Article originally posted on Tantric Blossoming
I will get in trouble for saying this but the sexual revolution of the 60s and 70s never came to full maturity. The sexual revolution brought experimentation and freedom for a variety of sexual expression. Women could be as sexual as men; gay men no longer needed to hide behind a sham marriage; people were exploring the possibilities of multiple relationships; people were proudly having lots of sex.
All revolutions go through phases – dissatisfaction, radical expression, widespread experimentation, deeper conversations and maturity. In the 70s, the sexual revolution was at its high peaks of wildness and exploration. The archaic attitudes of the 50s and 60s were being shaken free. We had rock stars leading the way with experimental sexual preferences. Teenagers were breathing a sigh of relief that it was okay to be different because their heroes modeled bisexuality, homosexuality, cross dressing, and overt sexiness.
Then came AIDs, a new reason to be fearful of sex. As the first AIDs deaths were recorded in the US in the early 80s, the experimentation phase of the revolution ground to a halt. How could people move into deeper conversations about sex when we were being told that sex was killing men, women and children around the world? The sexy permissiveness that was demonstrated in music, clothes, and culture crept shamefully back into the closet.
A wise and empowered society would have deeper conversations about sex at this point, but we were still in the teenager phase of sexuality, and it’s regressed further since then. It shows up as distortion – overly engaged in porn, fascination with risqué and violent behaviours, sexual abuse, having physical sex without connection, titillation about nudity; or suppression – don’t talk about sex in public company, it’s not okay to be sexual, cover up your cleavage darling!
Sex education is limited to procreation and disease prevention. A sexually mature society would talk about how sex feels when one comes from a place of self respect, how sex has a different quality when there is resonance between two people, and how sex can be explored in many different ways and the importance of feeling what is appropriate for you as an individual.
In the late 80s I dove into my sexual exploration, full of teenage curiosity tinged with fear. Throughout the first 16 years of my sexual explorations I experienced promiscuity, monogamy, and periods of celibacy. I experienced gratification and fun, but there was still a sense of longing for more.
In the space of longing, many people turn to extreme sexual behaviours or convince themselves that sex doesn’t matter so much anyway. In my business, we see these behaviours in men and women, singles and couples. In speaking to people at conferences and other public events, I notice the appetite to understand and embrace more of what is possible through sexuality.
It’s rare to find people who have come to real sexual maturity: questioning their inner longing, embracing the wisdom of their bodies, discussing sex in both honouring and lighthearted manners, utilising the power of sexual energy for transformation. The bigger issue is that lack of mature sexuality in our society affects everyone; it creates shame, judgment, separation, manipulation and distortion.
Personal sexual maturity is indicated by ease in the body, expressing sexually according to one’s preferences without shame or judgement, accepting others’ sexual choices and self-awareness during sexual experiences. Generally in life, this shows up as a deep embodiment, self-acceptance, being at peace with self and life, expressing femininity and masculinity, and utilising the power of sexual energy as life force energy.
12 years ago, I consciously took a step towards my own maturity; I began seeking role models and the truth about my own sexuality. Tantra provided me with information and practices – honest communication about sexuality, exploration of relationship dynamics, and experiences that showed me this almighty force is fuel for my whole life.
I created Tantric Blossoming so others could experience the transformative effects of Tantra. Through the workshops, retreats and training facilitated by my team and I, we’ve witnessed 1000s of people activating profound energy that opens the heart, enhances body awareness, deepens sexual energy, creates incredible continuous vitality and opens doorways to wisdom. This is sexual maturity; each man and woman embodying the power of love and sexual energy that lives in their body.
I thank the early leaders of the sexual revolution for beginning the quest. Now it’s time for new leaders to step forward for the next sexual revolution. They will need to be steeped in courage and vulnerability, to lead the way with heart-centered action and intelligent communication.
Do I count myself among these leaders? Yes I do. Given that 1950s sexual mores are still applied by institutions such as Facebook, I know I have my work cut out for me. I am ready to take a stand.
We will complete the revolution through awareness, embodiment and truthful education about love, sexual energy, intimacy and relationships. Each man and woman will then have the opportunity to know and experience the gift of living in harmony with his or her inner powerhouse.