A quick pop quiz, good people: Is this next statement A) a myth or B) a fact:
Men can learn simple and effective ways to prolong their erections for truly long-lasting, mind-blowing sex.
If you answered B, give yourself a high five – for it’s true – men can master some easy and important physical exercises to help maintain their erections. Hallelujah!
Just ask Jared Osborne – a charismatic Melbourne-based men’s relationship coach, psychotherapist and qigong teacher – who’s passionate about educating men on how to harness their sexual vitality for health, potency and improved relationships.
Jared, the 40-something business owner of Embodying Man, was recently featured alongside comedian Luke McGregor in the latter’s hilarious and touching (pardon the pun) ABC’s ratings series winner, Luke Warm Sex, which we featured in an earlier blog post.
The series saw Luke, the lovable, awkward and super-endearing ranga who built his stand-up routine on the fact that he’d only had sex twice, morph into a better version of himself, in part thanks to Jared’s stamina-boosting techniques and mind/body/spirit teachings.
In episode 1, Jared teaches Luke about non-sexual, genital massage. Next up, in episode 3, Jared unveils one of his specialities – pelvic-muscle strengthening exercises Chinese qigong masters have practised for centuries.
With roots in Chinese medicine, philosophy and martial arts, qigong is a holistic system of coordinated body postures, movements, breathing and meditation used for health and spirituality.
Cue the pair awkwardly standing in a paddock, both with a full bladder and the cows watching on, to practise stop-and-start peeing. The aim? To help Luke strengthen his pelvic muscles so he could learn how to delay orgasm.
So, why is this important for men’s sexual prowess? “How comfortable you are with your sexual organs has a profound impact on sex,” Jared enthuses.
“Doing this sort of stuff for a couple of minutes a day can make a massive difference to your sexual energy within a week or two and effect how long you can keep an erection and how hard it is.
“It’s a really simple strengthening and longevity exercise – it’s not just about sex. If you’re letting it all go, you need to get your energy up! You need to learn to let it out, hold it back, let it out, hold it back. It brings a guy’s awareness back and helps him build a bit of extra strength and capacity there.
“One of the important techniques is called edging, where you keep pleasuring up to the point where it could be 60 per cent or 90 per cent of the way to an orgasm and you can feel the energy building in you and that’s where you take control of the lovemaking and you slow things right down. So, you take control again, let the energy settle back into your body and that’s a big part of what I teach in my courses that a lot of other people don’t.
“Qigong is very physically based. For me, at the core of it is the underlying principle of how your breath affects your awareness and consciousness and your ability to connect with people – how a guy’s holding his body, what he’s doing with his mind and how he’s projecting his energy or awareness through his needs.”
Jared also teaches men to learn to take their time with sex – that it’s not a race – which must surely come in handy with couples who experience mismatched sexual rhythms, whereby it can take some women much longer to orgasm than men.
“For most guys, we’ve grown up training our sexuality through masturbating as quickly as possible while we’re teenagers so no one catches us,” Jared says, “And in terms of actual sexual performance, that’s a really poor way to train our relationship with our sexual energy – you want to be able to last longer. It’s something a lot of guys struggle with.”
Interestingly, Jared says women also possess a lot of power when it comes to helping their partners hold erections for longer. “If a woman is feeling really good about herself and vice versa with the man, this has a really positive effect on the quality of the lovemaking, rather than if they were both in a really needy place,” he says.
Jared’s client numbers are steady, with an increasing awareness among male Gen Y and Gen X in the community on the importance of learning about their own sexuality and spirituality.
“I’m teaching them about their sexual energy, which has a huge impact on your ability to be present, to connect and live a long and healthy life. Your sexual energy isn’t just about sex.
“Culturally, we’ve got some really wacky stuff going on around sex and sexuality. A lot of guys who come to me are really stuck trying to please women a lot and do things for women – they’re really projecting their energy outwards.
“They’re quite ungrounded and doing what I call ‘psychically ejaculating’ over every attractive woman they see. It’s pretty simple to rein that stuff in and be a lot more centred within themselves.”
The men’s relationship coach teaches men to be more sensitive, intuitive, spiritual and grounded. “I help men to be the best man they can be. I specialise in helping men with relationship and sex issues. I focus on getting men into their body, as it’s the quickest and most powerful way to get the man they are showing up in the world,” Jared says.
“Traditionally, men are encouraged to disconnect with their bodies. Most men are incredibly sensitive beings – not in a weepy, crying way – just to the world around them and what people are thinking and feeling. The particular sensitivity of men is not something that’s really listened to or supported in our culture.
“Often, women don’t get it and the easiest thing for men is to shut it down. Part of what I tell guys, in terms of getting in touch with our sensitivity, it’s not about being weak or vulnerable – it’s actually the opposite.”
And if you’re a man who constantly struggles with unfulfilled sexual needs, Jared’s advice is to look within. “One of men’s common frustrations is partners who don’t want to have sex as often as they do. This leads to men projecting their needs in an outward direction and struggling with ejaculating early.
“It’s important to get them to really bring their needs into themselves. Often what they’re doing is saying: ‘I need this from her to feel a connection’, or ‘I need sex because I want to feel something’.
“The key is to get a man to cultivate that feeling within himself, rather than handing all that power over to his partner; to teach men to fulfil their own spiritual needs and feel much more powerful.”
Jared finds his one-on-one coaching both saves and strengthens relationships and helps men to call time on ones that ultimately aren’t working.
“One of the great, fundamental things I teach men is learning how to not outsource their own happiness. Men should stop trying to overplease a woman to make her happy; because their neediness comes through and they think ‘Then I’ll be happy’.
“Men need to learn to cultivate their own happiness and joy.”
Jared’s top tips on how to have better, long-lasting sex:
- Pay attention to your breathing. Slow it down, rather than a shallow fight-or-flight response. Connect with your breath.
- Don’t have sex to avoid intimacy. This will see you hit a certain point beyond your comfort level and rush – rather than prolong and savour – your orgasm so you don’t feel any intimacy with your partner.
- Get in touch with your sensitivity, spirituality and sexuality – it will make you a better lover.
- How you feel about yourself will show up in the bedroom. Take control of your emotions and build a strong self-esteem.
- Master the art of self-confidence. Don’t look to other people or material items to build you up – look to yourself within.