Relationships Thrive on Respect Not Radicalism

Dating, hooking up, relationships… They’ve always been hard. There is no magic formula that makes it work, even the most compatible couples still have to work at things to make it flow, and these days, what with the massive divides between men and women in the forms of Radical Feminism (RadFems) and Men’s Rights Activists (MRAs), it is seeming to make things very tricky indeed for those of us left somewhere in the middle of it all, trying to navigate this new territory.

I know that within the comment thread of this article I will be met with angry men telling me I have no right to write about men and the issues that face them. Someone will bring out the tired trope of “If a man wrote this, women would be all over him.” and I am assuming someone will call me a man-hater, because I’ve been here for a long time, and I’ve heard it all.

But the thing is, in that same way, I HAVE been here a long time. I have spent the last twenty years around men, especially sexual men. I have been a sex worker, an advice columnist and somewhat of a therapist for many people, of all genders. I study the effects of radical feminism and men’s rights activists on the very genders they are trying to “protect” and I see the damage both sides do.

I have men write to me constantly asking for my opinions on this topic, and I have listened to, and read all the comments I get on every article I’ve written over the years and I think I have a pretty good idea of what I speak about.

So yes, while I do not have a penis, I have watched the world of sex and relationships change over twenty years and I’ve seen women becoming far more empowered by strength and self love. I’ve seen conversations of consent change rapidly and positively, I have seen women taking back their sex, their sexuality, and it has made me proud.

But, and this is what this piece is ultimately about, I have also seen the effect these movements have had on men, and unfortunately it is not as positive as it should be. In fact, it seems that many men are taking the empowerment of women to a strange and personal level, seeing it as a loss to them, rather than a gain to others, and the infiltration of radical extremists on both sides of the argument have not helped at all.

If you listen to the Radfems, all men are rapists and evil and want to overpower and condemn women to slavery and sex objects.

If you listen to the MRAs, all women are manipulative bitches, oppressing men and driving them to suicide with false rape accusations and the mysterious “friendzone”

The thing is, as with all extremist views, the truth is somewhere in the middle and moderate people’s voices are getting lost in the screeching of others, but one thing I truly believe to be true is that while we are giving our young (and older) women these new lessons in self autonomy and consent and empowerment… We’ve kind of forgotten the men, and by that I mean young boys and men are still getting the same lessons and messages about sex, dating and women that they always have… But a lot of it isn’t working any more because the world has changed, and attitudes to relationships, sex, and gender roles have changed.

This is not necessarily the fault of men at all, but of society as a whole. Suddenly the things your dad told you were the ways to be a gentleman, or get the girl, have become “sexist” or “sleazy”.

Is it still okay to open a door or pull out her chair? Can I pay for dinner? Why can’t I just approach a girl on the street or in a club to tell her I think she’s hot? Isn’t telling a woman to smile because she’s beautiful when she smiles nice? Why am I suddenly a pig for doing it? What about the friendzone? I loved her so much and she didn’t love me back and now I’m a bad guy for being upset? Can I look at an attractive woman? Can I smile at her? Are we allowed to have sex if she’s drunk and says yes? Will I be a rapist the next morning? What are the new rules because no-one told me and now I can’t work out how to date and it’s scaring me!!

It’s very real. I get asked those questions and more almost daily, and the hard thing is that it’s not always easy to answer.

One of the big topics that comes into play is male privilege and entitlement. Ever since the dawn of history being a man, and being male, has been the default. This comes into everything we know, both consciously and subconsciously. Just our language alone shows this in things like “policeman, chairman, handyman” etc. It doesn’t seem like an issue to most men because, to be blunt, it has never excluded you. You can say it doesn’t matter… But if the defaults all suddenly changed you can be sure most men would have angry words to say about it. This is partly because the idea of feminine is connected to being weak, “You throw like a girl” etc. 

Men have had the default setting to the world for so long that subconsciously most of them believe they are entitled to the woman they choose, regardless of if she chooses them back. This is evident in the thousands of messages I see from men to women that start off with a hello and end up with her being called a selfish fucking whore because, for whatever reason, she has rejected his advances. It is evident in the fact that sometimes the only way to stop a man from talking to you or coming on to you is to claim you already have a boyfriend, as if the respect for another man’s “property” trumps the respect for a woman to just be left alone to read her book. It is evident in the many complaints I see from men about being thrown into the “friendzone” because a woman they’ve liked has only viewed them as a friend. The problem here is that while it’s absolutely okay to be sad someone doesn’t love you back (unrequited love is a horrible thing, we’ve all been there) it is definitely not okay to then blame them for not returning the feelings. A woman is not a vending machine you put kindness into and expect sex or love to fall out of. If the only reason you are being a friend to someone is with the hope they will fall in love with you, then that’s not actually being a real friend.

It sucks, I know, every bad 80s and 90s movie we ever saw centred around the girl next door falling for the wrong guy but her best friend waiting right around the corner turns out to be her one true love… It’s a lovely idea, and sometimes that’s what happens… But it’s not always the case, and real life is not a movie,

You are not entitled to love or sex. You’re just not. No-one is. It’s really awesome when it happens to us, but forcing it is just unfair to all involved.

To women the advice I give is simple. While I do not believe you should pander to strangers or have to be polite in the face of someone who is making you uncomfortable, I believe it is important to speak gently and calmly to the men in your world. The good guys you know and love and trust. So many times guys say something that doesn’t sit quite right (be it sexist or slut-shamey) but really don’t understand WHY it’s wrong. Like I said above, the world is changing and education is important. Women can be leaders in this, even if we just take it one bloke in our life at a time. Be kind. Be armed with information, and please, NEVER use your children as weapons or bargaining chips. It’s just not fucking cricket.

One of the best pieces of advice I can give to men, and I know so many of you will not like it, is to just stop. Shut up. Breathe. Listen. Read.

Understand that you, as men, have the biggest, loudest, strongest voices. You have majority as leaders and politicians and CEOs. You are the default, and because of that, it is time to sit back. For every single one of you out there that thinks you’re a good guy, a lover of equality, a champion for women and their rights… This is where you come in. This is where you say to the other men around you “Shhh. Let her speak”. Listen to what the women in your lives are saying about how men treat them. Don’t get angry at their plight. Don’t take it personally and leap into the fray with the fact that it’s “Not All Men”. That point is completely moot. She knows it already. But what it does do is denies her right to express herself. It denies her feelings of discomfort in the world that you run, and that you want to share with her. It denies her everything she’s reaching out to say and makes it all about you.

It’s not about you. And that’s the most important thing. It’s about everyone’s right to feel safe, loved and secure.

Go into the world of dating in politeness, kindness and mindfulness. Without expectation or demand. Don’t be the sort of guy who takes a girl out for coffee and then sends her a bill for the drink if she decides not to see you again. Don’t be the sort of guy who expects a woman to smile at him because you like her smile. Maybe her dog just died. It’s not your place to police women on their facial expressions, or their clothes, or anything. Yes, it is okay to approach a woman to ask her out or give her a compliment… But not if you’re expecting anything in return. If she tells you no thank you, if she turns her back and pretends not to hear you, if she looks you right in the face and tells you to fuck off, just smile and walk away. You have no idea how many men have told her that today. How many of them tried to touch her when they did it. How many of them snarled at her that she was a whore and made her fear her physical safety. Yes, you’re a nice guy… You didn’t mean anything malicious… But remember it’s not about Not All Men, it’s about Yes All Women, and we’ve all been there. Every woman. The compliment that turned into a threat, the offer of a drink that turned into the expectation of sex, the compliment on your outfit that allowed them to grope you… All women have experienced this and you need to understand that just because YOU didn’t, someone else probably has and it’s put her on edge.

Basically what I’m trying to say is yes, the world has changed. Women are not demurely waiting for their Prince Charming to whisk them away. They are looking for a partnership. A person they can rely on to respect them and respect their wishes and boundaries. A person they can share with. Understand your place of default privilege in this world, and make space for women. It’s not about giving up your space at all… But it is about making sure the space is equal, not just one you’re “letting us rent” til we’ve shut up enough to let you have it back. 

I promise you, the more you do this, the more you listen to women’s voices, especially when it comes to their expectations of love and relationships and sex, the more you take it on board and act like the guy you’ve always thought you were, the more your luck in the dating world will change.

Understanding, respect, truth and honesty. This is where love, relationships and mind blowing sex live.

I would like to add that since writing this the #MeToo movement took off around the world highlighting the very real issue of assault and abuse that women face. It not only seemed to be posted on every social media platform by almost every woman I know, but many many men as well speaking out about their experiences. This shows that this idea of entitlement to the bodies of strangers is universal and frightening and something we all, as humans, need to stand up against and work hard towards changing. Be that person. Be the person who stands up to your friends in the face of “locker room talk” or “slut shaming”. Be the change we need. Everyone. All of us. We’re all in it together and we can’t make it better without you.

41 Comments

  • cazzab54
    More than a month ago

    Powerful

  • Meade17
    More than a month ago

    Super article. I like the way you have explained your contentions, not just left them to hang like an opinion.

    "If you listen to the Radfems, all men are rapists and evil and want to overpower and condemn women to slavery and sex objects.
    "If you listen to the MRAs, all women are manipulative bitches, oppressing men and driving them to suicide with false rape accusations and the mysterious “friendzone”..."

    Reading the above, I feel very blessed that I don't relate to either of those notions. Radicalised men or women, isolate the opposite gender. I'm not sure if it just for the power, or because of their own life experiences perhaps, and they don't want to be in fear, just for the sake of an XX or XY chromosome pair.

    Personally, I have met and seem to draw to me, chauvinists who insist on telling me how they were done over by some heartless gold digger (yet they are saints). As a male, I am getting tired of telling them that the 70's called, and wants it's dogma back. I haven't met a RadFem that I know of, but I will always hold a door open - for male or female - simply because it is the polite thing.

    As others have mentioned, it is all about respect. Give it to get it.

  • Zamboon Photo
    Zamboon
    More than a month ago

    Great article and interesting subject - the world has moved on , I remember my father telling my mother to stop smoking because it didn’t look good - he carried on smoking ... those were the times and he was a wonderful husband and father , so my mother said...
    It’s all about communication and respect - and there are real bastards out there who seem to have lived in the dark ages all these years...
    Remember that there have always been independent free thinking women - Amelia Earhart and a number of other aviators, Marie Pasteur - the list goes on and they were respected..
    It’s a strange old world - I have always treated women with respect but a number of times I was told that I was too nice - I didn’t take what I wanted when I wanted - and that confused the hell out of me ... even today I have a friend who I seem to share with another man - he gets to see her more than me and when she comes to me it is to be respected and pampered and I hear what an arrogant pig he is - but he phones the next day and she goes there and ends up on all fours in front of him waiting to please him wanting to please him .. funny thing is she is as feisty a women in the male dominated work place as any...

  • Leolady727
    More than a month ago

    Thanks for this article, Eva. I am pleasantly surprised at the lack of angry replies. I must say that, in my life, most of the men that I know are great guys who like and respect women (and 99% of the guys with whom I've interacted on AMM are the same), so I consider myself very lucky in that respect.

    Your articles are always interesting reading and handy for finding guys to add to the NTBF list.

    • DeliciousEva Photo
      DeliciousEva
      More than a month ago

      I too am surprised!
      Considering the hate the slut shaming article got, I was sure this one would too... But hopefully that's a sign!
      In less than a year people are starting to understand a lot more of the language and meaning behind it and realising its not hate or anti men... It's about education and changing attitudes and coming together to fight inequality, misogyny, and bigotry.

      Proud of the comments here. Some really wonderful insights.

    • Zamboon Photo
      Zamboon
      More than a month ago

      NTBF? Thank you KG - makes sense and as you say you learn a lot from comments - funny I have my own list but I didn't call it NTBF lol...

    • KinkyGirl101
      More than a month ago

      @Zamboon basically it means not to be fucked ie. they have shown themselves to be disrespectful in their comments and are not someone we'd want to pursue any contact with in fact we may even block them based on their comment. Comments are so insightful ... far more than an online profile.

    • Leolady727
      More than a month ago

      Haha - you get it, KinkyGirl - how many times have I looked at someone's profile and he goes on about how nice and respectful etc he is and yet his comments on the blogs prove otherwise. Certainly it has saved me from at least one potential disaster ;-)

    • Account Closed
      More than a month ago

      Leolady Many males I know on this site are very respectful How many people yes ladies are down to earth gsoh and easy to get on with ..... Don't judge people so easily don't just block them

    • Leolady727
      More than a month ago

      I block anyone with a dick pic - if that's the most attractive thing about you, I don't want to know :-)

    • Account Closed
      More than a month ago

      Leolady
      So you must have I big block list

  • Roadrunner29
    More than a month ago

    I find it just so moving I have to find a toilet.

    • Leolady727
      More than a month ago

      I'm sure that's where you do your best work ;-)

    • Zamboon Photo
      Zamboon
      More than a month ago

      Sure to get a whole bunch of ladies with that comment ...

    • Leolady727
      More than a month ago

      A case in point - the disparity between the profile text and what this person ACTUALLY thinks about women.

  • triXXXi66 Photo
    triXXXi66
    More than a month ago

    Whoa Eva... you rock! Such an awesome piece of writing... lets hope those that need to learn take notice.

  • Aseasyas123
    More than a month ago

    Thanks Eva. All make sense.

  • motorcade
    More than a month ago

    Good article but its a shame that "radicalism" has been used to represent exterme views. Radicalism is good, it's often an important component of change, mostly for the better. Extremism not so much.

    • DeliciousEva Photo
      DeliciousEva
      More than a month ago

      I agree to a point.
      Part of the use of radicalism was because alliteration works well in headlines and secondly I spend a great deal of time fighting against the narrow, almost misogynistic ideas of radical feminism (their own term) so I felt it fit.

      But yes. Extremism in any form is dangerous.

  • descend69
    More than a month ago

    Well Eva, I am a 54 year old guy and yes my generation have been guilty of treating women as second class citizens but as you state NOT ALL GUYS are the same, my ex partner simple got up and walked out on me after 10 years without any warning in fact just three days before she bailed on me we had organised passports to go overseas for her daughters wedding? I meet her through a dating site and at the time even though I was only prepared to take on 1-2 children this changed, after having read her profile to discover that she had four children, instead of being scared shitless I found myself drawn to her, I instantly respected and admired her. I made contact with her and we hit it off. During the ten years I continued to show that same respect, there wasn't a single day that I didn't tell her I loved her and I treated her children as my own especially the two youngest who had tragically lost there father when they were very young.
    When we meet she was basically bankrupt and even though I was not on a huge wage helped her as much as I could, this even included small things like going to the butcher to buy steak for the kids as it was a luxury that she couldn't afford. Sadly within 12 months she had to sell her home to pay of her growing debt and two years later she moved in with me along with the two youngest. They both have had great lives here and are now both at university. When she moved in I allowed her to make all the changes she wanted to make my home hers, I did 50% of the house work, cooking etc. and I nursed her through her recovery from having a double bypass and recently severe Bursitis, I was always there when she needed me.
    Before she left on asking her why? the reason I was given was that I had become negative and to a certain extent maybe it was true, but in my defense over the last 14 months I had lost my Father, hadn't spoken to my own son for 6 months, my work had been terrible and my Mothers dementia had reached the stage where I am unsure if she recognizes me.
    I suggested counselling but she wasn't interested. If I had been guilty of physical, mental abuse who had cheated on her It would have been a lot easier but that wasn't the case. I was brought up to respect women and believe I am a good guy. I am not angry or bitter, just very confused so Eva and Ladies by all means please explain to me what you expect from us men in this new age of empowerment because I am lost. I am here because I still live in hope that I can meet women who like me are prepared to put in the effort to try and break down our differences and go back to just having good old fashion fun.

    • funguyatbyron Photo
      funguyatbyron
      More than a month ago

      hang in there buddy i'm sure you will meet a genuine lady one day been through a similar situation myself there is some great ladies out there cheers

    • smokingeyes
      More than a month ago

      Im sorry this happened to you.... grief and loss are always cruel... I have no explaination or logic for you to ease that path.... that said... it sounds like her road was pretty damaging also...
      its unfair closure is denied to many... for a million reasons.... men embrace the #not all men defense when asked to consider what is posted here... the irony is .. #not all women either... theres decent people still out there... they say you kiss a lot of frogs before you find a princess/prince.... I wish you much luck and success with your frog hunting....xo

    • Account Closed
      More than a month ago

      The great thing about this dating game is that every new date is a fresh adventure! I won't Forrest Gump you, but you get the idea.

      Take the time you need to process your situation, then dust yourself off and start again. And don't feel the need to rush back in, if it isn't who you are. For me, it has been three dry, thoughtful years, but I'm back, baby!

      There is going to be a new lady just around the corner... just waiting for you to sweep her off her feet. Dust your broom!

    • allinmymind
      More than a month ago

      I hear you about mourning not being able to speak to a child when you want to, I am the same age.

  • renew098 Photo
    renew098
    More than a month ago

    Hi Everyone,

    Helps to know this is written from a male's perspective.

    I could write an essay on this topic and from both sides of the spectrum. But I won't and will give an opinion that I strongly believe in.

    Let women be women and men be men. Throwing an equality blanket over everyone is detrimental to both genders in my opinion.

    Let's celebrate the things women excel at due to the way nature intended and celebrate the things men excel at. Let girls be associated with the colour pink and let boys be associated with the colour blue. Political correctness and not letting a society have purpose is what hurts people.

    Take away a man's or womans purpose and they lose their way. Same reason employment keeps the crime rate down and high unemployment has its inherent issues. Doesn't having a job doing what you love help with being a happy person? Same in a relationship, I think couples are happier when they have their roles in their relationships, taking on what they are naturally good at. I can be a provider and a strong man and celebrate the fact my wife earns more than me. She can be the caring and nurturing person with softer touches and a submissive side that doesn't degrade her in anyway. (Yes I cook dinner, iron and do the washing, not what I really aim at here)

    Men and women are genetically different and we are not the same. Everything from emotions, physical development and health issues are all different.

    Respect and treating another person with respect and kindness is paramount. Entitlement isn't an issue if you live life by this as you tend to put others first. Regardless of gender.

    Let's celebrate our differences and compliment each other the way we should :)

    • Tikosta
      More than a month ago

      Yes, I agree with you. You're one who is enlightened :) Viva la difference!!!

    • motorcade
      More than a month ago

      Did you know that pink used to be associated with maleness? To ascribe colour to gender is really flawed and damaging. I value freedom of speech and diversity but really felt a comment on this ridiculous cultural stereotyping is important.

    • Account Closed
      More than a month ago

      Well said, its reassuring to know that younger crew really want to put the effort in to break down and understand the differences between men and women.
      I personally would be saddened if in this new age of empowerment we allow it to create more confusion and bitterness between the sexes, I believe we need each other whether it be for friendship or a relationships to have fulfilling lives.

  • MsCupCake Photo
    MsCupCake
    More than a month ago

    Thank you once again for another awesome article Eva. Enjoyed it thoroughly.

    I only have one question about these two pieces of advice -

    "One of the best pieces of advice I can give to men, and I know so many of you will not like it, is to just stop. Shut up. Breathe. Listen. Read."

    "Understanding, respect, truth and honesty. This is where love, relationships and mind blowing sex live."

    How the f*#k do we get them to do that? .... and before some of you men go off on a tangent shouting out that not ALL men are the same - yes - we KNOW that already !! ..... lol !

    • DeliciousEva Photo
      DeliciousEva
      More than a month ago

      You're right. It's so hard.
      I think the best way, especially for those who don't have the platforms I do, is to start small and close. Your fathers, sons, brothers, and nephews.
      Pull them aside when they say the wrong things. Share articles and news stories with them. Speak up and often about the challenges women face, while also understanding the issues men face.
      Allow them to be emotional and vulnerable. Make sure they know that softness or vulnerability isn't a bad thing. Find positive articles written by men about feminism and equality to share with them.

      To win this war both sides have to come together and that, unfortunately, is the biggest battle we'll face.

    • MsCupCake Photo
      MsCupCake
      More than a month ago

      Totally agree Eva - it all comes down to education ..... but it is very hard to educate someone that doesn't want to be educated.

      The proverbial "hitting your head against a brick wall" syndrome .......

    • Account Closed
      More than a month ago

      "Understanding, respect, truth, honesty." I'll throw love in there too.

      Not just the lusty bits that everyone digs for, but the thing that is essentially made from the first 4 words.

      I was reading a book called "Getting off the Crazy Cycle," and it basically starts off by explaining that men on the whole, crave respect more than anything, while women as a gender want to be loved first of all. Now, ad infinitum, not all women are the same, and not all men are the same, so there are going to be exceptions to this, naturally.

      My experience is that with the women I have been intimate with, showing them attention, your focus, gentleness, avoiding loud outbursts and flailing arms... makes them feel safe. They have respected that and said as much. This makes me love them more, and so the cycle goes (this isn't the Crazy Cycle though, that one is of spiraling disagreements). That is what I have found anyway. Maybe I'm lucky?

  • MissThatTouch
    More than a month ago

    I was having a conversation with a man on here very recently, regarding entitlement...which gets played out on this site more times than I could count. This man, despite us not being compatible and I said no to him when he contacted me...treated me with the utmost respect...which makes a pleasant change from being called a b*tch, whore, frigid, uptight, in need of a good fk (and the list goes on) for daring to say no to them.
    I/we dont deserve to be insulted just because we're not interested/compatible. We're just, not interested/compatible *shrugs* its that simple.

    The men who give me respect when I say no, are very much appreciated. Respect leaves a far more awesome lasting impression, than insults ever will.
    Play nice, people..this is meant to be a place to have some fun! :-) As is the big wide world out there..we're all in this thing called Life, together!
    (Thank you once again Eva..love your work as always!) :-)

    • barkly48 Photo
      barkly48
      More than a month ago

      You should be treated with respect when you say no.... if someone cant take rejection without responding with a barrage of abuse, then you should report their behavior and AMM should cancel the profile. There is so much said these days about social media trolls and the like, and these "men" should be exposed as the very same... We, as other men, shouldn't accept it either..

      Rant over!

    • MissThatTouch
      More than a month ago

      Thank you for your respectful and supportive response barkly48, its much appreciated :)
      I rarely use the Report button here (one time I do remember is when a man asked, on first message with absolutely nothing else in that message - for me to put myself in a very unsafe position, in person with him that evening. Report slammed straight on him...if I was vulnerable and not safety-smart as I am, I could have gotten myself into serious trouble that night). My Block button has almost worn itself out though...lol.
      I personally think that this behaviour Eva pointed out, and I've described, goes far deeper than just 'trolling' for the sake of causing trouble. I do believe that, in many cases, it does come from entitlement - that (some...not all!) men think that this site (and in some cases, this very world we all live in) is 'their playground' and that just because we as women are here - that we're theirs for the taking - and if we dare say no....watch out.
      Some (again, some, not all) also need to remember that a 'no' isn't anything personal, or an attack on them - after all we're just strangers to each other - we're just, not interested/attracted/compatible to that message/profile etc that we're seeing in front of us. A 'no' also certainly doesn't mean that, that woman that you were supposedly interested in 5 minutes ago - deserves to be fiercely insulted for exercising her choice for her life.

      Men like you, and others out there/men who I personally know - the men I call 'good men of this world' that I've voiced this to - show that its not a widely accepted behaviour - and for that I personally thank you (those who wouldn't dream of treating women like this) for the respect :)

    • Account Closed
      More than a month ago

      Yeah, I don't get people who respond this way. I'm interested in their motivation though. What makes a person so petulant over a polite decline? Are they hoping to intimidate their counterpart into changing their mind?

    • MissThatTouch
      More than a month ago

      Thank you for the response also, Meade17...I have a feeling from some that it is an attempt at intimidation (but not to change our minds...to 'one-up' us as them as a man, and us as just 'mere women' to them).I've also now realised from some that its a way of manipulating/provoking us into (they hope) replying back just as fiercely (in defence of ourselves against the insults), making us out to be 'the bad guy', and not them. Some people love to twist situations like this, for their own gain/ego. (Yes I recognise the ego can get hurt from a 'no', but 'no' is a part of life - especially on a site like this/dating in general, no's are going to happen).
      I for one didn't come here for any of that - we should feel safe to be able to 'say no' to anyone we like, without being at the receiving end of how they've taken it.

    • Account Closed
      More than a month ago

      I'm on your wavelength @MissThatTouch! What I don't get with the following statement, " Some people love to twist situations like this, for their own gain/ego," ... who are they trying to impress with it though? Are they keeping score or something? Just how many women can I alienate this month? Will it be a new record?
      As you said, hearing a negative is a part of life. It builds character, if you take it in the right spirit. It should never be a trigger for a flame war. I agree that entitlement is an issue. Some people just need to be slapped, and not in a good way...
      Being on this site though, I cannot say for sure, but from some of the updated profiles I have read, a lot of ladies are being inundated, and a lot of it is not nice. I'm almost curious to know (not from anyone here, just to satiate my own curiosity... I am not asking, just rhetoric!) roughly what percentage are marked as NTF/block/report, against genuine people, who can introduce themselves, hold a conversation, say thank you at least one time, and be respectful. Again, I don't need to know, so please don't put up stats. I'm just spitting into the wind with that one.
      With that in mind, I can understand some of the militancy, where enough is enough, and standing up to these twonks gets you an inbox of flame. With that you have my sympathy.
      Stay strong, keep playing the game. It is by knowing the failures, that you recognise the successes!

    • MissThatTouch
      More than a month ago

      Its not (in my view) to impress (I have no idea who would be impressed with being called a bitch, or a whore by a stranger)...its, in some cases, to intimidate and provoke, as I described. Have you ever been in an argument with someone..they're angry and then they very cleverly twist the argument back on you..to deflect the attention onto you and *your* anger back at them - and away from their anger? Thats what I'm talking about...and at times here that is exactly what it feels like. They feel entitled to a yes...they dont get that so get angry inside themselves, so try to twist it (provoke an angry reaction) so you will be the, as I said, 'bad guy'..not them.
      I have had another 'angle' happen around this too...a few times, when Ive been grossly insulted after a 'no'..when Ive stood up and said Oi..I didnt deserve that - I've then received an apology. Its bizarre...first message, respectful..next message firing up fiercely at me. Then back to 'respect' when they get pulled up about it. Thats one I havent quite worked out yet..lol.

      Ive heard of the famous NTF list..for me, thats my block list. No second chances..its where the namecallers, dick pics, and timewasters go, never to be seen again lol.

      As for 'playing the game'...no game playing here by me...thats not my style.
      Thanks for the respectful dialogue with this topic.

  • Tikosta
    More than a month ago

    Another brilliant article!! Agree with everything you've said and you've put it exceptionally well :)

    Just let's love one another xxx

    • ForePlaay69 Photo
      ForePlaay69
      More than a month ago

      Excellent well rounded article, I thank you for your effort and foresight.
      Our women need a strong voice to be heard Keep up the good work.

Copyright © 2019 Eva Sless It is illegal to use any or all of this article without the expressed, written permission from Adult Match Maker and the author. If you wish to use it you must publish the article in its entirety and include the original author, plus links, so that it is clear where the content originated. Failure to do so will result in legal action being taken.