Newbie or Seasoned? Where to start your swinging journey!

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There are some pro’s and con’s to both but let’s explore them and you can decide for yourself what’s better for you and your partner. I’d highly recommend you work out what you prefer for yourself first, and then discuss it with your partner to make the final decision as to which way you go.

Playing with other beginners:

The beauty about playing with other beginners is that everyone is just as nervous as everyone else! There’s something almost bonding about that alone because it’s something you have in common and as a starting platform.

The downside to playing with beginners though is that it can feel awkward because no one quite knows what to do. Getting play started can sometimes take forever or not happen at all due to everyone’s lack of confidence or knowledge in how to get play started. Unless there is someone in the room that is naturally a leader and gets things going, it can be difficult to move from conversation to nakedness and pleasure.

Another down side is if something comes up for one couple or one partner in a couple, beginners are generally not sure, or not equipped, to handle it (from either side). Being that swinging is still quite new, the couple having the issue are not likely to know how to process what’s going on, let alone with an audience. And the couple who are observing may not have the confidence or thoughts to suggest a recess or to stop at that point. They may also be oblivious that there is an issue if the signs are subtle.

Not knowing what to look for means those early warning signs could be missed, resulting in an unpleasant experience, one couple ending up in a fight or emotional mess, or someone doing something they later regret because they didn’t feel comfortable in speaking up at the time.

You don’t know what you don’t know so there are fewer expectations, which can be a good thing. Being that beginners mostly don’t know exactly what to expect, you are more likely to be a little more fluid and flexible with how the encounter goes. Going in with some solid expectations can lead to disappointment if things don’t go the way you planned.

Beginners with beginners means you’re all likely to take things slower, so the pace can be more comfortable as you all explore this new paradigm together.

Playing with seasoned swingers:

The beauty of playing with seasoned swingers is that they know what they’re doing! They know how to get things going and when, and usually can get things into the naked zone a whole lot quicker having learned some tricks and tips along the way.

The downside to being with the more experienced swingers is that sometimes they can be so comfortable with the whole process and having been with lots of other experienced swingers that they go a little too fast, or they may go to do something with you, without thinking, that you hadn’t considered trying or are comfortable with yet. Either way, all you have to do is say so and they will slow down or stop, and likely apologise. You don’t get that very often though, most are super conscious of the fact you’re new to the scene and go slower, as well as ask you if you’re ok to try xyz.

Some seasoned swingers don’t want to be with beginners because of the higher risk of things going wrong and stuff coming up so even if you’ve connected with someone, they may not play with you until you’ve had a few experiences first.

Those who’ve been in the scene for a few years can generally tell when something is not quite right with one or both partners in the other couple. It’s the subtle hints and the vibe they get, and sometimes they even pick up on it before the other partner does.

Most seasoned swingers have dealt with that kind of thing before; they’ve either been through it with other couples or have gone through it themselves and can often be mentors or coaches to help the new couple work through it. Sometimes they pick up on the “I’m not ok with this” vibe and they are the ones to suggest a time out and for that couple to go and have a chat about what’s going on for them.

If this happens, the seasoned swingers are more likely to be completely ok with not proceeding with the night and allowing you to go home (or encouraging you to) and work through whatever came up for you. They can be very forgiving and flexible in that way because it’s no fun unless everyone is having fun.

So my suggestion to you either way is to do what you can to make sure you’ve had all the conversations you need to have before you hit the playground; prepare yourselves and have a clear plan for how you are going to handle things if stuff comes up. Go in with no expectations other than enjoying a nice night out with your partner and hanging with some new friends, and anything else becomes a fabulous bonus.

5 Comments

  • sugarbuns Photo
    sugarbuns
    More than a month ago

    Getting started can be tricky even for experienced swingers, which we are! We generally prefer people with expeience or at least both agree it's something they want to try. With newbies its a drink and chat for about 15 to 20 minutes and then one of us (usually her) makes a move on the guy. If he responds and his partner seems comfortable, then the other (often him) makes a move on her ... a couple of gentle kisses, then more open mouth, light touching around the lower back and see how the response is. If there's a resistence then we take it back a couple of notches and try again. If its definately a no-no then we sit back down, finish the wine and have a chat for a bit longer and round the evening off. If it's a "yes please!" the clothes come off and its all on .... basically it's all about reading the vibe and responding.

  • Austphil
    More than a month ago

    We are very experienced and although we will meet first timers, we prefer couples with experience. The only thing worse than getting started with a couple and finding out he is trying to show he is the dominant male, is getting started and finding out one of them, most often the girl, has been pressured into it and does not want to be there. Most couples who are experience have already sorted this out. The best method is to get the ladies to talk on the phone, my wife can pick straight away if the other lady is genuine bi and keen and if she likes the personality of the other guy. We have had some great experiences with first timers but most of the problems have been with them as well.

  • Leolady727 Photo
    Leolady727
    More than a month ago

    My 2nd husband and I were in the lifestyle for about 20 years - we both loved it, met some great people (and some weirdos ;-) ) and it certainly added spice to our sex life. I would recommend newbies to take the first plunge with an experienced couple - not so awkward. The main thing with swinging is to NEVER be talked into doing something because your partner wants it - seen that happen and it doesn't work.

  • Amante. Photo
    Amante.
    More than a month ago

    I like this: 'Go in with no expectations other than enjoying a nice night out with your partner and hanging with some new friends, and anything else becomes a fabulous bonus.'

    For some there is an expectation (self or externally),... We've come this far.

    Unless they are assertive they may jump in before they are ready because of those expectations and not wanting to be the one to call it.

    Relationships of all sorts, require baravery to be vulnerable and honest.

    :-)

    • Zamboon Photo
      Zamboon
      More than a month ago

      Exactly- slowly does it and if it works and when it works then that’s a fabulous bonus- be comfortable in all things and eventually you might push the envelope and then rip it wide open...good to see you Amante ...

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