How to be curvy and confident in the bedroom
Eva Sless
on 27 June 2019
64 comments
When it comes to the messages we receive about sex and sexiness, it’s usually pretty one-sided. Magazines, advertising, porn, all of that stuff is mostly full of slim, taut bodies with nary a wobble to be seen or an imperfection to be found. While deep down in our heart of hearts we know this is just the bullshit world of advertising, when you fall out of that category it can be a little bit trickier to untangle yourself from the “I don’t look like that” web and find your own confidence and sexiness in what you do have.
We know from the comments, messages, and surveys we do that there is no “favourite” or “ideal” body type when it comes to sexual preferences, and that if someone wants to get down and dirty with you then they already find you pretty damn sexy, but we also know that that doesn’t stop the niggling thoughts at the back of our heads… So to combat that we’ve come up with a bunch of tricks and tips you can try to help you feel and look as sexy as the person you’re having sex with already thinks you are.
Follow Your People
Seriously. Just type BBW into Instagram or Twitter and you will find millions of pictures, profiles and people who are larger in body size and even larger in ego, confidence and beauty. Stop buying shitty magazines and mainstream pornography and holding yourself up to that as comparison, find people who look like you and have made it into the world of fabulousness. Not only will these amazing models show you just how gorgeous a larger body can be, they will also have links and suggestions to businesses and designers that make gorgeous, sexy, well-fitting underwear, lingerie and clothes that will have you loving your shape and wanting to show it off to your lovers.
It’s Okay To Dim The Lights
In reading a few articles about body and sexual confidence I kept coming across this one “tip” which was “Turn on the lights! Learn to love your body!” And look… While this is all very well and good on a surface level, in the harsh light of reality, hardly anyone wants to have sex under the bright lights of the bedroom, regardless of if they love their body or not. Sex is, for the most part, a sultry and sensual affair, and having the brightness of the bulb highlight the washing pile in the corner and the wet towels on the floor isn’t the most conducive to a sexy session. So dim those lights, light a few candles, let the flickering of light gently caress your curves and help you to feel like the goddess you are.
Spend More Time Naked
As someone who spent almost 25 years hating her body I can tell you that I hardly ever looked at it. If I did it was to make an “ugh” face and walk away in disgusted hurry. I am here to tell you to stop it! Spend more time looking at, and admiring your naked body. Yes it’s not easy, especially if you’ve formed the habit like I did of self hatred, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. Start with just not making the bad face. Start with saying hello to yourself in the mirror after your shower. If you’ve followed the above advice and are now getting amazing BBW pics on your social media pages, start looking at yourself in the way you look at the models. Oh wow, look at those dimples, and the soft way your belly curves, and the fullness of your breasts… Start smiling at yourself, giving your reflection a wink, a nudge, a “hey good lookin’ whatcha got cookin’...” Yeah it feels a little silly and forced at first… But, while the silliness factor will always be there, the more you do it, the more the forced nature will go and be replaced with habit and comfort at your own reflection.
Experiment with Pillows
Being a larger person can have its obstacles when it comes to certain sexual positions, which can then create feelings of inadequacy and self loathing because you feel like you’ve failed. You haven’t, you just need to find another way, and pillows and specific sex cushions can be the answer you’re looking for. Depending on where you place the pillow, under your butt, legs, back, wherever, you can now comfortably, and far more easily, achieve some of those positions your body may not allow for in other instances. This also goes for those of us with dodgy knees, low mobility, smaller penises, chronic illnesses that leave us exhausted… All sorts of reasons! It also helps you stretch and angle your body to minimise certain areas you don’t love, and highlight those you do. It’s all down to playing around and experimenting, so get going!
Ditch The Dead Weight
No I’m not talking about going on some ridiculous diet… When I say “Dead Weight” I mean the people in your life that make you feel bad about the way you look. If you have a lover who makes you feel ugly, fat, gross, unsexy…. Anything that you don’t particularly want to feel, then that person is dead weight and has no right sucking up your energy and confidence and time. These sorts of people are all around us, and when they are the people who are supposed to be the ones who love and support us unconditionally, it can have hugely damaging effects on our mental health and self esteem. Someone who fucks you should like you, and someone who likes you should not make you feel like shit. You are absolutely, 100% worth more than anything someone like that says, and while I know it’s hard to extrapolate yourself from toxic relationships (or even recognise them when you feel so down about yourself anyway) there is help and there is support, and there is a light at the end… And that light is your self worth, your confidence, and someone who wants to fuck you because they think you are the most amazing, beautiful, sexy creature they’ve ever seen.
64 comments
Sumfunplz4usall
More than a month agoSexy is an attitude too me its about feeling sexy and embracing your sexy naughty self. Plus size lingery is sold for a reason... a bbw looks just as sexy with curves as a size 8. Person choice is just that. Time to stop body shaming be healthy and live life to the fullest regardless of your size... stay sexy bbw biarches
ReplyDixie.Dave
More than a month agoLove this article! If you’re starting out on your self love journey- try the book Curvy Girl Sex by Elle Chase too. Great positions for all different types of fat bodies (there’s not just one!) and lots of advice on how to take the first steps in self acceptance. Love to all my fiercely fabulous fatties!
ReplyCurvesForDays86
More than a month agoSome wonderful advice.
ReplyBadMoodBunny
More than a month agoThis is a great article and very true in the sense of spending time naked does help.
I’m a very large woman SSBBW 5’8 170kg and I have always had issues accepting my body, but when I started sleeping naked and spending more time naked in general I grew more comfortable.
As for the positions you could also look into swingers clubs that have a sex swing/sling that takes up to 250kg (I know Taboo22 in QLD does).
As for finding like minded people I do implore people be careful not to fall into a feeder/feedee website trap as they can be extremely detrimental to both physical and mental health. I’m all about being proud of your body and loving it and finding people that adore your body and your personality as well but the feeder/feedee kink/culture is quite dangerous. I say this not just because I don’t like it but because I got caught in that trap years ago and it almost caused me to willing take my life.
I’ve learnt to love who I am and I admit I have my naughty foods and enjoy a bit of food play but I’ve learnt that sex as SSBBW is about experimentation, fun, understanding and a willingness to try something different
Can even search the internet for PLUS SIZE SEX POSITIONS :) ;)
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ReplyAgrotaz
More than a month agoBrattyBabyGirl, how much fun can you handle
Adeline.Melb
More than a month agoHey, shout out to the BBMs! Love how everyone has rallied for the curvy gals, but let’s acknowledge that you don’t get zillions of suggestions if you search BBM on Insta. In an age where a teenager with an eating disorder is equally likely to be male or GQ, it is time we all examined our learned beauty standards for all genders.
(Steps off soapbox.)
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoAbsolutely agree with you on this!
My longest relationship was with a BBB (I nicknamed him my 'big beautiful boy' before I had even heard of BBW/BBM back then), and agree that they deserve just as much recognition as females in awareness like this :)
Mamamia860
More than a month agoIt’s how you move between the sheets, not how you look between the sheets, that really counts... ;)
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agohow true & you move that toy so erotic looks & sounds great
Account Closed
More than a month agoThat is so true sexy lady
Or even that look in your eyes
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More than a month agoCompletely agree with you david2641
Spookyduke001
More than a month agoGreat Article Eva. I'm.going to share this with my amazingly sexy curvy girlfriend who has similar self esteem body image issues to those u talk about. I absolutely admire love and adore every single bit of her amazing curvy, voluptuous and womanly body and I tell her with my actions,words and my eyes 1000 little ways everyday......
ReplyWangChung2Night
More than a month agoFantastic article Eva. We got to love ourselves before anyone else will. Definitely surround yourself with positive people & images.
ReplyI love ladies with meat on their bones. Sir Mixalot was right but the facts are it's a person's attitude & outlook that make them attractive. Size does not define the person.
Amazzoneon
More than a month agoI am a 52 yo 5’8 size 20 woman who lacked self confidence for years. I now appreciate my body and sexiness, desires needs and wants. My man makes me feel like a goddess and I have men of all ages and sizes desiring me. Sexiness is definitely a state of mind. Thank you for a great article
Replyfriskypuz
More than a month agoFunny how we see ourselves, as my profile says l have curves, lumps and bumps.
ReplyBut it shouldn't just be about the women, there are also many men who have curves..
Mindfood2
More than a month agoConfidence, is sexy
No matter what shape and sizes we are as al..woman
We have to Loved ourselves for No one else will.I am size 10 to 12 I lost my self confidence when I was married..I am alot happier now with my body and just flaunting it and having Fun..I enjoy looking at my body images ..I lived for now..Tomorow is another day. So to speak
We just have to think positive with everything in Life and Enjoy It
Thank you for this article
Regards
Lolly
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoyou do have a sweet body worth flaunting keep it up
Account Closed
More than a month agoU should flaunt it if is a very sexy body
DirtyLuLu
More than a month agoIntelligence is so sexy! How a person moves and conducts them self...... have a fierce attitude and just go for it!
ReplyFriendintown
More than a month agoThis is one of the best articles I’ve read here. I’m not BBW but the self esteem and self respect messaging is wonderful for all.
ReplyVeryHorny952
More than a month agoHi I’m a 66yr old woman. I’m size 20 and only 5ft 2ins. I have had plenty of men from different age groups wanting to meet and have fun. Lots of young men 35 and up want a mature shapely female. More than you think. The male wants a woman who enjoys her sexuality and isn’t thinking how she looks all the time. I know we would all be better off health wise having less weight to carry around, but it takes a lot of hard work to achieve it.i have lost 14 kg since Jan 1 this year. I’m still big, I have big boobs that I will never loose, why should I the men love them,all ages love them. No male has told me I’m too fat maybe because I’m a very sexual and sensual woman..Mary-Rose xxx
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agooh how true Mary-Rose xx
Vvverybusty
More than a month agoThink most people have insecurities even the traditionally slim and muscled ! Most important thing is to accept yourself and then you’ll feel the confidence !
ReplyLeolady727
More than a month agoAnother great, image-affirming article, Eva. Ladies, always remember that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it ;-)
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ReplyAdeline.Melb
More than a month agoHigh five!
Aquarius1965
More than a month agoCurious as to.....
What size roughly do people class as BBW and also curves
I'm slowly learning to accept mine...…….
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ReplytriXXXi66
More than a month agoThat is the unanswerable question... i truly dont consider myself a BBW and i actually hate the inferrence that i am one.. why cant i just be me.. an individual.. who is like no one else! Ditch the BBW tag i say!
Account Closed
More than a month agoI have been called 'curvy' by some men and I'm a size 10-12, weigh 72 kg and im 5"6. Other men have said the opposite; that I'm skinny. I think it depends on the lover really.
In my thoughts, I'm happy with the way I am and if they can't accept me for me, then stuff them!
Kristy171717
More than a month agoI am a lady with curves and I can say never have I been left alone in the bedroom by myself. Go get what you want and don't be scared to try new things
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoI’d never leave you alone in the bedroom
Boldpromise
More than a month agoI simply adore a woman with curves,i love big heavy set women.I can honestly say that most guys i know would prefer a more natural looking woman with delicious curves than your average gym junkie.
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ReplyHotAussieLady63
More than a month agoThank you that to say. My saying is more cushioning for the pusherening.....Not skin and bone and fiction.... Lol
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More than a month agoMusic to my ears boldpromise! I had a very hard time loving my size due to an incredibly cruel alcoholic father. It has taken time, work and compliments over and over to help me love my body and every bump, lump and roll.
Boldpromise
More than a month agoHi DDdelite,you are a beautiful looking woman and i love your stats.I bet you are receiving more than your fair share of attention on here.I would worship your delicious body if given half a chance.
Amante.
More than a month agoIf you care what I look like when I'm fucking, you shouldn't be fucking me in the first place! ~ Margaret Cho
That applies to everyone, all the time. Who made you judge of me? I did, so stop it.
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ReplyIVAONE60
More than a month agoI agree there are to many people who judge others in this world.
YoucancallmeAl1
More than a month agoSo so true.. Thank you x
ReplyI am late 50s and size 14. I can't compete with the bikini set on here, but dont want to either
Curves and confidence still works for me x
IVAONE60
More than a month agoBe proud of your body and forget about what others think. If they don't like what they see its their loss and you're better off without them in you're life.
ReplyMissek
More than a month agoLove this article! Would love to hear more on positions etc, especially how those combat being on top as I've always avoided that position. As a BBW myself I've been through these issues, the self hate, the "oh she looks better than I do" blah blah blah. My ex fiance once told me he liked me being "fat" because then noone else would look at me....things like that really kills confidence in oneself. I still am very self conscious about my body to the point I've made excuses not to meet because the little monster in my head says "you're too big, he will be put off, don't do it to yourself" etc. The odd times I've shut that bitch down and put myself out there gave me the chance to meet a few guys who took all that self loathing away and it was pretty damn amazing.! What I looked like didnt even cross my mind...there is alot of truth in surrounding yourself with the right people, who make you feel worthy, sexy and confident.
Learn to love yourself, if you can't how do you expect others to?
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ReplyKinkyGirl101
More than a month agoGlad to see he is your ex-fiance after comments like that!
DeliciousEva
More than a month agoWe have some great sex position articles and suggestions for larger bodies if you search the blog. With little tips and tricks re the thought you might squash them. (spoiler, you rarely do to the point they can't enjoy you and the activities.)
And I too am very glad he's your ex.
xx
Amante.
More than a month agoMissek, If you look around in your day to day life there are few people that live up to the images of media. Unfortunately, media has shaped many women's perspectives on what they should look like, behaviour... It's bullshit.
My current and past two lovers have enjoyed my softness, told me how sexy I am and touched me with admiration, not any of the negative descriptors you can think of.
Enjoy your body. You will never be as young and beautiful as you are today, every day.
xx Amante
krissy2016
More than a month agoI'm curvy and I have alot of insecuritys I won't get fully naked I leave my t-shirt on.
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ReplyIVAONE60
More than a month agoYou should not hide you're body the female body is something to be admired. Feel proud of your body its yours and it can be sexy. No of have the perfect body. Be proud of your body and yourself.
perthman2020
More than a month agoi LOVE & would ADORE every curve you have
& if you shared a bed with me ... your shirt would not stay on for long
& you'd enjoy being a curvy naked woman ....
as i'd give you so much pleasure ...............
Ssbbw78
More than a month agoThank you so much for writing this article and for all your advice and wisdom.
ReplyThere is comfort in knowing I'm not alone in this low confidence thing. It's A daily battle for me but am keen to set the very un confident self aside and find the new sexy confidence woman in me through following your advice.
Thank you again x
CuddleWhore
More than a month agoTaking sexy selfies also helped me to start loving my body. Grab one of those naff selfie-sticks, throw on some sexy lingerie and enjoy yourself.
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Replymisshottie34
More than a month agoThat's a great idea
Onlycasual02
More than a month agoFantastic idea!
Account Closed
More than a month agoAfter a really tough couple of years, where I lost total confidence with this body of mine, which is full of lumps, bumps, and scars (of which I am proud of each and every one...but lost that 'self-love' for it through what hit me), I went and booked in for a lingerie photography shoot last year.
It worked absolutely brilliantly, as you said with taking selfies - to see yourself in that way, it was like I discovered myself all over again...and the confidence I'd lost. Seeing the photos now, reminds me that I deserve to be proud of this body of mine, no matter what.
Darkstud
More than a month agoThere is more attraction to a personality than the person. I would a prefer a bigger lady with a friendly approach rather than a slim one with a stinky attitude.
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ReplyIVAONE60
More than a month agoI agree totally BBW lady's have a lovely funny attitude. Rather be with someone who is fun then someone who is not.
Helloyounglover
More than a month agoI love curves and rear entry. Adam
ReplyTigerlily.2034
More than a month agoLove the skin you're in .... regardless! Xo
Replytrusted8
More than a month agoTo all those larger people out there....sexiness has nothing to do with looks. I am well aware that there are those who would rather be thinner than what they are. Either because they would be healthier or just appear better in their own eyes. Remember, the larger you are..the more of you there is to love.
ReplyAdell1
More than a month agoThank you! It can be difficult to put yourself out there as a larger woman. We don't look like the typical "porn star" or "model". However thanks to some wonderful men I have met on this site I have gained/regained confidence in my curves and wobbly bits. (thank you gents; you know who you are...). Get out there ladies. You are beautiful. So many men love real women, not stick insects.
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Reply3HOLES4U2FUCK
More than a month agoThank you Adell1
what you said is quite correct , I am a BBW a size 26 and have found it hard at first to put myself out there as you suggest , but i did with my hubbies help so now we go swinging with like minded people , there has been some negativity towards me as a BBW it did affect me but i came to the conclusion
they are the ones missing out on fucking and being with me , everyone have said i have a great personality and body so why not use it too your advantage
Just be yourself and love yourself
Adell1
More than a month agoGood for you hun. Embrace it and own it :)
Shybutcurious33
More than a month agoI love this. Im still in the self hate phase but hopefully some of these tips will help! Its exhausting not liking what you see in a mirror
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ReplySteve0112
More than a month agoDon’t beat yourself up...focus on the positives of which I’m sure there is plenty and put a simple achievable plan in place to improve what you don’t like :)
BBWBlondee
More than a month agoGreat read and good to see some tips for the sexy BBWs out there x
ReplyOpen4funEE
More than a month agoI enjoyed reading that and being larger lady I already know that other people are attracted to my very large boobs and body size. At the end of the day what's between my legs is not bigger because I am a BBW and I with my partner are enjoying the experiences and we explore with everything.
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ReplyAgrotaz
More than a month agoEnjoy yourself and have as much fun as you can. My partner is a bbw and I am a Bhm
Candygirl20
More than a month agoSpot on. I began to love my body shape more when I started to walk around my home naked. Gave me greater confidence
ReplyThere is nothing better than having men like your body shape in respectful photos. Makes you feel more sexy.Curvy BBW have needs and if they are not being met in the relationship then it's time to move on.