The Life Cycle of Swinging


Just like everything in life, there are phases or cycles and they all come with their pro’s and con’s. Sometimes it’s good to know where you’re at and what you can expect to come up as you continue; there are things to look forward to and other things to be aware of so you can avoid them.

The Hot-To-Trot Phase (or honeymoon period)

This is the first one, the one where it’s all very new and exciting and neither of you can wait to start or get to your next play date. It can also be nerve wracking as the relationship evolves and new boundaries are explored. This can be the most fun time but also the most vulnerable while you both work out how you feel about seeing your partner with someone else, what you are comfortable with and what you aren’t.

Con’s: Too overly keen can be a turn off to others, as can be playing with newbies for some couples. By being so keen to jump in naked and all, you may not be as particular about the playmates you choose and could end up with a ho-hum or horrible first experience.

Since it is a new evolution in your relationship it can easily go from exciting to excruciating if the foundations aren’t strong. It’s important to go at the pace of the person who is least comfortable; to build trust and confidence for both of you to then start relaxing the boundaries and experiencing more of what the lifestyle has to offer.

Pro’s: In the beginning when you start playing with new people, just talking about it is a turn on for you and your partner, then doing it is a big plus, and then talking about it afterwards often gets you both hot again. So not only are you getting extra sex from playing, but you’re getting extra sex from talking and thinking about playing!

The Groove Phase

This is where you aren’t considered a newbie anymore, and the super keen feeling you had to swing at every possible opportunity has subsided enough for you to kick back and enjoy the lifestyle. It’s where you have got a bit of a groove going on; you know what you’re doing now and have got the meet, greet and play sequence down pat. You may even be exploring some new areas within the scene that you hadn’t considered originally.

Con’s: Swinging and your swinging friends can sometimes become a big part of your life to the point that you are no longer hanging out with your vanilla friends and family. This can cause waves and the only thing you have to do is to make a little time for them, around your parties and play-dates of course

Pro’s: You can tell who you are willing to play with and who you aren’t a whole lot quicker so you save time, and you are way more comfortable playing with others and being naked in general. By now you’ve played with an array of different people so your ability to adapt to different playmates has increased, and so has your bedroom repertoire.

The Next Evolution Phase

Not all couples get to this point but this is where you decide you want more than just sex with a couple/person. You start looking for friendships as well as regular hot sexy nights; having a “regular playmate/couple” is common. There is nothing better than enjoying sex with people you really like and are familiar with. Just like when you first got together, the sex only got better as you did it more often with each other and it’s the same here.

This phase is also the one where it could potentially evolve from a swinging relationship to a poly style. There have certainly been many couples that have made that transition but not all do, many stop at the having regular playmates point and just enjoy the swinging with people they connect more with.

Con’s: It can be difficult if one partner starts down this path before the other and for that reason, it is extremely important that everything is communicated here. It is another very vulnerable period in the relationship and one that needs utmost honesty and a commitment to acting with integrity, for all involved.

Pro’s: This can also be the most rewarding evolution in a relationship where all parties learn the capacity to love deeper, trust more and enjoy love and life at a whole new level.

The Had Enough Phase

This is where the decision is made to stop swinging. Many couples decide to stop for a number of reasons; starting or adding to the family, they’ve got what they wanted out of the lifestyle and want to just be together on their own again, they’re having trouble in the relationship, or have met someone new and are going their separate ways. Sometimes it’s a temporary thing and sometimes it’s permanent.

There are couples that come in and out of the lifestyle numerous times over decades and others that come in for a while and never come back. Either way, you do what’s right for you both.

Con’s: It depends on the reason you decide to stop. If there are issues that have come up as a result of swinging then definitely take time out, get some help from a professional if possible, and then move on. If one partner is ready to stop and the other wants to keep going, discussions need to be had and engage the help of a professional if you need to find out why and create a solution that works for both.

Pro’s: Often it’s just a temporary hiatus. The lifestyle is not going anywhere and you can come back to the playground at anytime. Often it’s a great opportunity to reconnect with your partner as it’s easy to get caught up in the lifestyle or life and before you know it, one of you is feeling disconnected. Just be a couple for a while, get to know each other again. I highly recommend it!

Everything has a lifecycle and while some couples go around and around this one, others go one revolution and stop. The important part is that there is a cycle and as you move through it, you need to be aware where you’re partner is at so you can move together.

Swinging can be a wild adventure that brings you both closer than you ever imagined possible, it could also be a stepping stone to the next evolution in your relationship. If nothing else, there is sex and fun times to be had, so get what you can out of the lifestyle and for anything that comes up, that’s what I’m here for.


  • Ifuwannadome Photo
    More than a month ago

    I find it boring cause ive been told im to demanding and to much to handle for 1 guy lol 85 guys later and ive finally found a guy that can take me on god bless him no man has lasted long enough to get me until now lol

  • Account closed
    More than a month ago

    I tried MMF with wife and her friend. I got off on and she turned into a sex crazed animal. I am sure they were at it while I was at work (overseas) but ignored that because the sex was so good when I was home. He has now gone and we are still married 10 years later

  • Zamboon Photo
    More than a month ago

    Interesting article - I wish all swingers the best of times - sadly I have found that a lot of swingers have one partner who is more enthusiastic than the other, then the other party becomes more disillusioned as time wears on and it becomrs a chore and then they split up which is sad - as I always say it’s about communication but not that often that you get 2 people as enthusiastic as each other and when you do then you’ve probably hit pay dirt...
    One couple I know were very enthusiastic swingers for a good few years then he became prettier self righteous and stopped and he assumed that she had stopped as well - problem is that she was slow to start but now cannot do without the attention and she has 2 bulls that she remains in touch with and sees them regularly- problem is that the husband isn’t aware and so in essence she has resorted to cheating .... a slippery slope , is there a pun in that somewhere? ;)

  • Brownie555 Photo
    More than a month ago

    I like the fuck you phase

  • twosexyfun Photo
    More than a month ago

    Nice analysis. We are seasoned swingers aged 65 and 75.
    Not sure which category we are in?

  • QuietKink
    More than a month ago

    An accurate and useful article.

    My partner and I had numerous threesomes in a few years before she entered the Had Enough phase. Watching her youthful excitement as she gorged herself on "no holes barred" action remains one of my fondest and most arousing memories.
    Years later I remain in The Groove Phase with her generous understanding, open communication is the key here, whilst she has discovered the Vicarious Stimulation Phase: we rarely discuss my ongoing adventures, but often the next morning I wake with her hand wrapped around my penis, curiosity and excitement evident in her eyes like she is reliving old memories of her own...

  • Leolady727
    More than a month ago

    My 2nd husband & I were in the Lifestyle for over 20 years and we both loved it. We originally got together as friends (with benefits) to get both of us out of bad relationships and got into swinging almost straight away. I enjoyed exploring my bi side and we had lots of fun, plenty of laughs and met some great (and not so great) people along the way. Even though we're no longer together and live in different countries, we are still good friends and I think the fact that we were such good friends meant that neither one of us was threatened by swinging. I think that people who DO have a problem with it are still hung up on the idea that one only has sex with someone one loves! Sex is great - it's fun and it's an appetite, like any other. I wouldn't refuse to eat a good meal simply because my partner wasn't involved.

  • easeytime
    More than a month ago

    Interesting and a true assessment. My partner and i have been in the scene over thirty years of and on and enjoyed threesomes, foursomes and group. But now im 73 and still horny, my wife 64 has had health issues and chooses not to play. We have discussed this and she has said she would not stand in my way if i met another cpl or lady for some intemit play. We are open in our relationship and she can be a voyeur if need be there is no secrets here. So u can say im a very lucky person but it only comes with honestly and understanding

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