Demystifying the complexities of age play

Attractive young dark skinned woman with afro hair sitting on a bed hugging a plush toy

One of the most popular beginner roleplays is that of ‘the naughty school girl’ or ‘the sexy headmistress’. There’s a fascination with the authority figure to set us goals and keep us accountable. As adults we enjoy reliving these experiences with a new element of control – whether that control be setting the goals and dishing out consequences, or knowing you can put a stop to things at any time – yes, you can be a brat AND be safe. 

Well, guess what? That’s AGE PLAY! 

Age play is a delicate subject, often surrounded in misunderstanding, and outright disinformation. Even within the kink community, age play has taken time to gain acceptance, so it’s really no surprise to see it greeted with suspicion within the wider non-kink community.

The ‘BDSM Basics Kink Dictionary’ on our blog defines age play as: "An often misunderstood form of role-play in which individuals take on the behaviours and traits of a specific age, ranging from babies to the elderly. This can be for sexual or non-sexual gratification, and can also be found as part of a power-exchange dynamic, with one partner surrendering their adult responsibilities in exchange for the gentle and nurturing control of another. Common examples of Age Play roles, include Daddy Dom and little girl (DD/lg), Mummy and baby boy (M/bb) and general C/caregivers."

Unfortunately, when some people hear the word ‘age play’ their minds immediately equate it with pedophilia. There’s an idea that roleplaying as a child or parent/carer somehow means that these people have sexual desires for children in everyday life. The truth is most age play isn’t even about a particular age, and it’s absolutely not about children. It’s about consenting adults negotiating a relationship focused on nurturing. In these scenarios you have one person surrendering their ‘adult’ roles and responsibilities by regressing to childhood (or progressing to a more ‘elderly’ state) in order to be cared for and nurtured. 

Many submissives (whether age players or not) indulge in submission in order to relinquish control and responsibilities – to take time out from the burdens of everyday life and work. With age play, the motivation is very much the same, however the method involves more cartoons and candy. Think of it this way, a little age player is not ‘being a child’; they are an adult allowing their inner child some space. 

The most common attribute you’ll find with Mummy and Daddy Dommes is not a want to fuck their own children, but a desire to cherish and care for someone in the unconditional way that ‘ideal’ parents are said to aspire to. And sure, discipline and even some punishment may be part of that, but for the Bigs in age play, the focus is always on encouraging and caring for their little.  

Physical kink – impact play, bondage, sense play, whatever you’re into – is part of most age play dynamics, and aftercare is a massive part of this process. With nurturing so central to the relationship, aftercare is more than just applying ice to a freshly spanked bum, or disinfecting any broken skin. Aftercare includes emotional and mental debriefing, generally including lots of time for cuddles, cuppas, movies, and general snuggliness.

As age players, you may cop some shit, and be misunderstood. People shaming your kink is not okay, but do keep in mind there are survivors of childhood trauma who are truly triggered by this roleplay. It’s not your job to fix them. You don’t have to defend yourself. It’s your kink and it’s OK. But please use some empathy when considering your response to the few haters you may stumble across. Perhaps you could politely point out their ire may be better served writing letters to commercial media about the sexualisation of young girls in advertising?

With so many of our Adult Match Maker members identifying with some of the age player titles – Daddy Dom, babygirl, nappy play, little – it seems encouraging news that age play is entering a new era of acceptance amongst our community. And that is the important thing; acceptance amongst our peers within this wonderful sub-culture we’ve chosen to play in.

15 comments

  • motorcade

    motorcade

    More than a month ago

    "Perhaps you could politely point out their ire may be better served writing letters to commercial media about the sexualisation of young girls in advertising?" Thankyou. It's everywhere still.

    Reply
  • DaddyGra

    DaddyGra

    More than a month ago

    This is a really good article. I am an experienced age player with many guys out there calling me Dad. I enjoy looking after them and creating a nurturing environment for them where they can regress in a safe and secure place. Our community is growing and its nice to see articles like this that help educate what we are about!

    Reply
  • malevoyeur

    malevoyeur

    More than a month ago

    Age play is also about trust, communication, being open and honest with your desires, setting boundaries and sticking to agreed protocols… I have met a number of Daddy Doms, who went too far with their subs and after a play session, forgot the basics, leaving them hanging, sometimes in subspace… after care is a vital component in age play because in many cases as you are changing the dynamic by allowing your sub to regress back into an earlier memory time, and as the author mentions “often they are survivors of childhood trauma who are truly triggered by this roleplay. It’s not your job to fix them”… I generally set a age limit on any role play I involve myself in, it has to fall within the realms of real life possibilities… and at all time be fun and a pleasurable experience…

    • DDdelite

      Account Closed

      More than a month ago

      Perfectly said!

    • malevoyeur

      Account Closed

      More than a month ago

      thank you DD, nice to have our thoughts and opinions verified from time to time, thats how we learn, grow and share... :)

    Reply
  • Trythishard1

    Trythishard1

    More than a month ago

    I love the role of Daddy Dom... females from 18 to 30 is what I like... baby girls... I get way more interest from girls this age than I ever did in my 30’s and 40’s and I love it!!!

    Reply
  • Zamboon

    Zamboon

    More than a month ago

    It’s fun - role playing and fun - you would know if it goes any deeper and that’s when you might need some help - till then just fantasise and have fun

    Reply
  • Journeyoflife

    Journeyoflife

    More than a month ago

    For me the schoolgirl role play has always been about taking me back to a time when sex was new, when my partners were surprise surprise, schoolgirls.

    Reply
  • barkly48

    barkly48

    More than a month ago

    Many years ago it was suggested to me that because I like women who shave, that I was somehow condoning under-age sexual contact...!!

    • DDdelite

      Account Closed

      More than a month ago

      Omg I know right! So not true for most men who like a lady that shaves her pussy. I much prefer men who shave their cock AND balls because I love giving blow jobs so much and sucking fresh shaved balls is my jam!

    • barkly48

      barkly48

      More than a month ago

      AND it feels good...!!

    • Morgan26

      Account Closed

      More than a month ago

      Hairless balls are my jam also!

    Reply
  • chesswiseagain

    chesswiseagain

    More than a month ago

    I must say that a lot of women like me to be their 'daddy' and we have a great time fantasizing...

    Reply
  • Desirable4u

    Desirable4u

    More than a month ago

    Great article MisKnickers , please keep up the Education... Communication is the only way forward. ox

    • MisKnickers

      MisKnickers

      More than a month ago

      Thanks so much, @Desirae. I certainly hope to keep the education up. x

      And thanks also to those who took the time to comment - keep that communication up! :)

    Reply
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