An Erection does not have to be Serviced

Jacqueline Hellyer, Australian relationship coach, smiling at the camera alongside her website logo

Article originally posted on The Love Life Blog

Erections come and go. A penis is quite a variable creature. Sometimes it’s not erect when you want it to be, and other times it’s erect when you don’t want it to be.

I’ve written before about when it’s soft, even if you’d rather it were hard . So what about the opposite: when it’s hard and you might not want it to be.

The main thing I want to say here is that an erect penis does not have to be serviced. Ladies, just because he’s erect, it doesn’t mean he has to have an orgasm. He might possibly like one, but that doesn’t mean he has to have one, and it certainly doesn’t mean that you have to drop everything and give him one.

I’m surprised at how many women think they have to do something with their partner’s erection, even if they don’t want to. The saddest thing about this is that it leads to avoidance behaviour - they avoid affection and intimacy for fear that their partner will become aroused, and then they will be expected to have sex.

That attitude is such a shame, because of course affection and intimacy can lead a man to have an erection. For a great many men they will get an erection with small amounts of pleasure, sometimes just thinking about their partner or just looking at her will bring on an erection.

An erection can just be a sign of pleasure. He’s happy and having lovely yummy feelings about his beloved.

It doesn’t mean he’s wildly aroused and desperate to get his rocks off.

As I said above, he might like to have an orgasm. Many men would happily have an orgasm if offered, especially if he’s feeling good and in the presence of or thinking about his lover. But he certainly doesn’t have to.

So if your partner has an erection, be pleased! It means he’s happy and he desires you. So if, say, you’re standing and cuddling and you feel his erect penis nuzzling into your thigh, enjoy it and nuzzle back. If you’re cuddling in bed as you fall asleep and notice he has an erection, just hold it tenderly and drift off into the land of nod.

The erection will enjoy some attention, your partner will feel desired and loved, but you don’t have to have sex or get him off in any way. It’s just a nice thing to share and get on with your day (or night zzzzz).

* I suppose I should stress that of course your man will want sex some of the time! And actually, the more comfortable you become with the ebb and flow of the penis, enjoying it in all its moods, and in different situations, the easier it is to flow into sex if that feels right at the time.

To learn more about a more fluid approach to sex and love-making I recommend you attend one of my Workshops or Retreats.


  • CowboyBunny


    More than a month ago

    I have to say from a guys point of view, there is nothing sexier then falling asleep with your lover holding your penis.

    Just as arousing with no follow up is being awaken by having your penis stroked, it makes the day go faster for me as I think of when I get home what if anything may happen...

    The intimacy from this has increased the sexual pleasure achieved by both parties from the pure build up....

  • HelloThere1966


    More than a month ago

    Excellent article! Thank-you.

  • fluffyfluffett


    More than a month ago

    thanks for the advice i now know why a man is avoiding me at times.

  • motorcade


    More than a month ago

    You might want to send out a newsflash to all the guys about that.

  • Hotdoll60


    More than a month ago

    Thanks for the insight.

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