How to do a Pre-Hook-Up interview

Woman holds a pencil in her hand and ponders what questions to ask her potential date

Meeting a new potential playmate often feels like a job interview: we pick our best head shots and obsess over what to say first. A confident conversation could get you off to a great start, or bad joke could spoil everything.

It’s no different when we meet new people online. We all want to impress, right? But it’s a two-way process – while we’re being measured up, we also need to ensure that our new friend meets our standards. As you’re exchanging flirty messages, don’t forget to ask the right questions.

A pre hook-up interview is a great way to ensure potential sexual partners suit you before you meet them in person. It doesn’t have to involve a clipboard! Often, it’s just a matter of paying attention to the all-important signs.

If you’re stuck for ideas, here are my interview criteria – and a few easy ways to ask, if you’re not sure where to begin.

Why do they want the job?

We all want to be appreciated, even during a casual hook-up. We don’t want to feel as though we’re being used.

Spending a while chatting to someone online can help you to work out whether they find you interesting and attractive, or whether they just want another notch on their belt. If your date can’t tell you what they like about you, or what they’d like to offer you, they might not be fully invested in the whole experience.

Useful lines:

“What do you look for in a hook-up partner?”
“Do you think we’d get along in person?”
“How are you feeling about this conversation right now?”

Do they have the necessary skills?

Good sex requires skill, enthusiasm, and experience. This is especially true if you’re hoping to get up to something advanced, such as kink or group play! But even a standard one-on-one demands a basic level of communication and emotional maturity.

It’s not enough for someone to say, ‘I know what I’m doing.’ It needs to be demonstrated – through actions, or experience. Asking them what they’ve done in the past is helpful – even a story of a date gone wrong can be useful, if they handled the situation well. 

Communication, respect, and the ability to wield a flogger are skills that can be learned. But if your potential partner hasn’t, you might prefer to wait for someone who has.

Useful lines:

“So, you’re into kink? What sort of stuff have you done in the past?”
“Have you tried hooking up before? How did it go?”
“Tell me your last embarrassing date story!” 

What’s their plan for the future?

You don’t need to quiz your date on their five-year plan; but you DO need to know how they’re going to treat you in the morning. If your partner runs off the next day without so much as a ‘thank you,’ you might not feel great. Conversely, if you’re looking for a one-night stand, you don’t want to shag someone who hangs around your house for three days afterwards.

Useful lines:

“Tell me about your last date – how did it go?”
“Are you still friends with anyone you’ve met online?”
“Do you like to hang out with people you sleep with, or is it always a one-off thing?”

“Don’t call us, we’ll call you.”

At the end of the day, it’s up to both of you to decide whether to take things from the screen to the bedroom. Snap decisions are difficult – especially when someone is keen to meet up straight away! But it’s worth taking your time. This could mean closing that browser window for a few minutes to think about it or arranging to check in again in a few days’ time.

This allows you to commit fully to the experience. It means you might spot warning signs that would otherwise ruin your night. Best of all, a little delayed gratification can be a huge turn on.

If your partner tries to rush you into hooking up, despite your efforts to slow down, it could be a sign that they don’t respect your boundaries. Being pressured into sex isn’t fun – and could mean trouble later, if you get naked with them.

Useful lines:

“It’s been great chatting – can I get back to you in a few days?”
“How about I send you a message next week and see how you’re feeling?”
“You want to meet tonight? Let me think it over for a minute.”

A good hook-up takes time, energy, and commitment...don’t waste your efforts on someone who isn’t a team player.  Make sure you do your interview! By staying alert for the signs, you’ll know when you’ve found the right person.

Georgie's book 'The Art of the Hook-Up' is your guide to a Successful sex life, with practical, ethical skills for casual sex and online dating. The book has a 5 star rating on Amazon and reached #1 in the Sexuality category the week it launched. Want to grab a copy? Click here to find out more!

23 comments

Have your say! Login to comment.
  • SaphireTRANS76

    SaphireTRANS76

    More than a month ago

    This was a well written piece and of quality and educational value to me (i noticed).
    I thought my pre-view conversational skills were decent enough to weed out the undesirable types of people I had made contact via the messenger service within Amm.com.au portals. But its obvious to me now that ive read this piece ,my skills in this regard could be enhanced considerably, especially in the way as not to offend whom i'm chatting to if and when things just are not syncing the way I wish them to be, I never want to offend the person I'm chatting to,and its my hope that when things go awry either we get them ack on track or it becomes apparent for both of us to cut the ties Nicely and in an adult manner (as opposed to the way some connections in the past have become nasty and stand-offish..I'm not refering to my behaviour here either).

    Reply
  • Plushbunny

    Plushbunny

    More than a month ago

    I always do a coffee or drinks meet first and specify no sex on first meet. That way we can both go away and think about it, and either party can (politely I hope) decline if we don't get on or aren't attracted to each other. I actually prefer to meet at AMM drinks nights if that's possible, saves being let down by no shows and gives the other person a chance to meet a variety of people if it doesn't work out.

    Reply
  • MasterCub

    MasterCub

    More than a month ago

    Agree with the article for the most part, there are some people that are an exemption from this in my experience.

    Asking questions worded like that came off as nosy in a minor amount of instances, however if you can't communicate your limits, expectations and your experience then it's probably not going to be a good experience.

    I personally think it's nice to build a bit of rapport before committing to anything and makes the experience much more pleasurable, both parties have a better time of it.

    Reply
  • awomanwithneeds

    awomanwithneeds

    More than a month ago

    Good article. Not choice words I use but personally I think if a woman let's a dude just randomly fuck her they probably deserve the no goodbye in the morning. It's what ruins men for the real women.

    • IVAONE60

      IVAONE60

      More than a month ago

      I agree there no one should just let someone randomly fuck them. Then expect to be treated with respect the next morning. Me personally i can never do the random hook up without having some connection with the other person.

    Reply
  • 1970s4some

    1970s4some

    More than a month ago

    Terrific article. All new users should be shared this outline.
    It is a game of dodgeball when you start on AMM or other sites for play.
    These days my partner and I end up doling out advice on how to initiate play to ‘newbies’ who are tiptoeing through the mire of play options as if you say you’ve had some great experiences then you’re immediately asked how to go about things.
    But we all start as new and soon the questioning and profiling gets simpler.
    But yes, to all who mention Reading someone’s profile.
    All the info you need can generally be garnered from doing that. It should be a no-brainer :)

    Reply
  • Zamboon
    Online status icon

    Zamboon

    More than a month ago

    Agree - I’ve read profiles and then during chat they say something that doesn’t fit with the profile- twice I have had really bad meets and both times I told them I would be wearing a blue shirt when instead I wore a white shirt and sat outside the coffee shop - both times I had a premonition and I was right - the profile said 70kgs but my eyes told me120!

    • triXXXi66

      triXXXi66

      More than a month ago

      so really you scammed them just as much as they scammed you...im assuming they didnt know it was you and you were free to just slink away...kinda gutless not to face the reality...at least they were prepared to face it.

    • Zamboon
      Online status icon

      Zamboon

      More than a month ago

      Guilty as charged - I’ve been scammed a number of times and once was by a uni group, 3 of whom descended on me with laptops at the ready and questions galore - people around me were looking aware that something untoward was going on - then there have been no shows and totally wrong profiles to what were written so as I said I developed a 6th sense and I was right ! So no I don’t feel bad - they were not what they said they were !! Tuck shop arms and fat arses spilling over the seats puffy ankles and they claimed to be 70kgs And you’re right I guess they would’ve soon found out I didn’t have 12 inches....meh!

    • IVAONE60

      IVAONE60

      More than a month ago

      Agree i to done that makes you think why can't people just be Honest.

    • BareNakedLady19

      Account Closed

      More than a month ago

      I'd not meet anyone whom I had not seen - either in photo or on webcam.
      Of course, pictures, as we all well know, are normally old and BS but at least you get a general idea of what someone looks like before meeting them - and in your situation Zam, if you were not prepared to have 1st shared your pic, I'd not have entertained meeting you.
      So, silly women.
      You are not at fault for your approach - it's up to how gullible someone is to fall for it lol

    • Zamboon
      Online status icon

      Zamboon

      More than a month ago

      And I would have sent you a pic of Sean Connery - in the hope of getting to meet you ;)

    Reply
  • Achinglips

    Achinglips

    More than a month ago

    AMM has a lot of losers
    They all talk the talk,
    1. some just don’t show
    2. Some turn up off their face on drugs ! Seriously?
    3. Some chat, tell you they are interested but then pike
    4. After we agree to meet at a particular he texts he prefer bareback sex . I say no. He says he’s already on the road. I say I’m out. He curses me out them claims that I have a disease that is why I don’t want to have bare back sex
    5. After chatting and deciding we were going to meet at a pub . I got dressed and the wanted to come to my house and didn’t want to meet in a public place - nope! So I got called a bitch.

    I mean really did the universe just create AMM As a special meeting for morons to gather !

    • Zamboon
      Online status icon

      Zamboon

      More than a month ago

      You have my sympathy- what horrible idiots ...
      Hope you meet some real people soon..

    • Polyamerous.BBW

      Account Closed

      More than a month ago

      Yes there are some real dirt bags out there. One guy I told him we were just meeting to say Hi. And I'd take him on a tour of the town. At a parking Bay he says let's pull up here and have a chat... A bit if kissing etc. Then he pressured me to give him oral. I did for a bit. But then when I said no more. I could tell he wasn't impressed. And for the first time in a long time I actually felt like I could be in danger. I was scared.
      Another one I chatted to. I got a bad vibe after a week or two. So I said look I don't thing we are what each other is after.....
      Well then he calls me a slot and every other name.
      This isn't appropriate behaviour. Nor respectable. Both times I think my gut feeling was very accurate
      These kinds of creeps are out there

    Reply
  • Photos in private gallery

    ispywithmy

    More than a month ago

    Could I make a suggestion to the whole ‘measuring up’ a potential partner?
    Read there profile, you’re only into men (for example) with well above average penis sizes- don’t lead them on, if you’re got a clear list of other physical attributes, read their profiles.
    Otherwise you just waste time getting to know someone, maybe forming a digital bond only to have zero interest when meeting them.

    • 4evalookin

      4evalookin

      More than a month ago

      Yes read profiles and read them again! So sick of smokers and those who can't host contacting me. It's listed in my profile so it's a non negotiable. Please don't waste peoples time thinking they might change their mind.

    • MissThatTouch

      Account Closed

      More than a month ago

      Absolutely agree with you re reading profiles! How does someone know if they're compatible with you...if they cant even be bothered 'reading you' through your profile.
      The way mine's written, its very clear to recognise when they havent bothered reading it when I'm contacted - so I suppose thats a bonus of being contacted by the 'non-readers' lol...very easy to weed out the ones who cant be bothered making an effort (if they cant even be bothered reading a profile...how 'little effort' will they make in person....are they really interested or am I 'just a random'? (pretty easy to guess that one!)

      That couple of minutes you take to read one - might just bring you closer to bringing you to what/who you're actually seeking, instead of just taking a punt on a whole heap of contacts in hope of a 'win' :)

    • MasterCub

      Account Closed

      More than a month ago

      Agreed, if you can't take interest in a person's profile and retaining that information during correspondence , what indicator is there that they would take an interest in who they are messaging when it's time for play, its a red flag for a selfish person.

    • triXXXi66

      triXXXi66

      More than a month ago

      the problem with the profiles on this site is that they should not be allowed to be published unless all sections are filled in...that way we are all on the same playing field...so many people cant be bothered to fill in all sections but are still published , and when you question them where the rest of the profile is they say some kind of crap about its still pending or it wouldn't let me or such!!! i mean really...don't take us all for such fools.

    • BBWmature

      BBWmature

      More than a month ago

      Agree with triXXXi66! All fields should be filled in & all profiles should need to be verified before they’re allowed membership (even at standard member level) & I understand privacy, but some sort of profile pic should be necessary!

      So many time wasters on sites like this, no common decency, so many have no intention to meet, just want a bit if dirty talk & pics

    • Photos in private gallery

      ispywithmy

      More than a month ago

      They could implement that. I don’t think it would do much, because there is no way of verifying information. Unless you had to get a letter from a doctor doing a full physical? Misleading information creates a new problem.

    • AmyF2016

      AmyF2016

      More than a month ago

      I agree re verified profiles - esp age verified.

    Reply
Copyright © 2024 Georgie Wolf It is illegal to use any or all of this article without the expressed, written permission from Adult Match Maker and the author. If you wish to use it you must publish the article in its entirety and include the original author, plus links, so that it is clear where the content originated. Failure to do so will result in legal action being taken.
The content posted on this blog is intended for informational purposes only and the opinions or views within each article are not intended to replace professional advice. If you require professional relationship or sexual health advice you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist.