Genuine people on here & I hope I get to meet them & will get to Enjoy time with Wonderful or Worthwhile people. (Know your out there ) >> All the best. The Wizard.
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