The Ultimate Swingers Guide

So what is swinging?

If you thought you needed a swing set, you might be shocked to find out that although swing sets could be involved on occasion, it’s actually about sex! (ooo,we’re talking about SEX already!)

Definition: “Swinging, sometimes referred to as the swinging lifestyle, is nonmonogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity that can be experienced as a couple." - Bergstrand & Williams, Today's Alternative Marriage Styles: The Case of Swingers, Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality, Vol.3, 10 October 2000.

In basic terms that we can all understand; Swinging is couples having sex for fun, with other people and their partner (woohoo!!!). It’s not couples seeking other people to be in a relationship with (that would be “polyamorous”), it’s all for fun and adventure. And if you remember seeing advertising or hearing stories of swingers putting their keys in a central bowl, then picking who they were going off with, that’s not it either, at least not anymore! I was under the mistaken impression that it was couples only having sex with other couples but it can just be adding one extra person of either sex, or it can be groups of other people; ranging from a bit of extra foreplay in the same room only, to full on sex with a completely different partner (or partners) in a different room and everything in between. And if you don’t know what the “everything in between” is, keep reading…

Now at this point I’m sure some people are throwing the book (or laptop) at the wall and are running screaming from the room… if you’re still reading though, the thing to know is that you only do what you want to do. The main aim of this lifestyle is to have fun!!! Seriously, if it isn’t fun, don’t do it! That goes for all things in life... and you thought this book was just going to be about swinging! The life lessons are an added bonus.

Here is something that may or may not surprise you, most swingers are not super models and erotic dancers; they look like everyday people and that’s because most of us are!!! We are pretty normal; married, kids, house, car, work… that’s normal, right? So like some people who have a taste for the finer things in life; fine wines, gourmet dinners (oh, we have that too!), we also have a taste for the naughty fun and adventure we can have with other people. Why should we let the fact that we’re in a relationship mean that we can’t explore our sexual fantasies?

Other misconceptions include having to swing in dingy clubs or with old and fat people (you know, all the people you deem to be “un-sexy” and “ewwwwwww”) and swingers being “sex fiends”! Well, some are into some wild stuff but the majority of couples are just every day people who aren’t into anything “really weird”, they’re just adding a little spice and adventure…

Most people you’ll find are easy going and just fun to be around. On the day it doesn’t matter if you can’t keep it up, or if you don’t have an earth shattering orgasm, it’s just about exploration and having fun. In fact, often you’ll hear just as much laughing as “oh my god, just f#@k me!”

If you're anything like me though, you'll want to find short cuts to playing now, get inspiration for new things to try and find out how to avoid any pitfalls in the process, right?

Oh and by the way, if you're just checking it out or if you've already started swinging, it doesn't matter. There is heaps in my book (over 120 pages worth!) that I'm still adding to after starting swinging with my husband, and while we have it down pat, at the beginning we were all fingers and thumbs so to speak, going in fairly naïve, as most people do.

This is an excerpt from The Essential Guide for Adventurous Couples, Chantelle Austin © 2007