In basic terms that we can all understand; Swinging is couples having sex for fun, with other people and their partner. It’s not couples seeking other people to be in a relationship with (that would be “polyamorous” and a whole other article), it’s all for fun and adventure.
When we started into the lifestyle, I didn’t think of us as swingers because somewhere along the line I remember seeing advertising or hearing stories about swingers and how they put their keys in a central bowl, then picked who they were going off with! I don’t know about you but I wasn’t signing on to that when I could end up with someone I was NOT attracted to… mind you, if I was guaranteed a 6 foot tall, dark hair, blue eyed, sexually brilliant, Adonis then I might change my mind.
I’m happy to report that swinging isn’t like that anymore although there are groups of swinging friends that do that for something different after having been playmates for some time.
At the beginning I was also under the mistaken impression that it was couples only having sex with other couples but it’s not. It can just be inviting one extra person of either sex to join you and your partner, or it can be enjoying sex with groups of other people. Some couples prefer just adding one and others prefer having as many options as possible, it’s a personal thing, like being in the mood for Italian food over going to an all you-can-eat buffet.
There are 3 different styles swingers adopt
I used to think that swinging was completely swapping partners and having sex with them, but it’s not just that. There are different types of swinging:
“Soft Swinging” is when couples don’t have sex with anyone other than their partner and they usually always stay in the same room. Some just watch what’s going on and use it as stimulation for the 2 of them. Others will just kiss the other people/person there, and some will engage in everything but the actual penile penetration.
“Hard Swinging” is couples having sex with a completely different partner (or partners) in either the same or different room.
“Open Swinging” is couples having sex or playing all in the same room and “closed swinging” is couples going off to different rooms to have sex and play. These terms aren’t used as much but it’s interesting to know.
What kind of people swing?
Some people are surprised when they realise that most swingers are not super models and erotic dancers; they look like everyday people and that’s because most are! They are pretty normal; married, kids, house, car, work… that’s normal, right? So like some people who have a taste for the finer things in life; fine wines, gourmet dinners, some have a taste for the naughty fun and adventure they can have with other people.
You’ll find that most swingers are easy going and just fun to be around. They’re so easy going that on the day it doesn’t matter if you can’t keep it up, or if you don’t have an earth shattering orgasm, and sometimes no actual sex is had, it’s just about exploration and having fun. In fact, often you’ll hear just as much laughing as “oh my god, just f#@k me!”
Oh and you may have heard, or had the perception that swingers are “sex fiends” or “deviates” and into some hard core sexual activities. Well it’s true, some are into pretty wild and kinky stuff but the majority of couples aren’t into anything hard core, they’re just exploring who they are and what they like sexually while adding a little spice and adventure to their relationship.
Whatever they do, many couples report that their swinging experiences make their relationship stronger and their sex life the envy of their other couple friends… Now that can’t be a bad thing, can it?
Definition: “Swinging, sometimes referred to as the swinging lifestyle, is non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity that can be experienced as a couple." - Bergstrand & Williams