15 Awkward One Night Stand Stories

These posts originally appeared on a Reddit thread.

Reddit users love sharing their weird and wonderful experiences and sex is no exception. When a user asked "People who regularly have one night stands, what's the weirdest experience you've had?" the responses were too good not to share. 

Early the next morning, her huge Burmese python slithered into bed with us to cuddle. I noped right the fuck out. Yes, I like reptiles, but when you wake up with a 12 foot snake between you and a sleeping stranger, it's time to go home. She called me a pussy and said the poor thing just wanted to be warm. Then continued to send creepy nudes with the snake. LPT; don't mess with Goth chicks unless you're really really into EVERYTHING they're into. - justanotheraddiction

i woke up the next morning completely naked and covered in gum. Alone. - afburnham

I told a guy I loved him after meeting him twice. I had just gotten out of a 10 year relationship so I was pretty emotionally unstable. He was pretty nice about it but I was super embarrassed obviously. Also a guy told me he loved me in the middle of having sex with him the first night I met him. That was pretty weird. - KittyKat234

When I got to his room there was a big chalkboard on the wall covered in names and I didn't think anything of it. When I was leaving he asked me to sign it. Pay attention to your surroundings folks. - IWishIWasMoreClever1

I sucked a nipple ring out of a girls nipple and swallowed it by accident. Came out fine. - heraclitus33

I asked her to take her tongue ring off while she was blowing me because I found it uncomfortable. She forgot her tongue ring and got a ride from her boyfriend the next day to get it back. - sigh_riss

Met a hot guy in a club. Had drinks, danced, had fun. He asks if we can 'have a sleepover.' I say sure. We go home. We fuck. I fall asleep. In the morning, I wake up and all of my food in the kitchen is gone. Literally, all of it. From the fridge, from pantries, from cabinets, etc. - Slummish 

So, we go to his bedroom and it is decorated entirely with cheap stuffed animals that you get at the fair. Bears, unicorns, horses, pigs...everything. He has so many that he built shelves all the way around the walls with the smallest animals on the bottom shelf and the biggest ones on the top. No lie, there were probably 1,000 of them. I had to go outside and smoke a cigarette. Thank god he didn't smoke, because I had to collect my thoughts. So, I come back inside and we ended up having pretty decent sex for being sort of drunk and having a one-night-stand. We finished up and I put my head on his shoulder and asked him what he thought about it. 'Go ahead and take a prize off the bottom shelf,' he says. Worst. One night stand. Ever.- sloots_and_hoors

I had just gotten out of a super-intense relationship, the kind where you really don't have anything in common but they're amazing in bed, so all of your activities revolve around sex. Two weeks after breaking it off, the only thing I could think about was getting laid. So I convince my friends to go to a bar with me with my only intention getting smashed and picking someone up. Find someone, get to his house have great sex. Wake up the next morning he rolls over and says 'I love you so much.' At this moment I was like, 'Shit no, can't deal with this.' Start finding all my clothes and wallet. Then he starts talking about how he's going to pick up a puppy today and I come with him if he wants... The puppy was so fucking cute. Three years later and the dog is still freaking adorable, and I don't panic so much when he says he loves me. - kmuelle6

The guy was a complete dick to me in the morning, as if it was entirely my fault he fucked a complete stranger. He called me later that afternoon freaking out because he had a 'sore' on his wiener that he was sure was a result of our liaison. He berated me about not revealing that I had an STD (I didn't) and calling me all sorts of horrible names and telling me I ruined his life. I told him I didn't have any diseases and I'm pretty sure even if I did, he wouldn't suddenly sprout sores that same afternoon, so, if anything, he had probably put me at risk, not the other way around. Logic was not effective. I finally got his hysterical ass off the phone but he apparently called his mother (what?) and got himself all worked up again because he called back an hour or two later to scream at me and call me a whore. He went to the emergency room to have his dick checked out. It was just an ingrown hair. I did get a courtesy call with this information but no apology. After what I assume he thought was a proper waiting period of a few weeks, he tried to call me again for sex. I said 'no. - sweaty_yeti

Had an OKcupid hookup with a girl that said she worked in her fathers auto garage. Everything went fine and she wound up spending the night I woke up the next morning and she had snuck out. I had a text that said "why are there pictures of other girls on your phone". Of course these were pictures of myself and friends, some of which were girls, at bars and concerts and nothing particularly sexy. I thought to myself, thank god she ditched, I certainly don't want to hang out with a girl that will go through my phone while I'm asleep on the first date, or ever. Later that day I go to start my car won't start, my mechanic said somebody had cut several wires for the ignition system. Guess she knew her shit. - Orphanleni

I'd gone out with a few friends, promptly got wasted, and by some small miracle ended up going back to this fairly attractive girl's place. Morning after she decides to sooth my hangover with a bj, but before proceeding she says "You told me last night you don't really do one night stands, hope you remember my name?" I completely froze, I buy some time by laughing, and through sheer luck I notice a picture frame with "Emilia" written on it in bold colourful letters. Yeah that was her sisters name, she'd died the previous summer, and I did not get that blowie. - machiavellicious

Went home with a girl. Went to the bathroom naked during the night. Couldn't remember what door I was in. Saw the bathroom light was on and peeked my head in and it was her dad. I ran down tbe stairs to hear this "what the fuck are you doing". I couldn't remember her name and just responded with, "I came home with the girl". He must of only had one daughter and directed me to her room. The next morning when she was about to drop me home, she introduced me to her parents. Her dad said "I know who he fucking is, I caught him walking around our house at 4am". - baggyizzle

I went back to this girls place hammered, I remember it kind of looking like a church. Turns out it was. This girl interned at my local campus church, where she lived in a kind of hidden second floor apartment. Basically, I had to ramble through a walk of shame the next morning (sunday morning) past bunch of people attending morning mass. - IAMCANADIAN_sorry

She was actually really cute and she got up to leave so I just said lock the door behind you because super hungover. So finally I make my way out of bed and she had taken all of the food in my house along with my blender like how the fuck did you pull this off?! – Reddit user

We'd love to hear some Adult Match Maker member stories in the comments! 

29 Comments

loey34
More than a month ago
This was a great read. Love to keep reading about others experiences
Leolady727
More than a month ago
I read a GREAT comment somewhere - "I'm not really into one-night stands, just that some men don't pass the audition" .

That's my philosophy. If the first night is really bad, they don't get invited back.
downundermumma
More than a month ago
isn't the story about picking a stuffed animal from the bottom shelf an old joke?
MrsWombat
More than a month ago
Yep, an oldie and really not a goodie.
Leolady727
More than a month ago
Yes - I've certainly heard it before.
abcplus1
More than a month ago
We met a girl from the Sunshine Coast and after a first date and many messages, decided to spend a night together. The night was all planned, dinner at a nice pub and a nice apartment on the coast booked for the night.

So we met up with her, 15 years younger, smoking hot body, lovely personality.............

Had an incredible night and the 3 of us fell asleep in each other's arms.

We woke up early to a note on the kitchen bench telling us she had a great time but needed to go, leaving in the middle of the night she left behind her stockings, underwear and even a silver bracelet.

Later we got messages from her about a murder in her family and how it screwed her up..... And despite us trying, she wouldn't even meet up with us so we could give back her clothes and a bracelet.
Zamboon
More than a month ago
Thanks - I had some great laughs and whats with stealing food ?

I must say on most one nighters I do hide my wallet and phone and car keys - yes there are some weird people out there and often its the nice quiet types that turn out the worst.

When I was in my early 20's - I was still living at home and I also didnt have a steady gf at the time - I was on a Rugby tour and met up with a 45 yr old - went back to her place and ofcourse I blew too early - she didn't mind and cuddled up to m4e and said " boy you were quick!" - bugger that hurt ..... only good thing was that being 22 and a super fit sportsman I was ready to go again and again every 30 minutes during the night - she lost count of her orgasms and eventually asked me to stop .... Not sure if I was the best but I think I redeemed myself ..

An ex gf in her 50's dated a guy on a site and after a couple of dates when they ended up frigging in the car park due to kids being at home ( she loves being fingered and she came easily and plentifully during those sessions) they eventually went back to his place after a date - she saw his bed was made up beautifully with 2 teddy bears resting on the pillows - he picked them up lovingly and put them on the dresser - then he jumped on her - it was a really hot night and he started sweating - she asked him to put the ac on but he ignored her and kept on panting and banging her - sweat dripping off his face and chest onto her - he eventually came and collapsed on the bed - she went to the bathroom dried off on a towel and was out of there in 5 minutes... said she didn't think she could compete with those Teddy Bears...
Leolady727
More than a month ago
Nothing more GROSS than someone dripping sweat on you!
Fitguy19770
More than a month ago
I stayed in this hotel in Brisbane on a business trip.
I was having trouble connecting to the internet and rang the night manager for some help. Little did I know the hep I was about to get!!

This hot young guy comes up to the room, fixed the internet and I threw caution to the wind by saying he looked very hot. Before I knew it we were on my bed pants down sucking each other. We fucked for about an hour he left, i slept, I never used the internet!!!
pseudOMedium
More than a month ago
WOW! Some real creepy people out there! And what's with the food theft?
gr87xxx
More than a month ago
all these girls complaining about small cock lol. check mine out then. great share. my one night stand story...dont have a bad one yet that i can recall.
3on3some
More than a month ago
Hooked up with a girl after an open air concert on a Saturday night and went back to her place.
We had a pretty good time, had sex that night and again in the morning, before I left her my name and number as she wanted to catch up again. Then I went home to get ready for a sporting engagement on the Sunday.

Midday Monday, two police detectives rock up to my workplace.

It appears I may have been the last person to see her alive as she took her own life later on the Sunday. I was scared witless that they thought I had done something to her.

Awkward.
SeaMistAU
More than a month ago
Had a guy over from a dating site. things were going ok. I put a condom on him with my mouth.....he immediately blew, literally ran out of the house with the condom still attached and drove off never to be seen again.
Another time, another guy, he was touching me and I was enjoying it....is that your G-spot he asked....um no, that's my clitoris. Same guy later, mounting me with his penis going everywhere but where it should be. I had to mount him reverse cowgirl to actually get penetration because he just couldn't manage it himself. He was in his 50's with no idea of basic anatomy.
Met a girl. She was a walking, talking one girl orgy. Sex lasted three hours. It's about that time I lost interest in men lol.
hereiamm
More than a month ago
Thankfully not me, but true and know the guy:
Back in uni days in the UK, a group of guys went out to this pub where all the nursing students hung out. So lots of hot nurses-to-be. One guy gets chatting to this extremely attractive girl, and they start getting passionate. She tells him that she's really horny and has always fantasised about having sex at the Nurses College. So they leave the pub and head to the college.

They sneak in and she takes him to a room where there's a gurney. They get really passionate and start taking each others clothes off and she tells him to lie on the gurney. She then puts a glove on and coats a finger in lube. She plays with his cock a bit, then pushes his legs up. She then puts her finger in his anus. By this time the guy's a little weirded out, but thinks it's ok because she's so hot so he lets her continue. All of a sudden he feels his bowel loosen and shit comes out all over the gurney! He jumps up and stands there deeply embarrassed.

"I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened just then" he says, to which she leans over the gurney and rubs her chest in his poo and says "come and fuck me big boy" He grabbed his clothes and ran out of the room!
karlos6996
More than a month ago
Can't stop laughing! Thanks for sharing this 'scat' story.
SassySandy
More than a month ago
Had too many FLOPS to mention!!!! like 2 inch cock HAHA!!!WHAT!!!! No wonder all the losers are on here looking for tickle....not to mention personality problems OMG!! can't look u in the eyes....WHERE DO THEY COME FROM!!!! Beats me!!!! MUST ADMIT I've had a few awesome guys and still in touch.....
Ruralrustic
More than a month ago
Great post with some hilarious experiences.
I once met a woman from AMM for an after work liaison. We were in the middle of the act when she said to me "Are you going to be much longer?" Just a little deflating. Needless to say there wasn't a rematch
TasteofDestiny
More than a month ago
He could of called her any name to receive a BJ, but Emilia was not a good choice of names.
justforfun558
More than a month ago
I met a man once at a 5 star hotel. We checked in around 2pm and went to the room. First thing he did was lick me, and he wanked himself and that was it. I thought we would have a bit of fun later, as this was only 2:00 in the afternoon. Seems all he wanted to do for the rest of the day was eat and drink, which he drank about 18 bottles of drink. We had no more sexual contact the rest of the day or night. We ate dinner and I was thinking maybe we would have a bit more fun than just the licking at 2pm. Well, he drank so much that he fell asleep at 8pm. He slept all night through till 7am. We had breakfast and checked out. I mean what? I was naked all night but he slept like a log. No more fun after the 5 minute licking at 2pm and needless to say... no more meeting him. He said he had a great time and wanted to do it again. Like yeah right.
AMM.Editor
More than a month ago
LOL
downundermumma
More than a month ago
I had a similar experience. I met a guy online but he refused to give me his pic as he said he was in the media. Intrigued I agreed to meet him at a hotel for drinks. Well drinks turned in to staying on at the hotel for dinner. Dinner turned in to inviting him back to my place for coffee. Coffee turned in to going to my bedroom. I noted the time as we entered the bedroom. It was 9pm. The sex was over at 9.05 pm. I was like wtf maybe he is one of these guys that cums quickly first and then goes in to more foreplay after. Oh no he was done for the night and wanted to stay the night! Promising me he would be better in the morning cause he was tired. He wasn't and then wanted to see me again. Needless to say I never saw him again
BounceMoanOnYou
More than a month ago
I must say, the men ruin it for themselves.

They fail to see that there are 'No Second Chances'.

I've been exchanging messages with a man for about a week. He gets me all excited about what he will do to me when we meet.

We meet and he takes me to this park bench where he can play out all that he promised me.

Well, i get a couple of minutes lick time, before he humps me for a whole two minutes.

I was cool with it, asked he if wanted to go somewhere for coffee, he says "what for" and that was it for me. I'm thinking maybe after coffee he might want to do it again. But forget it. As long as you're satisfied asshole.

Needless to say, he then called many nights after that for us to meet up, writing a sorry ass message about how he will make it up to me.

Told him to F@$k off!
Mmaybebabe
More than a month ago
Hilarious
im glad my experiences are just usually lousy in bed or have small cocks or cocks that don't work.
The grass is definitely not greener....
Account Closed
Account Closed
More than a month ago
Hey , same with my experiences , so glad I'm not alone !
xFunlovingx
More than a month ago
"Take a prize from the bottom shelf". I spat my coffee out and choked. Hysterical. Bwahahaha.
Mstr.Full
More than a month ago
Yup that one takes the cake!!!
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Account Closed
More than a month ago
Best story ever!
ChrisT56
More than a month ago
Yep, exact same reaction but worth the cleanup LMAO. Bet she didn't recommend him to the sisterhood lol
FoxDen.AustWide
More than a month ago
Classic! lol
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