Can men really be bisexual?


Q: One of my ex-playmates from AMM has changed his profile to Bi. He was definitely into me when we were fucking so what's the deal? I always thought bi guys were just gay guys reluctant to come out.

A: Today, in 2015, we're happy to report the measurable progress that's been made here on Earth involving human sexuality. That’s not just in terms of gay rights, but also in our collective understanding of how complicated we all really are. We're talking way more shades of gray than 50.

Frustratingly enough, it's still a widely held belief that men can't really be bisexual, despite the substantial number of men who self-identify as bi. You're not the only one asking this question, so don’t feel bad. But it does make me wonder why we, as a society, find it so difficult to take men like your fuckbuddy at their word?

Well, there's the whole messy topic of how we're socialised to think about same-sex attractions. Though this is changing (and that’s a good thing!), many of our ingrained notions about sexuality are calibrated to the straight male barometer. This partially helps explain why girl-on-girl action is less stigmatised in mainstream society (and even applauded), while male-on-male action is relegated to Strictly Gay Island.

I’m sure you’ve heard many people talk about how fluid women’s sexuality can be are, so why don’t we see guys the same way?

Much of the incredulousness also comes from the idea that a man who says he's bisexual is really just using that as a stepping stone to coming out as fully gay: you know; "gay, straight, or lying." This, again, often goes back to the stigmatisation of male homoeroticism mentioned above.

Indeed, a man really can be bisexual if he sleeps with men but occasionally dates women. He can also be bi if he's predominantly sleeping with men at the moment, which in no way invalidates his previous preference for women or potential to pursue women more in the future. It also goes without saying that one's sexual orientation is larger than their current relationship. The capacity to be attracted to another person never goes away, regardless of where you fall on the Kinsey Scale.

All of this fell even further into question in 2005, when a widely publicised US study suggested that men aren't actually capable of being bisexual. Researchers measured genital arousal patterns in men who identified as bisexual, but their boners told a different story: that the men were either aroused by women or aroused by men, and usually the latter.

However, the researchers found their test subjects by advertising in gay publications - meaning their participants were more likely to lean towards being gay to begin with.

A more recent study in 2011 recruited subjects from bi-specific websites, and it also used more specific standards to qualify the men as bi. Participants were required to have had sexual encounters with at least two people of either sex, as well as romantic relationships of 3 months or longer with at least one male and one female. Unsurprisingly, the bisexual men in this study were aroused by images of men and women.

Of course sexuality is about so much more than the way your body physically responds to various stimuli.

Unfortunately, many people assume bisexuality can only have a perfect 50/50 split between male and female attraction, but in reality, bisexual people often oscillate on that spectrum over the course of their lives. You’ll also hear people say that if a bisexual person eventually marries or dates a man or a woman long-term, then they have "picked a side." Sexuality is fluid for many people, men and women, and placing such rigid boundaries and rules on the concept of bisexuality would be inaccurate.

In fact the results from Adult Match Maker's Under the Covers Sex Survey in 2014 found that 23% of male respondents identified as bisexual, a far greater percentage than expected.

So yes, bisexual men are out there, and your playmate may very well be one of them!


  • Wannaplay2195
    More than a month ago

    Very interesting

  • Account closed
    More than a month ago

    im 45 years guy has been in straight short / long term relationships through life.
    i'd had been interested and attracted to trans woman for roughly 20 years with respect for being proud and true to themselves.
    i was abit nervous in how and what to say to start a conversation ... so short version , out in city one night, lady comes over and ask ? if it was ok to sit and have chat .. i reply , yes please, got her a chair ..
    at no point, until after couple of hours of general chit chat about each, she then asks ? what do i think of transgender ppl ? i answered back, no different from any other person, as long who life healthy n happy ! i explained my attraction n interest to get to meet someone, she says, im a ladyboy, from philippines!! i could not even tell. after talking with each other for couples.
    so, i finally met a very nice , well educated, and very good looking,, so after 1 hour ish asked if i would like to her place ? and if i would be up for trying some new fun ?
    as excited and a lil nervous, still amazed how much of a nice person,,, and got along so easy too.
    so that night changed my life forever. and we had a great 8 months. go to shops, dinner etc.
    she showed me things i didnt even know was possible .. i still have g.fs here and there in last 6 years, and met couple of trans girls and hung out fews months. i will always be attracted and have g.fs . but also enjoy being trans girls in general and physically and attracted.
    so , after all of short story,,,
    does this put a label on myself ? i am straight ? or bi , only for trans girls ? is there a right answer?
    its been very much different fun new experiences ,, that i will keep on enjoying in life

    thank you


  • kichigainbris Photo
    More than a month ago

    I have met many girls who say they would never be with a bi guy, while they themselves have and do enjoy bisexual experiances with other girls. There seems to be stigma from other men that prevents many bi guys being open about it as they assume if you have sex with another guy, even in a 3some or group that you must be gay, this is also a view shared by many females as well and as a result most guys are reluctant to ever publicly identify as bi.
    Guys love the visual enjoyment of seeing 2 girls together, which is evident in porn, and that has meant bi girls have been much more socially accepted and encouraged, while there is not the same level of visual appeal and arousal for women watching 2 guys together and therefore there hasnt been the same level of support for it.

    I dont believe anyone is 100% straight or gay, with everyone falling someone on the scale in between.

    At the end of the day if it feels good enjoy it, as long as its with consenting adults who cares what anyone else thinks, what you and your partners and friends enjoy doing together behind closed doors is no one elses business at all (so long as its consenual and all adults)..... allow yourself to experiance to things might open your eyes to a world of new pleasures

  • Profile invisible
    More than a month ago

    What's it matter? At the end of the day if it feels good what happens between consenting adults is their business. And as for love, it's just love, it's not finite and you can't control who you fall for, or even if you love more than one person at once. Straight, gay bisexual, whatever your orientation folks should just live and let love, worry about there own affairs and not judge.

  • dutchy99 Photo
    More than a month ago

    Firstly I would like to ask the question why is it more acceptable and less threatening that a woman can present as bisexual? In fact it is a positive turn on. If a woman is bisexual we just accept it and don't even ask what she has to hide.
    Secondly... to the questioner... it is really very difficult for a man to fake an erection!! Contrary to popular belief you can't close your eyes and think of someone or something else and concentrate on the job in hand lol. So.,when you were having sex with him i think it fair to say that you were turning him on.
    As the answer says.. for some people sex is very fluid and those people there is no explanation as to why. So long as no one gets hurt.. vive la difference ?

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