Is your phone killing your sex life?

The lights are down low. You and your beloved have showered and brushed your teeth. You’re both feeling fresh and squeaky clean. You slip naked between the sheets and start to do what comes naturally. Lying face to face, you both begin to tenderly caress and finger… the screens of your phones. Tap tap tap. A quick flick through Facebook, TikTok or X has suddenly turned into 45 minutes wasted and once again, you’re dozing off, coddling your cold illuminated phone in your hand ready to do it all again tomorrow. Another night of nookie lost to being digitally cuckolded by Zuckerberg and Elon Musk. Gross.

It's Facebook official! We’re in committed relationships with our phones. Our devices are the most demanding, needy partners we’ve ever had, constantly fighting for our attention with an endless stream of push notification, messages, emails, sales and clickbait headlines. And we love it. We can’t get enough. We’re married to our phones. We couldn’t get divorced from them if we tried. Some of us even get nervous if we lose sight of our phone for even the shortest period of time. Seventy percent of millennials can’t even go to the toilet without bringing their phone. We are undeniably technology’s bitch at this point. 

Despite the fact that most of us know by now that smartphones and excessive social media use aren’t doing our physical and mental health any good, we remain reliant. We all know that too much screen time can interfere with sleep, contribute to low self-esteem and generally make us feel shitty about ourselves. Constantly looking down at a screen is giving us “tech neck” and we’re even developing “claw hands” from gripping our phones so much. We struggle to walk around with our own thoughts, and instead, we turn to our phones for comfort, even though the constant stream of notifications and posts can create a fear of missing out, leading to anxiety, stress and depression. Despite knowing this, 75% of people admit they’re addicted to their phones, with the average American checking their phone 144 times a day. 

Our phones are impacting our sex drives

Our co-dependency on our devices isn’t just wreaking havoc on our heads though, it’s also killing our sex drives, sex lives and relationships. It seems that these days we are more connected to Wi-Fi than we are to our partners.

Despite all the porn out there, technology is actually making us less horny. In fact, according to a 2016 study, one-third of Americans would rather give up sex than lose their cell phones. In 2020, that number jumped to 47%. 

As technology becomes more seductive and irresistible, we are forming bonds with our devices that are ruining and stunting the physical bonds we have in real life. A UK study even showed that one third of people answer their phones during sex.

A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine showed that that male gamers have lower sex drives than other men. The researchers explained that the steady supply of dopamine “the pleasure hormone” provided by video games could be responsible for decreased interest in sex.

Facebook has officially become the new foreplay. The blue light of our screens is blue balling us. Our phones are cockblocking us.

It distracts us from each other

In today's digital age, the omnipresence of smartphones has become an undeniable part of our daily lives. Everywhere you go you see people on their phones: couples on dates with their eyes glued to their phones, barely exchanging words; friends at cafes staring at their screens; families in living rooms scrolling Facebook. This pervasive presence of screens has transformed our social interactions, often for the worse.

One of the most glaring issues is the constant distraction that smartphones create. Whether it's the lure of social media, the buzz of notifications, or the endless scroll of newsfeeds, our attention is perpetually divided. This divided attention has profound implications for our relationships. When we are more focused on our screens than on the person sitting across from us, we send a clear message: the digital world holds more value than the physical presence of our partners.

Are we looking at our phones more than each other? The cost of having a tiny entertainment machine on us at all times means we’re constantly distracted, and often not fully present with the person physically next to us. This distraction leads to divided attention, which inevitably causes relationship conflict, erodes trust and affects sexual and emotional connection. When we are distracted by our devices, our attention is divided, and our partners can feel neglected and unimportant. In short, nobody wants to fuck when they feel like their partner would rather fondle their phone than them.

Get your mojo back with a digital detox

If you feel like your phone is cuckolding you or your sex life feels a little lacklustre, a digital detox might be the secret to getting your mojo back and reigniting the spark in your relationship. In today's fast-paced world, it's easy to get caught up in the allure of constant connectivity. However, this can often come at the expense of real, meaningful connections with our partners.

While it’s normal for your sex drive to fluctuate with the pressures of daily life, if you find yourself spending more time staring at your screen than connecting with your partner, it’s time to consciously reduce your screen time. Not only has digital detoxing been proven to reduce anxiety, improve your focus, help you feel calmer, and give you better self-esteem, it can also enhance your relationships and sex life.

Here are some steps to help you implement a digital detox and reclaim the intimacy in your relationship:

• Set Smartphone-Free Zones and Times: Designate certain areas and times as phone-free. This might be during dinner, on dates, or in bed. Creating these boundaries can help you be more present and engaged with your partner.
• Use Apps to Monitor or Restrict Your Use: There are various apps available that can track your phone usage and even restrict access to certain apps during specific times. These tools can help you become more aware of your screen time and encourage healthier habits.
• Give Your Partner Full Attention: Make it a priority to spend at least an hour and a half each day giving your partner undivided attention, without the distraction of Netflix or your phone. This dedicated time can foster deeper conversations and strengthen your relationship.
• Utilise the Do Not Disturb Setting on Your Phone: Take advantage of your phone’s "Do Not Disturb" feature to silence notifications during quality time with your partner. This can help minimise interruptions and allow you to focus on each other.

Our attachment to our phones isn't going away; they are invaluable, entertaining tools that keep us connected to the important people in our lives and updated on what’s going on in the world. However, it's crucial not to forget about the people who are right in front of us. Real-life interactions filled with belly laughs, touch, adventures, kisses and non-verbal cues are far more meaningful and fulfilling than shallow Facebook likes or emails. Prioritising face-to-face connections enriches our relationships and enhances our overall well-being. In an era dominated by screens, let's not lose sight of the genuine human connections that bring us true joy, happiness and of course, orgasms.

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