10 Questions to Ask Your Lover

Interracial couple lying on a bed asking each other questions

Whether you're embarking on a new relationship, or just hooking up with someone, there are a few things you should probably find out about your new partner before you jump into the fray.

I'm not necessarily talking about "do you want kids" which is important down the track if the relationship gets serious. I'm more talking about the "what turns you on, and who's your hall pass?" type questions that can start to scratch the surface of what makes them tick and how they like to play.

While yes, of course there are some serious questions to ask, it's also really important to find out the fun stuff too, so here are ten questions (including some silly ones) to ask your lover before you get down and do the whole lovin' thing. 

How do you practice safe sex?

This is super important because there are a whole bunch of different ways to be safe during sex and some are more effective than others, as well as needing to account for personal preferences. For example if she says she uses an IUD for birth control, that doesn't necessarily leave him off the hook as IUDs cannot protect from STIs. Condoms are one of the safest forms of both birth and STI control, but they don't stop everything, and then there are some people with latex sensitivities. Having this conversation before you get into the bedroom will help ensure you're both on the same page when you finally get down and dirty.

Do you get regularly tested?

Like the first question, this is important to know, especially if you regularly hook up with people and aren't in the settling down phase of your relationships. Being tested often is something all sexually active people should do with both pride and confidence. STIs aren't dirty or a sign of promiscuity or "looseness", they are an unfortunate but incredibly common side effect of being a sexual person, and getting regular tests and doing everything you can to protect yourself and your partners should be routine and prioritised as part of your sexual process as much as buying condoms and choosing your nicest underwear.

What's something non-sexual that turns you on?

Sex and sexiness and all that good, erotic stuff doesn't always need to be super overt and smutty. It can be found in the most subtle and innocent of things, and can sometimes be a really deep look into your lover's psyche. For example, clothing, stockings and footwear can have an aphrodisiac effect on some people. The feel of the ocean on hot summer skin. Your lover mowing the lawn or playing with a puppy. The smell of rain or the crashing of thunder. So many non sexy things can be incredibly sexy to some people, and really will help you understand and appreciate your lover's quirks and inner thoughts.

What's the funniest "fact" you thought you knew about sex when you were a kid?

This is a great question to ask because we all had something we used to think, and we all found out it was wrong at some stage, and we all laugh or cringe at ourselves for it, so sharing that silliness with a lover can break the ice even more, while also getting a deeper idea about who they are and where they've come from. For example, when I was a kid I was convinced that babies could only be made if a girl was on her period and a boy was on his "sperm leak". See, somewhere along the way I'd been taught about periods, and had heard something about what I now know would have been wet dreams, and my 9 year old self put the two together and I confidently educated my entire grade 3 class on how babies were made... Cringe!! But hilarious now.

What sort of erotica or porn turns you on?

Porn, erotica and the sexual fantasies we have can be a real insight into our brains and desires and what makes us tick. But it's also really important to remember that what we fantasise about isn't necessarily as linear as "I want you to do that exact thing to me". Which is why the conversation can be so important. Just because she enjoys watching anal vids doesn't necessarily mean she wants to do anal, and his love of stepmother porn doesn't mean he actually wants to fuck his dad's girlfriend... But they are fantastic stepping stones to finding out what it is about those particular clips that make them tingle, and then putting some of those things (whether specific actions or maybe just whispered fantasies) into your sexy playtimes. 

What are your sexual turn offs?

Like the above question but on the opposite scale, this is a great way to find out a bit more about your partner's likes and dislikes and can give a real insight into how they feel about a lot of things, not just sex. For example one friend of mine really enjoys watching anal porn, but draws the line at gaping. Hates it. Makes him feel uncomfortable and sorry for the girls. A girlfriend of mine enjoys watching gangbang porn, especially inter-racial stuff, but (in her own words) "it's got to be a respectful gangbang, Eva! No mean roughness! Lot's of praise!"

Finding this stuff out will also open the gate to a whole bunch of other questions, and possibly some fun porn searches together to find the stuff you can both enjoy.

What is your favourite part of your body?

I know what I love about you, but what do you love about you? This is a great question to ask because it immediately gets your partner thinking positively about themselves which, in a world full of everything and everyone telling you how shit you are, can sometimes be the only time we deliberately praise ourselves. Self love is so important and conducive to a healthy sexual relationship with others and ourselves, and it's also a good way to know how to compliment and support your partner when they might be having a down time about their body, which happens to all of us, regardless of age, size, or gender.

What's your favourite part of my body?

While it's important for us to compliment ourselves and know what we like about our own bodies, I'm not gonna lie, it's really nice to hear someone tell you all about what they like about you, and when it's coming from someone you're intimate with, it can be the biggest and best ego boost in the world. Letting them wax lyrical about your skin, your face, your arms, your butt, the way you walk, the sound of your laugh... Yeah those things are the bomb, and can bring out the confident, sexual person inside of you.

Hickies and other marks, yes or no?

Whether it's just canoodling on the couch, or maybe you're into a bit of rough play, knowing your partner's limits on "marks" is important. Turning up to work with a mega hickey on your neck might not be particularly professional in a lot of settings, same goes with rope marks on the wrist, or other obvious evidence of a fun night had. Being aware of your lover's limits and needs in that area makes you a trustworthy person who may also get a second play time, and also shows that you care about them beyond the immediate pleasure they can give you.

If you won the lottery, what would be your no expense spared date?

When money is no object, and you have the world at your feet, where would you go? What would you do? These sorts of questions can open up conversations about all sorts of things that show how your partner thinks and feels about life. What their ultimate fantasies might be. How they feel about the world. About travel. About other people and places. Are they a Disney World type of person or is a trek to the Himalayas more their speed? Having deeper, non sexual type conversations about lighter things will help you get to know them, but without the seriousness of subjects like "tell me your political leanings and what do you think about world poverty?"

Getting to know your lover beyond just the surface is also a really great way to learn about yourself and the things that make you tick, and can only help to make your sex life, your relationships, and your own world a better, more confident experience for everyone involved.

1 comment

  • Newday2play
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    More than a month ago

    No:11 where would u like me to cum ? Lol 😊✌💦💦💦

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