Turn your Naughty up a Notch in the Bedroom

There is a definite hype around this “BDSM” (that’s Bondage/Discipline, domination/Submission, Sadism/Masochism for you newbies) craze, I’m sure you have wondered how to ease yourselves into it with your partner if you haven’t tested the waters yet.

A recent study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine showed that those who engaged in BDSM were found to be less neurotic, more open, more aware of and sensitive to rejection, more secure in their relationships and have a better overall well-being.

Woman wearing black lace panties with her hands handcuffed behind her back

So throw on some leather and enjoy the ride! Here is you step by step guide to letting your Kink out of the closet!

Test the Waters

You can’t just randomly show up in the bedroom with a ball gag and chains. Perhaps start with a discussion around the phenomenon created by Fifty Shades of Grey. You want to get a feeling of his attitude toward submission and dominance – whether the idea leaves him repulsed, indifferent, or intrigued.

A good first step is with a ‘yes, no, maybe’ list. Treat it like a game, don’t just dive in. Establish the scope of activity your partner is up for, and select a “safe word” that will stop the action. Saying “no” or “stop” or “that hurts” isn’t recommended, since they can be part of the fantasy… opt for words that have zero sexual relevance. A common option is the Orange / Red combination – “orange” meaning “you know what – I’m okay but I’m not enjoying this and “red” meaning “Stop – game over, I’m out”.

Give Him a Tickle

If you have ever massaged, bitten, or scratched your partner, you have already crossed waters to the basic type of kink, “sensation play”. This generates a biochemical chain reaction, which creates a state similar to the glow of orgasm. Start with some kind of blindfold, which can help you embrace the submissive role, as well as heighten each of his other senses – hence the term “sensation play”.

After you plunge him into darkness, graze your fingers or a feather over his inner thighs, the nape of his neck, and the inner part of his forearms, Take 15 or 20 second breaks in between touching her to make him anticipate where the next sensation will take place. From feathers to can graduate to an endless list of both specialized and everyday items to create new sensations – think ice cubes, make up brushes or even a hair brush.

Crank the Spank

Bare bottoms are just asking to be spanked… but it is important that neither of you swing too hard your first time at the bat!. You want to ease into it. Start with a gently open hand, which will offer more sensations and feel more intimate. “For most recipients, the lower inner quadrant of the buttocks is the sweet spot—it shares a nerve group with the genitals.” Start very slowly with light smacks that just barely sting and build gradually. His breathing should be smooth and his butt should be pushing upwards toward the spankers hand, not away. If you have done a few hand-spankings and all has gone well, you can move on to a small leather paddle from your nearest sex shop - these can sting a little but don’t raise bruises or welts.

Restrain Yourselves

After a little spanking, tie the knot, so to speak. Some people enjoy being tied up so they can feel controlled – some enjoy being teased and denied. Start by loosely tying his wrists and maybe even his ankles with something that is soft to the skin. Fleece-lined wrist cuffs, bondage tape, over-the-door suspension cuffs, or under-the-bed restraints are all readily available on line or at your local adult store. Once you have explored tying or being tied up, you might dabble in spreader bars and other bondage equipment that allows you to both restrain and raunchily position in a way that gives you unfettered access as well!

Put On an Act

Role playing is another great kink-starter - it’s much easier to lose your inhibitions when you’re pretending to be someone else and this can be a gateway into sex play you might not otherwise try. You can start simple, arranging to meet your partner at a night club you have never been to or in clothes you have never seen each other in. You can start with flirting, play hard to get, and let your imagination take over. This is great to get out some fantasies or remember the feeling of meeting your partner for the first time. Once you feel like you have a good grasp on the role playing concept, you can start taking on more dominant and submissive parts.. The classic is the master/slave scenario, in which one partner surrenders free will to the other.


  • CentralWestNSA


    More than a month ago

    Fantastic write up, I prefer to play switch, nothing more
    exciting than going from Dom to Sub. It allows
    you to experience what you dish out and it's nice to submit
    your mind and body to someone you can trust

  • wonderingbi97


    More than a month ago

    I would love more than nothing else to kink up my sex life, but how do I persuade my partner?

  • ManuSpnza


    More than a month ago

    Love it..
    Wana try it

  • sweetangelic2


    More than a month ago

    Love this... both sides of the Dom/sub thing are amazing when playing with a partner.... blindfolding him/her and teasing them... hot wax (rapid sting followed by cold drips of ice) not knowing which it is going to be... Running a fork (kitchen utensils are amazing) over thier side really really gently... listening to that indrawn breath.

    Or from the otherside of things where being slapped gently on your pussy and breasts with a riding crop...... mmm love this stuff

  • SizzlinStyleBBW


    More than a month ago

    Oooolala love this post ;)

  • Skylablue


    More than a month ago

    Interesting.... I love it ;)

  • uncannyxman69


    More than a month ago

    I highly recommend a book called SM 101, http://www.submissiveguide.com/2011/09/review-sm-101/
    It gave me a greater understanding of what my partner wanted, and how to go about it. I wasn't really into it, but it was a great read into the psychology and sexuality of it.

  • Rubyandsir696


    More than a month ago

    Sensation play ......that's us all over !!...........and loving it .

  • sexilicious81


    More than a month ago

    When did bdsm become a craze or a phenomenon? It's been a round for a very long time

  • Kinkypair17


    More than a month ago

    This is great article for us curious newbies. Thankx

  • Subfantasies


    More than a month ago

    I've recently entered the scene with a new partner after living in a very vanilla marriage for 13yrs. Why oh why didn't I leave him sooner? Loving the BDSM lifestyle!

  • Photos in private gallery


    More than a month ago

    With sexy black stockings

  • socialsuicide01


    More than a month ago

    From my experience a love of pain is essential, pain to someone who wants to be cuffed and whipped is erotic and pleasurable. Its not about submission but the enjoyment of pain, its a sexual release.

  • BiBellaV2.0


    More than a month ago

    Agreed - sounds like fun Mistress Jane ;) Very practical advice! Will have a look into your workshops !

  • Sarahnjon


    More than a month ago

    Sounds like something I'd be a starter for! I've dabbled around the edges of BDSM but it's time to take it up a notch.

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