Your Top 10 Questions about Dating a Cougar

KarenLee Poter KarenLee Poter on 5 May 2018    35 comments
Attractive blonde mature woman with a short skirt and boots sitting on a park bench

My name is KarenLee Poter and I’m a “Cougar!” Proclaiming myself a Cougar to me is like wearing a badge of honor. It signifies a woman who is Confident, Older, Unique, Genuine, Assertive & Racy. Most cougars have had their share of triumphs and tragedies. 

Here’s my story: I was happily married for 24 years, when my husband was murdered by a deranged employee. When I began going out with other single women, I found an unexpected phenomenon. Everywhere we went, younger guys hit on us. The perception of a cougar was one of a predator, but I found it to be the opposite. I discovered that younger men were relentless in their quest to date me and my friends. They were the aggressors. Celebrities like Demi Moore, Mariah Carey and Madonna helped de-stigmatize and glamorize the older woman/younger man age gap relationship. 

After a few years of being single and dating predominantly younger men, I created a YouTube channel, The KarenLee Poter Show. The show was about dating and sex and not surprisingly, the most popular topic was Cougars!

Here are my answers to 10 popular Cougar questions: 

1. Why am I attracted to Cougars? 

Cougars are attractive to younger men mainly because of their self-confidence. They’re independent and self-sufficient which is attractive to younger men, who don’t want to take care of anyone while they’re establishing their own careers. Cougars are sexy and usually skilled in the bedroom which makes them excellent teachers. Older women are typically more mature and don’t engage in drama and game playing like their younger counterparts.  

2. Where can I meet a Cougar?

There isn’t a set location where Cougars congregate, but there are some venues that you’ll have more luck finding them in. Most Cougars take good care of their appearance so they have gym or yoga studio memberships. They like going to restaurant bars or places with live music. Cougars won’t be in frat bars or loud EDM clubs. Some are avid sports fans, so sports bars are popular especially if the teams are doing well. Charity organizations, karaoke, wine tastings or running clubs are also where you can meet like minded cougars. 

3. Do I need a lot of money to date a Cougar? 

No, cougars are happy to stay home and enjoy the company of the younger man. They know they’re with men starting their careers so they don’t have those expectations. 

4. What pick up lines work with Cougars? 

Cougars aren’t usually suckers for compliments or pick-up lines. They are more interested in a sense of humor and genuine interest on the part of the younger guy. Asking her questions will draw the focus to her which is great for shy guys.

5. Do Cougars only want sex or can it turn into a relationship? 

Cougars like the sex but also the companionship that goes with the relationship. I’m currently in a long term relationship with a younger guy. If the chemistry is there, anything is possible although typically younger men may want to have children which could be a deal breaker for older women with kids. 

6. How do I ask her out? 

Cougars like a guy with confidence. Approach her, talk about the surroundings and ask questions with some depth and curiosity. Don’t take it personally if she rejects you the first time around. She may be worried about the stigma still attached to dating a younger guy. It’s a numbers game, be creative and interested in what she has to say. Be a good listener. Practice talking to strangers every day. You’ll become comfortable if you talk to people who don’t intimidate you. Eventually you simply ask her to have a cup of coffee or a drink. You’ll miss every shot you don’t take.

7. How do I deal with my friends and family’s disapproval?

Ignore it! They’ll realize that you need to follow your heart if you demand that they respect your right to choose a partner. 

8. Should I ask her age? 

No, it’s understood that the cub is younger. Don’t ask her kids’ ages either. She’ll let you know when it’s appropriate. 

9. What should I wear on a date with her?

Dress like a man. A suit isn’t necessary but a nice shirt and a pair of sharp jeans is a turn-on. No slouchy pants or baseball hats on dates. Grooming is a must! 

10. Do I have to have experience in bed? 

No, Cougars love to be the teachers and are up for experimenting sexually. They’ve had multiple partners and are typically non-judgmental and patient in the bedroom. You’ll learn life long lessons and it’s one of the best reasons to be with a cougar.

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Comments (35)

  • cowgaluvoldrmen

    cowgaluvoldrmen
    Account closed

    So what age do they class a cougar ?
    Curious lol
    Myself I like older men ! Haha maybe I should start like younger men !
    Thank god we are all different
    >4w
    • NNNN2005

      NNNN2005
      57M Saint Kilda, VIC,
       AU

      When the term cougar first appeared it meant a 30 something woman prowling for early 20's guys and it worked for both the women wanted sex and were good at it and the guys were happy to get it without the expectations that younger women demanded. Just wham bam thankyou mam.
      But these days 50 somethings cruising for mid 30's guys is a bit sad, these guys can get good sex from 30's women but are more interested in 20 somethings.
      >4w
    • allinmymind

      allinmymind
      61F Wodonga, VIC,
       AU

      Not always are the women in their 50s cruising for the 30 something guys, but the other way around, or they have known them for awhile. Why is it sad?
      >4w
    Reply
  • davidwilson1

    davidwilson1
    49M Logan Central, QLD,
     AU

    My ex was 58 best woman
    >4w
    Reply
  • rboy01

    rboy01
    Account closed

    I loved reading everyone's comments about this matter For a very long time I've loved having sex with older lady's and still do to this day, Love every minute of it, Now that I'm hitting the age of 40 and seeing the younger lady's getting around I love having sex with them also ( 18 years of age + ) So do you think it a matter of when we where younger we wanted to have sex with someone older and now as we get older, we look for the younger people to have sex with ?
    >4w
    Reply
  • Playtime.mmmm

    Playtime.mmmm
    61F Dee Why, NSW,
     AU

    Ive never been a cougar, in the sense of hunting down young cubs.
    Having divorced some years ago getting back out there is a bit daunting at times. Always went for ppl around my own age.
    However on a site like this im amazed at just how many young men tend to contact a mature woman.
    I have no insecurity's, no trying to reclaim my youth, im an independant confident lady, whos still very sporty and active, and take care of myself.
    On a site like this there are options available to all, but the younger guys tend to talk about the younger ladies many are hard work n headcases. Us older gals have nothing to prove and yes, much joy can be had from a fit, guy with stamina rather than a dad bod, as many around my age can be.
    There can be something sexy about a fit n healthy specimen, of many ages who has a healthy sexual appetite, why does it need a label, why does age matter. If there is chemistry and spark, enjoy it for what it is.
    >4w
    Reply
  • MaleOnQuest

    MaleOnQuest
    67M Coogee, NSW,
     AU

    I can assure you that, at the age of 60, I am not looking for a cougar.
    The problem I find is that so many women around my age are looking for younger/much younger men that I don't even get a look in. That, combined with the fact that I am not interested in significantly younger women, means that men my age don't have much chance of meeting anybody.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Kidcas

    Kidcas
    47M Hope Island, QLD,
     AU

    Tbh, from my point of view , single guys on here would fuck a poisonous black snake if you held its head around the right way .
    The ball is in the females court 100% , so if I was a cougar and only wanting sex I’d probably shoot for men in their late 20’s as they have more sexual stamina .
    If the the ‘cougar ‘ was looking for something a bit more meaningful then the 40’s is probably more suited .
    Cougars are easier in a sense they usually have their own house , so are more available , don’t want more kids so there is no anxiety over an accidental impregnation .
    I recently dated a 25 yr old and every chance she had she would snap chat , it was very disturbing as she was very insecure and would use filters in every photo .
    Don’t know where I’m going with this but I suppose cougars are great , it all depends on the age of their children and their availability.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Dejavue60

    Dejavue60
    Account closed

    Well written and factual article. Not a fan of the sexist cougar label, men aren't burdened like this. They're just called older men.
    >4w
    • Lexecutie

      Lexecutie
      37T NSW,
       AU

      Lmao, the burden here is "the thirst" and men have that burden from age 9, it only intensifies as we get older and since the average male has between 2000 & 6000 "the thirst" related thoughts every day, the terms used for men are "men" & "older men".
      Secondly, correct me if I'm wrong but isn't the term "cougar" a term popularised by women, as an empowering way of saying "fit older women, with 'the thirst' "
      Sorry but being a man I can only think so much since god gave me a penis & a brain but only enough blood to use one at a time ;)
      >4w
    Reply
  • Cactus874

    Cactus874
    Account closed

    I love Cougars , they are the best sex partner.
    >4w
    Reply
  • x234567

    x234567
    Account closed

    Hey sexy people who have commented....Lets make passionate love and forget the war of words....
    >4w
    Reply
  • irishrebel1960

    irishrebel1960
    Account closed

    Can't see how being a Cougar signifies confidence at all. I would think it was the exact opposite. It's a signifier of insecurity. A woman who is in denial about the beauty of ageing. One who spends all her time in the Gym, trying to reclaim the body of her youth. One who needs to be seen in the company of younger men in the hope it will magically reverse the ageing process. Sounds just like the type of trophy wife syndrome that is seen in wealthy old men, (Jagger and Trump immediately come to mind here). It epitomises insecurity.
    >4w
    • KinkyGirl101

      KinkyGirl101
      50F NSW,
       AU

      Well aren't you a ray of sunshine. Recently divorced in my 40s I had a series of toy boy lovers. No reclaiming of youth for me. I was fucking like a rabbit and glad I was comfortable in my own body and had young men with the stamina men in their 50s typically lack unless they have pharma assistance. I picked up one man 16 years my junior and didn't go back to my place for a week other than to pack a bag with clothes (not that we needed them).
      >4w
    • Leolady727

      Leolady727
      Account closed

      I agree with you, irishrebel. A woman who labels herself as a "Cougar" is pandering to the worst, most sexist ideals. I HATE the term and hate that an older woman (actually, I think I'm too old to be a "Cougar", thank god) is just a thing to be ticked off some wanky young guy's "bucket list". I enjoy sex, but don't look for young guys - they do not have enough life experience to interest me. I prefer men around my own age, give or take 10 or so years. I'm here to look after ME, not to fulfil someones fantasy.
      >4w
    • irishrebel1960

      irishrebel1960
      Account closed

      Did much the same myself when i was divorced at 41. Both with older and younger women. Not quite 16years my junior but one was 14 years younger. It was all about being reassured that I was desirable.
      >4w
    • Lexecutie

      Lexecutie
      37T NSW,
       AU

      When I was 18 I became acquainted with an older lady, we first hit it off from a mutual enjoyment of cigars & coffee and had a lengthy chat or 3 over a few chance encounters at the local café.
      One day our chat got pretty hot and heavy and she told me to follow her home, so I did.
      It was after about 3 weeks into being FWB before she had even asked how old I was (having a shaved head and a full beard some women thought I was 40 ish) and she gasped at my answer, having assumed I was older, then got hell embarrassed when I guessed her to be 50 ish (she was fit as, having been a model in her youth) , she corrected me to 69.
      It was more upsetting to her to find out I was younger than her kids, than it was for me. I knew she was older and it didn't phase me one bit.
      To be perfectly clear, She was in no way insecure about her looks, not about being desirable & certainly not about wealth. She played tennis 2 times a week,swam and did yoga every day, ate well and enjoyed life to the fullest.
      She was a widow, had 3 kids all older than me. She had her Masters degree, a successful business, the house, car, boat and investments to get by.
      Nothing about her ever gave an impression of her being anything other than strong, independent and liberated.
      She knew what she liked and wasn't afraid of social stigmas.
      So while the term "cougar" was never used between us, (since it wasn't a popularised term yet, and every other cat & fox name was viable) but I'm sure it wouldn't have bothered her to have been a called a cougar instead of a lioness or silver fox (back before the gays claimed silver fox....how ever the hell that works...I don't even wanna know what it means now).
      I don't see a point in labeling a term to be derogatory or sexist, just because it's in regards to women & sex.
      Like a liberated women couldn't possibly exist who tends to her own physical pleasure and desires like an adult, without some how being insecure or catering to the depraved or desperately clinging to lost youth like a sad witch from a novel.
      What's wrong with you that you can't just get over it being a healthy appetite for pleasure, summarised into a generalisation using a wild cat as a comparison. Just harmless word use, nothing sexist or derogatory( unless you're just a cotton wool wrapped, overly easily offended by the wind blowing type that thinks everything's about you being life's victim). Just be indifferent if you're not into it. No point trying to vilify the term, or make up bullshitisms to how somebody is less "high brow" than you because you're "so mature and well cultured" but really you're judgemental and prudish. Clearly age just made you boring and sad... If cougars upset you.
      >4w
    • summerrain52

      summerrain52
      72F Ballarat, VIC,
       AU

      irishrebel1960.... I agree about you being a little ray of sunshine. I am in my 60's and since my divorce in my 30's i have always enjoyed the company of younger men... and not because I am trying to hang onto my youth. I can honestly state I love fucking younger men.... simple as that.
      And hooray for Emmanuel Macron helping to de-stigmatise older women/younger men
      >4w
    Reply
  • BBWmature

    BBWmature
    Account closed

    Must we STILL label people! It just comes down to being with someone who wants to be with you & treats you how you deserve to be treated it doesn’t matter if your 50 & he’s 27 as long as your doing it for the right reasons
    >4w
    • Tikosta

      Tikosta
      70F Brisbane, QLD,
       AU

      I agree. I HATE the term cougar as well. Very predatory. It's society though that has the problem with older woman /younger man. Those in it don't need to care :)
      Beautiful photos by the way :)
      >4w
    • adidas1982

      adidas1982
      37M Melbourne, VIC,
       AU

      Lable..... Look at your profile name....
      >4w
    • BBWmature

      BBWmature
      Account closed

      Not a label Adidas1982
      I’m BIG I’m BEAUTIFUL I’m a WOMAN and I’m MATURE
      >4w
    • Moruyamack

      Moruyamack
      Account closed

      well I'm 47 n have little interest in ladies younger than myself ,unless they are bigger larger curvier types,I've got attraction for 55-80yr ladies with all the naturally occurring things they have,breasts softer hanging lower,tummy rolls bums with creases n wrinkles,cellulite n streach marks .[i know,everyone thinks I'm weird or think only girls that'll have me]butt not so n I'm attracted to what I'm attracted too,thats that..im usually told I'm too young by nearly all I've ever contacted,witch sucks[poor me]butt I've finally started chatting with what i call my fantasy girl,all of above mentioned.im overwhelmingly estatic of prospect of us getting together..
      to all the opionated n outspoken idiots,your options really show how ugly you really all are,rotten heart is rotten the ugliest of all..n in 10,20,30 years you'll be like us oldies anyway..bet your outspokeness n narrow minds still won't understand...cheers to every n all over 50 females,your all gorgeous champions in my eyes...xxx
      >4w
    Reply
  • KinkyGirl101

    KinkyGirl101
    50F NSW,
     AU

    For a while between relationships I was lucky enough to date quite a few younger guys. So. Much. Fun.
    >4w
    Reply
  • YourMrsRobinson

    YourMrsRobinson
    Account closed

    I hate the terms "cougar" and "cub". Seriously.... I'm a woman looking for a gentleman for sex and friendship. I DO NOT want to be a teacher. I want a man who knows what he's doing.... Not continually asking "is this good", "am I doing this right". Huge turn off. And... I disagree with this blog. I wonder how many women truly like the label "cougar". To me its insulting.
    >4w
    • KinkyGirl101

      KinkyGirl101
      50F NSW,
       AU

      Each to their own. But I'd much prefer to be called a sexy cougar than "older woman" or "milf". Neither of those hold much appeal for me and no one has come up with a better term.
      >4w
    • LadyDragon

      LadyDragon
      Account closed

      Agree re being the teacher - so many comment that "you can teach me..." NO! I just want to enjoy the company, fun & if (and ONLY if) there's a good connection, great, energetic sex.
      One of the main reasons younger guys give for not dating their own age bracket is that the younger women are not communicative, are self-centred & far too interested in trivial things... most older women have been there, done that, & now know how to enjoy LIFE, not the trappings.
      Go prowl the jungle with pride, fellow "cougars"... or whatever you wanna be called! ;~>
      >4w
    • Lexecutie

      Lexecutie
      37T NSW,
       AU

      I think of "Super Fox" or "Silver Fox" more than "Cougar", but I'm polite enough not to shout "Damn!! Super Fox!!" , even if on the inside I am ;)
      >4w
    • KinkyGirl101

      KinkyGirl101
      50F NSW,
       AU

      @strechticles Yep Silver Fox is a great description but the gay guys already grabbed that one. I'll stick with cougar 'cos when I went clubbing I was definitely the one doing the hunting.
      >4w
    • MissThatTouch

      MissThatTouch
      Account closed

      I agree re the "teacher" (or 'more experienced') comment, as an older woman who gets approached by younger men, on this angle. So many times "I love older, more experienced women like you, you can teach me new things!" More 'experienced'?...so you need to learn 'new things', from someone my age? No, you can discover 'new things' together, with any woman you're with, no matter her age. If you're a younger man who only wants to be with me because of my age and 'experience'...sorry, that's a no from me.
      (You'll soon know whether you're 'doing it wrong, or right' from any woman you're with ;) ...not just someone older - plus, we all have our own unique wants/likes no matter our age...no one woman/man can universally 'teach' this, because that's a different scale for everyone).
      When I'm with a man, we're enjoying the ride together, going by natural instinct, just letting it happen and discovering how each other operates and our wants/likes...its not a driving lesson (or a classroom) where I'm there 'showing him what to do'...we're enjoying the mutual experience together, whether its a fast/wild ride...or a slow drive in the country.
      >4w
    • Lexecutie

      Lexecutie
      37T NSW,
       AU

      @Kinkygirl, yeah well Super Fox is staying then, claimed. For all the ladies 10-40 undisclosed year older than us younger blokes, who still turn us down flat for being too young at 30.
      Meow on the prowl sexy cougar ;3
      >4w
    • xFunlovingx

      xFunlovingx
      64F Cairnlea, VIC,
       AU

      @MissThatTouch. You hit that nail right in the middle of the head! I'm only here to enjoy myself not to teach someone. Well said.
      >4w
    Reply
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