How to Have a More Orgasmic Sex Life

In the great lottery that is love, lust and relationships, everyone’s choices are half chance. Are you a swinging single, or do you – like me – have one great love, or have you got six sensational ones on the go? Lucky you – tell me, where do you get your energy?

Regardless of your relationship status – certain indisputable truths apply when it comes to maintaining hot sex and love affairs. Here are my 5 tips for living a more satisfying, orgasmic life.

Before I dispense these straightforward truths, here are my list of assets, so you know of my hard-earned credentials at the University of Life: 

  1. Singleton stripes of experience until my mid 30s which saw me date 1000 (well, not literally) Mr Wrongs until I met my right one.
  2. One husband of almost ten years – and yes, we still have sex (quite a lot, thankfully).
  3. Two kids under six, aged just 15 months apart (what were we thinking?!)
  4. One clinical psychologist mother (retired), who’s the smartest, wisest person I know – she’s especially good in a crisis, which is extremely handy.

Of course, advice is a form of nostalgia, so take from this what you can. Just know that I love orgasms as much as you, and these top tips come from my heart.

Love deeply, forgive easily

This is one of Mama Carrington’s best pearls of wisdom. It can be hard to put into practise when you can’t stand the sight of your partner/lover/spouse amid a stupid and senseless fight over money/the kids, who’s turn it is to do the groceries, but it’s a great one to learn to put into practise, I promise. Compromise and forgiveness are key to any successful relationship – you’re not going to be having the best sex of your life if the dark shadows of anger and resentment have seeped into your heart and soul. Don’t fester – forgive. Plus, hot sex really helps the sorry – make-up sex can be up there with some of the dirtiest, most passionate play you and your lover can enjoy. Personally, I never stay angry for long – with the dawn of each new day, it’s easier and kinder to yourself and others to let go of any anger and resentment moving forward. Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts and never put up with that yourself.

Do the hard work on yourself

If you come to a relationship as an empty shell of a human, looking to fill the “God-shaped hole” and emptiness in your heart with something, or someone – your relationship will invariably fail. Being single is a great time to do the hard work on yourself, body/mind and soul – find out what makes you tick and learn to like yourself and your own company before you even think about committing to another human. Read, travel and become an interesting, well-rounded and confident human – the type of mate you’d ideally want to attract. Fuck the Cinderella myth – no one is going to swoop in and save you, so save yourself. Oh and don’t even think about trying to have a great sex life if you haven’t learnt your own pleasure points. Get to know your own body and what turns you on; learn to self-pleasure.

Be nurturing – give to get back 

Top of my list on what makes a great relationship are kindness, unwavering loyalty and orgasms. And these three things are inevitably inextricably linked. Build your lover up and they’ll reward you again and again. Much is written about good communication being the top secret to successful, enduring and orgasmic relationships – and of course this is vital – but kindness and loyalty are just as important. For me, there’s nothing sexier than coming home to a nurturing and thoughtful partner who treats me with respect – whose loving acts of kindness/service make me feel cherished and adored. It can be something as simple as cleaning up the kitchen/kids, making dinner or an unexpected, random bunch of flowers – these small acts equal big, happy orgasmic outcome. And when it comes to loyalty, love and relationships, actor Sylvester Stallone summed it up better than I ever could: “I learned the real meaning of love. Love is absolute loyalty. People fade, looks fade, but loyalty never fades. You can depend so much on certain people, you can set your watch by them. And that’s love, even if it doesn’t seem very exciting.” Give freely, be dependable and get orgasms aplenty in return – it’s really that simple. Looking into the kind eyes of your lover – someone who really gets you and loves and accepts you, even at your worst – is what true intimacy is all about.

Adjust your expectations

Children are, as we all know, the greatest form of contraception known to man. Be very careful about deciding whether to have them – they will be your greatest gift and source of unimaginable joy – as well as the biggest stumbling block to an easy, stress-free relationship. Small kids are incredibly demanding and taxing on your time, sanity and sleep – plus, be prepared for swinging lapses and changes in your libido you never saw coming. The life lesson is to adjust your expectations – you might not be able to enjoy those free, sensual three-hour sex romps – a passionate quickie might be all you’ve got time and headspace for right now – so make it count. Nothing is static – relationships are ever-changing, you’ll get the super-sensational sex back later when the kids are older – if you work hard at it. Having kids won’t kill your sex life, but it will change it. My husband and I make a conscious effort to really work on this aspect of marriage, because we’ve both aware of how much happier we are as individuals and as a couple when we’re having regular sex, which only serves to strengthen our love connection. Don’t be lazy – do the work and keep the sex fun and playful and varied – just don’t expect yourselves to have the time and energy for sex as you used to when you first met. Did I mention we had two kids just 15 months apart? If we can survive this utter madness, sex life intact and as orgasmic as ever, so can you.

You’re no one’s “better half”

Another unsung relationship hero to long-lasting love affairs is maintaining your own independence, interests and friendships outside of your relationships. I am fiercely independent and really need time with friends and my solo time to stay sane – thankfully, my husband is the same. If you’re always smothering your partner and being demanding and needy, that can spell absolute doom for your sex life. Time apart from each other keeps things fresh and reminds you of why you fell for your partner in the first place. Choose your partners well – compatibility is crucial. Find someone with the same values, outlook and approach to life – see each of you as a whole person, not someone’s missing bits – come to a relationship with a “full cup”. Always maintain your independence and your ability to earn money and pay bills ¬– never expect a spouse to support you. And never give up your passions in a relationship either – it’s what makes you uniquely you. My husband’s interests are sometimes baffling and foreign to mine – he has an inexplicable passion for darts and Philip K. Dick’s sci-fi books and, being a professional musician, owns a thousand instruments. I don’t expect him to share my deep abiding love of shoes/fashion and yoga/boxing/kickboxing sessions either, but we always meet in the middle with our shared love of each other and our kids, strong, mutual passions and a shared investment into our orgasmic future. And for me, that’s all I need to live my best life – except for maybe wine and fine chocolate. Did I mention that chocolate makes you feel more amorous? Look it up.

What do you think? What are your relationship secrets for hotter sex?


  • Unique2u Photo
    More than a month ago

    Loved this article. Busy lives with both partners can lead to very selfish needs that arent communicated properly, which then again leads to disappointing sexual experiences. Communication, compromise and compassion = Passionate intimate experiences

  • descend69
    More than a month ago

    Nicole I just came out of a ten year relationship and no. 4 played a big part in the break down sadly we both got lazy and didn't make the effort sexually I am determined not to make the same mistake again and at our age we couldn't use kids as an excuse. Thanks for sharing your wisdom even mature guys like me can be educated.

  • playfrfun
    More than a month ago

    After Thirty five years in a bad romance I do not have a clue or comment anymore!!

  • sweetseraphina
    More than a month ago

    You’ve found a man that you gel with and that’s wonderful. I feel however that suggesting that you dated a thousand “Mr Wrongs” (ok I get it, not literally) before you met your “Mr right” still plays into the Cinderella idea that there is one person that will rescue us. The men that you dated prior to meeting your current partner were no doubt “Mr Rights for right Now”. I find personally that every time I part with a lover I learn something valuable about what makes me tick, sometimes more about what is not working for me but there is always a sincerity and integrity and good time to be had. Viewing every man as Mr wrong in your history puts your current partner on a pedestal and In my opinion demeans the meaning and purpose in all of your romantic affairs prior. No matter the duration of a romance, a day, a week a month or many years all sensual connections are as not simple and nor should they be reduced to either “right” or “wrong”. They make us the colourful people we are today

  • MaleOnQuest Photo
    More than a month ago

    Brilliant suggestions!
    All I need to do is find a willing partner. Now there is the hard part.
    After having been single for more than 6 years, my "more orgasmic sex life" consists, unfortunately, solely of me.
    Still, I'm getting pretty good at it.

    • freakyfuckerz Photo
      More than a month ago

      This is good found Communication and listening also has worked being upfront, and understanding that a male and female both think different, if you get jealous tell them, don't listen to people that say it's a curse, cause it isn't it's were you learn to understand each other and work out how to fix things grow stronger with honesty it's always a 2 way street

    • Hunglow881 Photo
      More than a month ago

      Listen before you leave

  • cowgaluvoldrmen
    More than a month ago

    Yep a lot covered and agreed on number 3 is very right , but it’s also nice if a guy thinks of a big o for the woman toooo not just them self sure is common

  • Tigerlily2034
    More than a month ago

    Great read ... sometimes some just need a reminder :-)

  • dragonlady64
    More than a month ago

    Chocolate and wine certainly improves some situations but never improves a bad relationship. Loved your article.

  • trusted8 Photo
    More than a month ago

    Love your view and rules to live by....Thank you for sharing those words of wisdom...(no sarcasm intended) The 1000's of Dud Dates prior to your current man, certainly have an influencing factor.

  • triXXXi66 Photo
    More than a month ago

    As individuals, you can go about your lives with independence and a trust that you have your partners loyalty. Communication is the best way to keep a relationship alive, and lots of laughter, if you have these, then the orgasms will follow naturally

  • Amante.
    More than a month ago

    Number 5 is so important regardless of whether you are dating or living together.

    Maintain friends, hobbies and continue to develop new ones. These things make us interesting and interested in life, yourself and others.

    • trusted8 Photo
      More than a month ago

      Its a good rule to live by, especially if all agree and support you.

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