Dear Amie, “Am I expecting too much?”

Dear Amie: I’ve found a hot guy here on Adult Match Maker. I reckon I’m average and I’m feeling really insecure about being naked around him. He barely messages me, but when he does, it’s to tell me he’s looking for others to join us. I want to stay. I want to run. Am I expecting too much? Am I holding on because I’m afraid I can’t get as good? I’ve never been with someone as hot as him… EVER! What to do?

Ooh that’s a tricky one. There’s two prongs to this dilemma and both are going to do your head in over time if you don’t sort them out asap! 

Firstly, what to do about Hot Dude? Well, you’ve got to figure out what exactly it is. To me it sounds like your knuckles are white from gripping on for dear life to the potential of Hot Dude. Potential, being the key word. From what you have said, it sounds like Hot Dude is in this for the no strings attached group sex action. You’ve said he barely messages you, and when he does, it’s to talk about bringing others into the equation. Do you know how he feels about you? Do you know if this is just NSA fun for him? Have you talked about dating or starting a relationship together? He’s living the uncomplicated group sex dream while you’re panicking and stressing about what could happen. If you’ve got emotions invested in Hot Dude and he’s just in it for the hook up, you’re setting yourself up for an emotional trainwreck. 

Let me ask you this. Do you have genuine potentially romantic feelings for him or are you hooked because you can’t believe your luck that Hot Dude is into you, and you’re worried no other incarnations of Hot Dude will ever be interested in you? 

This is where the second prong comes in… You’ve got to work on your self confidence or it’s going to affect all of your future relationships. Low self-esteem is a relationship (and boner) killer. Feeling like you're not good enough for the person you’re with breeds insecurity and jealousy. If you’ve suffered low self-esteem your whole life, and through all your relationships, you probably think some of your behaviours and feelings are normal. They’re not, and you can fix them. 

I’d say wipe Hot Dude off your radar and do some work on learning to accept yourself, feel good about yourself and quit comparing yourself to others. Hot Dude is lucky you’re dedicating so much of your energy to him! 

Also, life is short, quit worrying about how your body physically looks and enjoy it. None of us are perfect. Even the Hot Guys have insecurities. Plus, there’s hundreds of other Hot Guys on Adult Match Maker looking to meet and message a Hot Woman like you. Trust me!

14 Comments

  • SweetestSins Photo
    SweetestSins
    More than a month ago

    Hot guys on AMM? I need proof lol

  • megatartlet Photo
    megatartlet
    More than a month ago

    Well we must be the exemption!
    Found my partner on here nearly 10 years ago and still going strong.
    Yes it’s rare but not impossible.

  • nikki42
    More than a month ago

    Are you expecting to much ?? Yes you are Dear ...You not exactly at church on Easter Sunday are you?
    You are on a fuck buddy site , Where there is no loyalty or dignity > Sorry to be blunt with you ..
    But it is what it is. If you want a nice loyal, totaly devoted to you Guy ,dont waste your time on fuck hook up sites sweetheart . ASK You untie or grandmother to find you a nice earthy guy . Hardly ever any marriage or commitement of any kind , comes out of hook up sites like this . Dont be so naive in thinking he only has sex with you . That never happens . Thats why he is here. So if you dont want to be a show pony ,for when he wants you only ,and on his terms only . Then decide what you need to do

    • AmyF2016 Photo
      AmyF2016
      More than a month ago

      Sex site..yes..doesnt mean you cant treat people with a little respect. Thats one expectation I refuse to compromise on

    • MissThatTouch
      More than a month ago

      AmyF2016, exactly..me too.
      We as women shouldnt expect to be treated as if we're just here to satisfy a mans wants..ours (and our 'dont wants') deserve to be respected too. Sure, if a woman is here just for that and this is what she wants, fair enough...but this shouldnt be just expected of us. This isnt a site just to cater to a mans needs.
      "Its to tell me he's looking for others to join us". If he hasnt asked her if this is what she wants, too...then this is a sign he's in this just for himself.
      To the person who is asking the initial question...please dont ever do something you really dont want to do, no matter how flattering it is to have this hot guy in front of you. He's not the only hottie out there...and another may just be out there, who will treat you in a way that you dont have to question it (which, to me personally, is a hotter trait than any scale of 'looks' will ever be).

    • strechticles
      More than a month ago

      With all due respect, it seems to me that very few people have an accurate comprehension of what respect actually entails, or how respect is expressed based upon the individual expectations of how we think we deserve to be treated by our selves & others.
      It's not a one way street, it's a 12 lane highway in peek hour. Stop and think about it before you get triggered, show some respect for respect ;)

  • dragonlady64
    More than a month ago

    Wow, I think you just summed how I feel about myself! I do "suffer" with low self esteem even if others have said I'm beautiful and sexy - I just don't see it.
    Thanks for the article.

    • Account Closed
      More than a month ago

      U shouldn’t doubt itself,from wot I see ur quite attractive ,any guy that saw u would be lglad to call u his partner I know I’d be wrapped to have u as their girl I know I would be n I wouldn’t let u go,Glenn

  • Looking4fun3139 Photo
    Looking4fun3139
    More than a month ago

    If having more than one partner at once isn't your thing then don't go there and make sure he is fully aware of your tastes. If you have both been very honest about what your both looking for and that's what your both enjoying but you are now either developing feelings for him or your just feeling to much pressure because you have some insecurities(trust me we all do) then time to move on or just let him know you have feelings and try your luck. What's the worst that could happen.

  • Candygirl20
    More than a month ago

    Heed the advice expressed here and enjoy your life. I began to feel better about my body after being naked in my own home. Having a pool sheltered from neighbours gave me confidence to sunbake and swim naked. Other AMM friends were invited over and it was no big deal then being naked. The essence of yourself is within not just your body. Relax and have fun.

  • Savannah2018
    More than a month ago

    I’ve actually met ‘ hotter ‘ guys in real life then off AMM to be honest. So what if he’s hot, it’s just sex :), don’t blow it out of proportion.

    He sounds like a ‘ wanker ‘, honestly if he wants others to join you both and that’s not your thing, don’t go there. I wouldn’t give this idiot the time of day, men like that don’t move me one bit. If you ‘ jump ‘ every time he messages, he’s going to play you like a puppet, don’t be part of that show.

    Thirdly, maybe love yourself a little more, this is a straight up sex site, maybe it’s just not for you, if you can’t handle what it is, don’t put yourself through the mind fuck, so to speak.

  • TeamGirly Photo
    TeamGirly
    More than a month ago

    I think we've all had the 'hot guy' or girl, on amm in some form or another, whether it's looks or age or sexual experience. We get you. I've found Amm to be 90% fantasy though. It's about lust and hook-ups. Not that you don't meet people on here, I went out with a guy for 4 years... but it still started as the fantasy and we both played the part... we simply connected each time we... connected haha and so the fantasy became the reality. It certainly didn't start there.

    If it's a make-believe relationship world, you can be whoever you want to be and as brave and confident as you choose. Nothing is going to really develop further until you have met them a few times. Until then you rock it... you've got something he wants (even if it's just a shag), you've got it, own it. Have fun and soon you'll be looking back with SUPER hot guy smiling at how you started out feeling!

  • Ifuwannadome Photo
    Ifuwannadome
    More than a month ago

    The guy sounds like a show pony who needs to be left in the stables you sound a gorgeous person with a heart of gold who deserves better

    • SubtleTouch66
      More than a month ago

      He is the guy that gives the average joe a bad rep...its hard enough without wankers like him pushing all the wrong buttons.

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