Dating someone new can feel downright delicious – the butterflies, the banter, the flirty back and forth, the anticipation of what’s next. But woven in between the sparks, you might catch little moments that make your head tilt like a confused golden retriever. Is it a harmless quirk? A strange personality blip? An awkward case of miscommunication? Or is it actually a concerning red flag disguised as personality?

Is it normal behaviour that they cancelled your date last-minute because “something came up” or is that a sign that something’s up? Are they calling you at 10.30pm for a “spontaneous hang” but somehow never planning an actual date? Do they talk over you? Get weirdly jealous of your friends? Criticise you and then act like you’re “too sensitive”? Yeah… those aren’t quirks. They’re early warning signs, and they’re worth listening to.

The thing about red flags is they rarely show up screaming on day one. They start as tiny moments you brush off – maybe I’m overreacting, maybe they’re just tired, maybe it’s a one-off – but over time, those little moments and behaviours can point to bigger issues down the track. Everyone deserves to feel safe, respected and adored in a relationship, including you. Noticing red flags isn’t being picky. It’s being emotionally literate. 

So here are 7 common dating red flags – in no particular order – and how to handle them.

Poor Communication

Sure, early dating communication is never flawless. You’re still figuring out each other’s texting rhythms, sarcasms levels, and how many emojis is too many. But it becomes a red flag when they avoid meaningful conversations, shut you out emotionally, or refuse to open up at all. Silent treatment to punish you? Red flag. Talking over you, dismissing your opinions, or consistently criticising your ideas or the way you live your life? Red flag.

What to do about it: Encourage open conversation, set expectations around communication, and notice how they respond when you express your needs.

Controlling Behaviour

If someone you’ve just started dating is already policing who you see, monitoring your phone, critiquing what you post, trying to have control over what you wear, or trying to micromanage your time… absolutely not. You’re meant to be dating them, not signing up for a parole officer.

What to do about it: Firmly assert boundaries. Make it clear what’s acceptable and what isn’t. If they don’t respect that. Walk.

They’re Secretive or Dishonest

Everyone gets to keep a little mystery in the early days – that’s part of the fun. But if they’re vague about where they’ve been, cancel plans without expectation, disappear for days without communication, take mysterious calls in another room, or simply lie… that’s a problem. Honesty shouldn’t feel like an extreme sport.

What to do about it: Ask direct questions. If they dodge, deflect, or get defensive, take note. Dishonesty rarely improves with time.

Constant Criticism

Negative comments about your body, clothes, achievements, personality, or feelings. Hell no. Someone who belittles you, mocks your emotions or labels you “too sensitive” is not someone trying to love you – they’re someone trying to shrink you. 

How to handle it: Call out the behaviour calmly. A healthy partner will adjust, a toxic one will double down.

Boundary-Breaking

Boundaries are not suggestions. They are essential, especially early on. If they push you to send nudes, pressure you for sex, or make you feel guilty for saying no to anything – huge red flag. Your comfort matters more than their impatience and expectation.

What to say: State your boundary clearly once. You don’t need to defend it. Then observe their reaction – that response tells you everything. Tantrums are never sexy.

Gaslighting or Making You Doubt Yourself

If they deny things you know happened, twist your words, blame you for their actions, or make you feel like you’re “going crazy,” that’s not miscommunication – that’s classic gaslighting. It chips away at your confidence, scrambles your sense of reality and leaves you feeling very confused, anxious and constantly second guessing yourself. And let’s be very clear: that’s not sexy, that’s not love, and that’s absolutely not okay. 

How to respond: Keep note of what actually happened (screenshots are your friend), trust your own memory, and check in with people who genuinely want the best for you. Gaslighting is one of those red flags that doesn’t mellow out – it escalates. Fast. So take it seriously.

Extreme Jealously

A sprinkle of jealousy? Human. Constant accusations, monitoring your socials, trying to isolate you, or interrogating you about friends, workmates or ex-lovers? Deeply unhealthy. Jealousy often evolves into control, resentment and isolation – that’s why it’s a major flag.

What to do about it: Set boundaries early. Don’t justify or over-explain innocent behaviour or relationships. Their insecurities are not your responsibility to fix.

In summary, listen to your gut. You’re not being dramatic. If something feels like a red flag or something feels off, then it probably is. You deserve connection that feels exciting, safe and more joy-filled than anxiety-inducing. Pay attention to how the person you’re dating interacts with your friends. Ask your people for honest feedback; they’ll spot things you’re too smitten to see.

And whatever you do, don’t ignore red flags because you desperately want the relationship to “work.” Being single is far less draining than being tied to someone who chips away at your confidence. Red flags rarely fade, they usually grow louder until you take action.

Dating should feel good. Fun. Exciting. A person should add to your life, not make it hard work. If it mostly feels like stress? That’s your sign. Remember, you’re not looking for perfect – you’re looking for healthy.
 

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