7 Things Swingers are Sick of Hearing about Swingers Parties
Eva Sless
on 11 May 2022
16 comments
Let's break down some of the most common perceptions or misconceptions people have about swingers parties and set the record straight.
Eyes Wide Shut was a pretty bad movie. It was bad for a whole lot of reasons. Getting a high profile married couple (Tom Cruise and "our" Nicole) at the end of their rather odd and highly scrutinised relationship trying to play act at secret, debauched erotica was bad enough, but then there was the script, the plot, the rest of the cast and the whole weird secret society sex club that, while I'm sure exists in some dark millionaire's fantasy world, is pretty far removed from the reality of swinging and swingers parties that we know and love.
On the other end of the scale there are often depictions of swingers like the revolting Bob and Cheryl from the 90s comedy show Fast Forward (yeah, I'm showing my age). Even the 2018 movie Swinging Safari missed the mark and blamed it on too much cask wine. For the most part, these are the extremes the media show us when depicting swingers parties and the people who enjoy them, and, like almost everything in media that the writer's don't fully understand, they're caricatures that have become the stereotype.
Do you have to be part of a secret society to attend a swingers party?
No. Not in the way I think you mean anyway. Yes it's private and discreet because, for the most part, sex should be private and discreet, it's just that this is private and discreet with a whole bunch of other people. The "Secret Society" is funnily enough the Adult Match Maker chat room or an online forum or email list from a party you're interested in going to, and while yeah, it can absolutely give you a little buzz inside to know you're part of something deliciously secret and naughty... There's no hoods and masks and blood oaths to join. Just register your interest and you can get into the fold. Easy! And no signing your life away.
Swingers parties are just big free for all orgies and no one knows who they're fucking
I mean sometimes they can look a little like that, but most swingers parties aren't just a big pile of squirming bodies on a sheepskin rug sticking things into bits and hoping for the best. Firstly, as we all know sex can be a little awkward even with just two people depending on the positions they decide to play in, so you can imagine the logistics of adding one, or two, or more bodies into that... It's just not cricket, even if there's a bunch of balls getting rubbed. And secondly, consent is such a huge part of the lifestyle that "not knowing who you're fucking" would rarely ever happen (unless that was part of your specific want).
Yes group sex happens and yes there can be group sex that ends up looking like a big ol pile on a sheepskin rug, but consent absolutely matters as does comfort and the logistics of bodies.
People at swingers parties will be riddled with STIs
It always surprises me how people not involved in sexual lifestyles have such little faith in those who do to keep themselves safe. Swingers, polyam people, kinksters, sex workers... These are people who are heavily aware of not only the facts surrounding sexual health, they also absolutely rely on it to keep themselves, and those they have sex with, safe. These demographics literally have the lowest cases of STIs than any other sexually active groups in the world and it's time we started looking to them for the best advice and ways to protect against risks. We ask engineers about building safety, aviators about airline safety, and numerous other experts in their field about how to safely navigate stuff... But god forbid we should ask sexual professionals about sexual safety... That would be icky and wrong.
What about your kids?
What about my kids? We don't take them with us, you know. There aren't "Swingers Creches" at the back of the club like in a gym.
I mean, do you bring your children along to your sex sessions? Cos that's... weird and totally illegal. Swingers are just people. They have lives, jobs, families, kids. They're not some mythical creature that slinks out of a drain on a full moon to fuck your neighbours and then tell all the school mums what they did. Swingers are very aware of what people like you think of them. Trust me, they'll make sure you (and their kids) never know.
I'd never let my partner go to a swingers party
Look, without going into too much of a "you don't own your partner and if you think you do then there are bigger problems afoot" lecture, that's actually the very antithesis of swinging. Swinging is for couples (yes there are singles who swing but that's a different blog). Couples do things together. If it's not something you do together and you hide it from your partner, that's not swinging it's cheating. Swinging is all about consent and communication and people who indulge in it have very specific rules and boundaries for themselves and they stick to them. It's not "letting" your partner do anything... It's "sharing experiences" with your partner and we all do that, just some of us have different "experiences" than others.
Doesn't everyone at a swingers party get jealous?
Jealousy is one of those emotions we seem to always forget has an opposite. All emotions do. From anger to apathy, hate and love, happiness and sadness, every emotion has an equal but opposite side, and jealousy is no different. That emotion is called compersion, and it's the feeling of joy, pride, and elation at seeing someone you love enjoying themselves. Swingers have this in abundance and it's literally one of the reasons they swing. While yes, I won't lie, there can sometimes be ripples of discomfort or jealousy within the scene, the openness and communication between swingers is usually so strong, those things are spoken up and out about fairly quickly and nipped in the bud before they become too big to handle.
What if someone steals my husband/wife?
Okay firstly husbands and wives aren't wallets or paintings. They can't be "stolen". And secondly, swingers don't want your husband or wife because they understand how swinging works, and how consent works, and they would be going against every core element of swinging if they attempted to do that. If you have jealousy or trust concerns about your relationship or partner then that's something you need to work out within the privacy of your own relationship. No one wants to split you up. Swingers aren't like Jehovah's Witnesses. They aren't trying to recruit non-believers to their cause, and trust me... They don't want people in the scene who don't want to be there, it totally ruins the vibe.
Within every lifestyle (regardless of sex or not) there are going to be exceptions to the norm. Yes I'm sure you know someone who can counter one of these points with a personal anecdote, but for the most part swingers are just normal couples who sometimes prefer to share sex adventures with other couples, like other people might go hiking or to a museum with another couple. It's just a social activity that included orgasms and nudity and something a little different to do on a Saturday night.
16 comments
rawhide81
More than a month agoDo tell .... more group events. I couldn't even find 1 in wa
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ReplyAMM.Events
More than a month agoOver 300 couples in Perth who say they're into group sex and orgies and not one of them is hosting a private event? Most couples arrange these things privately via their profiles.
Mysweettaboo
More than a month agoGreat article. I’ve been going on and off for years (even alone) and love the experience. My favourite one closed over covid and I miss it and my secret life and all the fantastic people I met.
ReplyMrsLovesToWatch
More than a month agoAbsolutely. We have been in the ‘lifestyle’ for nearly a decade and have been staffers at both parties and a club. These events and nights usually consist of people who have gotten to know each other socially (at parties and clubs) and often are friends who fuck whilst at the events. A good club/party will have plenty of other activities (playing pool, spa baths, quiet areas to chat) for people to get to know each other and find people with similar desires and ideologies. Almost never have I seen people hook up with someone they don’t know (except of course for special nights like gangbang nights). Parties and clubs are great places to meet likeminded people and usually are exceptionally safe because there are so many people around to keep an eye on what is going on, and usually everyone knows ‘the rules’ as they are normally explained when people turn up. A good club or party will have no tolerance for rule breakers, ejecting anyone who doesn’t ‘tow the line’. Frankly, they are a far safer option than hooking up with people.
ReplyLeopard3199
More than a month agoI have been to a few clubs with my then girl friend. And yes we would have 3sums and no we didn't always know there names. But everyone was there for the same reason. So it was not strange.
ReplyBlackCherry7
More than a month agoYour article should be compulsory reading for all new AMM members and the public in general. Well written n very informative. Thank you.
ReplyBadMoodBunny
More than a month agoThis is a great article, having been raised by swingers and being one myself I’ve heard these many times but I would like to add something based on personal experience.
When it comes to STI/STDs in this lifestyle or any lifestyle we as as a society really do have to start looking and talking about them in a different way.
People can and do get them, not from being reckless with sexual health but because of other factors but are often times treated badly for it (no matter the circumstances).
I found out late last year I was HSV-2+ and since then have learnt just how uninformed and judgemental people are concerning it.
I have been treated badly and with contempt by many due to this, even after explaining my circumstances and precautions I take.
By law I don’t have to tell potential partners about it but I choose to and it has lead to some very aggressive and disturbing responses.
I mention this mainly because we have to change the stigma surrounding STI/STDs and learn to understand what they truely are and the true risks that come along with them. Not just jump to the oh your diseased and dirty mentally that many still have.
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ReplyFuckudeep129
More than a month agoSo true, i sympathise with you, precautions need to be taken, with different partners it's not all wham and glam
MonsterTamer
More than a month agoI believe by law you do have to disclose if you are able to pass it on to others. For example, if an individual knew they had HIV and not practising safe sex and not disclosing it is actually a chargable offence.
BadMoodBunny
More than a month agoMaybe you should re-read and do some research…. I have HSV-2 not HIV. And I am frankly insulted that you have commented something that is actually defamatory to myself.
HSV is Herpes Simplex Virus, which is both sexual and COLDSORES, both are different strands of the same HSV virus. And I don’t have to disclose (I have checked).
Here’s a few facts 60 - 80% of the population has it and it’s not all know about it.
Because of its prevalence many doctors don’t test for it.
Due to the fact I am on suppression meds my chances of passing it on when not having a flare (even bare) is less then 0.something of a %
And my condition and all discussions/information concerning it has been through a doctor and my own research.
So I’ll thank you to rescind your completely wrong defamatory and down right rude comment that proves my point of changing stigma and learn to understand what they truely are and the true risks that come along with them.
I’d also like to suggest in future you re-read things a few times, maybe even check you know what you’re talking about/referring to before commenting.
MonsterTamer
More than a month agoI was using HIV as an example. If you ask someone if they knowingly have active STI (contagious at that present time) and they are aware of it and they do not disclose it. Then there can be ramifications should the other party be infected as a result. There is precedence already set via Court cases in which deceitfully individuals has been jailed as a result). Especially as they were fully aware of their status prior to both parties consenting to engage in any sexual act. Too clarify I was NOT referring to ANY individual/s (especially to yourself!). Just making a statement about "when asked everyone should be truthful, so consent is given at the time based on honest disclosure being provided". I always ask individuals prior to consenting and why I seek an honest response. Over 4 years in this lifestyle I have withdrawn consent as a result of the response provided or they choice not to answer and we do not continue. Unfortunately, it is the minority that do the wrong thing that give the wrong impression to others about swinging. I have many great friendships and love meeting up with like minded individuals who are responsible lifestyle members. Hope this clarifies what I was trying to convey, about disclosure.
My apologies if you thought I was directing my comment to you. You are responsible based on what you have written as well as that you do not have HIV. I was just clarify that when asked individuals need to disclose (especially if at the time there is potential to infect) or understand consent can be withdrawn. Other individuals (not too many) I have met unlike you do not care about sharing and/or being responsible. Again I apologise but my comment was not directed at you.
BadMoodBunny
More than a month agoWell you should have made that clear in the original comment, as your original comment can be taken by many and has by a few as implying I am HIV Positive and not telling people. Sometimes a more involved comment is best
With HSV even if asked, you don’t have to disclose. While it is deemed an STI/D it commonality affects that. Especially if you are taking all reasonable precautions and are not having a flare (though no one is going to want to have sex during a flare anyway). As I mentioned many doctors don’t test for it as well due to its commonality and the fact that disclosure isn’t required for HSV.
Yes HIV needs to be disclosed at all times but it is a different type of STI/D and as such has a different set of guidelines/laws surrounding it.
I have been in the swinging scene for several years and was raised by swingers, I am very aware of the safety needed for the lifestyle. I don’t hide the fact I have it especially if asked but again. Your response shows why my original comment stands about needing to removed the stigmas attached to STI/Ds and learn about them properly.
EroticX
More than a month agoNice article thankyou
ReplySurfboy2018
More than a month agoGreat article .. if only more people read it the world would be a much happier/ peaceful place . Make love not war
ReplyJournalista
More than a month agoThank you for the enlightenment
Replygreatguy28
More than a month agoLoved the article,
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