Any tips for a beginner about prostate massage?

Q: I’m really curious about prostate massages. I’ve been reading a lot about them and I’d love to try it. Do you have any tips for a beginner on how to do it to get the best experience?

A. Prostate massages are a brilliant way to get off! The sensations and orgasms elicited from having that special little spot played with can be unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before! 

There are a few ways you can get the best experience out of it, especially for new players, and a few items you may want to purchase, but overall you really just need to be keen, relaxed, and ready to have the best orgasm of your life!

Not Gay

It’s a bit sad we have to make this point because not only is there nothing wrong with being gay so it shouldn’t even have to be mentioned, but also it’s just sad that so many men refuse to experience something as amazing as prostate stimulation because “bums are gay”. Like, to be blunt, bums are human. We all have one. Even lesbians (although, if cis, they don’t have a prostate) So the only way a bum is gay is if it is the bum of a gay person, so forget all of that and just enjoy the fun!

What is the prostate?

The prostate is a small gland, about the size of a walnut, that sits inside the rectal passage behind the bladder and the penis. Its primary function is to secrete a fluid that feeds and protects sperm, but it is also a tingling little spot that produces a hell of a lot of pleasure if pushed on. It can be stimulated by vibrations, by pressure, and by massage, and is an incredible way to elicit mega-pleasurable orgasms.

Be a Douche

So we’ve established that bums aren’t gay… But they can get a bit dirty just because of their primary function, and it can get a little bit messy without the proper preparation and cleaning of the area.  Often just emptying the bowels about an hour before play can be enough to clean it out, but for those who’d like a bit of extra peace of mind, there are douches. You can buy douches at most adult shops and some pharmacies and they will range in price starting from around $15. Use them in the shower or bath with warm soapy water, and use it til you see the water run clear. It can take a few squirts, and might feel a little bit funny going in and coming out, but it will be worth it for the peace of mind during play.


While a finger can definitely reach the spot, for new players it can sometimes be a bit of a search to get the right spot, and it can be a good idea to play with a small toy at first so you can get to know all the sensations and areas inside, and what it is you’re looking for, especially if you’d like to invite someone else to play with it who doesn’t have the experience either. Go into your local adult shop and ask the staff for their recommendations for beginner prostate toys (Aneros brand make some pretty good ones). These are usually a thinner and less bulbous shape than anal plugs, and are designed to reach deeper inside to find the prostate.

Playing with It

Lube, lube, lube! Lube is your friend! While silicone lubricant is often the better one to use for anal play (it’s much longer lasting and because the anal passage doesn’t produce it’s own lubricant the way a vagina can it can be handy to use something that doesn’t dry out) be aware if you’re using a silicone toy it is far better to use water-based. Many companies now produce specific anal lubes that are water-based, they’re usually thicker gel type ones that last a lot longer, and Pjur, a German based company, even sell water-based anal lubricants with specific relaxing properties in them to make anal play a more comfortable experience.

In saying that, it really is important to remember to relax. The anal passage is a series of very strong muscles and the more tense you are, the harder it can be to insert and manipulate toys, so take a deep breath and concentrate on keeping those muscles as relaxed as you can.

When You’ve Found It

You’ll know. You’ll know because it will feel different to every other sensation you’ve felt, and it will feel good! It can actually be a little overwhelming the first time you discover it because it really is a sensation like no other. It’s VERY different to a genital orgasm. In fact you don’t even need to touch your penis or testicles at all during the play. While some men may experience a little ejaculation, it’s actually completely different to that sort of orgasm and is not connected to penis pleasure at all. It has been described to me as a warm sensation that fills your whole middle, spreading out from that centre to all the nerves and pleasure spots in your body and can literally make you forget about everything else in that moment but the sensation. In fact, the way it’s been described to me reminds me of the way a women can experience an internal g-spot orgasm, which is very different to a clitoral one, and can create over-all body orgasms, not just centred on one main area. It also means that men can experience multiple orgasms in this way without ever having to ejaculate and finish the session. Although I will say that matching the two, a prostate orgasm with a penile orgasm, has been described to me as the most out-of-this-world experience that every man should try.

So now you have all the info, what are you waiting for? Go forth and find the prostate!! Your body will thank you for it… Once it’s got its breath back.


  • BareNakedLady19
    More than a month ago

    I had a partner who was interested in this and I was willing!
    Before I went anywhere near him in that sense though, I did quite a bit of 'research'
    It was a 1st for me as well as for him. I wanted to make sure it was as enjoyable as it was meant to be.
    We found that a great deal of communication and patience was the key.
    He had to pretty much put 100% trust in me and that's a huge ask of anyone. If you give them every reason to trust you then chances are - everyone relaxes.
    When we 1st tried it, I used my fingers only - and A LOT of lube!! Eventually, we progressed to some toys - mostly glass.
    Before he could fulfil his fantasy of being fucked in the arse with a strapon, he really stuffed the relationship so ...c'est la vie!
    I personally found it quite 'clinical' but have since put this down to the fact that I was learning to begin with.
    As is with most other things, once I began to feel his responses and reactions, I knew he was enjoying it which encouraged me.
    I'd say this is definitely not a sexual act you'd want to perform during a one night stand or with a casual sex partner.

    More than a month ago

    Open yourselves to pleasure.

  • bardot262
    More than a month ago

    Wish I could have tried it when I had a prostrate

  • cowgaluvoldrmen
    More than a month ago

    I’d love to experiment doing this to a guy in so many ways
    Yes please

    • Account Closed
      More than a month ago

      Cum to me, love experiments with women that are keen to try out.

    • Account Closed
      More than a month ago

      Lol you can cum to me , like a guy that’s eager to try new things and is experienced

  • Rob061 Photo
    More than a month ago

    I've only ever had one prostate induced orgasm. It totally took the wind out of my sails so to speak. Legs turned to rubber and could not stand for a while. The most intense experience that I have ever had.

  • 49humber Photo
    More than a month ago

    All of this I have found through experience and just trying thing to see if they work. Sadly there is or never has been a partner to help along the way. But I have experienced some fantastic orgasms with sexual encounters after. And for a male to describe this as orgasm, I am envious of any woman or man who gets there. There are no health risk in this at all - just pleasure . (60+)

  • am84fun
    More than a month ago

    I suggest using the disposable gloves too. A finger nail can cause a very slight tear and depending on the lubricant, can cause a slight burning, making itnuncomfortable. I have taught many a person over the years with great success. Some lubes like Wet Stuff Gold contain vitamen E which will may burn in any instance if a tear. I suggest a basic lube or sensitive one. WetStuff Lite is brilliant as no aditives but will require more applications but definately no “burning” .

    • nytewyng3571 Photo
      More than a month ago

      Any of the Pjur Analyse is good for anal play - male or female....

  • matt1991 Photo
    More than a month ago

    I'm making some progress building up sensations with icicles #68 glass massager, great shape. Aneros progasm is great to wear and clench down on during mastubation and sex. Makes for a much stronger conventional orgasm, but I haven't learnt how to use it hands free yet.

  • John2779
    More than a month ago

    Does anyone know if there are any health risks when you are older (mid 60s) - if there is slight enlargement of the prostate? Or can massage help to keep it healthy? Jsav123 mentioned that his doctor recommends it.

    • Zamboon Photo
      More than a month ago

      Health wise have a blood test annually, masturbate weekly at least once - it exercises the prostate ... and a final clue is if you’re having problems peeing then see a doctor and of course if you’re feeling pain or discomfort- at our age it’s not going to just go away - don’t become a statistic !!

    • John2779
      More than a month ago

      I should have been clearer. Does anyone know if there are any health risks having a prostate massage if there is slight enlargement of the prostate. Can it exacerbate the enlargement or can it reduce it? When in your mid 60s it's not uncommon to be slightly enlarged . . . I am told. I do have regular check ups and have no problems peeing or ejaculating. Phew glad of that. Any comments DeliciousEva?

    • AMM.Editor Photo
      More than a month ago

      Some things are best checked with your Dr as the people reading this article don't have your entire medical history.

  • Jsav123 Photo
    More than a month ago

    My Doctor said to me, the best thing a man can do for himself is Prostate massage, Keep it healthy and active

  • remote3556 Photo
    More than a month ago

    Sounds great, just got to find the right person to do it with. ??

  • Jonnycache
    More than a month ago

    Start with a finger so you know what you're looking for with a toy. You can hurt yourself or damage the prostate if you go poking around with a thin toy hoping to feel something.
    This article fails to mention most of us find it hard to find. Mostly because it definitely doesn't give an instant feeling or sensation. It takes many sessions (for most) before you'll actually start learning how to have a p-gasm. It's quite elusive and can take some manipulation to get the warm waves that lead to spasms and a kind of orgasm that isnt anything like you expect. Infact the word orgasm prob isnt the exact right word but close enough. Its plumb size in some guys as we get over 30 or its tiny untill stimulated.
    Locating it is tricky for most. Its roughly your mid knuckle deep. A bit more on some a bit less on others.
    If anal play isnt your thing ( it's fine to be uncool with anal stuff for what ever reason. Its personal) you can do it via the perineum but it takes more pushing and work. Achieving the "orgasm" from outside is easier once you've tuned into the sensations from inside.
    Dont read the instructions on prostate toy sites. They lead you to believe some sort of magic secret fantasy will come true. The articles will talk about mind blowing earth shaking moments and sensitivities that will just frustrate you when you aren't achieving them. Its not like that. It's fantastic and I love anal and prostate play but just don't get caught up expecting these earth shattering multi orgasms. You'll get there in time but dont try to imagine what it feels like as its unlike anything else you'll picture sexually.
    The right size butt plug is as effective as any specific anal toy. But a finger can be the most amazing toy.
    I could go on and on about this as I've got roughly 25 years experience with anal play and prostate play at roughly 40 years old. I'm bi sexual and a mens health (mental and physical) advocate.
    If you want some good info on this stuff feel free to PM me. Taking advice on mens specific fun or play from a female has pitfalls like a man trying to teach a female about female specific stuff. It can only be second hand info and never from experience or true understand.
    Most importantly dont rush it. Take time. Be gentle. Start slow and build up but dont get vigorous like wanking. You'll eventually be able to take it rougher but that doesn't equal better prostate sensations. So chill out n have fun.

    • FunDays32
      More than a month ago

      Thanks John, appreciate the extra information. Sounds like some fun ahead.

    • Account Closed
      More than a month ago

      Excellent response and I can definitely apply a lot of what you've mentioned to my personal experience.
      Spot on in so many regards.

  • shieldguy74
    More than a month ago

    Once discovered, you will have the best orgasm ever. For anyone interested, your middle finger all the way in and pointing upwards. There is a round and slightly harder walnut sized spot as you reach up. The best sensation is to just gently press on it.... release and press again. Continue until you experience the strongest ejaculation you've ever had.

  • Ssbbw78 Photo
    More than a month ago

    When it comes to the female partner performing this massage on their partner what exactly are we feeling for to know we have found the right spot??

    • DeliciousEva Photo
      More than a month ago

      You should find a sort of nodule under the skin around 3 inches in. It's about the size of a walnut. Curled finger like the come hither movement on the female gspot should be the best way to get it... And when you touch it they'll know because the sensation will be very different and they should hopefully let you know that's the spot!

  • Zamboon Photo
    More than a month ago

    I’m interested but I don’t think I want to be fiddling around myself - I’d prefer a massage situation with either digital or a probe stimulation but gentle at first at least and the person must be experienced. On another blog someone said he was a remedial massage therapist and that they are trained in prostate massage - well it appears not I phoned 2 rmt’s who hung up on me when I asked the question lol.
    So I’m interested but it must be someone who knows what they are doing m or f!
    I do remember a colleague years ago who needed a sperm test done for fertility investigation with him and his wife - they had a lady doctor who bent him over stuck her finger up his bottom and the next thing he knew was he had ejaculated on the sample bottle she had told him to hold over his flaccid penis - he said it was so quick and a pretty weird feeling- all very matter of fact.
    Anyway I’d be interested in reading the other comments and get some feedback from the forum! Thanks.

    • DeliciousEva Photo
      More than a month ago

      My best advice would be to hire a sex worker who specialises in it.
      They're amazing and will teach you so much about how to pleasure yourself.
      Good luck with your search!!
      (pun mildly intended haha)

    • Zamboon Photo
      More than a month ago

      Ok I’m prepared to look for one - just not sure where to find someone - the adverts in the paper are for the masses it seems - I think it will be a long search.

  • willywonker74
    More than a month ago

    Takes a lot of practice for most to get to any where near the highs mentioned

    • qick-e
      More than a month ago

      had this performed on me one night when on a play in sydney ,
      boy did this lady know what she was doing , after some nice rimming she gave me the best prostrate fingering i have ever had , and i just had the most explosive orgasm/blow ever i just cum everywhere lol

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