Make Sex your Hobby

Jacqueline Hellyer, Australian relationship coach, smiling at the camera alongside her website logo

Article originally posted on The Love Life Blog

What is a hobby? According to the dictionary it’s “an activity done regularly in one’s leisure time for pleasure.” That sounds like sex and intimacy to me!

We all know that it’s good for couples to have a mutual hobby - cooking, gardening, sport, travel, outdoor recreation, decorating, traveling, study. It gives them something to talk about together, to experiment with and to enjoy together.

You’re having sex and being intimate anyway, so why not give it the same focus and attention that you give any hobby?

When you acknowledge that sex and intimacy is or can be your mutual hobby, then you can approach it like any other hobby - enjoyably! There is enjoyment in the thinking about it, the planning, the discussing, the reflecting, the researching, and of course, in the doing.

It’s just as if, say, scuba diving were your mutual hobby. In that case you’d do courses together, set aside time to go diving, plan your dive trips, enjoy talking about the diving afterwards. You’d read books or blogs, listen to podcasts and watch videos about diving. You’d buy diving equipment and browse online diving websites to find out more. You’d have friends who were interested in diving too and you could enjoy talking with them about diving and share diving advice and experiences, you might even go diving together.

Now substitute the words ‘have sex’ or ‘be intimate’ for ‘dive’, and it’s pretty much the same. Obviously for most people, although not all, having sex is a private activity, so the ‘going diving with friends’ side of things might not apply - but you can still talk about sex and intimacy with friends. I always encourage people to talk more freely and positively with their friends, to help break the silence around what people really do and feel about sex, and to get people talking about sex and intimacy as though it were a normal part of life, rather than some hidden secret. When sex is your hobby it’s much easier to talk about it.

You don’t have to be a complete sex geek like me. For me sex is more than a hobby, it’s a calling. I never get tired of the topic, I find it endlessly fascinating. It can be for you too, when you make it your hobby.

There’s so much to explore and experience…

To indulge in your hobby, come along to my classy, hip and inspiring workshops and retreats!


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