My boyfriend is obsessed with having a threesome!

Dear Amie:"My boyfriend seems obsessed with having a threesome, I'm not keen. Should I just give in. I'm not into girls so it does seem to be all about him."

Ahhhh threesomes. Every man’s fantasy.

In short, hell NO. You should never ever feel like you have to ‘give in’ to doing something sexual you’re not keen on in a relationship.  If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it. Don’t let your boyfriend nag you like a little bitch into being involved in a fantasy where you feel there’s nothing in it for you. Where’s the fun in that?

Plus, think about it this way. The thing with threesomes is that they only work if everybody who is participating is comfortable and hot for the idea. If you decide to just ‘give in’, chances are, when you’ve got another woman’s naked tits in your face, you’re probably going to feel anxious, a bit like a third wheel and probably a bit pissed off about the whole situation. You glaring at him while he pounds into a random chick is probably not what he factored into his fantasy.

It’s a big wide world out there when it comes to sex, and fantastically, there’s more than one way to have a threesome. 

If you’re curious about the idea of group sex but women aren’t on your sexual radar, why not compromise and suggest a threeway with him and another dude? If he immediately baulks at the idea or justifies his “no” with a “but I’m not into men”, then you have an excellent example for explaining why tandem sex with him and someone of the same sex isn’t your cup of tea either.

Quite often just talking out our fantasies does it for us. If you’re okay with a little threeway fantasy dirty talk during the heat of the moment, maybe you could make it clear to him that having a threesome with another woman isn’t something you’re interested in exploring in real life, but you’re happy to talk about it during sex. Also, if you enjoy a bit of porn yourself, you could suggest a hot date with the two of you involving trawling through some group sex porn until you find some videos that spark something for both of you.

If by this point, you’ve explained to your boyfriend that you’d rather get your arse waxed than go down on another woman and he’s still gung-ho about a threesome, it’s time to have a seriously unsexy chat. Like everything in a relationship, it all comes down to communication, honesty and respecting boundaries.

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41 Comments

  • LaughAnytime Photo
    LaughAnytime
    More than a month ago

    More like the girl is a whingey boring sook

  • Austphil
    More than a month ago

    Typical comments from the feminists as always. Not one person interested in what the male wants or needs. "Just tell him to "fuck off" And when he doe's it will be "bastard, cheated on her" Not a person noticed, he has come to her and tried to tell her what his fantasies are. And this Crap about "typical male" The people writing this on every blog want to get over them selves. The reality is people in relationships have different needs, no, what is good for a goose is not always what the gander wants. If a woman was "obsessed" with having a 3 some the comments here would be totally different!
    I have news for all the people who think its all about the woman, its not. The fact that he wants a threesome, does not mean she needs one with 2 guys, if its not her fantasy. A good relationship is based on 2 people who care about each other and who try and make their partner happy. My wife is very bi, for example, she actually use to live with another woman, and so was my first wife, I could not tell you the amount of times I have sat back while they played with other women and after the first 20 times or so, its like watching someone else eat cake, the novelty wears off. But its not just what she wants, its what she needs and I want her to enjoy herself, not spend her entire life frustrated, if I followed the advice given here I would tell her to "fuck off" because, just watching is not my thing. Because she craves other women, does not make me want a cock up my ass. But lucky, lucky me, I have a great partner, who is also interested in what I crave and need. So she doesn't "tell me to "fuck off" She enjoys me having fun as well and helps me with my fantasies. If more people cared about the needs of their partner and not and not just about themselves, oh how happy they would be. News flash feminists, some times it "should be all about him" and when the lady desperately wants some thing, it should be just about her. If your just "not keen" but its a big deal for the person you claim to love, put in a bloody effort! Different story if your partner gets off slapping your ass with a cricket bat!

    • AskAmie Photo
      AskAmie
      More than a month ago

      Hello AustPhil,

      Your partner is bisexual and has had relationships with women, whereas the person in the question said outright that she was not attracted to women but her boyfriend was nagging her to fulfil his fantasy. If this situation was happening you to, it would be the equivalent of your partner nagging you to shag a guy and me calling you a men's rights activist for you not wanting to appease your partner's fantasy just because it's what she wants. Do you see how bizarre this sounds?

      There's always going to be things in relationships that one person wants and the other doesn't. You compromise. Surely you have had to compromise on other things in your relationship?

    • Austphil
      More than a month ago

      Its not bizarre at all, you have missed the whole point. My wife is obsessed with having sex with other women. I am not keen on just watching! Should I just give in? I am not into watching lesbian sex, seems all about her. Oh I know I will take your advice and tell her "HELL NO" If you read what you claim this woman wrote, she says she is only "not keen" and no where does she say he has asked her to have any physical contact with the other woman. Even the picture you used shows 2 women kissing the man. She doe;s not say My partner wants me to have sex with another women! My wife also enjoys, dp and spit roast, I am totally straight and never had a gay experience, nor want one, however to achieve DP including double vagina, it is necessary for me to have contact with the other guys cock and balls, I am not keen on another mans cock and balls rubbing on mine, but I am keen on my wife having the time of her life, but maybe next time I should say hell no! fuck off.. My whole point was and is, its not always about what you want and the replies left by other people are mostly feminist. What would you have written in reply to a message from me saying my wife is obsessed with women and nagging me to let her play with other girls, or to have a threesome with other guys, that she wants dp and " I am not keen" If you have read what I wrote, why would you ask if I compromise? The whole thing is about people should compromise , I doubt you more than speed read it, before replying. And NO WHERE do I say anyone is a feminist because she is not keen, its all the comments about her telling him "hell no" and "fuck off" and never do anything that is not fun for her, that are feminist. Maybe you should try preaching "compromise" before starting of "hell no"

  • MattynNatty Photo
    MattynNatty
    More than a month ago

    I’ve always wanted to have a threesome with my girlfriend aswell but I want her to be pleasures by another man not being a girl into the situation talking about it during sex makes her so hot and horny that her body trembles when she cums, if your interested in joining us message me

  • AskAmie Photo
    AskAmie
    More than a month ago

    Wow! Thank you for all your comments. What a warm welcome... Feel free to flick AMM any questions you might like me to answer :)

  • Explorer.Dave
    More than a month ago

    I like to use food as an analogy for sex when thinking through conflicting issues.
    Just because I would like a Bavarian Chocolate cake for my birthday, doesn't mean that my partner - who is very healthy and prefers not to have carbs - should have to have some with me, because that would "make me happy".

    If my pleasure comes at her discomfort, I'm not comfortable either. In this case, she'd likely send me off to find a couple of women to satisfy my fantasy because she'd enjoy hearing how much fun it was for me.

    It's good that your partner is open enough and has told you what he'd like - we can't help our partners get what they want if we don't know this. Because it involves you as well, you have a say as to whether you'd want to be involved or not.

    Being clear on what is "in", "not-negotiable" and "negotiable" is important. It's also good to check in with our partners occasionally, in case their feelings might have changed. It also means that should you at some time find a woman that you are comfortable with who might be open to a 3 way, you could surprise him.

    Instead of getting stuck on differences, compare desires on an online sex shopping-list and see what you both enjoy!

  • AugustusSeizer Photo
    AugustusSeizer
    More than a month ago

    I'd suggest heading to porn.com

    There's the usual avalanche of "standard el porno". But with a little searching and patience you can find acted-out scenarios that float both your boats. Save the links to return.

    The thing is, instead of The Conversation being confrontational you can explore (both, together) all kinds of situations. Some will be fine on the screen but not in real life. Others will get you both going with some worth exploring in real life but most not.

    Where it can get really hot is if you take turns finding videos that are of NO interest to you but will blow off the top of your play mate's head. What's wrong with finding a three-way that has two bi guys and a girl? Or two bi girls and a guy? Or four bi everybodies? Or whatever else? It's JUST a porn video to pump up your partner's excitement without any of the wrong bodily fluids on/in either of you.

    Get inventive. Watch some vidoes then... GUYS: If She dreams of a wicked gang bang... Get a top quality dildo/vib and face fuck her while pumping her with the dildo. GALS: If he dreams of two girls, get a FLESHLIGHT, sit on his face and pump him.

    Have FUN with the fantasies - don't be threatened. :-)

    • strechticles
      More than a month ago

      Wear a strap on & have 2 dicks ;) then you're prepared no matter how many girls may want a 3sum.

  • Shesatisfied Photo
    Shesatisfied
    More than a month ago

    Have to agree on that point. Sexual relations when they are not based on creating a child, are about release. That is release of pressure, tensions and frustration. If that’s only going to work for him, and She. Misses out, or has her tensions grow, perhaps into white hot anger, then he’d want to be damn sure that there is not a bladed instrument around. Remember Bobbit from two or three decades ago? Peter.

  • Weekendfun4all Photo
    Weekendfun4all
    More than a month ago

    Life is to short to be undecided, this is a swingers site and you should look around and chat to other couples together and if your not interested TELL YOUR MAN TO GET OVER IT and put more love into the one he is with,,, (YOU) ... Saying all that i love a good 3some or 4some,,, Cheers

  • Discreteplayful Photo
    Discreteplayful
    More than a month ago

    My issue here is what on earth is a guy going to do with 2 women? Most men are hard pressed to satisfy one woman at a time - do they honestly think they do a better job of satisfying 2 women?

    • AskAmie Photo
      AskAmie
      More than a month ago

      Baaaaahahaha best comment!

    • Leolady727 Photo
      Leolady727
      More than a month ago

      Typical male reaction - it's NOT about 1 guy "satisfying 2 women". It's about everyone having fun. Helps, of course, if the women are bi, but if you think the only way to "satisfy" a woman is by using your dick, I feel sorry for you (and your partner).

    • countrytouch82
      More than a month ago

      Correct, however... I don't believe sex is about the man working to satisfy the woman (even though it may or may not the sole priority for some). In a twosome, or threesome or whatever, the ideal would be for all involved to have fun and share giving and recieving, no?

    • Discreteplayful Photo
      Discreteplayful
      More than a month ago

      Yes Leolady, I know that it is not about 1 guy satisfying 2 girls. The perception amongst those entering the scene for the first time, or the guys desirous of a threesome, is that it is about them satisfying 2 women, hence my remark. It's not a personal belief, nor something I practice, merely an observation, with a twist of humour (AskAmie seemed to get it).

    • Account Closed
      More than a month ago

      So good, so true!!!

  • Zamboon Photo
    Zamboon
    More than a month ago

    It’s highly likely that a newbie enthusiast may well end up a flop - either he suffers from stage fright , or he gets too excited and blows too early, and then in spite of his bravado he is done and wants to fall asleep or go for a beer and a pie....
    Serious bulls take time and experiences to mature and learn how to perform - courteous and confident always goes down well with the ladies and they all have a good time then...

    • KinkyGirl101 Photo
      KinkyGirl101
      More than a month ago

      Off topic much lol She. Doesn't. Want. A. Threesome.

    • Zamboon Photo
      Zamboon
      More than a month ago

      Yes but we’re talking about it .... and I was saying what could happen if she decided to agree...

    • AskAmie Photo
      AskAmie
      More than a month ago

      Love the positive thinking! hahaha

  • Friend4life56
    More than a month ago

    Guys always push for a 3sum but yeh suggest a mmf thatll shut him up or make sure the girl in ffm is straight. Or a NO and tell him to respect yr wishes and fuck off

    • Your.Pleasure Photo
      Your.Pleasure
      More than a month ago

      What if he is secretly Bi and mmf works for him anda three some either way is not for her? She will be well and truly screwed both metaphorically and literally!

    • AskAmie Photo
      AskAmie
      More than a month ago

      Exactly!!

    • Account Closed
      More than a month ago

      Then she tells him NO and he respects that

  • mung2013 Photo
    mung2013
    More than a month ago

    Very well put. There are so many buttons to pushon this subject.
    She needs to sit him down and just tell him, not happining. Or as you said lets get a bloke.
    Whats the bet he already know who he wants to bang.

  • charger77 Photo
    charger77
    More than a month ago

    Definitely reckon you should say Yes to the three some, but as long as u can choose. Pic a hot young hung dude , and see how he changes his ideas then! Particularly if the guy is bi and wants a peice of him as well! As someone commented earlier, what’s good for the goose.....

  • 1DoorMan Photo
    1DoorMan
    More than a month ago

    We have a saying whats good for goose is good for the gander. Its about fore filling a Partners fantasy communication and compromise is how you will work this out.

  • friskypuz
    More than a month ago

    So maybe ask him if you could have mfm.. I have had many ask got a girlfriend lets have a 3, so l turn it on them to bring a mate,, they either give up, give in or go away, lol

    • AskAmie Photo
      AskAmie
      More than a month ago

      Agree! haha! Give in or go away. So good.

  • mfmcple101 Photo
    mfmcple101
    More than a month ago

    I have also asked my partner about this we have had a lot of threesomes but it’s always been mfm she will only allow other guys in the bedroom to fuck her a little unfair but she also says I’m free to go fuck a woman just not when she’s involved but I feel that would be cheating if she’s not there so I’m stuck between a hard place and another hard cock lol

    • Account Closed
      More than a month ago

      If she has given permission, this is not cheating. Cheating involves dishonesty.

    • AugustusSeizer Photo
      AugustusSeizer
      More than a month ago

      It's not about "fair" or "unfair". If you love her why not make her happy? That is about TWO things: getting her the happiness/joy/satisfaction SHE needs and ALSO about not creeping her out by making her be involved in things she doesn't like for YOU to be happy etc.

      Have a conversation about what troubles her. Maybe she's afraid of being jealous and ruining your fun? Maybe she's worried about the pressure to play with the other woman. Playing Devil's Advocate, she could be worried about pressure to do something she does not want to do or that she is afraid of enjoying because it threatens her sexual identity. Maybe she's yucked out at the idea of another woman's juices on your dick. I don't know.

      The thing is to love her and make her safe before anything else. She has said "play with other women". Take her at her word and discuss how it can be done in a way that makes YOU safe by feeling "not rejected" and also makes HER safe and feel good about herself, about you, and about you both.

      When you LEAST feel like talking is when you MOST NEED to do so. If you love each other, care for each other, and speak gently to each other all will be well.

  • Leolady727 Photo
    Leolady727
    More than a month ago

    As a bisexual woman, I am not at all averse to the idea of a threesome. However, being constantly nagged about it is a HUGE turn-off. The other thing that's a turn-off is getting an initial message from a guy asking if I have a girlfriend, because he's always wanted a threesome - that's an immediate fuck off!

    • Funsingle69 Photo
      Funsingle69
      More than a month ago

      I hear ya girl....big turn off

    • AskAmie Photo
      AskAmie
      More than a month ago

      Yes... being nagged is a bloody turn off.

    • Account Closed
      More than a month ago

      Hell yes! I get asked this all the time.

  • ChaosBBW Photo
    ChaosBBW
    More than a month ago

    Absofuckinglutely xx

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