While many people go to clubs and events to meet potential partners and enjoy the venues for what they have to offer, others entertain or host at home. What’s not immediately clear is who is responsible for moving things forward into playing and what’s the basic etiquette since it’s no ordinary dinner party?
The short answer is you! In order for things to go smoothly and to get where you want it all to go, you need to be the driver. You are also responsible for making sure the guests know what’s expected and have everything they need for an enjoyable night. It’s really quite simple but even I have missed things or not taken my hostess responsibility on board and the night has dragged on, not getting to the play part as soon as it could have. This is particularly common with people who are new to the scene and hosting at their place.
Ok so here is it, my top tips with everything you need to know in order to be the hostess with the mostest!
- Tell your guests what time to arrive and what to bring (ie: their own toys and drinks), that way you don’t have to run the risk of not having a toy or drink that they enjoy, and since alcohol is a great way for most people to chill out in a new situation, them bringing it increases the chances of them relaxing and having a great night.
- Tell them what to wear. If you are planning to dress in something sexy or smart casual, then let them know. At least then you won’t make anyone feel uncomfortable as it can feel a little odd turning up to someone’s house dressed in sexy clothes and being greeted by hosts in dinner suits.
- Let them know if there is a bed/room they can stay in if they choose to stay. That way there is no confusion at the end of the play if they have to pack up and go home or not. This is a particularly good to offer if your guests have to travel longer than 15 minutes to get to you, because driving after alcohol and hours of physical activity (even of the enjoyable kind) can make people more susceptible to falling asleep at the wheel. Make an assessment at the end of the night and insist they stay if you feel they have a higher chance of being in an accident. This is being a responsible host/ess.
- Find out if they have any food allergies so major dislikes so that you don’t provide or cook something that will make them ill. A trip to Emergency is not sexy.
- Aim to have dinner within 2 hours of their arrival depending on what time they arrive, and provide some nibblies so that they don’t starve or drink on an empty stomach while waiting for dinner. If they have arrived after dinner, also provide nibblies, and have a small supply for later in the night when you take a break and need sustenance.
- This is your house and you set the tone of what’s acceptable and what’s not. If you want everyone to flirt, you need to be the ones that start it so that your guests know it’s ok. Start slow so you don’t scare them and watch for their reactions to guide you; if they flinch or move away, it’s clear they aren’t ready for that, if they respond and flirt back, green light!
- During conversation find out what their boundaries are for the evening, so that you know what they are comfortable with and then share what yours are too. Oh and the usual etiquette applies here, steer clear of talking about religion and politics, apart from them being potentially highly volatile topics, they can also be quite boring and you don’t want to make your playmates mad or put them to sleep too early.
- Make sure that you have provided enough tissues, condoms and lubricant for everyone and multiple rounds, you don’t want to have to cut play short because you’ve run out of condoms. They may bring their own but don’t assume they will.
- It’s up to you to move things from conversation to play, they are in your domain and will be looking to YOU to lead the way. The best way to do that is to finish dinner/eating, converse for a little while (no longer than an hour or two) and then suggest a game or some sort of ice-breaker (there is a whole list of them in The Essential Guide for Adventurous Couples). Suggest 2 or 3 and let your guests choose what they would like to try. Make it something that gets everyone naked and even make a point for one of you to get naked first so they can feel more comfortable not being the first (although my husband is often the first naked no matter where we are lol).
- Make sure the designated play area is clean, as well as the bathroom and toilet your guests will be using. There’s nothing worse than dirty toilets, smelly sheets and mouldy showers to kill the mood. Fresh sheets and cleanliness go a long way; trust me on this.
Now not everyone automatically knows this information before they host their own play night, so if you go to someone’s house and it’s clear they aren’t leading the night like they could, by all means step in and make suggestions because often everyone wants to get to play but no one is confident enough to make it happen! Above all else, relax and have fun no matter what the night eventuates into.