How to have amazing sex without an erection

If you're a regular reader of our articles on Adult Match Maker you'll know that mainstream media and porn have lied to us about sex and sexuality for years. Things like what sex is. How we're supposed to have it. Who is worthy of it etc etc etc. And one of the biggest lies told to us is that sex has to involve penetration and therefore men cannot possibly enjoy it if they don't have (or can't get) an erection. 

This is utter bullshit. While some of us might have to unlearn some of the crap that's been drilled into us by porn, bad sex ed, TV and internet chat rooms, it is absolutely possible for men and women (and all in between) to enjoy sex and intimacy and good times without that "rock hard cock".

Regardless of if it's due to side effects from taking medication, age, or other factors like mental health or even physical disability, it's sometimes just not possible to have an erection. But as you'll see there are still plenty of ways to enjoy sexual play without it.

Sensual Massage 

Massage can be a great way to connect with your partner and explore their body. Focus on using your hands and fingers to create a relaxing and sensual experience. Touch their skin with varying degrees of pressure. Swap between fingertips, full hands, and just your fingernails. Trail your fingertips along their spine like a snake. Squeeze their butt. Use warm oils or lotions to enhance the sensation, and take turns massaging each other's bodies. It's so beautifully close and a great way to explore intimacy. 

Oral Sex

Despite what you might be thinking, oral sex actually doesn't require an erection, and it can be an incredibly intimate and pleasurable experience for both partners. Remember, the genital area isn't just a dick. There's the balls and the perineum and even the anus. Yes it can feel a bit different if you're used to putting a hard cock in your mouth, but that's the thing. It's just different, not wrong, and really can feel amazing for both of you. Whether you're giving or receiving, take your time and enjoy the sensations without worrying about getting hard. 

Sex Toys

Sex toys can be a great way to explore new sensations and enhance your sexual playtime without relying on an erection. In fact there are even toys out there that are designed to be used on penises that don't get hard. The Hot Octopuss Pulse range is probably the leader in this area and I can tell you, from experience being a sex worker for people with disabilities, they work. Incredibly! 

But also remember, as we've said before, it's not all about the penis. So experiment with different types of toys too, things like rings and vibrators and prostate massagers, and focus on exploring your partner's body in new and exciting ways that don't have to involve the penis at all.


Roleplaying can be a fun way to explore and play without the pressure of needing an erection. It can be as serious or as silly as you want it to be, but I find the trick, especially at first, is to not take it too seriously at all. Have fun with it. Be over the top a little. Dance. Perform. Enjoy! Get into character and try out different scenarios, like doctor and nurse, or have you been called to the boss's office?

Find the niche that makes you both tick, but also focus on the intimacy and fun of the experience rather than the need for an erection or penetrative sex.

Kissing and Cuddling

A lot of the time the most intimate moments we can have don't involve any overt sexual activity at all. Being together. Sharing space. Sharing time. Sharing yourselves.

Take the time to kiss and cuddle with your partner at all times and anywhere. 

They're washing the dishes? Slide up behind them and give them a slow, intimate hug. Watching telly? Pull them into you and stroke your hands along their arms. Make out. A lot. Spend time exploring their mouth with yours. Long deep kisses. Quick butterfly kisses on their cheeks and nose. Lip nibbles. Breathing together. Loving together. 

Focus on the sensations of touch and intimacy without any pressure to perform sexually. It truly will make you more connected than you thought you could be.


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Remember, sexual play is about intimacy and connection, not about getting your dick hard, getting it in, and then wham-bam-thanking-ya-Ma'am so you can roll over and go to sleep. It's about you and your partner being together. Sharing a space and time that is just for you both, and just for your intimate pleasure.  Experiment with different techniques, toys, games, and activities, and focus on enjoying the experience rather than worrying about getting hard. With a little creativity, imagination and playfulness, you will still have heaps of fun and fulfilling sexual experiences, and, if you're lucky, a whole change of mind and mindset about sex itself. 

Trust me. Take the "rock hard cock" out of the equation for a while and you'll realise just how vast and incredible the universe of sex is, and just how much you were missing out on by just focusing on that one area, and forgetting about the others.


  • Easyrider.2260


    More than a month ago

    I cant because of prostate cancer and having it removed recently. My lover though has shown me exactly what you've written about, oral sex and a bullet vibrator is bloody amazing and I've become much better with my hands and tongue. Thanks for the article

  • Newday2play


    More than a month ago

    Good write up and I have some AMM MF couples play mates that struggle with erection issues so have been around this first hand. However I suffer from quite the opposite erectile condition where I have an erection the biggest % of the day and even after long satisfying sexual play it soon returns. Is this an actual condition that require some medical intervention or something to feel privileged by ? It certainly can have a negitive effect on my day to day life outside the bedroom. Any feed back or advice would be greatly appreciated.

    • AMM.Editor


      More than a month ago

      Our advice would be to seek medical advice to ensure there isn't an underlying medical issue which needs to be addressed especially as it is impacting your day to day life.

    • Newday2play


      More than a month ago

      Yes, that's what I've been thinking , I'll bring it up when next at my 3 monthly Mens Clinic appointment, Thank you.

  • IVAONE60


    More than a month ago

    Great article I do suffer from erectile dysfunction due to a number of reasons. A lot of what you have said I love to do. Just hard finding a woman wanting the same.

  • Bwcpleasureforu


    More than a month ago

    it's hard not to have an erection, when you get intimate

    • Jt4570


      More than a month ago

      Exactly, if you're not feeling it doing most of these will get me hard.

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