I'm falling for my fuckbuddy!

Dear Amie: I’ve had a fuckbuddy for a while and it’s great but I think I have feelings and I don’t know if he feels the same. I turned down a date with a really nice guy the other night and waited at home for him to call. What should I do?

Oh no. Abort mission! You’re treading into dangerous emotional territory, my friend.

The thing is, friends with benefits situations tend to work best when the emphasis is on the “fuckbuddy” part of “fuckbuddy”. By bringing romantic feelings into the equation and wanting more than a shag, you’re changing up the game and it’s no longer buddies who just fuck.

The fact that you’re turning down dates for this dude is a red flag. It’s time for you to fess up to your fuckbuddy. Not only should you be honest with him that your feelings have changed, you owe it to yourself to not settle for a friends with benefits arrangement with someone you actually want to pursue a relationship with – otherwise it’s like settling for leftovers and it’ll just make you feel resentful and used in the long run.

Obviously I can’t tell you how your fuckbuddy feels. The only way to know is to be upfront and ask him (ideally when you’re both sober and fully clothed). Worst case scenario, your fuckbuddy freaks out and you dodge a potentially shitty emotional bullet. Best case scenario, he’s caught the feels too… Hey, you never know until you ask, right?

With fuckbuddies, if you don’t take active steps to manage the relationship like a strict friends with benefits, it can be easy to fall into a routine and end up as something more than you planned for… which can be great, if both parties feel the same way…

For anyone else reading this who might have fuckbuddy anxiety, here’s a few of my tips for keeping a fuckbuddy relationship out of the emotional zone. After all, the goal with a fuckbuddy is to keep it sexually alive, not emotionally involved. In some ways, you have to treat a fuckbuddy situation with the same seriousness you’d treat a relationship. Always keep your encounters spontaneous – avoid routines. Always communicate and be upfront about what you want and where you’re at – you’ve both got to be on the same page if it’s going to work. If things take a turn for the sentimental or emotional – take a break from each other. Never play stupid mind games or have ulterior motives – just fuck and hang out!

38 Comments

  • Jadecoco
    More than a month ago

    I started falling for my fuck buddy off 6 years too i told him he said he though so we had good chat then i left him at that he contacted me again after about 12 month we hooked up few months later we was supposed to hook up again never happened now i just leave it to him as sex is bloody awesome when we do get together

  • beachbabe000
    More than a month ago

    I've had a fwb for some time it turned emotional and got a bit ugly and out there. We turned things around and stayed fwb. However just recently he's turned unto jekle n Hyde. Stringing me on and I have seen txt msgs from sites and other woman. When I confronted him it all was dismissed. Are we both trying to hide our true feelings????SOS

    • AmyF2016 Photo
      AmyF2016
      More than a month ago

      Walk away. It sounds like youve feelings for him and he knows this. Also if he wanted just one on one and more than a fwb scenario..he wouldnt be on other sites chatting to other women. Just my two cents worth.

    • beachbabe000
      More than a month ago

      Thanks for the return message.
      I appreciate the feed back.
      And these boots weren't just made for walking in. Ca sera sera ??

  • Jumpindick
    More than a month ago

    Fuckbuddys idk

  • Darkstud Photo
    Darkstud
    More than a month ago

    Is a fuckbuddy and Friends With Benefits different or mean the same?

    • AMM.Editor Photo
      AMM.Editor
      More than a month ago

      My take on it is that with a fuckbuddy you've prioritised sex over friendship. You like fucking each other but that's really as far as it goes. Friends with benefits infers you are friends, who happen to enjoy sleeping together sometimes. You might be part of a group of friends or just hang out but there is a relationship other than the time you spend in bed together.

    • Darkstud Photo
      Darkstud
      More than a month ago

      Thanks for your clarification.

  • wildtotally Photo
    wildtotally
    More than a month ago

    Can happen, I'm available might change your mind..u never know! .x

  • oldermale58s
    More than a month ago

    hi

    I had an odd experience with the FWB thing. I had moved to a new place for a time and really didn't know how long i would be there. I sent a message to a local woman who said on here profile she was looking for a fWB. That was the very clear arrangement when we ended up fucking after a couple of weeks. A couple of months later we were still meeting up, for sex , dinner , movies etc. We always also had a vey clear agreement that this wasn't to be monogamous. There was definitely no romance as far as I was concerned and seems so from her side too. Anyway i had to go away for a while and during that time i meet someone who i felt i had real feelings. I told my FWB that i really felt this about the other woman and that i felt i couldn't have sex with her because of the other woman who was really clear about needing monogamy. I felt this was fair and honest. I told her I was happy to still maintain the friendship and said thought so too. It seemed at first my then former FWB was fine about it. However the next day she sent me some really abusive texts. They were very personal and very cutting and also really really angry. All stuff about how I had used her and I was just like all other bastard men that had fucked her over etc. She was someone who enjoyed a few drinks , maybe even a few too many. She may have been a bit pissed but ir was very very abusive language that she used. I had to block her because she was sending me texts at work and couldn't stop to call her to see if she was 'just pissed ' or upset about something else. It was most definitely not a good experience in the end. I am not sure if i was totally naive, or somehow she had started to think of it more than just FWB stuff. I have still no idea. It was nearly a year ago now, i still feel really wary of entering something similar. Meantime the actually romance never really blossomed and i am now single and sexless and vary wary of the whole FWB thing.

    • AmyF2016 Photo
      AmyF2016
      More than a month ago

      She may have had feelings develop for you. And its an occupational hazard on sites like this too..sometimes a womans emotions can get tangled up. And while most of the guys on here are respectful there is a percentage that treat women purely as a piece of meat and not worthy to be considered as anything else other than someone to have fun with and not relationship material. My point is..maybe your fwb did develop feelings for you and was hurt that you didnt consider her as potential relationship material?

  • justagal32 Photo
    justagal32
    More than a month ago

    I've had FWB for like 5 years lol. I think the key is to never be exclusive because then it's not all about that person and then you tend to not catch feelings. In saying that it has happened to me before. We talked about, then got on with things the way they were before lol.

    • AmyF2016 Photo
      AmyF2016
      More than a month ago

      I pick guys who are fun yet genuine, but usually have some personality traits that ensure my feelings keep in check and I only ever see them as a fwb

  • Wildewillsy76 Photo
    Wildewillsy76
    More than a month ago

    Something like falling in love with each has never entered our minds. We have sex when we can catch up and one of us goes home.

  • Zamboon Photo
    Zamboon
    More than a month ago

    Best to tell the fb as soon as you start with those feelings- mainly because it’s not fair on the other party - it’s not what they signed up for and should be totally taboo..

  • cupidsbow68 Photo
    cupidsbow68
    More than a month ago

    It is clear to me that there are different interpretations of fbs or fwbs. Means different things to different folks. Ok non exclusivity, one sex partner only (yet casual) etc etc. Mature adults work it out.
    Emotions are real, and should be respected, even with friends. Respect to be sought always. I would personally avoid a non intelligent, low EQ man to engage in sex with. Cold detachment is a turn off and robotic. The type of evolved man he would be, could manage a sexually charged arrangement.

    Just my two cents worth

  • nytewyng3571 Photo
    nytewyng3571
    More than a month ago

    I'm not sure why it's a case of "Worst case scenario, your fuckbuddy freaks out and you dodge a potentially shitty emotional bullet"... the reality is, these two started out as FB/FWB, her feelings changed and it's a pretty big changing of the goal posts to go from FWB to relationship.
    I met a woman on this site, and we had the usual chat before our first meeting over coffee to suss each other out. We went on to a second meet at the pub and there was a great spark which took us into the bedroom that night. Next morning she asked that our next date (i.e. date date, not another all night shagfest) be one where she could bring her kids. I was like "WTF!!" Needless to say, I politely excused myself after reminding her of our initial chat around "nothing serious" and I haven't heard from her since.... disappointing as the sex was phenomenal...

  • barkly48 Photo
    barkly48
    More than a month ago

    I've had 2 different experiences dealing with FWB... I've always been very clear to any/all prospective partners that it is just FWB... Very clear there wont be anything more... The first developed into what is described in "Dear Amie" and only finished with her being VERY disappointed that she couldn't get me to change to her way of thinking... It was almost my "fault" when I finally ended it, because it was getting too serious... The second time she actually contacted me after one of our sessions and admitted she was falling for me, but also admitted she knew the ground rules. At least I knew where I stood with her... I haven't heard from the first and am still good friends with the second.. There's a lesson there..

    • allinmymind
      More than a month ago

      Good friends with you hanging her moon.

    • barkly48 Photo
      barkly48
      More than a month ago

      "Good friends with you hanging her moon"... Errrr, please explain?

  • Rockychap87
    More than a month ago

    This got me thinking... I am in a similar situation, but it's a bit complicated. Not sure if this is the right thread, but would love to hear your thoughts.

    I recently matched with a girl online and we found out that we both have been in the swinging scene and have had fwb. I have seen this girl a few times now and we both matched with the intension of getting into something long term and meaningful. We both have been single for a long period of time and we both have had fwb. Our meetups have been nothing but fun, banter and laughs so far. Today she suddenly said that she didn't want to get into anything serious and would still like to hangout with me and do the same fun things. Because of our swinging history, we are both open to the idea of open relationships and she had told me that she has had a fwb in the past and that she put up barriers to make sure it didn't get serious from the very beginning. I am not sure why she would say that she didn't want to get into anything serious with me. I am not sure the fact that knowing that I am in the swinging scene and that I have had fwb in the past as well, if her head is clouded and thinking that I would be a fwb just like the guy before and putting barriers to stop herself from getting hurt. Help!

  • Niceguy59
    More than a month ago

    I am so lucky to have had a really nice lady that I met thru this site, as a friend with benefits, the same thing happened to our relationship. The friendship started to get serious, but lucky for us, we chatted and worked out, we are still great friends, but that is all now. Some beautiful memories.

  • happylady398
    More than a month ago

    I have been speaking to this guy for a couple months now and i am ready for him to come and have some love making and i know he is married and he keeps on telling me he loves his wife. But i know that he wants me for sex and i am falling for him

    • willinged666 Photo
      willinged666
      More than a month ago

      its not love making its FWB no love in that there could be respect but not love

    • AmyF2016 Photo
      AmyF2016
      More than a month ago

      Personally Id walk away from that scenario as hes already made his intent clear. Men moreso are better at keeping sex and love completely separate..moreso than a lot of women

    • allinmymind
      More than a month ago

      Get a new guy to talk with, I am sure that isn't hard to do.

  • brazenhotlips Photo
    brazenhotlips
    More than a month ago

    Definitely need to deal with it ASAP! Preferably by telling them and probably by ending it (before you get hurt).
    It's not an easy situation but honesty is the best way to protect yourself.

  • xFunlovingx Photo
    xFunlovingx
    More than a month ago

    Never fall for a FB or a FWB. I think that she has mistaken lust for feelings. I have had fuck buddies fall for me in the past. I prefer only attached men because they understand that it's all about the sex and satisfying each others primal needs. I have a phobia of commitment!

  • TopShelf.
    More than a month ago

    Its how women are wired... if they see potential in something that rocks their world, they're not going to be able to keep it unemotionally charged for long. If their Male fuckbuddy doesn't roll/jump on their emotional rollercoaster it'll be goodbye Miss freelove 69 and the sex will take the downward slope of a rollercoaster quicker than a man can say..'What tha'

    • xFunlovingx Photo
      xFunlovingx
      More than a month ago

      I don't agree. There are many women like me who aren't "wired" like that. Men get offended when we don't fall head over heels. They like to refer to us as sluts so it doesn't hurt their egos when we can and do move on with ease. I've had fuck buddies for over 2 years and have never fallen once.

    • Account Closed
      More than a month ago

      agree Xfun to the point that they’ve almost got offended when we as the women as I think this thing has run the course.
      Yes a lot of women have sex to fall in love but not all. Same as not all men are emotional voids who just want to fuck.

    • uneventful Photo
      uneventful
      More than a month ago

      I disagree. And it’s not far to log all women under the same banner

      I have had a FWB now for 6 yrs. there is no romance in it. Only friendship sexuality and sensuality

      And we intend to keep it that way

    • allinmymind
      More than a month ago

      Or the bloke doesn't like the talk, or wonders why you had sex in the first place ie wonders about your character.

  • TremorsWithin
    More than a month ago

    A fuckbuddy is a fuckbuddy for a reason, u can’t fall for them as they would never be trust worthy in the real world if they fucking other people also so just enjoy the sex, what u are looking for in them u will never get, I had a fwb for nearly 3yrs and although we are best friends we both have our feelings incheck and still never get bored of the sex because the feelings aren’t involved, maybe time to get a new fuckbuddy :)

    • KinkyGirl101
      More than a month ago

      Good point. Time to get a new fuckbuddy or a couple of them. Women do get emotionally attached when you're just fucking the one person.

  • ETouch2019 Photo
    ETouch2019
    More than a month ago

    Yes, it is an emergency. When you fall for the fuckbuddy two things happen; the fucking will drop off as you will eventually replace fucking-time with trips to the markets, meeting friends (together), watching a movie.....you get my drift. The second point, you won't be allowed to fuck anyone else and if you do or want to, then it will be a huge guilt trip. It's a slippery slope. My tip - detach emotionally and engage sexually.....it is possible.

    • karlos6996 Photo
      karlos6996
      More than a month ago

      My f buddies, I don't even know their first names. Simple.

    • allinmymind
      More than a month ago

      ha karlos, yes all those country music lyrics that actually apply to ammers, we didn't even know their name.

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