Sexy vs Sex Appeal

Sexy multi racial couple in the throws of passion with the man removing her dress to reveal her sexy black lingerie

This article was originally published on walatruscott.com 

What's the difference between sexiness and sex appeal? It turns out that these two are very different concepts, although they look similar!

Sexiness is about exterior attractiveness

Being sexy usually means objective attractiveness it's on the outside. It's instant but can also disappear as quickly as it arrives. You can see a sexy person as soon as they walk around the corner, and when another 'sexy' person walks by, your eyes will follow that person. The beauty industry is a multi-billion dollar industry that focuses on your not being enough. Their products focus on brightness, glow, shine, glossiness, flawlessness, perfection and accentuating features. For example:

  • Hair extensions
  • Fake nails
  • Fake boobs
  • False eyelashes
  • Tattooed eyebrows
  • Makeup
  • Fake tans 
  • Lip fillers
  • Botox
  • Tattoos (sleeves, neck & face)
  • Piercing
  • Chiseled beards
  • Fashion trends.

Come on, be honest; we've all met that hot-looking AF airhead or dumbarse or the person you woke up next to was not the same person you went to bed with...

Admittedly, sexiness has value because objective attractiveness quickly creates visual chemistry (and palpable chemistry plays a crucial role in attraction – this is a fact that we shouldn't ignore). If you are keen to have plastic surgery or enhancing features to feel good, there is nothing wrong with that – as long as you are happy, it's all good. And I'm certainly not opposed to getting all frocked up, getting my nails done and hitting a night out with the girls - I love it!

Sex appeal is about interior attractiveness

Sex appeal refers to how you make someone feel and hold yourself as a person, not about symmetry. Sex appeal lingers for minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and sometimes years or a lifetime. Do you have a moment in your life when someone made you feel moved? And that memory is burned into your brain and brings a cheeky smile to your face every time you think about it. For example, you were intrigued by someone’s:

  • Uniqueness
  • Smile
  • Laugh
  • Confidence
  • Authenticity
  • Intelligence
  • Passion
  • Depth
  • Playfulness
  • Integrity
  • Conversation
  • Abilities
  • Humour
  • Kindness
  • Mind
  • But also the darker side of who they are....

Sex appeal is about perception, and it is rarely about being 'perfect' or 'predictable'. It's about being uniquely you, and the more you engage with someone's mind as you dance with the push and pull of safety and risk, the more it keeps people guessing and intrigued.

For example, when you can keep your partner slightly off-balance, you are a spontaneous and creative person who can bring positive energy and fun to a relationship. This can be simple as playfully pushing your partner into the room when you open the door for them. This can also be the ability to have conversations that are best characterized by both jokes and deep & meaningful ideas.

Interestingly, when you have internal attractiveness, your perceived value becomes higher because your partner would strongly believe that you are a high-value individual. You have a radiant inner world.

What's more, when your perceived value is high, your perceived challenge also becomes high. Perceived challenge means your partner feels that they need to put more effort into the relationship to keep you in the long term. Therefore, the mutual contribution makes the romantic relationship happy, satisfying and sustainable by knowing that sharing your life through the chapters is an honour and a privilege.

To sum up, four elements lead to uncontrollable attraction: 

  1. visual chemistry
  2. perceived attractiveness
  3. perceived value
  4. perceived challenge. 

In conclusion, visual chemistry is the basic gatekeeper and then perceived attractiveness opens the actual door, so you'll enter the fascinating world of perceived value and perceived challenge, which gives you a sparky relationship and a wonderful love life that you'll cherish for a lifetime.

There's a massive difference between being a hot air balloon that is colourful on the outside, but nothing but hot air on the inside, or you can be uniquely you, holding yourself in a way that resembles a Bond Girl or James Bond himself, who is shaken not stirred.

Wala is based in SA and can give you the short and dirty version of why sexual attraction can dwindle in intimate relationships and how to deepen your connections with partner/s. As well as running workshops, for those not based in Adelaide, phone sessions are also available. Find out more!

2 comments

  • Hedotoday
    Online status icon

    Hedotoday

    More than a month ago

    Yep sex appeal is the best, sexiness is good but sex appeal is that awesome X factor.

    Reply
  • 3D_guy

    3D_guy

    More than a month ago

    Love this... so often we value one over the other.. But for me sexiness catches the eye first, sex appeal is what keeps me there.

    Reply
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